Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Day Seven...I Wish I Didn't Have To..But


There are so many things on my, "I wish I didn't have to do but" list. I wish I didn't have to go to the market. But if I didn't then we would have an empty frig. That's not ENTIRELY true because my hubby does do most of the shopping. I tend to buy mostly healthy foods which my kids like but complain that our house is "too healthy". They often go to their pals house because they have better snacks..i.e. crap!! Every once in a while I like to give them a zing and buy the crap they like. Gotta keep them guessing!

I wish I didn't have to watch my calorie intake. It's not that I want to binge and eat every crappy thing in sight, it's just that in order for me to keep weight off in my menopausal state, I have to eat practically nothing. While I am eating practically nothing my last 4-5 pounds just sits in "the middle" Don't love my rolls. I honor them, but I don't love them. Men get the belly..we get the rolls. Is this fair?

I went to the oncologist today. I wish I didn't have to see all the pain there. It hurts my soul. It makes me relive the fear. I love my doctor, he is so warm and open with me. I love our connection. I trust him. Life after chemo wasn't always pretty for me.The chemo slammed me into menopause and I was a raving lunatic. One minute I was me and the next minute I would turn into a crazy women. It was hard on me, my family and my friends.

About five years out, a friend told me about Bioidentical Hormone Therapy. After reading extensively about them for breast cancer survivors and consulting with my oncologist, I went on them. Life became bearable again..and I was and am on the road to sanity. I have gotten slack from some of my doctors. My oncologist HEARD me. I wasn't being productive in my life or my families.We came up with a plan, I see him more often, and so far so good. He is happy with my tumor markers. I learned from this that I wanted quality of life. I wanted my kids to know the REAL ME, not the I have no hormones therefore I am the unstable me. Choice in life is a beautiful thing as long as I am responsible and don't do it alone.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am going to let you in on a time in my life when I had TOO Many hormones.I was actively obsessed with needlepoint. I went to may favorite place, Lani's. I needed some yarn that I was out of, so I piled my daughter, the twins and my pregnant self into the Suburban. I was meeting my sister in law and her kids there as well. Everything was going smoothly. I found a parking spot right in front, which was not always an easy task. I popped the boys out of their pull out car seats as they stayed fast asleep. My daughter was at my side. I was purchasing what I needed to and then the crying came.. First one boy, then the other. It was LOUD! I hurried out of the shop as the women who were taking a class looked at me with knowing and get the hell at of here smiles. I got to my car and loked the hysterical crying boys in the car seat base. As I was doing this, my body temperature rose quickly. I was very flustered because this guy in a big tan Buick was honking his horn non stop at me. He was trying to fit into the driveway to park in the back of the building. My car was blocking the driveway a wee bit.. Any normal human being who had an ounce of sympathy would have waited for me to leave and then tried to get in the driveway. BUT NOOOO. He got out of his car and started yelling at me to be a better parker. I got REALLY MAD. Out of no-where this voice came from inside me and belted out, "WELL EXCUUUUSE ME FOR LIVING!!! My nephew and daughter looked at me with astonishment. My sister in law started to giggle. I started to cry. Then I laughed. We still talk and laugh hysterically about "the incident". So much for having hormones!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,



  1. well excuuuuuuse me for living.

    i love you mommy


  2. Hormones get the best of me too...and how many other women? I need to work on making good decision regarding my attitude even when "flaring hormones" are a legitimate excuse. Otherwise, what memories will I leave my kids? A crazy mom!
    Enjoyed your parking story.