Today I had my oncology appointment. No big deal. I go every three months to check my tumor marker and I have been great for 8 years, even with being on Hormone Replacement (that's why I go every 3 months).
I got to my appointment on time and I sat down in the waiting area until I my name was called. No big deal. After about 25 minutes there was no name calling for me going on. I started to get restless. I went to talk to the receptionist who politely replied, "We don't have you down for lab work today". My temperature was rising. "I come every three months for labs, why isn't it in my chart". I could go on about the circles that developed in our conversation which basically ended in a dead end and I feeling like a bitch. My blood was drawn 20 minutes later after I felt anxiety about being there too long. It's hard to walk in the oncology office. There is so much sickness. I walk in healthy and young looking. No one wants to have any eye contact with me or receive my, "I have been there just hang in there" smile. I can't blame them. It's tough because they are fighting so hard and I am clearly not. I feel guilty and grateful at the same time. My name was finally called and I got to see my doctor. That's where the miracles always happen. He makes me feel safe and my anxiety always goes away.
I brought a little gift to my nurse, the scheduling secretary and my oncologist. I took a deep breathe and let go of the last 45 minutes and gave the nurse her gift. Her eyes lit up, a huge smile came onto her lovely face and she hugged me so tight. My doctor came in and I gave him the peace sign ornament that I picked out for him. "I wanted to give you this because you have brought me peace in my life". He was touched and he told me that his family was decorating the tree this evening and how much the ornament meant to him. I in return said "You mean so much to me". The scheduling nurse loved her gift as well. In a scary world of cancer these three people have brought me comfort and joy and a chance to live a full rich life. Get over yourself dear Wolffie and be grateful that you can sit for 45 minutes and know when you leave the office you will leave a healthy exuberant woman.
I drove home and had time to kill before a lunch date. I dropped my rings off at our local jeweler to get steamed cleaned. I noticed that the sales associate helping me was wearing a pink ribbon pin. I commneted how beautiful it was..."Are you a survivor" I asked? "I will be"! She told me she is having surgery on December 30. She will probably have radiation and no chemo. I was able to share that I am 9 years out. We hugged. We cried. I told her I would pray for her. What a blessing to have walked in the store get my rings cleaned. I rarely do that!!!!
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can overwhelm myself with feelings...good or bad. Today I had so many mixed emotions going on between my doctors appointment and the jewelry store. I meant Pamela, my running partner (and good friend), for a meet in the middle celebratory birthday lunch. Hers was around Thanksgiving and mine is Christmas Eve. We rarely get gussied up and eat a meal together. Most days when we hang out we are usually sweaty after a run and we might get a quick cup of coffee before we go on with our days. So, this was special and I was not going to be late (as I always am when we run). I sat at the table first and realized that this was the table that my daddy and I always sat at when we went for our "special but not always something to celebrate" lunches. It felt comforting after a roller coaster of emotions morning. Pamela walked in, we exchanged gifts (for running) and we had a lovely, fancy adult lunch. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She pushes me to achieve farther distances in running. She helps me examine my life and helps me make choices that are positive for me and my family. She giggles at me which allows me to give myself a break. I can't imagine having anyone else as my running partner and dear friend.
Moral of the day: When life throws you a curve ball..catch it..throw it out into the universe and
allow for changes to come in. Blessings come when you least expect them.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
in Love and Peace,