Day Fifty-One..Oops I DId It Again

Hi.

This getting older business just keeps getting funnier and annoying at the same time. It's annoying because I find I am getting frustrated with myself more often. It's always funny after the fact when I share my "I can't believe I did that" adventures with my friends.

I started off my day at 2:00 in the morning when PING, my eyes opened up. I went to the bathroom trying to not have any thoughts because that sets me up to be up for a few hours. It didn't work. I noticed that my phone was not being charged at my nightstand, so I went looking around the house for it. As you know from me sharing about my misplacing items, I looked all over the house and checked my purse at least five times. No phone. I threw my warm robe on and went to my hubbys car. (the last place I remembered having my phone) It wasn't there. Soooooooooooooo, I searched the house again..SURPRIZE!!! It was on our kitchen counter under the mail. I plugged my phone into the charger and went to my daughters room (the one who is at college) and climbed into her comfy bed. I didn't want to wake my hubby!! I was wide awake. I was annoyed because I was wide awake. It was 2:30 in the damn morning. I had a busy day ahead of me. I watched the news....there was nothing else on except a poker game (we don't have cable in her room). I finally got to sleep at about 3:30.

Ring. Ring. The phone was ringing. It was 7:15. I had to be up at 6:50. I was doing my first time ever 10k in preparation for my race next week. I couldn't eat a proper breakfast (not enough time to digest). I couldn't drink a lot of water before (because I would need depends in my running tights!). My boys were getting there Halloween Costumes together for school and one of them took the costume back to wear that he said his brother could wear. I got involved in the bickering (not a good thing). My boys left late and I had to wait for them because my hubby's car was blocking mine. I finally got in my car and realized I didn't have my phone. I ran back in the house and couldn't find it!! It was on vibrate so it wouldn't wake up my hubby when I get notifications of emails in the middle of the night. I was calling my number as I walked around the house listening for the vibrate. I didn't mention that I couldn't call my running pal to tell her I would be late as her number is programmed in my cell phone!! I finally found my phone in my closet. How it got there, I have no clue!! I met my friend. We ran our 6.2 miles for the first time and I felt....GREAT!! The morning stress was behind me. I was not tired or sore. I met friends for lunch, we giggled and all was good.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I picked up my boys today from school as usual. I came home to write in my blog as usual. Something happened to my boys when I sat at my desk to write this blog. It was the "I think I am going to bug my Mom" syndrome. The boys became obnoxious with each other while on their computers in the alcove next to my desk. All we have between us is a door with glass panes. I can hear everything: the farts, the rap music, their banter and these high pitched squeaky voices which send chills down my spine. I asked them to be quieter which only gave them the licence to be louder and squeakier. I asked again and again as my voice got louder and louder.This makes me feel like a piece of shit. I know they are being little shits, but why stoop down to their level? One of the boys inevitably gets sent out of the alcove, which makes them mad..because they have the "why are you getting mad at me, I never do anything wrong look"as they storm out of the room to their room. It's not a productive moment in our household. We always end up talking civilized to each other after they come out of their room. We need a break from each other so we can have that civilized talk!! My kids are good kids. They just can be annoying at times when they have the "I am the center of my universe" attitude. When I am in a calmer state, I can say to my kids:"Either let us into your world or come back into THE WORLD". After I get the "I can't believe you are saying that to me" look, we end up back in a groove with each other, usually after a good heartfelt laugh.


On the heels of a bad morning, doing a long run and being tired from lack of sleep, I didn't have the patience to be the bigger person with my boys. I am just happy that I can accept my side of the street and talk to my kids. It does take two to tango!!

Moral of the story: When you are having a bad day. End it. Go to bed!!! ( told to me today by m gal pal Jackie today!!!)

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty...Do You Ever Zone

Hi.

There is something about knowing that you are not alone in your feelings that is kind of wonderful. I was having lunch with some girlfriends today who are lets say..older than me!!! One of my girlfriends started talking about how forgetful she is. Relating!!!! We all started to laugh and chime in about our funny stories. The stories are endless. I couldn't help but relish in the fact that I am not the only airhead in my circle. To the outside world, we all are responsible capable women. I chimed in with: "Sometimes when I am driving, I will all of a sudden realize that I have changed lanes and I don't remember doing it". They all nodded their heads in agreement. I can't even blame it on being on the phone. I zone out. It's a phenomenon called "Road Zoning". There have been studies (taken by the renowned road expert Wolffie) It shows that when you are female, ages 37 and up, and are driving (usually alone) for ten minutes or more a chemical change happens in the brain that sends a message to the female to forget all that is happening. The study goes on to say that even though the zone affect occurs, the eyes can handle it so accidents are minimal The study sites that when there are children, a spouse or another adult in the car the zoning affect stays dormant because there is no way in hell that the female can be calm enough to forget anything. The suggestion to all women who are 37 and up who are driving alone and are frightened that they might succumb to "Road Zoning": Turn the radio up loud and start singing at the top of your lungs. They feel this represents an average car ride if you are a mother , wife, or laughing with a friend. The study concludes that talking on the phone does not have the same affect as singing does. For more information on the study by Wolffie, you can go to her blog each day to laugh a little, relate a little and sometimes cry a little. Knowing that one is never alone in their feelings is a great help to getting through this stage of life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My hubby and I had gone to Colorado to move our daughter into her sophomore year of college. I had worn my engagement ring, but we were moving so much that I put it in my cosmetic bag for safe keeping. We got home and several weeks later, I had the urge to wear my ring. I went to my jewelry drawer. It wasn't there. I looked in a tray by my bedside. Not there. I looked behind a piece of furniture in my bathroom. Wasn't there. I looked five million times everywhere in the house. Gone. I called our daughter to see if I left it at her house. Nope. I was frantic. I was not a peach to be around. I picked up the phone to call my hubby. I felt sick to my stomach when I told him, "I lost my engagement ring". There was silence on the phone. "Are you going to say anything"? He calmly answered. "Honey, you will find it. You always do". I wanted to kill him. I did what any frantic person would do, I HUNG UP ON HIM. I can't believe he wasn't rushing home to help me find my ring while calling our insurance agency at the same time. It was my engagement ring! My boys were home, they were not fazed. Where was my support?!? A light bulb went off. Cosmetic bag. There it was all shiny and waiting to be worn. The crazies left me. I called my hubby who I could tell was smiling on the phone. "Great", was all he said. All was calm in our household once more.

Moral of the story: If mama can't find something, let her be and it will appear.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wendy

Day Forty-Nine..If I Only Had A Brain

Hi,

It's a nice brisk fall day today. I have lit my candles for ambiance and glanced at the picture of my dad for inspiration. I made a big cup of hot tea. I set it down someplace and couldn't find it. I have spent the last 5 minutes looking around my house. I've gone in and out of every room and bathroom several times. Where is the damn cup of tea? My relaxed state is slowly becoming angst. Had I looked up above my computer at my shelf that is hanging on the wall, I would have found my now lukewarm cup of tea!! Why did I put it there? My eyes never thought to look up. I cannot tell you how many times a day this happens to me. Where did I put my keys? Why did I walk into this room? Where are my sunglasses? What was I about to say? I often wonder if the chemo had anything to do with the memory loss. Could it be the menopausal brain that causes me to have brain farts? Maybe. Is it because I have a lot on my plate with four kids, a hubby and a full life of my own? Does it really matter what the reason is? The truth is that I am sometimes an airhead. It's just the way it is. I can recall everything from my past, but things that are in the here and now, forget about it...I usually don't remember.

I have tried to do things that will help with my memory. Exercise for sure. Running clears my head but it doesn't always help with the lapse of: "What was I going to do,say or where did I put that" moments. Sudoku is fun, but it hasn't helped either. The only thing I can do is accept. This is who I am, a bright, funny and organized woman who sometimes loses her train of thought and forgets where she puts things. Do I have an alternative? I must write things down now. I had to do away with my IPhone calendar and go back to the big book organizer/calendar. Every person in our family has a colored pencil assigned to them. I write down appointments, game times,family outings, my hubby's schedule if it requires a change in our routine and of course all my stuff. I look at the day and can see what needs to be done for who because of the coding system. (I told you I was organized). The key is to remember to write it in my book! Do I love being this anal? Not really. It goes against the free spirit mentality that I wish I could have. If I don't do this it goes into the, "you are NEVER going to remember that" part of my brain. I could slow down but who has time to do that!?!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. This not remembering thing has been happening for a long time. When I did chemo, I was slammed into menopause. So, although I am 48 (almost 49), my body and brain are that of a woman in her late 50's early 60's. I am not complaining about it. Facts are facts. One of my sons was invited to go to summer school. He was going into the 3rd grade, so it was 5 years ago (I was a strapping young 43 year old woman). I dropped him off as usual, walked him to his class, kissed him and said "Have a great morning honey, I"ll be in front of your class to pick you up". My other 3 kids and I had a great morning hanging out and doing errands. My cell phone rang, "Hi mommy. Where are you"? OMG. I forgot to pick up my son!!! "Be right there honey"! I felt awful. Who forgets to pick up her son 4 hours after she dropped him off.? A person who has a menopausal brain and a busy life. I apologized profusely as you could imagine. "It's okay Mommy". But I knew it wasn't. To make matters worse, my son reminded me of that story yesterday. (because I forgot it happened).

Moral of the story? Take time to smell the roses while writing everything down.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again/

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty-Eight.. One Minute Escaping, The Other Back In Reality

Hi.

I am feeling a bit under the weather today. After I took my son to the dentist to get a filling, I dropped him off at school and came home to chill. And chill I did. I threw my favorite hand knit blanket over me and slept a bit on my comfy leather couch. After my cat nap, I turned on the TV to watch my soaps. If you ever want to feel sane about your life, watch a soap opera. I am a ABC soap gal. Today I watched All My Children. I don't think I have watched it in at least a year. It doesn't really matter. The characters might have changed, but the scenarios don't. Lust, murder, intrigue, deception, same sex marriage. It's all about the conflict. I was hooked!!! My life is surely normal in comparison. I have not slept with my brother-in-law to get my hubby jealous. My four kids were conceived with my hubby. My long lost brother who has been missing for fifteen years has not knocked on my door with a family in tow( I talk to my bro a few times a week and he lives 3 miles from me). My boy did not start a fire in the local park and try to pin in on his arch rival. My BFF did not undermine me to become the head of the PTA. Our town has not been overtaken by aliens.

My life is BORING in comparison to a soap opera. I must tell you I have a busy insane full life. Is there drama? Yes. Is there love? Yes. Is there pain? Sometimes. Is there monotony? At times. Is there PTA? Yep. Is there passion? Yep. Some might call my life a soap opera as things are always happening (mostly good..some not so good) but I wouldn't want to jump the television and live in Port Charles ,USA (General Hospital).

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I picked up my 3 boys from school today along with 3 of the twins friends. They have had this on going project due in Social Studies. My house has been the project house. After my quiet day, I have 6 boys in my car who are comfortable with me so therefore they are LOUD. "Dude" this and "Dude" that. Testosterone City. The one up man ship of teenage boys astounds me. Do they really have to compete about everything from who is the best in various sports to who knows all the words to the rap song that is blaring as they are writing their paper? (which they get A's on!) How can they concentrate with Lil Wayne professing his crap? Gansta Love? (Snoop Dogg), how can these Suburban boys relate to the lifestyle? It is polar opposite. They tell me the these rappers "Represent". Huh?!? What happened to Emo? We can all relate to having a tortured soul. This gansta shit eludes me. I often have conversations with my boys ( and my daughter too) about how these songs make treating women poorly and violence okay. They laugh at me. My hubby is right behind them singing the damn songs! (can you picture the family sing-a-long?!?) Give me Jack Johnson, Jack's Manniquin, or The Dixie Chicks. Give me love songs. Give me Green Day. I do love rebellion (not in my kids though). Heavy sigh. I have had to let this one go. I guess rap to me is what the Beatles were to parents in the 60's. Have I become that "not cool parent who doesn't understand them?" OMG.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty-Seven...Is It About The Why's Or is It About the How's?

Hi.

Why do bad things happen to good people? This is something I have tried to figure out. I haven't come up with an answer yet. Could it be because they can handle the bad along with the good? Could it be that they their strength is an inspiration to others? I have learned that is not always about the "Why's" but more about the "How's".. (How can I get through this?)

Through some of my trial and tribulations, people have expressed that they were inspired by me? Why? Having cancer, having to downsize, losing my father, or losing dear friends really does not give me an award fort the "best handler" of loss. I lost myself to cancer, and won a new improved Wolffie. I lost a lifestyle and gained a new understanding of what is important. I lost my father and gained nothing but missing my daddy. I lost friends to cancer and gained guilt because I survived. How does this make me inspiring? I just wanted to live more than give up on the good in life.

Should I pat myself on the back and say, "Good for you, wonderful Wolffie"? No. I don't feel wonderful. I just feel blessed that people before and after me have paved the way for me to move on in life. I still feel my feelings. It's been challenging, but I think of my hero's and it gives me courage.

Watching people I love live in pain is hard on my heart and soul. I want to fix them. I want to take their pain away. Help them move on.

My wants are not always the realities of life. My dear friend is hurting. We are like soul mates. Her strength and wisdom astound me. Could I ever be as graceful while in the throws of a chronic disease? Part of me thinks yes (from past experiences) and part of me thinks no.

What I do know is that I want to be her pillar when she needs to have someone to hold onto. I want to be helpful to her, not helpless. I can't fix her pain but I can honor her and listen when she needs to be heard. Half the battle of going through any crisis is knowing that someone is listening. I like to bring her laughter even if it is not always the best time. For a moment I see a glimmer of a smile and know that for a second she can see light in the midst of darkness. I will forever be her comedian.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. While waiting for my friend to be done with a doctors appointment, I decided to go to get a cup of Joe. I wandered around the center for a bit, strolling in and out of the stores and not having the urge to buy anything. That in itself is a miracle. I walked by this restaurant, and this overwhelming sense of missing my dad came over me. I didn't really understand it for a minute and then I recalled how much my dad and mom loved this restaurant. I started to cry right then and there. Couldn't stop. It felt okay though....it made me feel raw and it opened up my heart to the feelings of what my friend is going through. So, when good things happen to bad people, I can't buy that concept. I think it's more like shitty things happen so we can open ourselves up to people who might need us in the future. One should never feel alone in their pain. I was able to cry with my friend today, laugh with my friend today, hug my friend today..because I could feel today. I thank all of you who have been there for me, so I could be there for my sweet friend

Mantra for today: Feel it, embrace it and just be.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day 46...Some Days Are Better Than Others

Hi.

I am not in a good mood. I would like to be doing something other than writing this blog. My head is screaming, "Don't do it". My heart is saying, "Honor your commitment to yourself". There have been so many times in my life when I would get the "F" its and not follow through with something I had started.. Who am I hurting then? If I miss a day, I know it won't affect anybody but me. I don't want to be a quitter. This is what I teach my children. If you make a commitment..than you must follow through. You can always reassess when you are done with your commitment. This blog is an open ended commitment. I never gave myself a completion date!! So here I sit with nothing to say. Hum did-di- dum.

Our day started out fine. The Cross Country race for my son went well. He was happy with his race. The soccer game was another story. I am still fuming. Our team lost 2-1. That's okay. I can't tolerate bad sportsmanship. One of the players from the opposing team punched two of our players in the line after the game. Handshakes are supposed to be made, not a punch to the ribs!! The refs said it wasn't their problem, so I made it mine!!! There I went all 5'4"of me walking briskly to the opposing team. I talked to the coach. He didn't care that his player threw some punches. As I was walking away, I could hear laughter amongst the kids and their parents. I am sure they thought I was a lunatic,but somebody has to end this bad crap. I felt good about sticking up for my players. I usually don't open my mouth but our players were a bit stunned. We don't hit people after a game. These kids are 11 and 12 years old. Can't parents parent? Am I alone in thinking that it is our responsibility to teach our kids right from wrong? I could go on and on..but I won't. I am going to have an ice decaf coffee instead.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My hubby and I were going on our honeymoon to The Caribbean. We took a red eye to New York and had a 3 hour stop over. We arrived in Saint Thomas and had a 2 hour stop over there. It was humid. We were tired. They asked us our weight, weighed our bags and even weighed my purse. I thought that was odd as I had never experienced that before. Our flight was finally called and we had to walk on the tarmac to our plane. As we passed planes, they were getting smaller and smaller. When we got to our eight seater plane, I overheard the pilot say, "I hate doing these flights". Why would he say that? We were told where to sit. My hubby and I weighed about the same, so we got to sit next to each other. "There is no air pressure on the plane", I whispered in a panic. The door shut. I couldn't breathe. "Get me off this plane", I barked. The pilot tried to talk me down from my panic. "Get me off this "F"ing plane". My chest was getting tighter and tighter. I never knew I was claustrophobic. Not the best time to realize this! We got off, our bags didn't. They needed the weight for the flight. What would have been a 20 minute plane ride became a three hour ordeal. We took a ferry to the other side of the island. Then we took a cab ride over a very windy road. All the while I am saying over and over again to my new hubby of less than 24 hours, "I am sooooooooo sorry. It won't always be like this"! We took a boat taxi to another island, our final destination. Our bags were waiting for us on the dock. We checked into the hotel. We missed dinner, but we made it. The rest of our honeymoon was wonderful, except for the bug bites I had up and down my legs!!!

Moral of the story: Not funny back then but really funny now!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty-Five..Finding Humor

Hi.

Is there humor in cancer? After the initial shock of being diagnosed with the "Big C" I had to find things to laugh about. It made the scary possible for me. My friend is in the throws of her cancer treatment. I have to say she is a warrior among warriors. She is positive, strong when she needs to be, accepting of the fear that comes along with cancer, she lets it go just as easily as the acceptance, and her sense of humor rocks.



I took her for radiation today. On our way over there we talked about what it feels like to be on chemo. (she is taking a chemo pill ). She asked me what I ate to alleviate nausea and the lack of wanting to eat.. Boy did I eat carbs.! I couldn't get enough. My friend made the best sticky white rice that I had ever tasted. She would make me individual servings that I would pop into the microwave. It was perfect. I also fell in love with Red Robin's french fries. They are big and thick (steak fries). The best part about those fries is that they are all that you can eat! My kids were, 3, 4, 4, and 9 (when I was going through treatment). I would say to them, "Lets go to Red Robin". At first they were totally into it. How bad can french fries and milkshakes be? They got tired of going there, so I ended up going alone. My friend and I giggled over that one.

She is going to UCLA for treatment. That's a big place. She maneuvered her way around there likes she owned the place. We went to see her oncologist first. What a nice, loving and smart man. She is in good hands. One thing that I shared with her (when first diagnosed) that is so true of anything relating to health is that we all have to be our own advocates (or our children's ,spouse elder parents, or anyone close to us). She spoke up and asked questions when she needed too and listened when she needed to.

W went down to the dungeon for her radiation. There was no sign up sheet. Only a camera that let them know you are there. "Wave to the Camera", I said. We laughed as we both did it. We both waved goodbye as we left. On the way home we talked less about cancer and more about very important things...Chanel purses, our kids, friendship and more about Chanel!!

Being with her today, brought me right back to my treatment. Tears were welled up in my eyes the entire time we were at UCLA. She asked me if it was too hard to be with her there. "There's no other place that I would rather be". During her treatment time I want to bring her friendship, understanding, an opinion when asked and most of all humor. Where would we be without humor?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. If you have ever gone through anything that is devastating i.e. a break-up, a divorce, a miscarriage, cancer, menopause then you most certainly have had some one give you the: Are you okay, I am not sure you know that I know so I am uncomfortable stare. It is very awkward. Do they know? Should I say something? I would feel like I had to say something so we could just move on. Every one out of four people would say some ass nine thing: "My mom's friend had breast cancer and she was okay and then got it back again and she is fine now". Are you "F"ing kidding me? She got it back? "My friend's friend is going through it now and she is really having a hard time...I know you will be different because you are so strong". How do you know how strong I am? I want to snap my fingers and wish this away. The best one was when someone came to drop us off a meal after my first surgery (which was a lovely gesture). "My aunt had breast cancer". I stopped this person in mid sentence, "Is it a good story"? Without a beat she said, "Oh yes, she had breast cancer but she died a few years ago". "Can you please stop"(my anxiety was starting to build). "Oh don't worry Wolffie, she died happy". Can you believe that one? Thanks for bringing the chicken.

Moral of the story? Laugh through the stupid comments. It's better than the alternative.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty-Four...This Is Where I Want To Be

Hi.

Today is my wedding anniversary. All year I have been thinking we will be celebrating 22 years. Actually it is 21 years!!! I can't picture my life without my hubby in it. We have been through it all together. We lived the high life in Manhattan. We had a great loft like apartment in the West Village. My hubby was in the music biz at the time, s0 we went to great shows, fancy restaurants, he had a humungo expense account and we traveled around the city in a car service. I worked on 7th Avenue, the mecca of the fashion biz. I was in heaven. Sample sales galore. I would meet my pals at lunch and we would hit the showrooms. I was like a kid in a candy store. The best part of that time though was that our first born was born at Lennox Hill Hospital. We had a charmed life. We were invincible. We decided to move back to Los Angeles when our daughter was a year old to be close to family and old dear friends.

For along while we just kept moving on up the ladder. We had great homes, fancy cars, clothes and shoes up the yin yang. We had three more kids. All was good.Then it all changed about 9 years. We sold our home, my husband changed careers, I got diagnosed with breast cancer, my hubby's dad died all in the span of a year. Our priorities changes big time. We realized that it's not about size of your home but about the people who live in it. It's not about the name brand of the car, but where the car needs to take you. It's not about the labels of clothes (still like them though) but having clothes on your back.It's not about eating out every night but having food on the table. It's also about good health and remembering the importance of family. Big lessons. Important lessons. We became grounded like never before. Sometimes when we were climbing up the success ladder, I forgot some of this stuff. All these situations in our lives led us to be closer to each other and moved us toward a more spiritual way of life. We have what we need and we are blessed.

There is no one in the world that I would have wanted to share the highs and lows with. We held each other's hands, wiped each other's tears, laughed at each other's jokes, and even knew that when there was silence we would return to voice. I love my guy. He has put up with me for sure (and I him).

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I was 27 when we got engaged. Most of my friends were either married or in a relationship. I knew that my guy was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We fit together. We were (and are ) soul mates. I thought that I was going to have to ask him to marry me, so on the day that he asked me to marry him, he was unusually nervous (why it's just a question?!?). He was rambling on and on (as he often does when he is nervous) and finally said, "I told your dad that I take marriage very seriously and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you". My stupid reply, "No you didn't." There was a long silence. "Wolffie, will you marry me?" I was stunned, surprised and ecstatic all at the same time. "Yes"!!!!! We hugged , kissed and I immediately entered the bliss of engagement. We went to dinner and he made a toast, "Till death do us part" I got this overwhelming sense of panic. That's along time to be with someone. Do I want this? One man for the rest of my life? It's amazing how many thoughts can go through your mind in a millisecond. I smiled, clicked his glass and let those thoughts exit my brain.

Moral of the story: Follow your gut, not your head.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wendy

Day Forty-Three.. A Prize We Didn't Expect

Hi.

I had a rough idea what I was going to blog about today. Things changes the minute we got home from school. My boys came running into the backyard, "There's a dead squirrel in our kitchen". I can tell you that I said "No problem". I would have to call myself a liar. I did what any mature person would do, "Get the phone and call your dad", I screamed. We were all screaming at the same time. I have no idea what anyone was saying. I called my hubby, and started yelling into the phone. He asked me to calm down and speak softly. I commanded, "Come home now there is a dead animal in the house". Can someone say that calmly? Unfortunately he was not close to home. (remember when I told you he is not around in disaster's?!?). I know that this is not a huge disaster. I just am a scaredy cat when it come to this stuff. Give me chemo, give me childbirth..no problem!!! Dead animals = not brave. I know if I pick up the squirrel I will throw up.

I should let you in that our dog Kona is the culprit of the dead animal in the house. He is a Labradoodle. He likes to chase animals in our backyard. Every once in a while he likes to bring in his prize possessions and deposit them somewhere in our house. It is usually front and center for all to see. I know he is proud. We are grossed out. Back to the clean-up. Sorry I just wanted you to now how it got in our house. My hubby is saying to me, "Get one of the boys to do it" "They won't... Come home". He spoke to the oldest boy (older by a minute). "No way dad, I am a vegetarian". The other two wouldn't get on the phone. My youngest son called his soccer coach (and our good family friend), to come to the resue. He is on his way ( as I am writing this) for the clean up and disposal . He arrived , looked at the squirrel, and my third son got the pooper scooper got the nerve to scoop up the tiny squirrel. The squirrel has left the building! I disinfected the area and all is back to normal. The homework is being done, the boys are snacking and the twins are bickering. Hallelujah.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. About 1 year ago, I was at a play with my girlfriend. My cell phone was on vibrate so I didn't hear the phone ring. I must have had 10 missed calls from home. I was a bit worried, but our daughter was babysitting the boys. I had complete faith in her abilities to watch them. I called home and they explained there was a rat running around our house. "Is dad home yet?" "No, they all yelled into the phone". (See another time he was not home!) I got home to find my kids all in my daughters room siting on her bed. "It's in your room they squealed". Brave mom went into her room, had a stare down with the rat, screamed, ran back to her daughter's room and jumped into bed with her kids!!! Hubby got home, tried to get the rat, could not and went to the drug store at midnight to get traps. The rat was smart. He (or she) ate the peanut butter without setting the trap off! That night I slept with my daughter in her room, closed the door and I swore I heard the rat in her room. My daughter thought I was nuts. At 6:00 am I could hear the pitter patter of the rat. I screamed, and the rat jumped on her desk. My daughter screamed. The rat jumped on her bed. We both screamed. The rat pitter pattered out of her room. Needless to say the next week was really long and filled with tension and no sleep. I had every light on in the house because rats are nocturnal. Still there was pitter patter. Our fabulous exterminator, Bill, closed up the hole and found where the "family" of rats were living. Yes you read correctly, FAMILY! They were comfortably living in our attic. They were not invited guests. I don't live in their ivy! The rats were escorted out of the attic.

Moral of the story. I hear you knocking, buy you can't come in. (Okay that's a line from a song!!!)

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wendy

Day Forty-Two...A Lot About Nothing

Hi.

Here I sit in front of my computer, my candles are lit, I am looking at the picture of my dad for inspiration. Nothing is coming to me. Why did I commit to writing everyday? Does anyone really care what I have to say every day? Am I doing this for accolades or I am doing this to enhance my creative juices? Hmmmm. I think I do this for me and I do this for accolades. Who doesn't like someone to tell them that they can relate to ones feelings and thoughts? Who doesn't like to make a person laugh, cry, or contemplate? Any writer would have to admit that they want to evoke some sort of emotion in their reader. There is apart of me that gets fulfillment for honoring my commitment and there is apart of me that likes the recognition. It's weird how something starts out and how it evolves into something totally different. My ego (yes I do have one) tells me to check how many hits I am getting om my blog. Some days I get a lot and others not so many. On the days I get several I can tell you that I feel as high as the sky. On the not so many hit days I feel like I have no talent, nobody likes what I have to say and I am pounding my ego into the ground. Why is it that I need people to make me feel like I am accomplishing something? Why can't I be satisfied that I am honoring myself in writing everyday? I tell you why, I want to feel accepted. Are you taking the little violin out and playing a sad , sad song for me?!? "Get over yourself Wolffie" There I said it. I am an ego driven gal...oy vey..it looks bad on my computer screen to see that admittance!! I could zen myself to death. I know that I will always have a little voice in the back of my head monitoring me. I suppose the point about sitting quietly with myself in reflection each day helps that voice send me positive messages. I wonder if I could get that voice to tell me to stop wanting to buy clothes,stop wishing for that Chanel bag, stop eating as much, and exercise more? What fun would life be without some distractions? BORING. So, I will carry on and strive. Maybe that's all I need to do.

Why listen to Wollfie? Because I get it. Whenever my husband would leave town on a business trip, some type of disaster would happen. I would be left alone with the kids to "brave" it out on my own. I have dealt with fires close to our home, the big earthquake, floods and many accidents with my kids. When I was going through chemo, I really did not have much focus. Between the chemo, steroids and anti nausea meds, my head was really foggy.

We were having dinner (my four kids) at our cousins and one of my kids cracked his head on a glass coffee table. It was GROSS. You could see his skull. We rushed him to the ER. It was amazing how my mommy instincts kicked in. My nausea seemed to vanish and I could focus on keeping my child calm. My cousins came with me. We waited a bit for the plastic surgeon to come stitch him (scar is on his forehead). When he went to put the needle in my son's forehead, my big burly 6 foot plus cousin started to pass out. The smelling salts came just in time to avoid him passing out onto the hard cold hospital floor. My other cousin, his wife, said as he was going down "Honey, do you want a Tic Tac" (as if that was going to help him not pass out!!) My nerves kicked in at that question, "Tic Tac. Are you "F"ing kidding me!?!" She looked at me aghast. I must have looked at her in the same way. We cracked up. My son was stitched up in no time. We went to MC Donald's for the milkshake and fries that I promised him (that was his distraction from the pain). Okay so why tell this story? I know that we all could use distractions from our lives..but this one? I think I would have been distracted as easy with a massage.

Can you relate?

More will be Revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty-One..Back To Reality

Hi.

Today I woke up and I was back in 2009! Tee entire weekend I was in and out of feeling like a 16-18 year old and occasionally feeling 48. It was a definitely a surreal weekend. Today was like any normal Monday. My hubby brought me coffee in bed and I sipped it with no regard to having to rush out of the house. The boys went off to school ( hubby takes them on Mondays) and I got on the computer. My reality these days (besides my normal mom and wife stuff) is getting myself dialed into the blog world. It is different than anything I have ever experienced. There are many blogs that I can get onto. Blogs for women, blogs for writers, online magazines. It is great that there is so much opportunity, but where does one stop? I have to say I am enjoying reading others thoughts and opinions.

The Internet on my phone has caused me not to shut my head off. I go on several times in the day to twitter, face book, blog and check to see if I have comments (come on guys..can you comment every once in a while..it doesn't have to be nice..it can be constructive!!!!) This has become a full time job...with no pay but definitely worthwhile. I am getting closer to having the courage to start the novel. So, I must thank-you for allowing me to indulge in my creative process and for you taking the time to read my comings and goings.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So, there might be a little part of me that is stuck in my teens. I picked my son up early (the one who had a concussion). We were waiting to pick up my other boys. He was doing some reading and I was bored. I just figured out what the little picture of a camera next to my text box was: for taking pictures and being able to send it along with a text. What a concept. I immediately took several shots of myself and sent them off to various people. I was having a so much fun and totally distracting my son's reading efforts. Doesn't it feel good to let loose? I think my kids thoroughly enjoy when I laugh at myself. Their smiles say it all. Sometimes I am so into being orderly and on target and "the serious mom" that I forget to show my kids the funny side of me. It's okay for me to be goofy and "just be" in the moment . The pics above are a sample of Wolffie being Wolfffie!!!

Mantra for today: Let go of pretense and just be/

Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Forty...Going Back In Time

Hi.

This weekend was at times a fun filled weekend. I loved hanging with my posse. We had many laughs and it felt warm and fuzzy. I find it strange that as a 48 year old woman who has had some incredible life experiences can revert back to feeling like a insecure high schooler in an instant. As I mentioned, this was my reunion weekend. The "BIG" event was last night. I got all dolled up and off I went with 3 of my girls. We met some old girlfriends for drinks first and that was incredible. I felt as if we were able to pick up where we left off. There was reminiscing and catching up about our present lives. It was great!! We went to the reunion. There were people there that I went to elementary school with and my heart felt warm and right.. There were people that lived around the corner from me my entire childhood. It was great to see them. There were people who I went to junior high ( I know I am dating myself...it's now called middle school!), and then there were those from high school. It was a bit overwhelming for me. I don't always do well in big crowds, just like when I was in high school. I wandered around saying high, giving kisses and hugs but I couldn't give a lot of me to them in our conversations. I wanted to, but the gnawing feelings of insecurity wouldn't let me. I wish I could have because I am sure that I came off as a "snob", just like in high school!!!

Why is it that I went to that place of insecurity? I have evolved and become a secure woman. It is mind boggling to me how in an instant I went that place where back in the day I would drink big time to escape those thoughts. Couldn't do it last night. Didn't even consider it. After last night it solidified I do better in small intimate settings. I can zero in and be in the moment. Even though we left early, I was happy I went. I was happy to see people who were special to me back then and I am hoping to reconnect with people.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So there was this boy who I had a MAJOR crush on in high school. We were really good friends back then and I never had the courage to let him know. At out 20 year reunion, I was feeling rather ballsy and I told him how I had a HUGE crush on him in high school. His answer was not what I had expected. I wanted him to say something like: "ME TOO"! Instead it was, "Well I had a huge crush on your friend so and so". DEVASTATION!! So we can fast forward to last night, 10 years later. Did I expect him to say, "I changed my mind Wolffie, you were the "IT GIRL" for me in high school". Honest answer? Yes. He didin't. Instead, he talked and talked and talked about him, him, him. LOL!!!!

Mantra for the weekend? I love my life.

Can you relate? More will be revealved. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Nine...The Joys Of The Muffin Top

HI.

There is a lot of positives to getting older. I was way more into what people thought about me ten years ago. I have come into my own these past years. I like the freedom that I have..I beat to my own drum a lot more. What I don't love about getting older is the muffin top I inherited with menopause. I never had it before. The roll that so comfortably forms over my pants is truly annoying. It's not about my weight because I don't have rolls anywhere else in my body. WHERE DID IT COME FROM? HOW CAN I GET IT TO LEAVE MY MY BODY. Men have it easier than us women. They don't get hot flashes, night sweats, loss of hormones, and they don't have muffin tops. Where's the fairness in all of this?!? Men get the belly, you can hide a belly with a baggy shirt. I suppose I could wear baggy shirts. To me that's an instant red flag.."HEY WORLD, WOLLFIE HAS A MUFFIN TOP". I exercise and eat healthy. Do I just give in to the muffin top? Do I let it all hang out for the world to see:WOLFFIE HAS ARRIVED AT MIDDLE AGE? What's a girl to do?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. On our fun filled day yesterday, I was complaining to my "girls" about my roll. Lisa marched me me over to Nordies. We went to the third floor (after looking at the shoes that were oh so expensive) lingerie department. Right before my eyes, I saw the answers to my problem. The modern girdle. Spanx, and Tummy go away (not exactly the name). I tried those suckers on..Didn't like it. One of them was too small, I could barely get it off (giggle in the dressing room). One style made my boobs look flat and lets face it..muffin top was in clear view. I was getting really annoyed. Then my ever so bright sales assistant along with my friend Jill (from Idaho) made me try on one more syle.BAM..muffin top was almost non existent! I wanted to sing at the top of my lungs. I bought it baby and I am going to look flat and fab tonight at my reunion.

I shared the story at dinner and one of my friends was surprised I bought a please suck in my muffin top undergarment. She thought these were for people who were over weight. Oh contraire. It's the peri menopause/menopause gift.(she is blessed with no muffin top). Heavy sigh. Where did they come up with the name anyway? Muffin Top? I always thought it was the yummy crunchy oh so good part of a muffin. Oh to be youthful and naive!!!

Mantra for today: I accept my muffin top. I accept help to make it go away.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Eight..Let The Fun Begin

Hi.

One of my boys got a concussion last night during his soccer practice. It was scary to see him acting so "off". W took him to urgent care as we were worried for him, but he is going to be fine. Today was to be the beginning of my 30 year reunion extravaganza weekend. I thought I would have to bow out,but I feel like my son will be fine. Sooo.....the party began at 11:00 when I picked up my girlfriend in Malibu (she is in from Sun Valley, Idaho). When I drove up and saw what I thought was my friend sitting at the Coffee Bean (our meeting place), I gave a wave and she looked through me. I parked the car and as I was approaching her, I was about to say something crude and I noticed it wasn't her! Okay, so my eyes are not as good as they used to be. This woman was at least 10 years older and a bit wider than my friend. I had to chuckle, and couldn't wait to tell her of my almost embarrassing moment. She called me the "B" word and that solidified that the weekend had begun!! We laughed and walked around the Bu for awhile at then went off to Neiman's to meet the other girls for lunch. There is nothing like old friends. To me it's like wearing an old pair of comfy sweats..they fit just right. That's how I feel about these girls. We fit perfectly. Sometimes I want to strangle them, but they know everything about me..the good and the bad. They have stuff on me...and I have stuff on them!! There is a trust within our circle. We have been friends as a group since we were 12. One of my girlfriend's I have known since we were babies. We were forced family friends. She used to stick her tongue out at me and I loathed when my mom "forced" us to be together. When we were about 8, her family moved up the street from us.We have been friends ever since. Another one of the girls and I have been friends since the 3rd grade. Our mother's went to high school together. They lost touch and were reunited when we met and were best friends until she passed away. The others and I met when we were 12, in the 7th grade. We have all been tight since then. (There are 8 of us in all). That's a lot of years (36 years as a group). We have been there for each other through a lot: trying cigarettes, dabbling in drinking, boys, getting boobs, getting our periods, boys, college, boys, marriage, kids, divorce, getting sober (me), having cancer (me), milestones with our kids, death of parents. All the life cycle stuff. Have we always gotten along? No, there have been fights and periods of times when some of us did not speak. We always seem to find our way back. I know there will be a lot of laughter, reminiscing and reverting back to immature girls this weekend. I can't wait!!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am happy to share with you that "my girls" and I went to visit my Chanel Caviar Bag after lunch. As I mentioned before, someone bought my black bag, so I modeled a red bag for them. A nice color, but it just doesn't do it for me. It does satisfy my visiting needs. The sales associate took a picture of us as I was holding the bag. When I figure out how to upload the picture, you can tell me if you think it is a hit or a miss bag for me!!!! We reverted back into high school today as we were trying to get some information out of Lori. She ran away and we were chasing her in Neiman's!!! We caught up to her and tried to "make" her answer our question. We were hooting and howling. I held on to her so she wouldn't run away. She never did answer us...but it felt incredible to run around Neiman's and not care what anyone thought. It felt ridiculously freeing to take a picture with my friends carrying "my Chanel" that I will never buy. They went along with me as if this was normal! Now that's friendship. This is going to be a fun weekend!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Seven...In The End IT Is All Good

Hi.

I met a friend, Beth, at Starbucks today to talk about blogging. We had a great time. She gave me some pointers which I knew I would need help with. As she was talking I was beginning to get the "waw waw waw waw waw's. It was not because she was boring. I was on sensory overload. These blogging sites can be really confusing for me. I simply get overwhelmed. Armed with my little 7" laptop, I tried to log on the Wi-Fi at Starbucks. It didn't connect. I tried over and over to no avail. I asked for help, which took forever. The free Wi-Fi at Starbucks actually costs $5.00 minimum per month (you have to buy a Starbucks card). This enables you to have "free" Internet for 2 hours per day(for 30 days and then you have to reload your card again even if you did not spend the $5.00). Does this sound like it's free? I bought my $5.00 minimum worth (of course) and proceeded to try and connect. Couldn't do it. After you succumb and buy the card, it takes 24 hours for your "free"service!! What's up with that? I was getting annoyed as I was trying to keep my composure. My body temperature was rising and I was wearing a dark grey t-shirt. I surely didn't want to have sweat marks because of my inability to figure this Wi-Fi-crap out! I took a deep breathe in and waited for my helpful Barista to come. Beth and I continued to talk about blogs, fashion, kids, and this rotten Wi-Fi. If one wants help then one should be nice, right? The Barista signed me on to her account and I got on the Internet. This process took about 45 minutes and I was on the Internet for about 10 minutes!! There would have been a time when I would have picked my stuff up, proclaimed, "This is a rip off", and stormed out of Starbucks. Who would I have hurt in that situation...ME. I love that we are in this age of being able to work and have "meetings" in coffee places, parks, restaurants and are not confined to the home or office. With it comes confusion (for me), but in the end..it is all good.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Yesterday I spoke about my boys not backing each other up. It was so timely that they were getting on each other's nerves. We had a conversation on the way to school about bullying and being kind to their bros and kids at school. A situation happened with a 15 year old boy in Florida who was doused with rubbing alcohol and set on fire by 3 or 4 15 year old boys and a 13 year old boy. My kids were horrified (as they should have been). I was sick to my stomach. They couldn't understand how anyone could do that to another person. I couldn't either. I explained how words could be as hurtful and that it is never okay to hurt someone at the expense of the kid and of them looking better. Put downs suck, they all agreed. I did ramble on and one of my boys started singing softly as I was speaking. Rude I thought. That was my blatant cue to stop pressing the issue..he was on "mommy is lecturing way to much" overload. I started to bark, and then I stopped myself..isn't that a form of bullying? There was an assembly today on bullying at school (so timely). My boys all came home very affected. They each told me that they either apologized to someone that they weren't always nice to, asked a boy to come have lunch with their pals that usually eats alone or did a random act of kindness to a fellow student. AWESOME!!! They all admitted to having cried or wanting to. I told them how wonderful it must have felt to act kindly and to try and carry this nice behavior on instead of forgetting in a couple of days and reverting back to acting yucky.

My mantra for today: I shall not bark at my kids. I shall not roll my eyes at my hubby. I shall treat others as I want to be treated.

As I told my boys earlier today, "It takes less energy to be nice than it does to me mean".
I will practice what I preach.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Six...My Temperature is Rising

Hi.

Let me start out by saying that I had WAY too much caffeine today. I had Starbuck's regular coffee at the PFC meeting this morning. Did I mention to you that I am Vice President of the PFC? This is truly amazing to me because I am not really a joiner. I like to go to the meetings and volunteer for a specific committee. Somehow last year, I got the urge to say YES when asked to be on the board. I have to say that I am enjoying it!!! I like the women on the board and I really want to help our school raise money. The budget cuts in California are ridiculous. So, I feel that as part of the PFC, we can make a difference for our kids and hopefully maintain programs that will otherwise be cut.

With that being said, I want to send my boys as far away as possible from California (I am sure this feeling will flee). Sometimes my boys don't have each others backs. They will embarrass or rat the other out so they will either not get in trouble or so they can maintain their "cool" factor amongst their pals. This infuriates me. I get involved, which usually amounts to me talking very loudly. I hate when I do that. I hate that they can't grasp the fact that friends come and go and your siblings are with you forever. Would you want to watch somebodies back that threw you under the bus? My constant struggle is: Do I open my mouth or do they learn a lesson the hard way? The mama bear in me wants to protect them form all this stuff. I know I can't, especially at school. Is there a problem with me wanting my boys to love and respect each other? If I were to be honest with myself and you, the majority of the time they are great to each other. Why do I focus on when they are little shits? (pardon my language..it is the perfect adjective for how I am feeling..hope I don't offend anyone!) I think if I stick to decaf I won't feel all this magnified 250%. Menopausal me and caffeine certainly don't mix!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Have you ever wanted to check out from your life sometimes? I have. When my daddy died, all I wanted to do was sleep. If I wasn't sleeping, I was in bed not wanting to go out into the world. My heart was broken and my head couldn't fathom doing my hustle bustle life. So.... my hubby took over. He drove the kids to school, made their lunches, went to the market and he cooked dinner. Boy was I lucky. The kids were luckier. If truth be told, this was not a conscious decision. If you asked me at the time if I was checking out of life, I would have said no. I was truly depressed. My daddy's passing came out of nowhere. He was with us one second and gone the next. It's been almost 3 years and I still shudder when I think about it. One morning, one of my kids climbed into bed with me. He looked so sad. "What's wrong sweetie?" "I miss Papa", he said as tears were running rapidly down his cheeks. "Me too. You know that he will always be with us in our hearts." "I know..but Mommy, I think I miss you more."

If my heart could have been ripped out, then surely I would be heartless. That conversation woke me up. The next day, I forced myself to be apart of the living. My kids needed me. My hubby needed me. I needed me. That's not to say that I shut down my heart and didn't feel my loss. I had to put it into its proper perspective.

My mantra for today: Love thy kids... Love thy decaf = loving life.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Five...Only On One Condition

Hi.

I had every intention of taking a run this morning, light rain or shine. When I dropped my boys off for school, it was sprinkling. I had a meeting at school and by the time I got out, the rain was coming down pretty hard. I talked myself out of the run. Who wants to get soaked? I thought I would go to the mall and walk there for about 45 minutes or so. First I had to go to Target to pick up a few things. I'll walk after I thought. Oh, Nordies is open, I think I'll go there and try on those pants I have been thinking about. Did that. No likie the pant ( which is good cuz I am on a frivolous spending freeze!!). Am I painting a picture for you? I only like to exercise when it fits into my mold, good weather. I also have to "walk" the mall when the stores are not open because I get side tracked very quickly. I wish you could burn calories while trying on clothes. I wish you could burn calories just because you think about burning calories. Why do I have to work hard to get a hard toned uuber body? When I am into my exercise I am totally in it: body, mind and soul. Sometimes I just can't mentally get there. Why is that? Am I lazy? Do I self sabotage? Who knows. I made a plan tomorrow to walk in the mall (early) if it rains or if it is sunny or drizzly then we will do a walk run. I would NEVER cancel on a friend, so why cancel on myself? Something to ponder.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. One of my boys is a runner. Right now he is in his cross country season. Did I mention that he is 13? I received a text from my son (while in class) asking if he could run after school. My first thought:"It is raining". My second thought: "What about his homework?" My third thought: "Shit he has discipline!" Who am I to squash his drive.? He has a big race this weekend. I text him back" "I guess". I have to examine why I wasn't overly joyed that he wanted to run. I know why. I didn't run this morning and it was raining much harder when he wanted to run. So selfish to put my crap on him. Don't you think?!? When I picked him up, I had a smile on my face and a beautiful tone in my voice. I drove my kids home, drove him back to his running pals house, picked him up. Wow. I am really proud of him for working at his running. Again he taught me about passion, drive, and discipline. I am convinced that my kids teach me more than I teach them.

Mantra for today? If you want to be a runner run.

Whatever it is in life that we want to be, we have to do it and not sit around talking and thinking about it?

What do you want? If you want to be a (fill in the blank) than DO IT!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Four...Hello IT's Me

Hi.

Today was a staff development day for their teachers,so my boys did not have school. We hung out in the morning and went out for a bite to eat at lunchtime. A couple of things happened today. I took a shower and got dressed in my running clothes: tights. a long sleeve shirt and a down vest. The reason I am sharing this with you is that in the past I would NEVER go out dressed in tight anything. As I have shared before, I am not Twiggy. In the past, I have been self conscious that I was never a Skinny Minnie. I have learned to accept and enjoy my womanly curves. Do I have a choice? I guess I do, but it requires not being accepting of who I am. I have spent years trying to honor myself.

It has taken me 48 plus years to realize that people don't spend much time thinking if I have big thighs (they are not huge!) and if they are...I don't know about it. This has been liberating for me. Why do I have to spend my time worrying about how others think and perceive me? Am I that self obsessed to think that I am the topic of friends and strangers conversations? Not anymore! The older I get, the more secure I am with who I am. Take me or leave me. I must say that I love getting older. I love the freedom it has given me.

Why listen to Wolfie? Because I get it. All was going perfectly smooth at lunch today. My two girlfriends and their daughters were sitting at one table and my three boys plus their two boys were at another table. WE were talking about "stuff" when one of the their boys came up to me rather sheepishly and said, "You know when I was at your house this morning? Well, I kind of broke your son's glasses.I did not pass go when I turned to my son and said, "I told you to be careful and not monkey around when you are wearing your glasses. They are fragile." To be totally honest, I don't even know what his response was because I went into a i can't believe this happened again blackout out. Before I would say something that I would regret, I calmly yet firmly said, "Please walk away from me." My other kids were hovering around me as well as the other kids. I made sure to let the boy know that I was not upset with him, "Don't worry about it sweetie, is not your fault. accidents happen." The reality about this situation is, it was an accident. The thing I have to admit to myself is that I do not understand the nature of boys and their need to wrestle and be physical. Bonding for me is lunching with my friends, getting mani and pedi's and sharing our feelings. The burping, farting and one upmanship is something I can't grasp. Do I have to ever grasp it? I don't think so, but I have to know it exists big time in my household. I can either get into the thick and rant and rave to "STOP IT" or I can walk away. It's so much easier to get into it!!! Breathe in and breathe out.

Mantra for today: Step away from your mama.

All will be one with our household.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Thirty-Three..Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Hi.

I put on a brave face as my daughter went back to school a few minutes ago. As I hugged her tight I whispered, "I am not going to cry this time." Her response, "Me either". So here I sit at my keyboard barely able to see through my tears. I have such mixed emotions whenever she leaves. As I said before, it feels like apart of me is missing when she is gone. I know that being away is allowing her to grow up on her own without me in the wings giving her a nudge or opinion she doesn't always ask for. Why does it hurt so much when she leaves? It is bittersweet for sure. I am thankful that she is happy at college. It's not that I want to control her every move. I miss any signs of female energy around the house. I am surrounded by 3 boys (four if you count my hubby!!) and a male dog. It's testosterone city! I miss her smile, her giggle, our hanging out and her sweet soul. I miss that she tells me I look great or even when she tells me. "Maybe you should not wear that" or "You have too much blush on". She asks for my opinion about her appearance and really wants to know my answer!! My boys ask with a I am only doing this to provoke you tone of voice, i.e. "Is it okay to wear jeans to the bar-mitzvah (knowing it is a dressy attire)?' I can tell you what I don't miss: her trail of clothes, purse, socks, pajama's, and half empty cups of water located throughout the house! She gets into my make-up and wants to wear my clothes and jewelry. She even wanted to take my pearls back to school!! I love ya sweetie..but ya aint taking my pearls!!! With a bit of humor, my tears are drying up and I can laugh at how she could get under my skin and run the show if I let her!!! Bon Voyage my sweet girl, see you at Thanksgiving!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Do you remember going to functions with your parents when you were younger? They would get on the dance floor and you would pray that they would just get off the dance floor and chit chat at their table. They were so embarrassing. I felt that about my parents. I think my hubby and I are becoming those embarrassing parents!! Let me tell you, if you want to have the bell of the ball at your party..invite me!! I am on the dance floor from start to finish. I LOVE to dance but I am not the best dancer. My friends have been teasing me for years about how I snap my fingers and sing to the music while I attempt to have rhythm. My daughter never seemed to mind when my hubby and I were on the bar and bat mitzvah circuit with her group of friends. She would dance with us and she still does when she is with us. (like last night). My boys on the other hand like to stay clear of us. Sometimes we find them and dance extra crazy just to embarrass them. I will tell you their friends think we are cool, so all is not lost. When I hear the music it takes me to a place of bliss. Sometimes it's songs from my past and sometimes it is current stuff..whatever the song, I just have to get up and shake my bootie. I know that this embarrassment is just a phase in their teenage lives. When I got a bit older, I would find my dad and get him to dance a father/daughter dance with me (the best memories). When the MC of the night asks the crowd to join in on the mother/son dance, my boys come find me and we all dance arm and arm. I am in heaven!! They love me. My boys really love me!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolfiie

DAy Thirty-Two,,Sometimes It Is Hard To Be Nice

Hi.

I was having a conversation with my kids today after a soccer game. We try to teach our kids good sportsmanship: be a good clean player, don't talk back to the refs and be sure to clap at the end of a game to the opposing coach and parents. So, today at the soccer game, the opposing side was not sot fair. The kids were playing dirty soccer. Where do they learn this? Is it from their fellow teammates? Is it from their coaches? The million dollar question came from one of my boys, "Why is it that we as kids have to be respectful and adults can talk down to us, yell at the refs and talk rudely to us when we are on their side of the field? How does one answer that? Is it a do as I say not as I do situation? Frankly, I did not know how to answer that one. I just said that life is sometimes a pecking order. Hopefully when you are older and have a family of your own, we will have been taught you to be a respectful human being. When you are the child we want you to be a good, honorable respectful person. I do not yell at the refs, (it is never in ear shot..quiet voice) and I certainly do not talk snidely to the kids on the opposing team. So, all I can do be is an example for my kids. Hopefully our kids will get the lesson that you go farther in life being respectful and honest..it might take you longer since you are not pushing and pulling your way to the top..but when you get there you will have gotten there with allies not enemies and the knowledge that you earned it legitimately..a job well done.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My daughter played water polo all of her four years in high school. There was a game that was not really going our way. We were getting slaughtered. The girls on the other team were brutal and very physical. The refs were not calling the game fairly and I was getting frustrated. My hubby was there and he could see my temperature rising as the game went on. Finally, I could not take it. I yelled at the ref. It wasn't pretty ( I can't say what I said..it would be bleep city if I put it to print). He, the ref, looked over at me and said something not so kindly (something like if you don't stop I will have to ask you to leave the game). At that moment all I wanted to do was curl up and hide. Did I deserve it? Oh yeah. Did it make me feel better to yell? For a second. Did my daughter want to strangle me? Yes. She was embarrassed. My hubby said, "You were out of line Wolffie.You should be embarrassed about your behavior." "But, the ref was not fair..blah blah blah." Was the ref wrong? Totally. Should I have said something? No. It was the coaches place not mine. Did it change the outcome of the game? No. I can never take back that moment..but I can assure you, I don't want my kids to look at me with disgust because I was "the parent" who was the poor sport. I have to say that it is hard sometimes to keep my mouth shut. If I don't then I am a do as I say not as I do kind of parent. Am I perfect? What do you think? Should I zip my lip when the air is filled with tension? Yep. It all comes back to..Breathe in and breathe out.

Day Thirty-One...Set Them Free

Hi.

I never really understood the job of a parent until my daughter went away to school. Sure I know that it was and is my job to teach all of my kids right from wrong: don't pick your nose in public, don't pee in public (actually happened), treat others as you want to be treated. I am not discounting how my younger boys are. They are great boys. All the stuff that drives me crazy about them right now is totally normal "stuff" that teenagers go through.

My daughter came home from college for the weekend last night. She is a sophomore in college We hung out together all day. Being with her today and observing her has made me see how she is growing up to be one hell of a young woman. Her thoughts about life are so spot on. The hardest thing about having her away is letting her go. Does that make sense? I am so used to having her around, we do a lot together. We shop (of course), watch all the juicy TV shows,go to see all the chick flicks and hang out in bed and eat frozen yogurt, all the while laughing and bickering (sometimes) She is my female yin yang.

When she is at school, I get phone calls when she is on the way to class, tells me when she finds a great frozen yogurt place, gives me a heads up on our shows. I can't wait for those calls. I feel lonely without my sidekick. I am so proud of who she is becoming that it makes the longing okay. Can me and my hubby take the credit? Wasn't it "us" who taught her how to be her? I don't think we can take the credit. We were just her guides..It was her who spread her wings and flew.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my daughter was 3 years old, we were driving in the car. I had just picked her up from pre-school. Out of nowhere she asked, "Mommy do you believe in God?" I said "Yes honey I do?" "Where does he live mommy?" "Up above the clouds where the rainbows live." "Oh." She was silent for awhile and she said with such softness, "I am soooo glad I picked you to be my mommy." "Me too sweetie, me too". After all these years, I can say with complete conviction.... I am honored to be her mommy. I think I am the one who got lucky.

Day Thirty..Mindless Days Don't Exist

Hi.

Have you ever woken up , looked in your day planner,Blackberry, iPhone or computer and saw that you had nothing on the books? That was me today!! It was perfect timing because I am feeling lazy. I hung out in bed, did paperwork that I needed to do and then I decided to go to a early movie. I love doing that. I phoned my friend Joanne and coerced her into joining me. We saw the new Jennifer Garner movie, Invention of Lying. I can't give it a thumbs up or thumbs down because it was somewhere in the middle. I did laugh and cry which is an important criteria for me. I just wasn't moved. while sitting in the theatre. I was entertained, but kept waiting for something more to happen. Would I recommend it? Only if there is nothing else to see and you want to check out for ninety minutes. What I got from the movie is.:Sometimes it is not always good to tell the blatant truth, i.e. "your ass looks fat in those pants." It might be better to be kinder with your words, i.e: "I think another style pant would better suit you better." Are you lying when you say the latter? No, you're just being concerned with how the other person might feel.

The truth is sometimes ugly. The truth can set you free as well. I guess it is all in how you tell someone. I can never see lying to another in order for them to feel great with a false sense of hope or security. I would rather be honest and do it in a way that will help them in their situation. There have been times when I have been clouded by hurt, kept it inside and then verbally threw up the truth on someone. There have been many a time when I have hurt someone and had to listen to tell tell me how they felt. So..what does one do? Do I always tell someone my feelings even if I am afraid they might hurt me in return? Do I have to listen to some attacking my character? Are we always honest to a fault? Are we guilty if we don't communicate all we feel? Are there ways to do this where everyone can learn and not be hurt? So much for an escape in the movies.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Yesterday I spoke about how I have to pull in the reigns with my spending. After the movie, I have had the urge to shop. Why is that? My mind kept going to " I NEED" to go to Target. I had to go to the market which is conveniently in the same parking lot. I didn't go.

The urge all started at dinner last night (not at a restaurant but at a friends), when my friends were talking about this boot at Target that looks like a Frye boot. It is really cute (you should get it). I was thinking "I have to have it." I mean it looks exactly like a Frye boot, real leather and it is on sale for $39.99! "I must have it." In the back of my head was "the call" from yesterday. I know I can't get them and really do I need them? I beg to argue with myself, " Is this about need Wolffie?" No. Fashion is not about need. It is about want. I hate to admit it, I am a fashionista! I can't believe that I put it in print. All love all aspects of fashion:l ingerie (though I don't wear fancy stuff), purses, belts, running clothes, jeans, suits, purses (you know that!).Are you getting the picture? I do not discriminate when it comes to fashion. I will say it doesn't have to be designer..I like it all!!

Have you seen the new T.J. Maxx commercial. I am paraphrasing here: "You no longer have to be a fashionista, you can be a Maxxinista". What does that mean? Spending is spending. I guarantee you that if I was to shop there, I would end up buying more than I would at Nordies. It's all in the justification. "This is such a good deal, why not get it in two colors?" Either way, I am spending. I almost fell for it. My head was there and my body ready to follow!! I thought I can become a Maxxinista!! Do you think my hubby would prefer for me to be a Maxxinista over a fashionista? I don't think so..because the $$ will still be ghone. Cha ching!

Can you relate?

More will be revealved. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Can you relate?