Monday, September 21, 2009

Day Thirteen..Tipping The Balance Scale


I have felt weepy and out of sorts all day. It has been one of those days when a stream of things happened.It stared off with not being able to get to sleep until 3:00 am I was up at 7:15 am!!. My mind wasn't racing, I felt no pressure for toady's activities. I just couldn't sleep.

The writing class that I signed up for in late August never sent me a confirmation. I followed up today and I was never registered for the class. The kind woman on the phone felt terrible and called it human error. How can I argue with that? There was apart of me who wasn't sure I could follow through with the class because my kids weekend game schedules are nuts. As it is when I am 100% available, we need help with taking one of them to their game and or meet. With me out of the mix for two Saturdays in a row was causing me to feel pressure. So, due to human error, I have some relief. The kind woman suggested taking an online writing course instead. The lack of human contact kind of bothers me, so I will have to ponder this one.

I picked up the boys today from school and immediately started in with them. My patience level... NIL! My mantra of BREATHE IN AND BREATHE OUT was not in practice at all. I get so mad at myself when I am like this. My boys don't deserve to be bombarded with my mood the minute they get out of school. Actually they never deserve it. Heavy sigh.

I had a light bulb moment. I ran out of my progesterone. I am out of balance hormonally for me right now. I watched a segment on the Today show the other day when a woman doctor said that there are other ways for post menopausal women to feel better without taking hormones. She mentioned antidepressants. I tried that route and it didn't work for me. All I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't lift my head off the pillow. Why is it that everything that can alleviate one symptom causes another system? I find it so frustrating. Do you?

I can't wait to get my progesterone. I can handle my world so much better when I am balanced. I have to be better at ordering my refills before I am empty.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I wish I was a zen balanced person 24 seven. I wish that I could be Zen Mama all the time with my kids. I wish that I wasn't always sensitive. I wish that I didn't sweat the small stuff ( sometimes I can sweat the small stuff). I wish..I wish.. I wish. I have to continue to out myself, be honest, and
be willing to work on my defects and totally embrace the good things about me. I need my fix of HORMONES. Until then, I might not be able to see the funny side of my life.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,


1 comment:

  1. i'm glad i wasn't home for your angry day!! just kidding, but seriously. i love you, i hope you feel better soon mommalah!