Monday, September 28, 2009

Day Twenty...Expectaions


It's 9:00 pm and I am really tired. It was a long day in temple. I did have a cup of coffee this morning and a diet coke at about 1:00. I still had a headache when it came time to eat my first morsel of food at 6:00 pm. Whenever I go without food I get a headache and I am cranky. EVERYTHING bothers me. Lets start out with my kids in temple. They talked a lot. They were bored. I had no patience. I already have something to atone for next year. Impatience!! Refection is a good thing to do. I really like to be introspective. BUT ALL DAY!! It is hard for me. My attention span lasts for about 1 1/2 hours. I fidget, I look at my watch, roll my eyes a few hundred times. How do I expect my kids to be model congregants if I am not? Answer. I am not obvious. Does it make it right that I am on the sly? Not really. They are talking, moving around in their chairs, bugging their brothers, bugging me. It's annoying and I care how other people perceive them ( this sounds insane as I am writing this because the people that I worry about are people I do not know!). I give them "the look" and I get the "what did I do" look from them. It's so classic. I got the same look in temple from my mom when I was their age. Tradition!!

We left temple and went home for a few hours break. My hubby and I went back to a service to honor those who have died. It was emotional for me. About a month before my dad died, my parents went on a cruise. Just before they were to leave the port, my dad called and left us a message on our machine. I don't remember saving it at the time. After he died, I was listening to our messages and their was his voice on the saved messages! He was so happy and calm. I listen to it now and then when I need to hear his voice. I listened to it this afternoon before we went back to temple. As I listened, I closed my eyes and I could faintly see his face. It felt so comforting. When I closed my eyes in meditation at temple, I could see that faint image of my dad so happy and calm. Tears were streaming down my face...some out of sadness, some out of reflection and some of joy for being so lucky to have had my "daddy".

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. On the way home from temple today, I didn't know whether to give my kids a lecture or just zip my lip. I did something kind of in the middle. I try to teach my children to be respectful. I feel it is important to open your ears and heart and listen. There were messages today about being a good person not only to others, but also to yourself. This is a day to look inside you, honor your soul and see how you can change in the coming year. A lot to ask of young teenagers. I gave them a brief talk on how they could have been a little less talkative, a bit more tolerant of the day..blah blah blah. So afterwards the topic of farts came up.Out of nowhere one of the twins blurted out that his fart did not smell like Old Spice. Huh?!? My youngest son had a brilliant idea to spray Old Spice on one of the twins buttocks to see if his fart would smell like Old Spice. Conclusion? No, it did not help the smell. We were bursting out laughing. I couldn't believe that he came up with the idea and I really couldn't believe that my other son went for it. It felt so good to "just be" in the moment and not get annoyed and "teach" them some mom lesson. Just so you know, my boys were elated that I was going to share this story!! Boys will be boys!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off untill we meet again.

In Love and Peace,


1 comment:

  1. you are so lucky to be able to hear your Daddy's voice whenever you want...i sometimes sit quietly and think of what my sister's voice sounded like and sometimes I can almost hear it. Missing someone is one of the hardest things in life, but how lucky we were to have them!