Today was a mom day. Most of my weekends are dedicated to my kids sports. Two of my boys are on club soccer teams and the other boy is a cross country runner. It's hard to pick which event to go to because they are all over the place. The only thing I can do is let them know that although I am not at their game or meet, I am with them in mind, spirit and soul. I don't feel comfortable until I get a report of the game or the outcome of the race that I have had to miss. It gets me more grounded and comfortable where I am.
I have had to learn not to spread myself too thin. If I try to "do it all" then I am not really present where I am because I am thinking about where I have to go. Does that make sense?!?
The outcome of today is that my kids all did well in their sporting events. One lost, one tied, and one ran his race at a great pace. They were all copacetic at the end of their events. I try to teach them that as long as you tried and did your best then you achieved something, win or lose.. Now I know that sounds zen..but I believe it. Am I a competitive person..oh yes I am. My wish for me and my kids is to have proper perspective of it all. In the 12-14 hours that we are up..that game, race, or run only constitutes a small portion. So to be a poor loser effects the rest of the day. Look at your strengths..examine your weaknesses and move on.
The rest of my day is being spent knitting a blanket that I started before my daughter went to college last year. It was meant for her to be taken for her freshman year in the dorms. Didn't happen!. Now she is a sophomore, living in a house off campus. I am hoping to have it done by the holidays. (so you now know sweetie one of your possible gifts!) The key word is HOPING.This is one of the lessons I spoke about earlier: not to spread myself too thin. To make expectations that I know I can't achieve just brings me down. Now that the pressure is off, I am enjoying the process.
I just want to be a good mom. There are days when I fall short. There are days when I rock it to the next planet. I guess the key is that I try. There are many days when I want to pull the covers over my head and just hide. Life can be overwhelming as a wife and mom of four. It was overwhelming when I was a mom of one!! Then there are the days when I feel invincible. One day at a time seems to work best for me. When I look at all I have to do for the next day, the next week, the next 20 years...I get CRAZY!!!! So, I try to breathe in and breathe out and carry on.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I used to always pride myself on writing things down, especially events for the kids. When my daughter was an only child, I never missed a beat. When the twins came, our life got a bit BUSY. When the twins were 8 months, I became pregnant with number four! The slips started coming....very frequently.
We were living in a rental house while our house was being built. My daughter was invited to a party. I wrote it down in my calendar like any organized mom would do. This weekend rolled around and my daughter told me that it was her friends party. I looked at the calendar and said, "No honey it is next month." She kept at me and I kept saying the same thing. Now she was all of six years old at the time and who do you think was right? SHE WAS!!! February and March that year had the same date on Saturday!! Go figure. I was devastated that I goofed. My daughter was devastated she missed the party. I had to call the mom and admit that I screwed up. THAT WAS AWFUL? The mom was somewhat glib..I knew she was thinking that I was an unorganized mom.
I learned from that experience to listen better to my kids..they are not as mumble jumbled in their heads as I. When another mom calls me with that, "I goofed up" voice about a sleepover,a play date or party missed, I speak with an understanding "I have screwed up too" voice. I don't hold it against her. How can I? Who knows when it will be me again?!?
My mantra for the day: To be a "perfect mom" is to be an imperfect mom.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,