Day Sixty-Five..Family..Food..Priceless

Hi.

I am STUFFED!!! I feel like I ate whole container of kosher salt. My rings are tight, my face feels PUFFY and I don't really want to eat for a week. It was worth every bite. I didn't really eat a TON of food. I am usually not a carb loader..BUT the stuffing was delectable and my hubby made three types of mashed potatoes....the traditional plain, sauteed onion a garlic and horseradish. Can I brag a bit?!? My turkey was moist, seasoned just right and the skin was crispy. Truly a wonderful meal. The company was nice. No family drama, just nice conversation, funny stories and a lot of love. The only thing missing was my brother and his family being out of the country and not with us and of course I missed my daddy. I believe his spirit was with us. There is something about this holiday that is so wonderful. It is filled with tradition, reflection about what is important to each one of us with family and loved ones surrounding you.

Today is my dad's birthday. I went to the cemetery with my mom. It wasn't sad as I thought it would be. My mom and I reminisced and told great stories about my dad. It was loving and intimate. We actually laughed at some of my dad's antics. The anticipation was far more emotional than the visit to the cemetery.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So, I think I mentioned in a earlier blog that Thanksgiving is not my usual holiday that I host at my home. I think I know why. My hubby, daughter and I moved back to California 18 years ago. I really wanted to entertain my family. We had my family and my hubby's family for Thanksgiving. We made most of the dinner. My table was set with my fine china, wine glasses, cloth napkins and beautiful flowers.. Martha Stewart...really had to move over. Imagine a quality Leave It To Beaver setting. My brother in law Bobby was the turkey carver. My dad had handed him the honors...and important honor. The turkey was done...cooled and ready to be carved. The most awful thing happened...IT WAS RAW. HORROR!!!!!!!!! We had to microwave the turkey. I was appalled. Martha Stewart was silently gleaming in her beautiful home in Connecticut!!! I never did Thanksgiving again until this year. Could it be that they didn't like raw turkey?!? Well lets just fast forward 18 years later why don't we?....My sis in law might have to hand over the reigns of our Thanksgiving feast!! I was sweating bullets..but there was no need. It was perfect this time around!!! Okay, so I won't really take over this holiday... it's my sister in laws favorite. I'll take the kudos from last night and I have a call into Martha... move over baby, THE QUEEN IS BACK!!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back foe more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Four..The Holidays Are Here

Hi.

My table is set. My turkey is seasoned and ready to go. I forget to eat breakfast. I am super edgy. I yelled at my kids. The Holidays are here!!! I sat my four kids down and tried to explain why I become "super stressed out and get out of my way" mommy when I am getting ready to entertain. I want our home to be welcoming. I want our home to feel warm and cozy ( it always does feel that way..I just add some extra touches). My youngest son's response, "If family and friends are coming over, why do you have to make it more special? They know us and love us". Point taken. I took a modified poll and asked if my friends become like me when they are having guests for the holidays and special occasions. Not on person admitted to being calm!!! I love having people in my home. Is it relaxing for me? NO. Do I have a full conversation with anyone? Not very often. Does it give me pleasure to have the holidays? I like the tradition. I don't have "fun", but I know that my guests are having a "fun" time.

Truth be told, there is more to my change of mood. The holidays have changed for me since my daddy passed away. There is a void that can't ever be replaced. There is laughter and conversation...but it is not his. His birthday falls around Thanksgiving. This year it is the day after. My heart feels heavy. I will put on a brave face tomorrow. I will smile, laugh but I will be crying on the inside. Will this pain ever go away? I am thankful for my time with him. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my wonderful hubby who accepts all aspects of me (there are many!!). I am thankful to my kids because they look at me with love most of the time. I am thankful that I am writing again.

What are you thankful for?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I went "browsing" today for a new pair of jeans. Do I need a new pair of jeans? No. As I was trying on jeans, I was having major dialogue with myself. "What are you doing? You don't need these jeans. Why do I have muffin tops? Nothing looks good on me? Walk away from the jean department."

I did walk away. No purchase was made. The experience made me want to do 1000 crunches so my stomach would become flat instantaneously. By the time I got to the car, the thought of crunches was totally out of my head and I wanted to go home, write in my blog and have a nice cup of hot tea. So much for the flat tummy!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Three...Hustle And Bustle...Love It

Hi.

I have three college girls in my room while I am blogging. They are being loud and teasing me. All I want is quiet..and they are giggling fools. I need to concentrate. I have a huge grin on my face. There is nothing like laughter. Should I kick them out? Can't do it. I have to covet all the female energy I can while my girl is home from college. It's Thanksgiving time. Family and friends are coming to my house. I don't usually cook for this holiday, so I am a bit NERVOUS!!! My hubby and I trade off between whose family we are spending Thanksgiving with. This year it is my side of the families turn. My sister in law usually has the honors, but they are visiting their son in Portugal (Lucky!!!). Sooooooooooooooooooo, the turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes fall on my shoulders. This crowd...love them....BUT they expect the best as my sister in law has spoiled all of us with her rocking cooking. I do love to set a table..well the end result. I can be a bit cranky when I am setting it. I need quiet and that's an impossibility in our house!!! Right now as I am writing this there are two or three conversations going on. Would I trade the hustle and bustle of my home life? No. I feel so blessed to be here. I feel blessed that my daughter and her friends like to hang out with me. They are so fun. It makes me feel young. It makes me feel current.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am the first to admit that if I want something and my head just can't give it up..I can be a manipulator. My daughter on the other hand is the Princess of getting what she wants. My daughter asked my boy, "Can I try on your shirt"? "Okay I guess" She tries it on. It looks cute. "Can I borrow it"? "Sure." Because I have used this tactic..I knew she was going to wear his flannel shirt from the second she asked him the question in her "sweet I am going to get my way for sure" voice. One of the things about being the only sister in the family does have its advantages.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-two..Celebrate Life

Hi.

It only takes a millisecond to have your life change. Well at least that's what happened to me. "You have Cancer". November 23, 2000. That's a day I will never forget. In the back of my head I had a feeling the doctor would tell me that my biopsy came back with those haunting words. Time stopped. I never fully understood how slow time can really be. The second hand of the clock on the wall of the doctor seemed to be moving in slow motion. But was it? We are all so busy in our lives, can we ever fully understand time? Those three words, YOU HAVE CANCER have impacted me and my family and friends forever.

I understand the importance of not wasting time ie "One day I will... Why not do "whatever" now? I understand the feeling of being fearful of dying. Why not live to the fullest everyday? I understand the pain of my family seeing me go through surgeries, treatments and depression. It made me realize through the pain in their eyes the need for me to fight like hell, be positive and remain positive after my year long ordeal was over and the reality of the situation was all I could think about. I understand that simplicity is far easier to maintain than complexity. I understand that I am so fortunate to have friends that rallied with us and made our life easier. I understand that I am one lucky woman. Nine years cancer free. Yipeeeeee!!!

I have one more thing to add....please have your loved ones and yourself get mammograms at forty and beyond. I am that statistic..that 1 in 1500 that got diagnosed at 39. I am the woman who would probably not be sitting here at my computer being grateful that I am alive and kicking. Please fight with me. Let your voice be heard. Let your senator and congressman know that we will not tolerate being invisible.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I had lunch today with a dear friend who shares the same day of breast cancer diagnosis with me. She is five years cancer free. She is a beautiful soul. I am lucky to call her my friend. It's amazing what situations in life bonds people together. We have been friends longer than five years..but both being breast cancer survivors solidified us as BCBFF (breast cancer best friends for life). We understand the fears of thinking we would not raise our children. We understand the need talk freely to each other about our trials and tribulations with having gone through the process of our treatments. We understand the joys of life. We understand the need to be the best we can be without being stressed ( not always obtainable). We understand that we are blessed. Happy days ahead for us, I know.

Moral of the story: Stop. Breathe. Hug someone you love. Be free to be the best you.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-One..Trying To Fit It All In

HI.

I have not been able to blog because my kids have kept me really busy. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really missed writing. It's hard to juggle my days sometimes and I was a bit resentful yesterday when my son volunteered me to get supplies for their school project. I had a car full of boys in the car. I had to get them home, write in my blog and leave for a Stop Cancer awards dinner. Doctors were receiving grants for their ongoing research for all types of cancers. I didn't have time to go to get supplies. I threw a minor tantrum, got the supplies anyways and got my frozen yogurt for after the awards dinner. I just didn't get to blog. The thing that I have to remember is that the boys are having their pals come to our house. I get to hear about their days, listen to what's going on at school. I kind of feel like I am a fly on the wall!!! I was thrown a curve ball and I didn't handle it in the best way.

It's amazing on what is happening to find cures for cancers. These incredible doctors ( both men and women) are devoted to finding cures, prolonging lives and ultimately trying to have higher survival rates for all cancers. I was able to sit at dinner with a leading doctor who is a specialist in breast cancer. He developed a medicine that is apart of many women's protocol for breast cancer. I asked him about my hormone therapy. He didn't like the idea that I was on it. No big surprise to me. He gave me a name of a doctor who could give me alternatives to taking hormones. I have to investigate. If I could feel sane and not be on hormones..then I will do it. The key here is sanity. I don't want to be the insane wife and mommy that I was without hormones. Menopause is a bitch (at least it was for me) and I can't let that define me. I don't like being a super bitch. I got this twinge of fear that I might get cancer again if I stay on estrogen. It didn't feel good. I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I want to be there for my kids. I want to see them graduate college, get married and have kids. I want to be apart of it all. I just want to be graceful about it. No hormones equals erratic behavior for me. I am hoping that there is a different solution so I can have it all...grace..health..long life..and peace.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can't tell you how happy I am that my girl is back for Thanksgiving break!!! There is FEMALE energy back in our house. Yipeeeeee!! Don't get me wrong..I love all my guys. They bring laughter, noise, bickering and fun to our household. Lets just say they are a lively bunch!!! They make me want to duck out from time to time and meet my girlfriends for a 5:00 Cup o Joe. Today was a perfect day in the life of having a daughter. We went to the 10:00 am showing of New Moon. There must have been 4 previews of chick flicks that my girl and I wanted to see. All we had to do is lock eyes to know that we were going to see the movies together. Words weren't necessary. We loved the movie. It was a chick flick to the max. Romance, passion. tension, some laughs, beautiful scenery and cute clothes. I can't forget to mention bare chests can I?!? After the movie, we went to our favorite local healthy restaurant. We ran into people, schmoozed a bit and then went shopping!!! We didn't get anything, but we went shopping at a girlie store!!! I am sighing with complete satisfaction right now. Tonight we are going to a play, Beauty and the Beast at our local high school. What a difference a day makes!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty...Are You Thinking About Our BOOBS Or Your Bottom Line?

Hi.

I can't help but wonder where I would be right now if I did not have my baseline mammogram at 38 and my next one at 39? I was diagnosed with DCIS and a 1.5 centimeter tumor. If I were to have listened to the guidelines that they are suggesting in the study that came out today, would I be in the morgue or maybe I would have had to have a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy? It drives me CRAZY that they think that women in their 40's should not do yearly exams. Who are they working for? The insurance companies or women? I can't tell you how many people I know who have been diagnosed in their 40's. C'mon, too much radiation? What about our phones? What about going through security at an airport? What about..so much crap that is in the air? What about the crap we put in in our bodies? How about the hormones that are shot into cows and chickens that we digest when we eat? We are talking about women's lives. We are talking about women's families who are affected. How DARE they. I am curious who funded this research. I know it was done through "reputable" institutions....do they worry more about costs and radiation exposure over catching breast cancer in its early stages? Will the insurancies companies get a "pass" from paying for yearly mammograms if you are not high risk? The study even said that there is no evidence if it is caught in its early stages that it effects the outcome. OMG. Have any of those researchers been through surgeries, chemo, radiation and heartbreak? Have they lost a family member or dear friend to breast cancer? Have they watched a loved one in fear of dieing? Have they witnessed someone being so sick that they can't lift up their head from their pillow? Have they watched a young girl not wanting to go to school because she's afraid that her mommy won't be alive when she comes home from school? Where is our humanity? Where is our sensitivity? Has our world become only about statistics and money?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can get totally consumed with this study. I can bitch and moan , but the only way I can be heard is to write to my Congressman. I will have to look further into the study before I rant. I know I have to get more educated. I want to protect my daughter and I want to protect women who don't even know that they have breast cancer. So, I will do what I can and that will help me sleep at night. I can't afford to be angry or stressed. I will do my part because I believe that each of our tiny voices becomes one big loud voice. The only people looking out for us, is us. I will go on a campaign..Help save our Boobs. I hope you will join me.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Nine...Where Did The Time Go?

HI.

I can't believe that my daughter is 19 today! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that my water broke. We were living in New York. It was my last day of work. I was planning on having 1o days to "get ready" before my due date. Best laid plans!! I went to the doctor earlier in the day..tight as a drum. I was crying because I was so uncomfortable. Was I ready to have my baby? In theory yes, but are you ever ready? My office had a "bon voyage from work and welcome to being a mother party" for me. My hubby and I had plans to eat at this chic restaurant Prix Fix. It was a six course meal. I ate like a bird because who has room for food when you are almost full term? There's no room for food. The baby takes over!! My hubby on the other hand ate it all...lobster, steak, salad, soup, appetisers and of course desert. We went to see our friend play in a really smokey club. I was way paranoid of the smoke..not good for the baby. We left and I am so happy we did. My hubby felt sick to his stomach and went to bed. My water broke at about midnight. I went to wake him only for him to mutter, "I don't feel good". He rolled over and went back to sleep. Did I hear that correctly? HE WASN'T FEELING GOOD!!! I am so lucky to have a fab sister in law. I called her confused and pissed off at "the hubby". She stayed up with me all night on the phone and timed my contractions ( she was in California and I in New York City). At about 5:00 in the morning we went to Lennox Hill Hospital. Our child arrived into the world at 11:14 am. When I locked eyes with our girl, I was hooked. At that very instant, my world changed. I could no longer put me first. I had to raise this beautiful girl. Here we are 19 years later. What a roller coaster being a parent has been. How does one navigate being a parent when there isn't a handbook? I have made mistakes, but boy do we have a wonderful girl. She is kind, sensitive, beautiful, funny, a pain in the ass, smart and loyal to her family. Could I ask for anything else? I don't think so. Would I change anything we have come up against raising her? No because all experiences good and bad have shaped her. She has had some bumps along the way and she has learned from them. Have I wanted to wring her neck at times. That would be a big YES!! Have I been proud of her more than wanting to wring her neck? Yes. Can I take credit for her successes and failures? I don't think so. I have tried to guide her to make better choices. She made her choices. Have I stifled her at times because of my fears? Yeah. Has she pointed those times out to me? Most definitely. I know she has taught me more about life than I ever have taught her. All my kids have. I have to keep myself in check and deal with parts of me that are not always comfortable to look at. I am stronger because of her and my boys. I owe them so much of who I am today. I want to do better for them. So I have to work on me A LOT. I can't afford to give up on me. They look for me to be present. So, when the chips are down and I want to hide, I can only do it for a bit because I have to show them that no matter what is going on in life, YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. It's not always easy but it can be done. I have found that through the painful times in my life, I have grown the most. Through challenge comes triumph. Happy Birthday my sweet child. I celebrate you today. I celebrate our relationship. I celebrate my love for my hubby. I celebrate our family. I celebrate life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So my daughter comes home from the hospital. My parents flew in to meet our girl and to "help" us with the overwhelming feelings of being new parents. I thought my mom would know everything. She was my MOM for heavens sakes. I was having trouble breastfeeding. My mom couldn't help me because she never breast fed us. I went to a lactation specialist. The breast feeding settled itself out rather quickly. We were using cloth diapers, but they were too big. My mom couldn't help because she did not remember how to make them fit. We went to disposables (sorry environment). What my mom did know how to do was show us how to bathe our girl. She was tiny, so she was slipping in the tub we bought. She showed us how to bathe her in the sink. I WAS TERRIFIED. I threw a " I am overwhelmed and afraid because she is crying in the bath fit". My mom knew how to calm me down and also calm our daughter down. She didn't like the water. She didn't like the cold. My mom sang softly to her. It calmed her down. So I knew that singing could calm my girl. I tried it and it worked!! So with all she didn't know or didn't remember, she gave me one very important lesson..follow your instincts. I can attest that it has worked all these years later. When my mom and dad left to go back home, I cried so hard. I needed my mommy. I was afraid to be a mommy. The best thing that could ever have happened was me being alone. It forced me to look at my little girl and grow up. "Okay my sweet mouse pie, this is it. It's you, me and daddy. Lets do this and lets do it right". What a ride it has been!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In love and peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Eight..Do Pictures Tell A Lie?

Hi.

I was looking at picture of myself from the 10k run that they sent me from the race. I have to say that I was appalled. I looked like another person. Who was this woman? My face kinda resembled me, but the body? Did they cut my face and put it on another person's body? I was wearing the outfit (in the picture), but I looked.......BIG. Do you know when the paparazzi shoots a picture of a usually fit and trim actress on the beach in a bathing suit looking out of shape and lumpy? The headlines reads, "So and so caught in Hawaii looking like a beached whale". Here's mine, "Wolffie rolls into the finish line looking like a sumo wrestler..watch out or she'll roll over you!!". When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see that same image. I don't see Twiggy mind you, but I do see a reflection of a woman who is average in weight. The thighs could be a bit thinner and you know how I feel about my middle age tummy. BUT REALLY, after running 6.2 miles ,couldn't they take a flattering shot? Maybe when I come into the finish line at my next race I could run in sideways and hold my arm like the models and actresses do when they are photographed. SH*T. What is it going to take for me to be svelte? I don't eat sugar, I don't eat many bad carbs, I don't drink alcohol and I exercise 3-4 times a week. I guess I could cut my portions. Should I take the skin off my chicken? Probably, but it tastes sooooooooooooooo good. There lies the answer..willingness. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to lose the last 5-10 pounds? Hmmmmmmmmmm, not sure I want to focus on that one right now!!!

Why listen to Wollfie? Because I get it. I love skinny jeans. They look great when I wear a longish sweater or wrap. My thighs are the bomb and my muffin top looks non existent. All is good until I sit down. My crack shows!! Not a pretty site. I am not a teenager who can "kind of" get away with it because her cute thong is peeping out for the world to see. Not a good look on a 48 (almost 49) year old woman with four kids and a hubby. Does the world want to see that? Do I want the world to see that? I have figured out how to get around the "crack look". I either have a sweater that I put over my seat that becomes a makes shift curtain or I wrap it around my waste when I am at a game or sitting on the grass. No crack spotting then!! Why can't they make high wasted skinny jeans? I am sure I could get the skinny jean look in the "older person's" section at Nordies. The problem is that the denim is not as thick, the dyes are not as groovy and the stitching just doesn't compare. Damn it, I want the cool skinny jeans. I don't even have to ( or want to) spend the big bucks. I'll go to H&M. I'll go to Target. I'll go wherever. I just don't want to reveal the crack. Why do they (the designers) forget about us "more mature" bodied women who want to be hip but don't want to reveal our butt cracks? Is this asking too much? This is a dilemma.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Seven..Inspiration Lets Us Be Who We Yearn To Be

Hi.

I went to see the afternoon matinee of Coco Before Chanel today. What an inspiration. It's was amazing to see how she lived her life and what life experiences helped carve her into being the designer she was. I loved so much about the movie. The costumes, the actors, and the landscapes. OMG. I wanted to jump into the movie screen. I could have lived in France in those times. I would have been a rebel just like Coco. The way she wore black and dressed in clean lines while the other woman wore bold hats and dresses with ornamentation that was over the top. They felt like that what was defined them as chic. Coco didn't have to try..she had it. The simplicity of her clothing just sends me over the moon. I left wanting to design again, which I haven't felt like doing in months. Will I design again? Not now. The feeling though is alive within me. The message I got from the movie is , follow your dreams. Be who you are..don't become a carbon copy of some one's thoughts or ideas about life, love and even fashion. It made me want to scream from the roof tops.."I AM WHO I AM AND I LOVE IT"!!! I haven't always felt this way. It took me along time to navigate the waters of life and really understand what makes me tick. I always had an inkling, but I never had the courage to stick to my convictions. Especially growing up. It seemed like I was a leader, but I was really a follower. I got into drinking and other things because I couldn't fathom not fitting in. When I did fit in, I hated it. I was a confused girl. It took me getting sober to realize that my opinions mattered and also I could be unique and still be apart of a group. What I also had to learn is that we all are unique therefore I had to accept my family and friends differences as well as our similarities. That's a hard one. To get my expectations out of the way and be in acceptance...that's something I struggle with today. Especially with my children. Should they have opinions? Of course. Should I honor them? Yes. Should I let go even when I know that they might get hurt? If it is not life threatening. Can I be there to help them pick up the pieces? Most certainly. Do I say I told you so when I help them pick up the pieces? No. I have to be there for them to listen to them, hug them and let them cry if they need to. I can point out the lesson, but I have to not preach. Do I fall short of this? Sometimes. Oh yeah. It's hard to let my kids do something that I know will cause them pain. Especially if I have done a similar thing. I have to do it though so they feel comfortable talking to me. Trust and openness is the key to good communication. It's hard being a grown-up. It's not always easy being a parent. How did I get on that tangent when I was speaking about Coco?!? I think because she saw life as it was and did what she could to survive. She made choices she wasn't always wanting to, but she learned from them and it made her stronger. I always have felt that although I haven't always liked some of my life choices or haven't liked situations that have happened to me and our family, that because of all it, I could write from my heart and soul. I feel this way about Coco. She was who she was because of her past and she rocked it hard in her fashion. She is an icon that I sooooooooooooo love. My hat goes off to Coco. My shoulder is waiting for her bag!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Last night my boys (hubby included until he fell asleep) were all watching Glee together, my favorite show of the fall 2009 season!! My boys have the,it's hard to sit still for more than one second" syndrome. I thought they were going to out grow this syndrome after being toddlers. Hasn't left yet!! Anyways, we were watching Glee in between me shushing them and telling them to stop talking. All of a sudden one of my boys jumps up and runs to my bathroom. "I hit myself with my elbow on the lip. I cut my lip.I'm bleeeeeeding". He comes running out of my bathroom to show me. The look on his face is priceless. He is bleeding, but not too badly. I start to laugh (just so you don't think I am heartless, he is laughing too!) and I can't stop. I have to push pause on Glee ( a travesty). My hubby wakes up being a Crankisaurus Rex and starts shushing me, which leads me to laugh even harder. My other two boys are laughing just as hard as me. I know that my boy is okay. The bleeding subsides. I have to tell you that what struck me is, how did he hit his lip with this elbow? It seems impossible. We all tried it. He tried to rein act it and couldn't!! Welcome to my world. These kinds of things are always happening to him He is a magnet for weird occurrences. A lot of the time I get annoyed and for some reason this time I didn't. Could it be that I can find humor in my boys testosterone adventures at last?!? I better start having more humorous interactions because their testosterone is alive and kicking. Maybe I should up my testosterone creme so I can understand the inner workings of the testosterone mind? On second thought, I'll stay where I am. I couldn't fathom losing my feminine characteristics. They are strong and work like a charm!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

Day Fifty-Six..Ask And You Shall Receive

Hi.

I felt so awful yesterday. I couldn't get out of bed. My body was fighting a bug of some sort and I am glad it waited to come into bloom until after my race. Running with a cold would have been awful. I literally got out of bed to make hot tea or go to the bathroom..that's it. My hubby brought me soup and my kids were extra quiet when they got home from school (a rarity). They all had various practices that my hubby drove them too. So, I got to sleep and rest and I feel much better today. In the past, I would do all the driving back and forth. I felt like I had to be the "do it no matter what" mom. That takes so much energy. I had to learn to ask for help. When I went through my chemo and radiation therapies, I was really tired. People offered to carpool my children, make us meals, and take my kids on play dates. At first I was embarrassed. I thought that I had to be "super cancer mom". It doesn't work. I needed to take care of myself in between chemo treatments, so my body could be ready for the next blast. During radiation I was doing chemo simultaneously, so I was extremely tired. It it wasn't for my friends, family and community, I think I would have not been as strong physically or emotionally. I learned that asking for help is a strength not a weakness. Now, almost nine years later, I still ask for help when I need it. I can't be everywhere at the same time. Why stress about it? Sometimes I feel like I ask more than I give. That's a hang-up I have to get out of my head. Sh*t, I have four kids, three that I shuffle around. Who wouldn't need help? If a friend or family member needs me, I am there. I rearrange my day if I have to. I do this because I want to help and also because people had been there for me. I love bringing meals to friends or people in my community (wish I didn't have to ) when they are going through tough times. I know what it feels like to have one less thing to think about when you are in crisis mode. I don't like to pat myself on the back because it takes away from the act of kindness. Being of service to others expecting nothing in return feels so much better than being vocal so someone can say, "Oh how nice of you". As the holidays approach, I can't help but feel a bag of mixed emotions. My friend died three years ago, my dad's anniversary ( 3 years)of when his soul left the earth is coming up as well as his birthday. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks as well (Christmas Eve), that was the last time I saw my dad. It sends tears to my eyes and an overwhelming sense of loss to my heart. I am not sure I will ever get over the shock and loss of my friend and my dad. The pain and sorrow feels different..but it is still here with me. The one thing I have though is my family and friends to share and cry with. If I need them, they are with me: in my bed when I can't get out of it, on the phone or at my side. All I have to do is ask..I never have to go through anything alone. I am one lucky girl.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The saga of my Chanel Caviar Grand Shopper continues. The other day I was having coffee in my "office" (the local Starbucks) with my fellow office mates, Joanne and Adrienne. One of the girls had a Chanel logo on her phone. I just had to have my "Shopper" as my phone screen saver. I went to google, clicked on the bag and added it as a saved image on my phone and put it as my wallpaper. Now when I open my phone there it is!! I can "visit" it at all hours of the day. Who needs to buy it when you can have a virtual one?!? The funny thing is if I actually had the purse, would it mean anything to me? I think that the yearning is what it is about for me. It makes me giggle. It lets me write funny tales of my obsession. When you get what you obsess for, does it make it all good? I like the chase, the talking about it. What would I want to covet next? I am sure I would find something!!! The truth be told, what I really want and need is peace of mind, my health, and family and friends around me.

Okay, got to let you in on a secret. Call me a material girl, but there is this yummy cashmere sweater.......


Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back fro more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Five...I Did It..Glad To Be Back

Hi.

I'm back!! I really missed blogging. The past five days have been a whirlwind. The kids had me driving all over the place, even when they were in school. My brother in law and nephew came into town, so we were hanging out. It was my mother-in-laws birthday. so we had a family dinner.... AND..... My 10k run finally happened on Sunday!! I FINISHED with a RESPECTABLE time, 6.2 miles in 1:04.19.95. My goal was to be under 70 minutes. If my math does me right that was a 10.21.2 mile pace. Not bad for an almost 49 year old lady who has only run 6.2 miles once before!! It was hot and hilly. I wanted to quit every time I got to this seemingly endless hill. Instead I chanted over and over and over again, "You can do it..you are not a quitter. You can do it, you are not a quitter". If I want to be completely honest, there was this woman who kept running past me, then she walked, so I ran past her, she ran passed me again, then she walked and I ran past her and she ran passed me AGAIN. Do you get the scenario? I told myself when I wanted to quit (besides you can do it, you're not a quitter), "There is NO WAY you can let her beat you." She didn't. At the last portion of the race, I sprinted past her, there was no turning back!! Yippee! My competitive nature REALLY took over. After the race, I had to change gears and throw a wedding shower for my friend's daughter. Did I mention it was at my house? I got everything ready on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I came back from the run, flew in the shower, put on my party clothes, hair and make-up and I was good to go! I love giving wedding showers. It is the start of a new chapter in two peoples (and their families) lives. It is innocent and promising and it makes me feel like all is good in the world. The smiles, the laughter and the glow of the love sends warm fuzzies down my spine.

All in all I had a wonderful few days. It is great to accomplish dreams. My next dream/goal is to run either a half marathon or do a mini triathlon. I will keep you posted. What happened to me? I was the woman who liked to stay in bed and watch TV. That's not entirely true, I love to swim. I find it to be meditative and easy on my body. It's getting in the bathing suit that is the hardest part. The Speedos (even the one pieces) are super tight and show off where the flab near my hips don't tuck into the bathing suit. What I seem to forget is that if I swim then the flab will go away!!! My next step is to jump in the pool a few times a week, do laps and then I have to tackle the bike riding all the while continuing my running. Is there a way to buy more hours in the day? Can I train, do my mom stuff, write, and have a moment to spare? I need a nap just thinking about it. I will figure it all out, I always do.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I knew that it was going to be toasty when I did my 10k. I drank water but not enough to make it so I had to pee during the race. WRONG!! I even went to the Port-A-Potty just before the race started. Let me tell you that I really dislike Port-A-Potties. Where do I start: the smell, germs, the hole that shows you everything? GROSS!! Anyways,I peed the entire race every time I went up hill!! I don't know what to do, except wear black wicking clothes that dry quickly. I am not going to quit running. It seems like I am not going to quit peeing! I have to drink something to stay hydrated. I am not leaving a trail behind me, so no-one is going to slip on my pee and hurt themselves. I have to believe that I am not the only one who has this "problem". I just own it.


Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Four..Do I Really Have To Be Completely Honest?

Hi.

I got my renewal letter for my drivers license from the DMV the other day. I have not had a ticket in years (poo poo on the truth), so I thought I was going to be able to mail it in as I had done in previous years. But NOOOO, that's not what the letter said.. I have to go in, take an eye exam and have a new photo taken. What's up with that? My hubby who had had several tickets (he did traffic school) gets to mail his renewal in. I, who have had a perfect record, has to go to the DMV, wait in line (even though they give you an appointment) and have to fill out new information. Did I mention that they ask about your weight? I don't care that I have to take a new picture. I don't care that I have to take an eye exam. I care that my weight has gone up 10 pounds and I am faced with telling the truth about this issue or fibbing. What's a girl to do? Tell the friendly DMV person that I have gone through menopause and I can't get back down to my old weight? Do I keep it the way it is and hope they haven't changed their procedure by having me hop on a scale that's voice activated and says, "Up ten pounds". Do I keep the same weight or do I put my new and improved upwardly mobile weight on my new license? I talked to a friend today and she suggested that I meet halfway in the middle. That sounded like a good plan. As the day has worn on, I have been thinking about it (and I have been thinking about it!), I am going to put my actual weight. I am going to be honest. Who really looks at "the number" anyway? I have never had a sales associate say, "Do you REALLY weigh that? Never. If I put a phony number down, then I am saying that I am not okay with the me. Am I a "hot mama"? NO. Am I a "you better get in better shape mama"? NO. I am a "average weight and body type mama who does the best that she can". So, I will go for my appointment with my head held high and my a flab neatly tucked away and I will take that picture, pass that eye exam, and put my correct weight for my new license. If the person at the DMV comments, " My Wolffie you have added some poundage in the past ten years", I am not sure if I will keep my mouth shut or walk out in horror. I know that this scenario won't happen..does the DMV person or the rest of the world really care if I weigh more?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I had a gift card for Saks Fifth Avenue. I was setting it aside to put towards my Chanel Grand Shopper. Who was I kidding? I would need many more gift cards to purchase that handbag. I decided to use it for my daughters birthday instead. As I was walking to the escalator to go to the fifth floor, wouldn't you know it, I had to walk by the Chanel Handbag boutique! Could I walk past and not "visit" my coveted bag? What do you think? I walked straight to the bag, put it on my shoulder, looked in the mirror (I look fab in that bag!), set it down and walked away completely satisfied until my next encounter. I was able to buy my girl a special birthday gift (can't tell you what I bought because she reads my blogs!). Isn't that what it is about? I love getting family and friends special things. I love to buy myself special things as well, but it really feels better to give than to receive. That's not to say if a family member or a friend finds that they are in Chanel and have the urge to give a Grand Shopper to a special someone......Oh no, I couldn't accept such an extravagant gift...or could I?!? LOL!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Three...On Your Mark..Get Set..Go

Hi.

I have been training for several months for the Calabasas Classic 10k run that is this Sunday. I am ready and excited. I woke up with a sore ankle and a sore throat today. I am going to do this race even if I have to tape my ankle and have a runny nose. This race signifies so much to me. Running did not come easily to me. At first I could only run maybe 1/4 of a mile without stopping (I wanted to stop). My lungs would burn and my body felt like a lead weight. Slowly but surely I had more stamina and that 1/4 mile became 1/2 mile and so on until I was able to run 6.2 miles. I had injuries and illness and I still stuck with it. I want to toot my own horn because I seem to start a million things and always give up. Part of why I stuck it out is because of my son. He is a runner and it gives us a common bond. I love that he asks how my runs were and sometimes we run together..or shall I say I follow him on a run!!! The other reason I stuck with it is because it calms me. I can be out of my mind crazy about who knows what and when I finish my run I am calm, calm, calm. So, on Sunday I will run as best as I can. My goal is to finish the race in less than 70 minutes and I would like to be in one piece! I don't think that is too much to wish for!!

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. As I have shared before, my bladder is not the best. I probably should wear depends, but something about an almost 49 year old woman doing so makes me cringe. So, I deal with the spillage that sometimes occurs. I have tried everything: sticking to decaffeinated drinks, water only, no liquids 1 hour before exercise...Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. There is no rhythm or reason to my bladder. It has a mind of its own. Nine times out of ten I have "an accident" while I am on a run. The one thing that I ALWAYS do is wear black tights, running skort, or shorts. This way my secret is safe (well the cats out of the bag now!).This is apart of growing older that NO ONE told me about. What would I have done with the information anyways?

Moral of the story: Sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt you!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Two....The kids are growing up

Hi.

I thought that I would like the break from taking a couple days off of blog writing. I missed it. I do have two days worth of stories to fall back on though. I never thought of myself as a routine girl. I am. There is something about picking up the boys from school, getting a cup of tea, lighting my candles, looking at the picture of my dad for inspiration and writing. The actions of sitting in front of my computer to write concrete thoughts is relaxing. I don't often give myself the opportunity to relax as I am a "go get em" type of girl. To contemplate about my day or share a thought on my blog has given me the mindset to move forward and to follow my writing dreams.

My weekend was strange. Especially Halloween night. This is the first time in 18 years that I have not taken one of my kids trick or treating. Weird. My daughter is off having a Halloween weekend at college.My hubby took our youngest boy in the late afternoon to a friends house. When he got there, there were about 6 girls and three boys hanging outside. He DID NOT want my hubby to get out of the car. I had made arrangements with my friend (the mom) so my hubby did as he was told. Weird. Our baby is growing up. I wonder if it was me who was dropping him off....would he have done the same thing? I can't be as embarrassing as my hubby, can I? The twins are another story. I KNOW I EMBARRASS THEM. Right now I am not cool. I know I will be some day. I dropped off my twins at their friends house at 6:00. I had no thoughts of walking them in! I had a scrumptious dinner waiting for me (cooked by the hubby). I picked up my frozen yogurt. I was ready for a night of cute costumes and young kids coming to our house for candy. While we were waiting for "the knock", we watched the World Series. All was good. The night went on and WE GOT ZERO TRICK OR TREATERS!! This sent me into "a mood". It's hard enough having your kids grow up and not hanging with you on one of the funnest nights ever, but I thought I could still hold onto the fun with handing out candy. NOPE. I was a cranky mom when I picked up the kids. I wish I could have told them that I missed hanging with them. I didn't want them to feel bad. Everyone is growing up. Even my kids. I am not entirely ready. It's a right of passage to do so. It just hurts sometimes. I think I will tell them today. After the fact. I know they will hug me..and maybe that's what it is about...them growing up and me letting them. The gift is the hug. I love hugs more than I do candy anyways!!!

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My niece and daughter were having a play date at our house. They were both about 5 1/2. My niece LOVED (and still does) candy. She always had some kind of candy stashed on her, usually sour. On this day, the play date went great. Lori was out of town so Nana came and took my niece home. I got this weird phone call from Nana. She was laughing and horrified at the same time. Apparently my daughter wanted my niece's sour patch candy. My niece had no problem giving it to her . For a price that is: all the money in my daughter's piggy bank! (about $20.00)!! At the time I remember thinking how well ( and quietly) they were playing together!! When I went to my daughters room (after the Nana phone call), the piggy bank was broken apart on her carpet. She didn't seem unhappy though. Could it have been the sugar rush!!! I drove to get back the money from my niece. When I got there, she looked a bit scared. Was Auntie going to yell at her. No way. She handed me the bag of change as crocodile tears were running down her face. No words were spoken. I hugged her tight and said, "Next time you don't have to give your cousin your candy if you don't want to give her your last package". "Oh no Auntie, I had more at home. I just wanted to have her money so I could buy lots more"!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie