Day Fifty-Nine...Where Did The Time Go?

HI.

I can't believe that my daughter is 19 today! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that my water broke. We were living in New York. It was my last day of work. I was planning on having 1o days to "get ready" before my due date. Best laid plans!! I went to the doctor earlier in the day..tight as a drum. I was crying because I was so uncomfortable. Was I ready to have my baby? In theory yes, but are you ever ready? My office had a "bon voyage from work and welcome to being a mother party" for me. My hubby and I had plans to eat at this chic restaurant Prix Fix. It was a six course meal. I ate like a bird because who has room for food when you are almost full term? There's no room for food. The baby takes over!! My hubby on the other hand ate it all...lobster, steak, salad, soup, appetisers and of course desert. We went to see our friend play in a really smokey club. I was way paranoid of the smoke..not good for the baby. We left and I am so happy we did. My hubby felt sick to his stomach and went to bed. My water broke at about midnight. I went to wake him only for him to mutter, "I don't feel good". He rolled over and went back to sleep. Did I hear that correctly? HE WASN'T FEELING GOOD!!! I am so lucky to have a fab sister in law. I called her confused and pissed off at "the hubby". She stayed up with me all night on the phone and timed my contractions ( she was in California and I in New York City). At about 5:00 in the morning we went to Lennox Hill Hospital. Our child arrived into the world at 11:14 am. When I locked eyes with our girl, I was hooked. At that very instant, my world changed. I could no longer put me first. I had to raise this beautiful girl. Here we are 19 years later. What a roller coaster being a parent has been. How does one navigate being a parent when there isn't a handbook? I have made mistakes, but boy do we have a wonderful girl. She is kind, sensitive, beautiful, funny, a pain in the ass, smart and loyal to her family. Could I ask for anything else? I don't think so. Would I change anything we have come up against raising her? No because all experiences good and bad have shaped her. She has had some bumps along the way and she has learned from them. Have I wanted to wring her neck at times. That would be a big YES!! Have I been proud of her more than wanting to wring her neck? Yes. Can I take credit for her successes and failures? I don't think so. I have tried to guide her to make better choices. She made her choices. Have I stifled her at times because of my fears? Yeah. Has she pointed those times out to me? Most definitely. I know she has taught me more about life than I ever have taught her. All my kids have. I have to keep myself in check and deal with parts of me that are not always comfortable to look at. I am stronger because of her and my boys. I owe them so much of who I am today. I want to do better for them. So I have to work on me A LOT. I can't afford to give up on me. They look for me to be present. So, when the chips are down and I want to hide, I can only do it for a bit because I have to show them that no matter what is going on in life, YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. It's not always easy but it can be done. I have found that through the painful times in my life, I have grown the most. Through challenge comes triumph. Happy Birthday my sweet child. I celebrate you today. I celebrate our relationship. I celebrate my love for my hubby. I celebrate our family. I celebrate life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So my daughter comes home from the hospital. My parents flew in to meet our girl and to "help" us with the overwhelming feelings of being new parents. I thought my mom would know everything. She was my MOM for heavens sakes. I was having trouble breastfeeding. My mom couldn't help me because she never breast fed us. I went to a lactation specialist. The breast feeding settled itself out rather quickly. We were using cloth diapers, but they were too big. My mom couldn't help because she did not remember how to make them fit. We went to disposables (sorry environment). What my mom did know how to do was show us how to bathe our girl. She was tiny, so she was slipping in the tub we bought. She showed us how to bathe her in the sink. I WAS TERRIFIED. I threw a " I am overwhelmed and afraid because she is crying in the bath fit". My mom knew how to calm me down and also calm our daughter down. She didn't like the water. She didn't like the cold. My mom sang softly to her. It calmed her down. So I knew that singing could calm my girl. I tried it and it worked!! So with all she didn't know or didn't remember, she gave me one very important lesson..follow your instincts. I can attest that it has worked all these years later. When my mom and dad left to go back home, I cried so hard. I needed my mommy. I was afraid to be a mommy. The best thing that could ever have happened was me being alone. It forced me to look at my little girl and grow up. "Okay my sweet mouse pie, this is it. It's you, me and daddy. Lets do this and lets do it right". What a ride it has been!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In love and peace,

Wolffie