One Hundred and Thirty-Two....I Love You Says It All

Hi. I woke up from a dream today that seemed so real that it sent me into tears. My friend passed away 1 year and ten months ago...today. I think of her daily and I really miss her. All that knew her feel the same way. She had a quality that not too may people possess. She made you feel like you were a special beyond words and she made you feel safe. She was a diamond in the ruff.

In this dream, we were laughing and talking and driving. I swear to you g-d that it felt real. When I bolted up from this dream, it took me awhile to get my bearings and slowly I realized that this was not reality... only a beautiful dream. A couple hours later as I am writing this, tears are still swelling and I truly feel blessed to miss someone so much.

I am not a dream analyst but I think this dream was powerful. I get so caught up in the minutia of my day to day life that sometimes I don't understand the power of friends and family. I take for granted the love I feel for The Hubby and my four kids, family and my friends. I don't always take the time to look in their eyes and say "I love you". Sure, I say 'Love you" at the end of a phone call or I shout "Love Ya" as the kids are jamming out of the car to get to class or wherever they are off to. I mean it. It's just not heartfelt. There's nothing like someone looking you in the eye.....and saying to your soul..a meaningful I love you. It warms my soul when it is done to me. I mean really, how long does it take to do this act of kindness to those you appreciate?!? Three seconds tops!!!!

So after my rambling on, the point I want to make to myself (and you who are reading my ramble) is that after all is said and done....family and friendships are the cat's meow. It's great to be a success at your job, acing an A on a test, running a sub 5 in a race, scoring the winning goal, going to a outdoor concert in the snow,finding the jeans you were coveting and getting them on sale....oh yeah these are all great things.....BUT.......do these make you feel safe? Do these things make you feel complete? Do these things make your heart melt? Okay, so getting the jeans on sale is a biggie!!!! What truly makes me smile is when I can see love in the eyes of those that hold a special place in my heart.

So, my dear friend Betty. I honor you today. Dreaming with you meant the world to me. Loving you was easy in life and still is since you have passed. I must never lose sight of the importance of laughter and what joy it brings to relationships. I must never lose sight of the importance of taking time to look into the eyes of those I cherish. I must never lose sight of time. I must take each day and open my heart to the possibilities it brings to me and what I can do for others.

Moral of the dream? Take time to laugh...and let others know you love and care for them to the depths of their souls.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My dad died 5 years ago. We had a nice relationship. It took some time to cultivate. He was stubborn and so was I. But we found our groove. It was a simple relationship as far as our words. We did have in depth conversations from time to time but mostly it was simple and profound...but easy. He lived a couple of hours away.so we did talk on the phone..short and sweet conversations. I always ended saying I love you and he said...me too. On the day he died, we had a great conversation. He was cheerful and telling me how happy he was. He was talking about a photograph that was taken of him with my brother and nephew. He felt like a model!! He was going on and on and I had to abruptly get off the phone. Later that evening, I phoned my parents at the exact time he died. Weird, Huh? I didn't leave a message when the recording came on. I didn't leave a I love you. I don't remember if I said I love you in our last conversation earlier in the day. It haunts me.

Moral of this story? Just say it....just do it.....show those you love that they mean the world to you....always...cause you just don't know when the last time is. celebrate love!!!

Can you relate?More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Twenty...Expectaions

Hi.

It's 9:00 pm and I am really tired. It was a long day in temple. I did have a cup of coffee this morning and a diet coke at about 1:00. I still had a headache when it came time to eat my first morsel of food at 6:00 pm. Whenever I go without food I get a headache and I am cranky. EVERYTHING bothers me. Lets start out with my kids in temple. They talked a lot. They were bored. I had no patience. I already have something to atone for next year. Impatience!! Refection is a good thing to do. I really like to be introspective. BUT ALL DAY!! It is hard for me. My attention span lasts for about 1 1/2 hours. I fidget, I look at my watch, roll my eyes a few hundred times. How do I expect my kids to be model congregants if I am not? Answer. I am not obvious. Does it make it right that I am on the sly? Not really. They are talking, moving around in their chairs, bugging their brothers, bugging me. It's annoying and I care how other people perceive them ( this sounds insane as I am writing this because the people that I worry about are people I do not know!). I give them "the look" and I get the "what did I do" look from them. It's so classic. I got the same look in temple from my mom when I was their age. Tradition!!

We left temple and went home for a few hours break. My hubby and I went back to a service to honor those who have died. It was emotional for me. About a month before my dad died, my parents went on a cruise. Just before they were to leave the port, my dad called and left us a message on our machine. I don't remember saving it at the time. After he died, I was listening to our messages and their was his voice on the saved messages! He was so happy and calm. I listen to it now and then when I need to hear his voice. I listened to it this afternoon before we went back to temple. As I listened, I closed my eyes and I could faintly see his face. It felt so comforting. When I closed my eyes in meditation at temple, I could see that faint image of my dad so happy and calm. Tears were streaming down my face...some out of sadness, some out of reflection and some of joy for being so lucky to have had my "daddy".

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. On the way home from temple today, I didn't know whether to give my kids a lecture or just zip my lip. I did something kind of in the middle. I try to teach my children to be respectful. I feel it is important to open your ears and heart and listen. There were messages today about being a good person not only to others, but also to yourself. This is a day to look inside you, honor your soul and see how you can change in the coming year. A lot to ask of young teenagers. I gave them a brief talk on how they could have been a little less talkative, a bit more tolerant of the day..blah blah blah. So afterwards the topic of farts came up.Out of nowhere one of the twins blurted out that his fart did not smell like Old Spice. Huh?!? My youngest son had a brilliant idea to spray Old Spice on one of the twins buttocks to see if his fart would smell like Old Spice. Conclusion? No, it did not help the smell. We were bursting out laughing. I couldn't believe that he came up with the idea and I really couldn't believe that my other son went for it. It felt so good to "just be" in the moment and not get annoyed and "teach" them some mom lesson. Just so you know, my boys were elated that I was going to share this story!! Boys will be boys!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off untill we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie