Day Seventy-Six....Catching Up

Hi.

I haven't blogged in several days. This past weekend was filled with family festivites and now that the kids are off on holiday, my routine is off track. It's kind of nice opening up my datebook to see no plans. I get to be lazy (it's 10:25 on a Wednesday and I am still in my Jammie's!). It;s great for the kid too. Even though I try not to over schedule them..they are always busy. With school ( a must), their sports (a must for my active testosterone boys) and religious school they barely have to sit their arses down to play Wii. So over the break we are trying to do a lot of chill'in. Our daughter is home..no school and finals are over!!!

How does one chill? My daughter is back from college. She took the furniture from her room to her house in Boulder. So, when she comes here, her suitcase (one of them ) stays in the middle of our kitchen/dining area. THIS ANNOYS ME TO NO END!! I politely and firmly told my hubby to move our armoire into her room so she could get her stuff in drawers. He put my sewing machine table (which hasn't been used in years) in our room to house our TV. Then a light bulb went off in my ever so smart head after speaking with a friend. LETS MOVE OUR FURNITURE AROUND!!! So.......when I get a bug up my ass, things are done lickity spilt. My boys helped me move a chaise and server in our room, move the sewing machine table to the side of our couch (threw a adorable tablecloth over it and no-one until now would ever have known it's a sewing machine), moved the china hutch where the server went, cleaned out my daughters closet from all my crap so she could have more room, and cleaned the linen and towel closet out. I got a lot done. My house feels less cluttered. My kids want to strangle me I am sure because now I want our house to REMAIN spotless which means they actually have to pick up after themselves!!!! I am about to get my tiny violin out and serenade them..poor darlings!!! I know this doesn't sound like chill'in day, but.....it felt oh so good.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Closure has its up and downs. One door closes and another one opens. Shut yourself off from one experience and open up your heart for a new one. What happens if you are not ready and the door slams shut anyway? Heavy, heavy sigh. I have been holding on to my dad's tragic death for three years. Now, through an experience..his case on the accident is over ..solved...time to move on. How does one get over the shock? If I do, will I move on from being able to feel his presence and will my memories of him fade? I have been holding on so tight because I don't ever want to forget his face, his laugh, his cynicism, his roar, his love, his passion. I have chosen to hold on to the tragedy of his death like a little girl clutching her favorite blankie. If you take that blankie away from me...you take my security.... I beg to ask myself inner most self..does my security lie in others? If so, why? Aren't I secure within myself? Yes? But..I guess I was always my daddy's little girl. He could make me feel brave and he could make me feel tall, he could also make me feel small. He just helped make me ( mom too of course)!!! So, now I have to close the door of tragedy and welcome a new door..without my dad. I feel like a confused adolescent right about now.... Conflicted and dramatic. May his soul rest in peace and may my soul rest in the pure knowledge I was loved fully and completely by my dad and that I am still loved fully and completely by those I surround myself with..my beautiful family and friends. It's time to look toward the light not back into darkness. So, one door has shut and one door is opening. I am ready.

Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Seventy-Five...It's A Beautiful Day

Hi.

It's a beautiful day here in Sunny Southern California. I woke up (which is always a good thing), had a yummy cup of coffee and met my running pal Pamela for a run. I have been having some groin problems. My oncologist suggested I try running off road. There is less pounding for my hips which can lead to groin pain. Who knew?

When we first started out it was a bit cool. The sun was shining and the trail was muddy. My first reaction was to stop and go for a road run. I am so thankful that Pamela is easy going. She took a breath and assessed our situation. "Lets try it.We can always turn back". So that's what we did.

I am so thrilled that we continued as it is a beautiful run. The trees are tall and amazing. We didn't spot deer today but I heard rustling in the bushes. Nature was alive and I felt alive with it. Today we were more silent than usual. Partly because we had to be more aware of our surroundings as there were ditches and loose branches over the trail. I loved being in my head. I felt calm and I couldn't help but feel my senses. One minute I was cold and then we would run into a hot air pocket. One minute I wanted to turn around and in an instant I wanted to run forever. I loved hearing my heartbeat and hearing my footsteps as they pounded the dirt. I felt every part of my legs. I felt each breath as I took a breath in and out. I felt my sweat running down my face and I felt my quick dry clothes soak my perspiration on my body. I felt so aware. I don't feel these same sensations when I run on the road. It was awesome.

I feel so lucky to live in an area that on December 18 it is warm enough to rip my layers off and run with my shirt over my shoulders letting my muffin tops be exposed to the sun. How freeing is that?!? The overall elation about this experience is that I have no groin pain!!! This has been a joyous day so far.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have talked about my issues with drinking liquids before a run and my peeing problem!! I have tried to drink practically zero liquids before a run. I don't feel that is good for hydration or for my muscles. I have tried drinking an hour before a run and go to the little girls room before I leave. I have tried to not think about it and drink on the way to my run. The latter is not a good choice for me. I always pee on my run!! It's fine now because I am wearing long pants (usually black) that are quick drying..so I am no worse for the wear I guess. Today I peed. It's kind of funny. I have this inner dialogue with myself.. I will catch myself singing a Britney Spear's song..."Ooops I did again"! What am I supposed to do? Not run? Should I wear depends? I have to hydrate. I am resigned to the fact that I am a pee..er. Truth be told, I pee when I laugh. I pee when I drink too much at lunch and try to hold it in because I have to pick up the boys. When we get home, I sprint to the bathroom. I don't always make it. I guess I should treat myself like a toddler and keep a fresh pair of thongs and clothes in the car. OMG that's sounds too funny!!! LOL.

Moral of the story: I am who I am. Pee and all!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Seventy-Four..Why Does Everything Cost Sooo Much?

Hi.

Do you ever feel strangled by how much it costs to exist in the world? Now I have to consider the fact that I have a hubby, four kids, a dog, lots of family members (from me and my hubby), and lots of friends. It always seems like there is a birthday, a lost something, the need to get shoes, the need to get clothes, the need to buy groceries, the need to get a car fixed, the need to fix a broken window (thanks to balls flying into to them) and the need to be out in the world. It seems like money goes out faster than it comes in.

While we are on the subject...have you noticed that the prices go up for movies and the length of time is shorter? The prices are between $11.00 and $12.50 per ticket.. How much does it cost to make popcorn and put syrup in the carbonated water for sodas? It's a small fortune to buy popcorn, a soda and candy. Don't get me started on the candy. I take my boys to Rite Aid to get candy (which horrifies them). I can get them all candy for way less than it costs at the movies. We have to sneak it in (which always makes me sweaty and nervous). I always buy one large popcorn (with one free refill) and pour it into individual trays. I also buy 2 large sodas that we all "share". Barney taught us that "Sharing is Caring"!!! I share and my boys care (or should I say my 13 year old twins would rather have their own stuff...TOO BAD BOYCHICKS). My daughter used to be horrified until she got older (and wiser) and started paying for her own gas, food, etc!!!! My boys time will come that they will pay for most things.....that should be interesting!!!

When you buy bagged items from the market..the cost has gone up and the amount of food has decreased. Does this make any sense? This could be a new diet: AVOID BAGGED PACKAGES. In some ways this is brilliant because chip, cookies, kettlecorn, cereals (okay some are healthy) are all things that would be off the eating list. Granted produce has gone up..but at least "they" haven't managed to make tham smaller in size!!!

I started to think about all this because my daughter misplaced her retainers. They are not at her home in Boulder and they are not here in Los Angelos. Where can they be?!? It's a small fortune to replace them. Her teeth are so beautiful. Do I get them ( the retainers) or not? Do I risk having her teeth move? I am about to embark on my three boys getting braces next month. OUCH. The cost is going to be like a mortgage. I am exagerating, but that's what it feels like. Hmmmm. I know in the end she will get those damn retainers...it just stings right now with the holidays. Maybe that should have been one (or two) of her presents!! (side bar...my girl just called me and offered to pay for it herself....she is a sweetie..I know it will all work out for her not to)

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have been attemting to do some shopping online. It can be easy and I can shop at any time and I don't have to hassle the crowds. Inevitabley, I will have a question so I end up placing my order on the phone. I actually like that better because I like the humaness of it. So, I place my order and all is well....UNTIL they tell me how much the shipping is!!!! Most places now will charge by amount of purchase, not the weight of what you are buying. ANNOYING. Does a pair of pants really cost $14.00 to ship? It's insulting. I will cause a hissy fit and more often than not I will get free shipping. Sometimes on principle, I will not get the items that I want if they don't reduce or give me free shipping. Who am I hurting? ME....but PALEEEEESE...don't stick it to me baby. I can always drive to the mall!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

On Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Seventy-Three..Do You Believe

Hi.

Do you believe in Angels? I do. I am not sure that they are the kind with wings and such. I believe that people come in my path to show me a better way to live. I think that angels present themselves in people, in situations that are just too "weird" to not be something divine. I often think my kids are Angels in disguise (only when they are acting oh so wonderful). They teach me things about life that I would never have dreamed I needed to learn. What you might ask? Well, how to love unconditionally for starters. I love them to my core and don't expect anything back. That's not entirely true I suppose. I would like a kiss, a hug and to be treated with respect. Is this too much to ask?!? My kids have taught me to change the things that I don't like about myself so I can be a better mom and person. What could THAT possibly be? Patience, patience, patience. ( oops I just yelled at my boy) My first instinct is to get pissed off...(which I just did), so I have learned to take a lot of deep breaths (which I did not just do). I have learned to say I am wrong when I have hurt their feelings ( I just did that). That's a big one (yes it is). ADMIT I AM WRONG?!? It is so freeing (yes it is). My kids want to please me so they always say, "It's okay Mommy" ( he did not just do this). I could just leave it there...I can't. "NO, what I did was not okay and I want you to know that I know it wasn't cool". The relief in their eyes and face makes me assured that they will have less time on the psychologist couch because I know how to admit my mistakes (yes I do). It also teaches them that they can admit their mistakes too (and they do). It's a win, win ( cha-ching). My kids have taught me to be honest, NOT "do as I say not as I do". Rest assured that between my four kids they are always reminding me that I said this and that. It can be tiring. They keep me on my toes!!! It's not always easy taking the high road..but it's so much better not have to watch your back. My Angels have taught me not to give up. How can I give up when they are encouraging me to push through. One of my boys cheers me on when I am running. "Go Mom..Go...pick up the pace". What I want to say is...."I f*ing can't go anymore. I want to stop running right now. Leave me alone." What I do say is..."I'm doing the best I can". I finish the run (or race) and pride is in those boys eyes. Now that's an Angel.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have not had a piece of chocolate, candy,muffin, cake or doughnut for about 2 years and 4 months (but whose counting!). I can't eat that stuff. Once I have one bite..I want to eat more and more and more. I can never get enough. I eat that stuff until my stomach looks like I am 9 months pregnant and I feel DISGUSTING. Today, I was with my friend at Target. She was having a hankering for Ghiradelli's Chocolate Peppermint Bark Candy. We walked to the holiday aisle where all the sweets were. Usually when I pass buy this aisle, I have no desire what so ever to purchase and eat. NOT TODAY!!! Those cookies and candies were calling to me, "Wolffie, come eat me..I taste sooooooooooooooooooo good"! Can you imagine this conversation in my head? How absurd. It was happening though. WALK AWAY FROM THE EVER SO TEMPTING AISLE. I did..but my mind kept thinking about those damn cookies and chocolate bars. Then an "Angel" came to me in the way of a cute pair of Jammie's. I immediately changed course in my brain and thought, "Now those are CUTE Jammie's". I don't NEED new Jammie's. Nothing was bought (or eaten). We're talking progress here my friends!!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wendy

Day 72..It's All About Perspective

Hi.

Today I had my oncology appointment. No big deal. I go every three months to check my tumor marker and I have been great for 8 years, even with being on Hormone Replacement (that's why I go every 3 months).

I got to my appointment on time and I sat down in the waiting area until I my name was called. No big deal. After about 25 minutes there was no name calling for me going on. I started to get restless. I went to talk to the receptionist who politely replied, "We don't have you down for lab work today". My temperature was rising. "I come every three months for labs, why isn't it in my chart". I could go on about the circles that developed in our conversation which basically ended in a dead end and I feeling like a bitch. My blood was drawn 20 minutes later after I felt anxiety about being there too long. It's hard to walk in the oncology office. There is so much sickness. I walk in healthy and young looking. No one wants to have any eye contact with me or receive my, "I have been there just hang in there" smile. I can't blame them. It's tough because they are fighting so hard and I am clearly not. I feel guilty and grateful at the same time. My name was finally called and I got to see my doctor. That's where the miracles always happen. He makes me feel safe and my anxiety always goes away.

I brought a little gift to my nurse, the scheduling secretary and my oncologist. I took a deep breathe and let go of the last 45 minutes and gave the nurse her gift. Her eyes lit up, a huge smile came onto her lovely face and she hugged me so tight. My doctor came in and I gave him the peace sign ornament that I picked out for him. "I wanted to give you this because you have brought me peace in my life". He was touched and he told me that his family was decorating the tree this evening and how much the ornament meant to him. I in return said "You mean so much to me". The scheduling nurse loved her gift as well. In a scary world of cancer these three people have brought me comfort and joy and a chance to live a full rich life. Get over yourself dear Wolffie and be grateful that you can sit for 45 minutes and know when you leave the office you will leave a healthy exuberant woman.

I drove home and had time to kill before a lunch date. I dropped my rings off at our local jeweler to get steamed cleaned. I noticed that the sales associate helping me was wearing a pink ribbon pin. I commneted how beautiful it was..."Are you a survivor" I asked? "I will be"! She told me she is having surgery on December 30. She will probably have radiation and no chemo. I was able to share that I am 9 years out. We hugged. We cried. I told her I would pray for her. What a blessing to have walked in the store get my rings cleaned. I rarely do that!!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can overwhelm myself with feelings...good or bad. Today I had so many mixed emotions going on between my doctors appointment and the jewelry store. I meant Pamela, my running partner (and good friend), for a meet in the middle celebratory birthday lunch. Hers was around Thanksgiving and mine is Christmas Eve. We rarely get gussied up and eat a meal together. Most days when we hang out we are usually sweaty after a run and we might get a quick cup of coffee before we go on with our days. So, this was special and I was not going to be late (as I always am when we run). I sat at the table first and realized that this was the table that my daddy and I always sat at when we went for our "special but not always something to celebrate" lunches. It felt comforting after a roller coaster of emotions morning. Pamela walked in, we exchanged gifts (for running) and we had a lovely, fancy adult lunch. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She pushes me to achieve farther distances in running. She helps me examine my life and helps me make choices that are positive for me and my family. She giggles at me which allows me to give myself a break. I can't imagine having anyone else as my running partner and dear friend.

Moral of the day: When life throws you a curve ball..catch it..throw it out into the universe and
allow for changes to come in. Blessings come when you least expect them.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Seventy-One..Tis The Season To Be.....

Hi.

There's something about the holidays that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I love buying gifts for my loved ones. I love the colder weather. I love the winter break from my kids school so we can chill and not have our usual hustle and bustle life. I love the holiday songs. I love the idea about drinking hot tea, eggnog, and all the family rituals that come around this time of year.

What I don't like about this time of year is that people get rude and cranky. People do not act like the Hallmark adds I see on T.V.! What happened to holiday spirit?!? I was shopping the other day and I was about to get a prime parking spot. This person cut me off and took my spot!!! OMFG!!! Should I get out of my car and give them my two cents about being polite? No, parking karma will get them back. I just fumed all by myself and got a parking spot REALLY FAR AWAY!! I chalked it up to being able to have an extra potato pancake at our Hanukkah feast (which I didn't end up having..I opted for a larger frozen yogurt that night!!).

I mentioned how I love to give gifts. I do..I really do. My kids get the brunt of my "over controlling this is what you are going to open first gift says I the BIG KAHUNA mommy". I would like to say that is because I get them gifts that are similar, which is true, but it is really because I want to control their "you are the best mom (and dad) ever for getting me this awesome gift" feeling. Is it really a big deal if they open up what they want and the other kids see what they "might be getting"? Tonight is the 4th night of Hanukkah. We get each of our kids 5 gifts and I am going to "let them " pick whatever they want. I am sure this is going to makes my a*s feel tight...but I am going to do it. I am going to have to take a deep breathe and not open my mouth. I know they will ask "Which one should I open Mommy"? I am going to say......................"Whatever you want". I am sweating just writing this!!! I have to get over myself because the gift giving isn't about only "MY" happiness...it's really about "THE JOY ON THEIR FACES!! Right?!?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Several years ago we decided to give our boys a Tether ball for a gift. They loved to play it every day on the school playground. What a "perfect gift"...right? My hubby bought the pole and the Tether ball accoutrement's. He decided that he wanted to install it himself, so he went to Home Depot and rented a cement drill!!! Can you picture my 5'6'' hubby on a cold winter night drilling in the dark? In the morning I woke up to see the Tether ball in place..and it was crooked!!! Like a mom who wants the gift to be perfect, I commented (in not a very nice tone), "You're going to have to do it again". Where was the "Great job Honey. The kids are going to love it"? I couldn't get those simple words out of my mouth. My kids woke up and a squeal came out of everyone of their mouths. THEY LOVED IT. Do you think that they noticed the pole was a bit off? NO THEY DIDN'T. Instead they saw a labor of love from their dad. Hours and hours were played with the crooked Tether ball. Who do you think was right in their opinion? Certainly it wasn't me!!!!!!

Moral of the story: The gift of giving is in the love and thought put into it..not always in the execution.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Seventy..Life Lines

Hi.

I got my new drivers license in the mail today. I must say that after 10 years between pictures, I look pretty darn good!! If I were to nit pick , I could say that the my lines are a little deeper. Shouldn't there be deeper life lines? I mean these past ten years have been big years. I was diagnosed with cancer, we moved and had a lifestyle change, my hubby changed careers, my daughter became a teenager (that's enough to have deep lines!), we raised three toddler boys to teenagers (that's enough to have deep lines!), I went through menopause (that's enough to have deep lines!), my daddy died (that's enough to have deep lines!) my daughter became a bat-mitzvah (that's enough to have a permanent smile line!), my twin boys had a b'nai mitzvah(that's enough to have a smile line), and all my kids were active in sports after a sports after sports (that's enough to have gray hair and lines!).

The point I am trying to make here is that I lived life. I have had great moments, scary moments and fantastic moments that all deserve a deep line and a wrinkle here or there. Call them badges of honor if you will. I can name when I got each one and they all have tremendous meaning..so I can't botox them or fill them away. I feel like my life experience would be wiped clean. I don't want a clean slate.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. A few weeks back, I wrote about putting my new weight on my drivers license. At the time I was gungho about being honest and empowered. I kind of wained a bit as my appointment at the DMV got closer. Who really NEEDS to know my true weight but me? I thought about if I got into a car accident and they needed to give me medicine. Wouldn't they need to know my actual weight to formulate the correct dosage ( how did I even think about that?!?)? My number was called, I took my eye exam, and paid my fees. At the last second I told the DMV associate, "My weight has changed". "Oh, just put the change right here darlin". That's it. No big announcement on the loudspeaker that said, "Weight change at window 27". She didn't praise me for my honesty. She didn't give me the once over to see how much bigger I looked (baggy shirt!!). NO BIG DEAL. I suggest you try it some time.

Moral of the story: No one gives a rats ass about my physical appearance more than me.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Nine..The Sexes Are Different

Hi.

I am finding there is such a difference between teenage boys and girls. I like to be apart of my boys conversations. I am having a problem. First I have to get through the mumbling. Why do boys mumble? I don't get it. Besides not having to repeat themselves several times, what they are trying to say gets lost because of my impatience or loss of desire to know what they are trying to tell me. As I write this, this sounds pretty harsh. I DO care what they are doing in their lives, I just can't seem to get past their delivery!! I try to tell them to speak clearer, stop mumbling or please can you start the story again. They get super ANNOYED. They think I don't CARE. It's a total drag...we are caught up in the disconnect of mom language and teenage boy language.

The needing to be physical is a big difference as well. My boys are always trying to one up each other with whose a faster runner, whose a better soccer player, who pees longer and louder, who brushes their teeth better and so on and so on. Sometimes it's funny though...is it really awesome to have stinkier farts and louder burps?!? LOL!!

I picked up my 3 boys from school today along with 3 other boys. Besides the loud noise and boy smell, they are so funny to listen to. They talk about who likes what girl(which is not always true..they say it to get a rise out of one of them) how they are better than the others in everything. No-one seems to mind because they are thinking of things to one up the one who just tried to diss them!!!! It's like verbal ping pong!!!!

Lets talk about girls. I know that we girls are not saints..trust me drama exists between females. It is different though. There might be some harmful words followed by a tearful I am sorry. When my daughter and her friends got into my car after a full day of school, I smelled perfume!!! Girls giggle about cute boys and want to know all the details of the crush. They also try not to be the best at burping and farting even though it happens amongst us girlies. My daughter and her friends always had (and still do) deep conversations and they cared about each others successes and were there for the failures.

I am not saying that my boys and their friends don't care about each others highs and lows in life. They might give a punch instead of a hug and a "sorry dude" instead of a long conversation. Is one way better than the other? That's hard to say. Most men will say that women are overly analytical and dramatic. I like to think of us as sensitive and caring. Most women will say that men are distant and unemotional. Tomatoe Tomato Potatoe Potato...Whose right? Whose wrong? I am going to be comfortable with saying we are just.....different.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I feel like I bashed the male species today. I love my hubby. I love my boys. I love men. In this blog entry, I put women on a pedestal..and I probably should come clean. Girls and women can make me CRAZY. I am not always a peach either. The difference is that I understand the inter workings of most women. I did something rash today because I am an emotional female. I resigned from a board position because of words spoken. Should I have quit without sleeping on it? Probably not. Call me sensitive. Call me a hothead. Okay, just call me a female!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Eight..I said Brrrr..It's Cold Out Here

Hi.

I was talking with my daughter yesterday as she was walking home from class. She is in Boulder, Colorado and we are in Southern California. Yesterday was a cold rainy day here and I was kind of pissed because I had just come back from Florida where it was rainy and cold. I yearned for our Southern California "mild winter". Anyways, back to my conversation with my girl. She was really cold. The temperature said it was 3 degrees. Wow, that's a bit nippy!! She was going to climb into bed to get warm and confided that she was going to wear the long brown down jacket I MADE HER BUY last year when she started her freshman year. "You will need this when it's cold". She was truly mortified with the purchase. She also didn't want to buy the after ski boots with cozy fur inside that I MADE HER BUY either!! "Everyone's gonna know I am from California when I wear this stuff". My response...."And"?!? Lets just say that her new roomie who was from New Jersey wanted to buy the stuff we had just purchased!!! Fast forward to a year later:"Mom I have to admit that I am going to wear the brown coat later today". I was speechless. Do I needle her and say "I told you so"? That would not be very nice. Instead I yelled out a huge "I told you so scream"!!!! It was very satisfying. We both laughed and moved on to a different topic.

Why don't our kids just come to terms with "Moms know best"? I am going to be 49 in a few weeks and I still have that " I know it all and you don't" attitude when I don't like a suggestion that my mom will give me. She is usually right!!! I know that we all want to have our own identity and our own opinions..but do we have to fight against common sense? It gets butt cold in Boulder, Colorado..why not be prepared?

Today in beautiful Southern Cal it was 32 degrees at about 8:30 when I went for my run. Did I bring gloves or a hat? No. Was I cold? Yes. My face and lips burned a bit. It felt good to feel the cold. It was invigorating. When I got home, I took a shower, got dressed and stepped outside to start my day. I had to go back inside and add another layer!! Yippee. I hope we have a cold winter. It is so much fun bundling up!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my husband and I moved to New York, I was sooooooooooo excited. Coming from Southern Cal, we really only have 2 seasons. Being the fashionista that I am, I couldn't wait to get all the paraphernalia for a brisk fall and cold winter. I bought beautiful scarves,coats, gloves, sweaters and shoes. I was set and I was going to look good!!!! The fall came and I was in heaven. The winter came and I was so excited for the first snow. I stuck my tongue out to feel the cold snow. I was elated how silent snowflakes are when they fall from the sky. It was incredible. I felt like a little kid. It was new and I couldn't wait for the next snowfall. These feelings got old quickly as the winter was one of the coldest NYC had had in many years. Screw the snowflakes, screw my face feeling brisk. I walked around doubled over murmuring "I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold (no sh*t Sherlock, who wouldn't be!)." I thought if I said my little mantra, it would make me feel warm. NOT. The only thing that my mantra did was make my hubby laugh, so all was not lost. I still say my mantra to this day when I am cold. It doesn't help me feel warmer but it gets a chuckle from the hubby!! So, today as I feel so thoroughly excited about the cold and yearn for this weather to last for awhile, I know that soon I will be counting down the days when I can strip down to my bikini (who am I kidding..my one piece will do!). Until then, I will bundle up and forgo my frozen yogurt for a hot cup of tea!! Cheerio!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Seven...A Priceless Holiday

Well, I have been on hiatus from blogging after I ranted on how I wanted to stay true to myself and write. It’s not because I was backing out on my word. I went on a vacation with one of my twin boys. It was a vaca for me, but he was running a National Cross Country Race in Orlando, Florida. As most of you know, Florida is commonly known as the sunshine state. It was cold and rainy. Sunshine or not, we did not let that stop us from having fun.

I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my 13 year old boy. Who would think that we could agree on what to eat, when to shop (outlet mall for cold rainy gear!), and what rides to go on at Disneyworld? I was the one who had to be more agreeable. At home when I am with my brood, I have to admit that I can be the “controlling mom who likes to have her way because that keeps me sane”!! On our trip, I could let go and just be. So, I went on the scary rides (anything with a roller coaster). My boy held my hand and I screamed my head off. We held hands throughout the trip and my boy actually kissed and hugged me in front of his peers!!! OMG, DID THAT FEEL GOOD!!! I can’t tell you how many times he told me that this was such a great trip. " Thanks Mom. This trip was so much fun. I am glad you brought me here”. Am I dreaming? No. Am I elated? Yes. Do I want to do this again? For sure.

I am proud of my boy to boot. He ran his heart out. He placed well. He was happy with his race. He was confident. This is a journey he is carving out for himself. We are just along for the ride. It is a great ride. It has its bumps along the road, but there are lessons he is learning that I can’t teach him. It’s a marvel to watch his head compute statistics (definitely not my skill) and to watch him run sends chills down my spine. This is the boy who had open heart surgery at 12 weeks of age. It truly teaches me that all is possible. All we must do is open our hearts and our minds and situations come to us. We must dive in spite of our fears and know that no matter what, we learn and grow and something will “stick”. I lost years of writing because I was not open to learn and explore. I was into FEAR. My boy teaches me by example to “GO FOR IT”. Does he get nervous and feel like he might not succeed in a race? Most definitely. Does he race in spite of his fear? Yes. He has taught me to keep my eyes open because you never know who your mentor will be. He is mine.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I LOVE Tinkerbell. I relate to her being feisty. She was a protector of Peter pan. As a kid, I loved her because she had magical powers. I wished I had fairy dust and could fly around and wave my wand. As an adult, I related to her wanting to protect those she loved. When it came time to buy gifts for the family, how could I not buy something with Tinkerbell for me?!? I bought a coffee mug that replaced the one I broke several years ago. And then I saw a snow globe Tinkerbell!! When you shook it it had fairy dust stars!! I thought it would be perfect for my desk, perfect to shake when I had writers block. I knew her "fairy dust" could help me create (I would just close my eyes and believe). We got to the airport and were going through security. "Miss is this your backpack"? "Yes sir it is". "I am going to have to ask you to pick up the rest of your belongings and meet me over here". Oh sh*t. What did I pack? "Is there anything in here that could cut me"? "I have a shot glass (for my hubby's espresso collection!!) and a mug and snow globe". "Ma'am, the snow globe contains liquid. We are going to have to confiscate this or I can escort you to the Disney Store and you can return it.". My heart sunk because I knew Tink was not coming home with me.

Moral of the story: When they mean no liquid on an airplane, snow globes apply.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie
.

Day Sixty-Six...Time Flies

Hi.

I can't believe it has been so long since I have sat down to write. Where does the time go? I can tell you that I have not been sitting on my padded tush eating bonbons and watching soap operas, although that does sound like fun (especially the bonbon part). In between hanging with my daughter, going to the movies with my boys, entertaining house guests and getting back into the swing of our early morning school days, I have not had any time to myself. Need I mention the after school activities..school reports, shelping to various practices, trying to attend to my new running injury (all is well there). I have been busy. Could I have written at a different time than I usually write? Totally. I am a creature of habit. I don't like to write in the morning (like I am now) as I don't have stories to share ( bull crap) So much evolves in my day that is good fodder for blogging (yawn). Is this my real reason? If I am to be completely honest.... this is part of my M O. I start something and am really gung ho about it. I find myself slowly stopping what I enjoy. "I have to take the kids", "I have to go to the market", I have to.....do you get the picture? I don't follow through. I love writing. It makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like I am honoring who I am. It makes me smile. It makes me laugh. It makes me honest. It makes me feel accomplished. THEN WHY DO I SABOTAGE? Fear of failure? Fear of success? I can go around and around trying to "figure" me out. Who has the time? I certainly don't. All I know is that if I put it in print..then I am going to work through my "stuff". So...here it is:

I Wolffie, will not stop writing. I will write this blog even if I have only a few sentences to put down. I will write my novel that I have been in fear about. I will be the best Wolfiie I can be. I will honor my commitment to myself. I will not always want to..but I will.

Okay now.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I GOT MY CHANEL BAG AS A GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. I feel Grand. I don't know about you, but I love to have something to look forward to. I will miss my "visits" to the Chanel Boutique at Neiman's. Maybe I should channel my obsessions inward toward my creativity. I love to be creative, but the feeling is different. One is pure (creativity) and one is decadent (pining for some outside thing). So...why not do both?!?!?!?!?!!? Today I committed to writing. Now I will have to find a new object to "visit". I will keep you posted.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Five..Family..Food..Priceless

Hi.

I am STUFFED!!! I feel like I ate whole container of kosher salt. My rings are tight, my face feels PUFFY and I don't really want to eat for a week. It was worth every bite. I didn't really eat a TON of food. I am usually not a carb loader..BUT the stuffing was delectable and my hubby made three types of mashed potatoes....the traditional plain, sauteed onion a garlic and horseradish. Can I brag a bit?!? My turkey was moist, seasoned just right and the skin was crispy. Truly a wonderful meal. The company was nice. No family drama, just nice conversation, funny stories and a lot of love. The only thing missing was my brother and his family being out of the country and not with us and of course I missed my daddy. I believe his spirit was with us. There is something about this holiday that is so wonderful. It is filled with tradition, reflection about what is important to each one of us with family and loved ones surrounding you.

Today is my dad's birthday. I went to the cemetery with my mom. It wasn't sad as I thought it would be. My mom and I reminisced and told great stories about my dad. It was loving and intimate. We actually laughed at some of my dad's antics. The anticipation was far more emotional than the visit to the cemetery.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So, I think I mentioned in a earlier blog that Thanksgiving is not my usual holiday that I host at my home. I think I know why. My hubby, daughter and I moved back to California 18 years ago. I really wanted to entertain my family. We had my family and my hubby's family for Thanksgiving. We made most of the dinner. My table was set with my fine china, wine glasses, cloth napkins and beautiful flowers.. Martha Stewart...really had to move over. Imagine a quality Leave It To Beaver setting. My brother in law Bobby was the turkey carver. My dad had handed him the honors...and important honor. The turkey was done...cooled and ready to be carved. The most awful thing happened...IT WAS RAW. HORROR!!!!!!!!! We had to microwave the turkey. I was appalled. Martha Stewart was silently gleaming in her beautiful home in Connecticut!!! I never did Thanksgiving again until this year. Could it be that they didn't like raw turkey?!? Well lets just fast forward 18 years later why don't we?....My sis in law might have to hand over the reigns of our Thanksgiving feast!! I was sweating bullets..but there was no need. It was perfect this time around!!! Okay, so I won't really take over this holiday... it's my sister in laws favorite. I'll take the kudos from last night and I have a call into Martha... move over baby, THE QUEEN IS BACK!!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back foe more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Four..The Holidays Are Here

Hi.

My table is set. My turkey is seasoned and ready to go. I forget to eat breakfast. I am super edgy. I yelled at my kids. The Holidays are here!!! I sat my four kids down and tried to explain why I become "super stressed out and get out of my way" mommy when I am getting ready to entertain. I want our home to be welcoming. I want our home to feel warm and cozy ( it always does feel that way..I just add some extra touches). My youngest son's response, "If family and friends are coming over, why do you have to make it more special? They know us and love us". Point taken. I took a modified poll and asked if my friends become like me when they are having guests for the holidays and special occasions. Not on person admitted to being calm!!! I love having people in my home. Is it relaxing for me? NO. Do I have a full conversation with anyone? Not very often. Does it give me pleasure to have the holidays? I like the tradition. I don't have "fun", but I know that my guests are having a "fun" time.

Truth be told, there is more to my change of mood. The holidays have changed for me since my daddy passed away. There is a void that can't ever be replaced. There is laughter and conversation...but it is not his. His birthday falls around Thanksgiving. This year it is the day after. My heart feels heavy. I will put on a brave face tomorrow. I will smile, laugh but I will be crying on the inside. Will this pain ever go away? I am thankful for my time with him. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my wonderful hubby who accepts all aspects of me (there are many!!). I am thankful to my kids because they look at me with love most of the time. I am thankful that I am writing again.

What are you thankful for?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I went "browsing" today for a new pair of jeans. Do I need a new pair of jeans? No. As I was trying on jeans, I was having major dialogue with myself. "What are you doing? You don't need these jeans. Why do I have muffin tops? Nothing looks good on me? Walk away from the jean department."

I did walk away. No purchase was made. The experience made me want to do 1000 crunches so my stomach would become flat instantaneously. By the time I got to the car, the thought of crunches was totally out of my head and I wanted to go home, write in my blog and have a nice cup of hot tea. So much for the flat tummy!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Three...Hustle And Bustle...Love It

Hi.

I have three college girls in my room while I am blogging. They are being loud and teasing me. All I want is quiet..and they are giggling fools. I need to concentrate. I have a huge grin on my face. There is nothing like laughter. Should I kick them out? Can't do it. I have to covet all the female energy I can while my girl is home from college. It's Thanksgiving time. Family and friends are coming to my house. I don't usually cook for this holiday, so I am a bit NERVOUS!!! My hubby and I trade off between whose family we are spending Thanksgiving with. This year it is my side of the families turn. My sister in law usually has the honors, but they are visiting their son in Portugal (Lucky!!!). Sooooooooooooooooooo, the turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes fall on my shoulders. This crowd...love them....BUT they expect the best as my sister in law has spoiled all of us with her rocking cooking. I do love to set a table..well the end result. I can be a bit cranky when I am setting it. I need quiet and that's an impossibility in our house!!! Right now as I am writing this there are two or three conversations going on. Would I trade the hustle and bustle of my home life? No. I feel so blessed to be here. I feel blessed that my daughter and her friends like to hang out with me. They are so fun. It makes me feel young. It makes me feel current.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am the first to admit that if I want something and my head just can't give it up..I can be a manipulator. My daughter on the other hand is the Princess of getting what she wants. My daughter asked my boy, "Can I try on your shirt"? "Okay I guess" She tries it on. It looks cute. "Can I borrow it"? "Sure." Because I have used this tactic..I knew she was going to wear his flannel shirt from the second she asked him the question in her "sweet I am going to get my way for sure" voice. One of the things about being the only sister in the family does have its advantages.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-two..Celebrate Life

Hi.

It only takes a millisecond to have your life change. Well at least that's what happened to me. "You have Cancer". November 23, 2000. That's a day I will never forget. In the back of my head I had a feeling the doctor would tell me that my biopsy came back with those haunting words. Time stopped. I never fully understood how slow time can really be. The second hand of the clock on the wall of the doctor seemed to be moving in slow motion. But was it? We are all so busy in our lives, can we ever fully understand time? Those three words, YOU HAVE CANCER have impacted me and my family and friends forever.

I understand the importance of not wasting time ie "One day I will... Why not do "whatever" now? I understand the feeling of being fearful of dying. Why not live to the fullest everyday? I understand the pain of my family seeing me go through surgeries, treatments and depression. It made me realize through the pain in their eyes the need for me to fight like hell, be positive and remain positive after my year long ordeal was over and the reality of the situation was all I could think about. I understand that simplicity is far easier to maintain than complexity. I understand that I am so fortunate to have friends that rallied with us and made our life easier. I understand that I am one lucky woman. Nine years cancer free. Yipeeeeee!!!

I have one more thing to add....please have your loved ones and yourself get mammograms at forty and beyond. I am that statistic..that 1 in 1500 that got diagnosed at 39. I am the woman who would probably not be sitting here at my computer being grateful that I am alive and kicking. Please fight with me. Let your voice be heard. Let your senator and congressman know that we will not tolerate being invisible.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I had lunch today with a dear friend who shares the same day of breast cancer diagnosis with me. She is five years cancer free. She is a beautiful soul. I am lucky to call her my friend. It's amazing what situations in life bonds people together. We have been friends longer than five years..but both being breast cancer survivors solidified us as BCBFF (breast cancer best friends for life). We understand the fears of thinking we would not raise our children. We understand the need talk freely to each other about our trials and tribulations with having gone through the process of our treatments. We understand the joys of life. We understand the need to be the best we can be without being stressed ( not always obtainable). We understand that we are blessed. Happy days ahead for us, I know.

Moral of the story: Stop. Breathe. Hug someone you love. Be free to be the best you.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-One..Trying To Fit It All In

HI.

I have not been able to blog because my kids have kept me really busy. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really missed writing. It's hard to juggle my days sometimes and I was a bit resentful yesterday when my son volunteered me to get supplies for their school project. I had a car full of boys in the car. I had to get them home, write in my blog and leave for a Stop Cancer awards dinner. Doctors were receiving grants for their ongoing research for all types of cancers. I didn't have time to go to get supplies. I threw a minor tantrum, got the supplies anyways and got my frozen yogurt for after the awards dinner. I just didn't get to blog. The thing that I have to remember is that the boys are having their pals come to our house. I get to hear about their days, listen to what's going on at school. I kind of feel like I am a fly on the wall!!! I was thrown a curve ball and I didn't handle it in the best way.

It's amazing on what is happening to find cures for cancers. These incredible doctors ( both men and women) are devoted to finding cures, prolonging lives and ultimately trying to have higher survival rates for all cancers. I was able to sit at dinner with a leading doctor who is a specialist in breast cancer. He developed a medicine that is apart of many women's protocol for breast cancer. I asked him about my hormone therapy. He didn't like the idea that I was on it. No big surprise to me. He gave me a name of a doctor who could give me alternatives to taking hormones. I have to investigate. If I could feel sane and not be on hormones..then I will do it. The key here is sanity. I don't want to be the insane wife and mommy that I was without hormones. Menopause is a bitch (at least it was for me) and I can't let that define me. I don't like being a super bitch. I got this twinge of fear that I might get cancer again if I stay on estrogen. It didn't feel good. I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I want to be there for my kids. I want to see them graduate college, get married and have kids. I want to be apart of it all. I just want to be graceful about it. No hormones equals erratic behavior for me. I am hoping that there is a different solution so I can have it all...grace..health..long life..and peace.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can't tell you how happy I am that my girl is back for Thanksgiving break!!! There is FEMALE energy back in our house. Yipeeeeee!! Don't get me wrong..I love all my guys. They bring laughter, noise, bickering and fun to our household. Lets just say they are a lively bunch!!! They make me want to duck out from time to time and meet my girlfriends for a 5:00 Cup o Joe. Today was a perfect day in the life of having a daughter. We went to the 10:00 am showing of New Moon. There must have been 4 previews of chick flicks that my girl and I wanted to see. All we had to do is lock eyes to know that we were going to see the movies together. Words weren't necessary. We loved the movie. It was a chick flick to the max. Romance, passion. tension, some laughs, beautiful scenery and cute clothes. I can't forget to mention bare chests can I?!? After the movie, we went to our favorite local healthy restaurant. We ran into people, schmoozed a bit and then went shopping!!! We didn't get anything, but we went shopping at a girlie store!!! I am sighing with complete satisfaction right now. Tonight we are going to a play, Beauty and the Beast at our local high school. What a difference a day makes!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty...Are You Thinking About Our BOOBS Or Your Bottom Line?

Hi.

I can't help but wonder where I would be right now if I did not have my baseline mammogram at 38 and my next one at 39? I was diagnosed with DCIS and a 1.5 centimeter tumor. If I were to have listened to the guidelines that they are suggesting in the study that came out today, would I be in the morgue or maybe I would have had to have a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy? It drives me CRAZY that they think that women in their 40's should not do yearly exams. Who are they working for? The insurance companies or women? I can't tell you how many people I know who have been diagnosed in their 40's. C'mon, too much radiation? What about our phones? What about going through security at an airport? What about..so much crap that is in the air? What about the crap we put in in our bodies? How about the hormones that are shot into cows and chickens that we digest when we eat? We are talking about women's lives. We are talking about women's families who are affected. How DARE they. I am curious who funded this research. I know it was done through "reputable" institutions....do they worry more about costs and radiation exposure over catching breast cancer in its early stages? Will the insurancies companies get a "pass" from paying for yearly mammograms if you are not high risk? The study even said that there is no evidence if it is caught in its early stages that it effects the outcome. OMG. Have any of those researchers been through surgeries, chemo, radiation and heartbreak? Have they lost a family member or dear friend to breast cancer? Have they watched a loved one in fear of dieing? Have they witnessed someone being so sick that they can't lift up their head from their pillow? Have they watched a young girl not wanting to go to school because she's afraid that her mommy won't be alive when she comes home from school? Where is our humanity? Where is our sensitivity? Has our world become only about statistics and money?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can get totally consumed with this study. I can bitch and moan , but the only way I can be heard is to write to my Congressman. I will have to look further into the study before I rant. I know I have to get more educated. I want to protect my daughter and I want to protect women who don't even know that they have breast cancer. So, I will do what I can and that will help me sleep at night. I can't afford to be angry or stressed. I will do my part because I believe that each of our tiny voices becomes one big loud voice. The only people looking out for us, is us. I will go on a campaign..Help save our Boobs. I hope you will join me.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Nine...Where Did The Time Go?

HI.

I can't believe that my daughter is 19 today! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that my water broke. We were living in New York. It was my last day of work. I was planning on having 1o days to "get ready" before my due date. Best laid plans!! I went to the doctor earlier in the day..tight as a drum. I was crying because I was so uncomfortable. Was I ready to have my baby? In theory yes, but are you ever ready? My office had a "bon voyage from work and welcome to being a mother party" for me. My hubby and I had plans to eat at this chic restaurant Prix Fix. It was a six course meal. I ate like a bird because who has room for food when you are almost full term? There's no room for food. The baby takes over!! My hubby on the other hand ate it all...lobster, steak, salad, soup, appetisers and of course desert. We went to see our friend play in a really smokey club. I was way paranoid of the smoke..not good for the baby. We left and I am so happy we did. My hubby felt sick to his stomach and went to bed. My water broke at about midnight. I went to wake him only for him to mutter, "I don't feel good". He rolled over and went back to sleep. Did I hear that correctly? HE WASN'T FEELING GOOD!!! I am so lucky to have a fab sister in law. I called her confused and pissed off at "the hubby". She stayed up with me all night on the phone and timed my contractions ( she was in California and I in New York City). At about 5:00 in the morning we went to Lennox Hill Hospital. Our child arrived into the world at 11:14 am. When I locked eyes with our girl, I was hooked. At that very instant, my world changed. I could no longer put me first. I had to raise this beautiful girl. Here we are 19 years later. What a roller coaster being a parent has been. How does one navigate being a parent when there isn't a handbook? I have made mistakes, but boy do we have a wonderful girl. She is kind, sensitive, beautiful, funny, a pain in the ass, smart and loyal to her family. Could I ask for anything else? I don't think so. Would I change anything we have come up against raising her? No because all experiences good and bad have shaped her. She has had some bumps along the way and she has learned from them. Have I wanted to wring her neck at times. That would be a big YES!! Have I been proud of her more than wanting to wring her neck? Yes. Can I take credit for her successes and failures? I don't think so. I have tried to guide her to make better choices. She made her choices. Have I stifled her at times because of my fears? Yeah. Has she pointed those times out to me? Most definitely. I know she has taught me more about life than I ever have taught her. All my kids have. I have to keep myself in check and deal with parts of me that are not always comfortable to look at. I am stronger because of her and my boys. I owe them so much of who I am today. I want to do better for them. So I have to work on me A LOT. I can't afford to give up on me. They look for me to be present. So, when the chips are down and I want to hide, I can only do it for a bit because I have to show them that no matter what is going on in life, YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. It's not always easy but it can be done. I have found that through the painful times in my life, I have grown the most. Through challenge comes triumph. Happy Birthday my sweet child. I celebrate you today. I celebrate our relationship. I celebrate my love for my hubby. I celebrate our family. I celebrate life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So my daughter comes home from the hospital. My parents flew in to meet our girl and to "help" us with the overwhelming feelings of being new parents. I thought my mom would know everything. She was my MOM for heavens sakes. I was having trouble breastfeeding. My mom couldn't help me because she never breast fed us. I went to a lactation specialist. The breast feeding settled itself out rather quickly. We were using cloth diapers, but they were too big. My mom couldn't help because she did not remember how to make them fit. We went to disposables (sorry environment). What my mom did know how to do was show us how to bathe our girl. She was tiny, so she was slipping in the tub we bought. She showed us how to bathe her in the sink. I WAS TERRIFIED. I threw a " I am overwhelmed and afraid because she is crying in the bath fit". My mom knew how to calm me down and also calm our daughter down. She didn't like the water. She didn't like the cold. My mom sang softly to her. It calmed her down. So I knew that singing could calm my girl. I tried it and it worked!! So with all she didn't know or didn't remember, she gave me one very important lesson..follow your instincts. I can attest that it has worked all these years later. When my mom and dad left to go back home, I cried so hard. I needed my mommy. I was afraid to be a mommy. The best thing that could ever have happened was me being alone. It forced me to look at my little girl and grow up. "Okay my sweet mouse pie, this is it. It's you, me and daddy. Lets do this and lets do it right". What a ride it has been!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In love and peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Eight..Do Pictures Tell A Lie?

Hi.

I was looking at picture of myself from the 10k run that they sent me from the race. I have to say that I was appalled. I looked like another person. Who was this woman? My face kinda resembled me, but the body? Did they cut my face and put it on another person's body? I was wearing the outfit (in the picture), but I looked.......BIG. Do you know when the paparazzi shoots a picture of a usually fit and trim actress on the beach in a bathing suit looking out of shape and lumpy? The headlines reads, "So and so caught in Hawaii looking like a beached whale". Here's mine, "Wolffie rolls into the finish line looking like a sumo wrestler..watch out or she'll roll over you!!". When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see that same image. I don't see Twiggy mind you, but I do see a reflection of a woman who is average in weight. The thighs could be a bit thinner and you know how I feel about my middle age tummy. BUT REALLY, after running 6.2 miles ,couldn't they take a flattering shot? Maybe when I come into the finish line at my next race I could run in sideways and hold my arm like the models and actresses do when they are photographed. SH*T. What is it going to take for me to be svelte? I don't eat sugar, I don't eat many bad carbs, I don't drink alcohol and I exercise 3-4 times a week. I guess I could cut my portions. Should I take the skin off my chicken? Probably, but it tastes sooooooooooooooo good. There lies the answer..willingness. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to lose the last 5-10 pounds? Hmmmmmmmmmm, not sure I want to focus on that one right now!!!

Why listen to Wollfie? Because I get it. I love skinny jeans. They look great when I wear a longish sweater or wrap. My thighs are the bomb and my muffin top looks non existent. All is good until I sit down. My crack shows!! Not a pretty site. I am not a teenager who can "kind of" get away with it because her cute thong is peeping out for the world to see. Not a good look on a 48 (almost 49) year old woman with four kids and a hubby. Does the world want to see that? Do I want the world to see that? I have figured out how to get around the "crack look". I either have a sweater that I put over my seat that becomes a makes shift curtain or I wrap it around my waste when I am at a game or sitting on the grass. No crack spotting then!! Why can't they make high wasted skinny jeans? I am sure I could get the skinny jean look in the "older person's" section at Nordies. The problem is that the denim is not as thick, the dyes are not as groovy and the stitching just doesn't compare. Damn it, I want the cool skinny jeans. I don't even have to ( or want to) spend the big bucks. I'll go to H&M. I'll go to Target. I'll go wherever. I just don't want to reveal the crack. Why do they (the designers) forget about us "more mature" bodied women who want to be hip but don't want to reveal our butt cracks? Is this asking too much? This is a dilemma.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Seven..Inspiration Lets Us Be Who We Yearn To Be

Hi.

I went to see the afternoon matinee of Coco Before Chanel today. What an inspiration. It's was amazing to see how she lived her life and what life experiences helped carve her into being the designer she was. I loved so much about the movie. The costumes, the actors, and the landscapes. OMG. I wanted to jump into the movie screen. I could have lived in France in those times. I would have been a rebel just like Coco. The way she wore black and dressed in clean lines while the other woman wore bold hats and dresses with ornamentation that was over the top. They felt like that what was defined them as chic. Coco didn't have to try..she had it. The simplicity of her clothing just sends me over the moon. I left wanting to design again, which I haven't felt like doing in months. Will I design again? Not now. The feeling though is alive within me. The message I got from the movie is , follow your dreams. Be who you are..don't become a carbon copy of some one's thoughts or ideas about life, love and even fashion. It made me want to scream from the roof tops.."I AM WHO I AM AND I LOVE IT"!!! I haven't always felt this way. It took me along time to navigate the waters of life and really understand what makes me tick. I always had an inkling, but I never had the courage to stick to my convictions. Especially growing up. It seemed like I was a leader, but I was really a follower. I got into drinking and other things because I couldn't fathom not fitting in. When I did fit in, I hated it. I was a confused girl. It took me getting sober to realize that my opinions mattered and also I could be unique and still be apart of a group. What I also had to learn is that we all are unique therefore I had to accept my family and friends differences as well as our similarities. That's a hard one. To get my expectations out of the way and be in acceptance...that's something I struggle with today. Especially with my children. Should they have opinions? Of course. Should I honor them? Yes. Should I let go even when I know that they might get hurt? If it is not life threatening. Can I be there to help them pick up the pieces? Most certainly. Do I say I told you so when I help them pick up the pieces? No. I have to be there for them to listen to them, hug them and let them cry if they need to. I can point out the lesson, but I have to not preach. Do I fall short of this? Sometimes. Oh yeah. It's hard to let my kids do something that I know will cause them pain. Especially if I have done a similar thing. I have to do it though so they feel comfortable talking to me. Trust and openness is the key to good communication. It's hard being a grown-up. It's not always easy being a parent. How did I get on that tangent when I was speaking about Coco?!? I think because she saw life as it was and did what she could to survive. She made choices she wasn't always wanting to, but she learned from them and it made her stronger. I always have felt that although I haven't always liked some of my life choices or haven't liked situations that have happened to me and our family, that because of all it, I could write from my heart and soul. I feel this way about Coco. She was who she was because of her past and she rocked it hard in her fashion. She is an icon that I sooooooooooooo love. My hat goes off to Coco. My shoulder is waiting for her bag!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Last night my boys (hubby included until he fell asleep) were all watching Glee together, my favorite show of the fall 2009 season!! My boys have the,it's hard to sit still for more than one second" syndrome. I thought they were going to out grow this syndrome after being toddlers. Hasn't left yet!! Anyways, we were watching Glee in between me shushing them and telling them to stop talking. All of a sudden one of my boys jumps up and runs to my bathroom. "I hit myself with my elbow on the lip. I cut my lip.I'm bleeeeeeding". He comes running out of my bathroom to show me. The look on his face is priceless. He is bleeding, but not too badly. I start to laugh (just so you don't think I am heartless, he is laughing too!) and I can't stop. I have to push pause on Glee ( a travesty). My hubby wakes up being a Crankisaurus Rex and starts shushing me, which leads me to laugh even harder. My other two boys are laughing just as hard as me. I know that my boy is okay. The bleeding subsides. I have to tell you that what struck me is, how did he hit his lip with this elbow? It seems impossible. We all tried it. He tried to rein act it and couldn't!! Welcome to my world. These kinds of things are always happening to him He is a magnet for weird occurrences. A lot of the time I get annoyed and for some reason this time I didn't. Could it be that I can find humor in my boys testosterone adventures at last?!? I better start having more humorous interactions because their testosterone is alive and kicking. Maybe I should up my testosterone creme so I can understand the inner workings of the testosterone mind? On second thought, I'll stay where I am. I couldn't fathom losing my feminine characteristics. They are strong and work like a charm!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

Day Fifty-Six..Ask And You Shall Receive

Hi.

I felt so awful yesterday. I couldn't get out of bed. My body was fighting a bug of some sort and I am glad it waited to come into bloom until after my race. Running with a cold would have been awful. I literally got out of bed to make hot tea or go to the bathroom..that's it. My hubby brought me soup and my kids were extra quiet when they got home from school (a rarity). They all had various practices that my hubby drove them too. So, I got to sleep and rest and I feel much better today. In the past, I would do all the driving back and forth. I felt like I had to be the "do it no matter what" mom. That takes so much energy. I had to learn to ask for help. When I went through my chemo and radiation therapies, I was really tired. People offered to carpool my children, make us meals, and take my kids on play dates. At first I was embarrassed. I thought that I had to be "super cancer mom". It doesn't work. I needed to take care of myself in between chemo treatments, so my body could be ready for the next blast. During radiation I was doing chemo simultaneously, so I was extremely tired. It it wasn't for my friends, family and community, I think I would have not been as strong physically or emotionally. I learned that asking for help is a strength not a weakness. Now, almost nine years later, I still ask for help when I need it. I can't be everywhere at the same time. Why stress about it? Sometimes I feel like I ask more than I give. That's a hang-up I have to get out of my head. Sh*t, I have four kids, three that I shuffle around. Who wouldn't need help? If a friend or family member needs me, I am there. I rearrange my day if I have to. I do this because I want to help and also because people had been there for me. I love bringing meals to friends or people in my community (wish I didn't have to ) when they are going through tough times. I know what it feels like to have one less thing to think about when you are in crisis mode. I don't like to pat myself on the back because it takes away from the act of kindness. Being of service to others expecting nothing in return feels so much better than being vocal so someone can say, "Oh how nice of you". As the holidays approach, I can't help but feel a bag of mixed emotions. My friend died three years ago, my dad's anniversary ( 3 years)of when his soul left the earth is coming up as well as his birthday. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks as well (Christmas Eve), that was the last time I saw my dad. It sends tears to my eyes and an overwhelming sense of loss to my heart. I am not sure I will ever get over the shock and loss of my friend and my dad. The pain and sorrow feels different..but it is still here with me. The one thing I have though is my family and friends to share and cry with. If I need them, they are with me: in my bed when I can't get out of it, on the phone or at my side. All I have to do is ask..I never have to go through anything alone. I am one lucky girl.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The saga of my Chanel Caviar Grand Shopper continues. The other day I was having coffee in my "office" (the local Starbucks) with my fellow office mates, Joanne and Adrienne. One of the girls had a Chanel logo on her phone. I just had to have my "Shopper" as my phone screen saver. I went to google, clicked on the bag and added it as a saved image on my phone and put it as my wallpaper. Now when I open my phone there it is!! I can "visit" it at all hours of the day. Who needs to buy it when you can have a virtual one?!? The funny thing is if I actually had the purse, would it mean anything to me? I think that the yearning is what it is about for me. It makes me giggle. It lets me write funny tales of my obsession. When you get what you obsess for, does it make it all good? I like the chase, the talking about it. What would I want to covet next? I am sure I would find something!!! The truth be told, what I really want and need is peace of mind, my health, and family and friends around me.

Okay, got to let you in on a secret. Call me a material girl, but there is this yummy cashmere sweater.......


Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back fro more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Five...I Did It..Glad To Be Back

Hi.

I'm back!! I really missed blogging. The past five days have been a whirlwind. The kids had me driving all over the place, even when they were in school. My brother in law and nephew came into town, so we were hanging out. It was my mother-in-laws birthday. so we had a family dinner.... AND..... My 10k run finally happened on Sunday!! I FINISHED with a RESPECTABLE time, 6.2 miles in 1:04.19.95. My goal was to be under 70 minutes. If my math does me right that was a 10.21.2 mile pace. Not bad for an almost 49 year old lady who has only run 6.2 miles once before!! It was hot and hilly. I wanted to quit every time I got to this seemingly endless hill. Instead I chanted over and over and over again, "You can do it..you are not a quitter. You can do it, you are not a quitter". If I want to be completely honest, there was this woman who kept running past me, then she walked, so I ran past her, she ran passed me again, then she walked and I ran past her and she ran passed me AGAIN. Do you get the scenario? I told myself when I wanted to quit (besides you can do it, you're not a quitter), "There is NO WAY you can let her beat you." She didn't. At the last portion of the race, I sprinted past her, there was no turning back!! Yippee! My competitive nature REALLY took over. After the race, I had to change gears and throw a wedding shower for my friend's daughter. Did I mention it was at my house? I got everything ready on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I came back from the run, flew in the shower, put on my party clothes, hair and make-up and I was good to go! I love giving wedding showers. It is the start of a new chapter in two peoples (and their families) lives. It is innocent and promising and it makes me feel like all is good in the world. The smiles, the laughter and the glow of the love sends warm fuzzies down my spine.

All in all I had a wonderful few days. It is great to accomplish dreams. My next dream/goal is to run either a half marathon or do a mini triathlon. I will keep you posted. What happened to me? I was the woman who liked to stay in bed and watch TV. That's not entirely true, I love to swim. I find it to be meditative and easy on my body. It's getting in the bathing suit that is the hardest part. The Speedos (even the one pieces) are super tight and show off where the flab near my hips don't tuck into the bathing suit. What I seem to forget is that if I swim then the flab will go away!!! My next step is to jump in the pool a few times a week, do laps and then I have to tackle the bike riding all the while continuing my running. Is there a way to buy more hours in the day? Can I train, do my mom stuff, write, and have a moment to spare? I need a nap just thinking about it. I will figure it all out, I always do.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I knew that it was going to be toasty when I did my 10k. I drank water but not enough to make it so I had to pee during the race. WRONG!! I even went to the Port-A-Potty just before the race started. Let me tell you that I really dislike Port-A-Potties. Where do I start: the smell, germs, the hole that shows you everything? GROSS!! Anyways,I peed the entire race every time I went up hill!! I don't know what to do, except wear black wicking clothes that dry quickly. I am not going to quit running. It seems like I am not going to quit peeing! I have to drink something to stay hydrated. I am not leaving a trail behind me, so no-one is going to slip on my pee and hurt themselves. I have to believe that I am not the only one who has this "problem". I just own it.


Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Four..Do I Really Have To Be Completely Honest?

Hi.

I got my renewal letter for my drivers license from the DMV the other day. I have not had a ticket in years (poo poo on the truth), so I thought I was going to be able to mail it in as I had done in previous years. But NOOOO, that's not what the letter said.. I have to go in, take an eye exam and have a new photo taken. What's up with that? My hubby who had had several tickets (he did traffic school) gets to mail his renewal in. I, who have had a perfect record, has to go to the DMV, wait in line (even though they give you an appointment) and have to fill out new information. Did I mention that they ask about your weight? I don't care that I have to take a new picture. I don't care that I have to take an eye exam. I care that my weight has gone up 10 pounds and I am faced with telling the truth about this issue or fibbing. What's a girl to do? Tell the friendly DMV person that I have gone through menopause and I can't get back down to my old weight? Do I keep it the way it is and hope they haven't changed their procedure by having me hop on a scale that's voice activated and says, "Up ten pounds". Do I keep the same weight or do I put my new and improved upwardly mobile weight on my new license? I talked to a friend today and she suggested that I meet halfway in the middle. That sounded like a good plan. As the day has worn on, I have been thinking about it (and I have been thinking about it!), I am going to put my actual weight. I am going to be honest. Who really looks at "the number" anyway? I have never had a sales associate say, "Do you REALLY weigh that? Never. If I put a phony number down, then I am saying that I am not okay with the me. Am I a "hot mama"? NO. Am I a "you better get in better shape mama"? NO. I am a "average weight and body type mama who does the best that she can". So, I will go for my appointment with my head held high and my a flab neatly tucked away and I will take that picture, pass that eye exam, and put my correct weight for my new license. If the person at the DMV comments, " My Wolffie you have added some poundage in the past ten years", I am not sure if I will keep my mouth shut or walk out in horror. I know that this scenario won't happen..does the DMV person or the rest of the world really care if I weigh more?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I had a gift card for Saks Fifth Avenue. I was setting it aside to put towards my Chanel Grand Shopper. Who was I kidding? I would need many more gift cards to purchase that handbag. I decided to use it for my daughters birthday instead. As I was walking to the escalator to go to the fifth floor, wouldn't you know it, I had to walk by the Chanel Handbag boutique! Could I walk past and not "visit" my coveted bag? What do you think? I walked straight to the bag, put it on my shoulder, looked in the mirror (I look fab in that bag!), set it down and walked away completely satisfied until my next encounter. I was able to buy my girl a special birthday gift (can't tell you what I bought because she reads my blogs!). Isn't that what it is about? I love getting family and friends special things. I love to buy myself special things as well, but it really feels better to give than to receive. That's not to say if a family member or a friend finds that they are in Chanel and have the urge to give a Grand Shopper to a special someone......Oh no, I couldn't accept such an extravagant gift...or could I?!? LOL!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Three...On Your Mark..Get Set..Go

Hi.

I have been training for several months for the Calabasas Classic 10k run that is this Sunday. I am ready and excited. I woke up with a sore ankle and a sore throat today. I am going to do this race even if I have to tape my ankle and have a runny nose. This race signifies so much to me. Running did not come easily to me. At first I could only run maybe 1/4 of a mile without stopping (I wanted to stop). My lungs would burn and my body felt like a lead weight. Slowly but surely I had more stamina and that 1/4 mile became 1/2 mile and so on until I was able to run 6.2 miles. I had injuries and illness and I still stuck with it. I want to toot my own horn because I seem to start a million things and always give up. Part of why I stuck it out is because of my son. He is a runner and it gives us a common bond. I love that he asks how my runs were and sometimes we run together..or shall I say I follow him on a run!!! The other reason I stuck with it is because it calms me. I can be out of my mind crazy about who knows what and when I finish my run I am calm, calm, calm. So, on Sunday I will run as best as I can. My goal is to finish the race in less than 70 minutes and I would like to be in one piece! I don't think that is too much to wish for!!

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. As I have shared before, my bladder is not the best. I probably should wear depends, but something about an almost 49 year old woman doing so makes me cringe. So, I deal with the spillage that sometimes occurs. I have tried everything: sticking to decaffeinated drinks, water only, no liquids 1 hour before exercise...Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. There is no rhythm or reason to my bladder. It has a mind of its own. Nine times out of ten I have "an accident" while I am on a run. The one thing that I ALWAYS do is wear black tights, running skort, or shorts. This way my secret is safe (well the cats out of the bag now!).This is apart of growing older that NO ONE told me about. What would I have done with the information anyways?

Moral of the story: Sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt you!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Two....The kids are growing up

Hi.

I thought that I would like the break from taking a couple days off of blog writing. I missed it. I do have two days worth of stories to fall back on though. I never thought of myself as a routine girl. I am. There is something about picking up the boys from school, getting a cup of tea, lighting my candles, looking at the picture of my dad for inspiration and writing. The actions of sitting in front of my computer to write concrete thoughts is relaxing. I don't often give myself the opportunity to relax as I am a "go get em" type of girl. To contemplate about my day or share a thought on my blog has given me the mindset to move forward and to follow my writing dreams.

My weekend was strange. Especially Halloween night. This is the first time in 18 years that I have not taken one of my kids trick or treating. Weird. My daughter is off having a Halloween weekend at college.My hubby took our youngest boy in the late afternoon to a friends house. When he got there, there were about 6 girls and three boys hanging outside. He DID NOT want my hubby to get out of the car. I had made arrangements with my friend (the mom) so my hubby did as he was told. Weird. Our baby is growing up. I wonder if it was me who was dropping him off....would he have done the same thing? I can't be as embarrassing as my hubby, can I? The twins are another story. I KNOW I EMBARRASS THEM. Right now I am not cool. I know I will be some day. I dropped off my twins at their friends house at 6:00. I had no thoughts of walking them in! I had a scrumptious dinner waiting for me (cooked by the hubby). I picked up my frozen yogurt. I was ready for a night of cute costumes and young kids coming to our house for candy. While we were waiting for "the knock", we watched the World Series. All was good. The night went on and WE GOT ZERO TRICK OR TREATERS!! This sent me into "a mood". It's hard enough having your kids grow up and not hanging with you on one of the funnest nights ever, but I thought I could still hold onto the fun with handing out candy. NOPE. I was a cranky mom when I picked up the kids. I wish I could have told them that I missed hanging with them. I didn't want them to feel bad. Everyone is growing up. Even my kids. I am not entirely ready. It's a right of passage to do so. It just hurts sometimes. I think I will tell them today. After the fact. I know they will hug me..and maybe that's what it is about...them growing up and me letting them. The gift is the hug. I love hugs more than I do candy anyways!!!

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My niece and daughter were having a play date at our house. They were both about 5 1/2. My niece LOVED (and still does) candy. She always had some kind of candy stashed on her, usually sour. On this day, the play date went great. Lori was out of town so Nana came and took my niece home. I got this weird phone call from Nana. She was laughing and horrified at the same time. Apparently my daughter wanted my niece's sour patch candy. My niece had no problem giving it to her . For a price that is: all the money in my daughter's piggy bank! (about $20.00)!! At the time I remember thinking how well ( and quietly) they were playing together!! When I went to my daughters room (after the Nana phone call), the piggy bank was broken apart on her carpet. She didn't seem unhappy though. Could it have been the sugar rush!!! I drove to get back the money from my niece. When I got there, she looked a bit scared. Was Auntie going to yell at her. No way. She handed me the bag of change as crocodile tears were running down her face. No words were spoken. I hugged her tight and said, "Next time you don't have to give your cousin your candy if you don't want to give her your last package". "Oh no Auntie, I had more at home. I just wanted to have her money so I could buy lots more"!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-One..Oops I DId It Again

Hi.

This getting older business just keeps getting funnier and annoying at the same time. It's annoying because I find I am getting frustrated with myself more often. It's always funny after the fact when I share my "I can't believe I did that" adventures with my friends.

I started off my day at 2:00 in the morning when PING, my eyes opened up. I went to the bathroom trying to not have any thoughts because that sets me up to be up for a few hours. It didn't work. I noticed that my phone was not being charged at my nightstand, so I went looking around the house for it. As you know from me sharing about my misplacing items, I looked all over the house and checked my purse at least five times. No phone. I threw my warm robe on and went to my hubbys car. (the last place I remembered having my phone) It wasn't there. Soooooooooooooo, I searched the house again..SURPRIZE!!! It was on our kitchen counter under the mail. I plugged my phone into the charger and went to my daughters room (the one who is at college) and climbed into her comfy bed. I didn't want to wake my hubby!! I was wide awake. I was annoyed because I was wide awake. It was 2:30 in the damn morning. I had a busy day ahead of me. I watched the news....there was nothing else on except a poker game (we don't have cable in her room). I finally got to sleep at about 3:30.

Ring. Ring. The phone was ringing. It was 7:15. I had to be up at 6:50. I was doing my first time ever 10k in preparation for my race next week. I couldn't eat a proper breakfast (not enough time to digest). I couldn't drink a lot of water before (because I would need depends in my running tights!). My boys were getting there Halloween Costumes together for school and one of them took the costume back to wear that he said his brother could wear. I got involved in the bickering (not a good thing). My boys left late and I had to wait for them because my hubby's car was blocking mine. I finally got in my car and realized I didn't have my phone. I ran back in the house and couldn't find it!! It was on vibrate so it wouldn't wake up my hubby when I get notifications of emails in the middle of the night. I was calling my number as I walked around the house listening for the vibrate. I didn't mention that I couldn't call my running pal to tell her I would be late as her number is programmed in my cell phone!! I finally found my phone in my closet. How it got there, I have no clue!! I met my friend. We ran our 6.2 miles for the first time and I felt....GREAT!! The morning stress was behind me. I was not tired or sore. I met friends for lunch, we giggled and all was good.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I picked up my boys today from school as usual. I came home to write in my blog as usual. Something happened to my boys when I sat at my desk to write this blog. It was the "I think I am going to bug my Mom" syndrome. The boys became obnoxious with each other while on their computers in the alcove next to my desk. All we have between us is a door with glass panes. I can hear everything: the farts, the rap music, their banter and these high pitched squeaky voices which send chills down my spine. I asked them to be quieter which only gave them the licence to be louder and squeakier. I asked again and again as my voice got louder and louder.This makes me feel like a piece of shit. I know they are being little shits, but why stoop down to their level? One of the boys inevitably gets sent out of the alcove, which makes them mad..because they have the "why are you getting mad at me, I never do anything wrong look"as they storm out of the room to their room. It's not a productive moment in our household. We always end up talking civilized to each other after they come out of their room. We need a break from each other so we can have that civilized talk!! My kids are good kids. They just can be annoying at times when they have the "I am the center of my universe" attitude. When I am in a calmer state, I can say to my kids:"Either let us into your world or come back into THE WORLD". After I get the "I can't believe you are saying that to me" look, we end up back in a groove with each other, usually after a good heartfelt laugh.


On the heels of a bad morning, doing a long run and being tired from lack of sleep, I didn't have the patience to be the bigger person with my boys. I am just happy that I can accept my side of the street and talk to my kids. It does take two to tango!!

Moral of the story: When you are having a bad day. End it. Go to bed!!! ( told to me today by m gal pal Jackie today!!!)

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in love and Peace,

Wolffie