I felt so awful yesterday. I couldn't get out of bed. My body was fighting a bug of some sort and I am glad it waited to come into bloom until after my race. Running with a cold would have been awful. I literally got out of bed to make hot tea or go to the bathroom..that's it. My hubby brought me soup and my kids were extra quiet when they got home from school (a rarity). They all had various practices that my hubby drove them too. So, I got to sleep and rest and I feel much better today. In the past, I would do all the driving back and forth. I felt like I had to be the "do it no matter what" mom. That takes so much energy. I had to learn to ask for help. When I went through my chemo and radiation therapies, I was really tired. People offered to carpool my children, make us meals, and take my kids on play dates. At first I was embarrassed. I thought that I had to be "super cancer mom". It doesn't work. I needed to take care of myself in between chemo treatments, so my body could be ready for the next blast. During radiation I was doing chemo simultaneously, so I was extremely tired. It it wasn't for my friends, family and community, I think I would have not been as strong physically or emotionally. I learned that asking for help is a strength not a weakness. Now, almost nine years later, I still ask for help when I need it. I can't be everywhere at the same time. Why stress about it? Sometimes I feel like I ask more than I give. That's a hang-up I have to get out of my head. Sh*t, I have four kids, three that I shuffle around. Who wouldn't need help? If a friend or family member needs me, I am there. I rearrange my day if I have to. I do this because I want to help and also because people had been there for me. I love bringing meals to friends or people in my community (wish I didn't have to ) when they are going through tough times. I know what it feels like to have one less thing to think about when you are in crisis mode. I don't like to pat myself on the back because it takes away from the act of kindness. Being of service to others expecting nothing in return feels so much better than being vocal so someone can say, "Oh how nice of you". As the holidays approach, I can't help but feel a bag of mixed emotions. My friend died three years ago, my dad's anniversary ( 3 years)of when his soul left the earth is coming up as well as his birthday. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks as well (Christmas Eve), that was the last time I saw my dad. It sends tears to my eyes and an overwhelming sense of loss to my heart. I am not sure I will ever get over the shock and loss of my friend and my dad. The pain and sorrow feels different..but it is still here with me. The one thing I have though is my family and friends to share and cry with. If I need them, they are with me: in my bed when I can't get out of it, on the phone or at my side. All I have to do is ask..I never have to go through anything alone. I am one lucky girl.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The saga of my Chanel Caviar Grand Shopper continues. The other day I was having coffee in my "office" (the local Starbucks) with my fellow office mates, Joanne and Adrienne. One of the girls had a Chanel logo on her phone. I just had to have my "Shopper" as my phone screen saver. I went to google, clicked on the bag and added it as a saved image on my phone and put it as my wallpaper. Now when I open my phone there it is!! I can "visit" it at all hours of the day. Who needs to buy it when you can have a virtual one?!? The funny thing is if I actually had the purse, would it mean anything to me? I think that the yearning is what it is about for me. It makes me giggle. It lets me write funny tales of my obsession. When you get what you obsess for, does it make it all good? I like the chase, the talking about it. What would I want to covet next? I am sure I would find something!!! The truth be told, what I really want and need is peace of mind, my health, and family and friends around me.
Okay, got to let you in on a secret. Call me a material girl, but there is this yummy cashmere sweater.......
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back fro more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,