skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Hi.
I have been looking for my friend for about six years. She fell off the face of the earth. I knew she moved..but her cell changed as well. I tried to find her on My Space, Facebook..but she wasn't anywhere. I recently asked my hubby to post something on Facebook...none of the old cronies knew where she was. Today was a great day. My hubby comes into our room this morning..."Guess who friended me on Facebook today?" I had no clue. It was Susan!!!! I immediately sent her a message on Facebook and asked her to be my Facebook friend. We have talked several times today...time apart did not change the ease of our friendship. I am so happy that we are back in contact. I love when people come into my life after some time and they come back in with such ease and grace. I was so afraid that she had died as she has not been healthy. She is fine and her humor is there and so is her sweetness. She needed to go underground to heal. What a gift I got today.
Two of my boys want to quit middle school band. They don't like the songs they are learning and they think it is geeky. I am a component of not quiting in the middle of an activity or class.. They are at me every day to quit. I talked to the teacher today. She wasn't happy. She likes them and feels they are an asset to the program. Of course they are!! I don't want to fall prey to their pressure. I want to stick to my guns. If they quit this then will I be sending them a a message that it's okay not to follow through when things are boring? It's tough cuz the hubby is in agreement with them. He hated band as a kid too. I guess I am going to be the mean bitchy mom...but a lesson is a lesson. Following through builds character. I know they will not like me now, but later..like in a couple hours after I tell them "the news" they will be okay.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I don't know about you..but once a month right before when I got my period..the world was dark and bleak. Everything bugged me...especially my poor sweet and kind hubby. It didn't matter what he said or did..I had dagger eyes and a bitchy tone to my voice. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I listened to my PMS thoughts. I would be alone, raising four kids, sad, lonely and lost. I am sooooooooooooo very happy and grateful that I didn't listen to my crazy mind..and I am sure he is too!! There is something to be said for menopause..I don't have the monthly glitches in my brain that want to lead me to the dark side!!!
Lesson: Don't quit on life, love, and music!!!
Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
I had an experience the other day day that I would like to share. It's something that sounds like "What's the big deal"..but to me it was a revelation.
I went for a trail run with my running pal, Pamela. We have been doing one trail run a week and I really have enjoyed the difference to running on the road. We are on target for our training for our 1/2 marathon in March, so we were doing a 6 mile run. Piece of cake. We started off and all was well. We were talking and catching up on our New Years Eve evenings and the updates on our kids. We passed our 2 mile marker and were going to run another mile out and then head back to our starting point. The trail was starting to get hilly and I was starting to get dizzy. "Push yourself Wolffie, you can do it". So I listened to my inner radio station called KF*CK. As the course was getting hillier I was getting dizzier. I yelled out to Pamela, "I gotta walk for a bit". I was not happy. I couldn't believe I had to stop running. My mouth was parched and I remembered that all the soda I had been drinking all week and the fact that I did not drink a lot of water before the run was taking its toll. If you don't treat your body like a temple then you are screwed. I proceeded to run again as we had turned around and we were running down hill. I GOT A MAJOR CRAMP. "Breathe through it Wolffie" So I tried. It wasn't going away. My inner voice became soft and loving "Walk Wolffie, just walk". I listened to that voice as my head and right hand were both tingling. I wasn't ready to faint on the trail. "Go on ahead Pamela, I am walking the rest of the way". She ran ahead and turned back to loop me to make sure I was okay. What a great partner!!!! When the end of the run was in sight I told her to go on ahead as I was better. The tingling had stopped. Usually when I am running on the trail, I am looking down on the path so I won't trip on a rock or branch. Now that I was walking, I was able to notice the varying shades of greens and oranges of the leaves, the shadows on the mountains and the structures along the trail. It was beautiful. It was magical. I felt so lucky to be in the moment noticing my surroundings and not being angry with myself for having to walk. There are good running days and bad running days..but it's kind of like lemons and lemonade...it's all in what you make it.
My lesson....eat healthy..drink water and be kind to your body. My body is sacred and I have to listen to it, honor it and treat it with respect.
Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I love my kids..I really do. I can't wait for vacation time. We can sleep in, see movies and not have to take them to their practices. It's chill time at our house. The first week of vacation was great. Our daughter came home from Boulder and were were all together once again. Then the, "What are we going to do today" starts kicking in. Where are we having lunch? Can we get our nails done? Can I wear your shirt? I don't want to see that movie. Can so and so sleep over? Can you take me here. Can you take me there? What am I? A bank? A bus stop? A chauffeur? (well that I know I'm that!!) All of a sudden my need for them to go back to school is STRONG. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I have come to realize that as good as the structure of the school year is for my kids..it is just as good for me. I don't work well with idle time for days in a row. It doesn't mean that I don't like to hang with my kids..I do...I really do..I seem to get a brain fart around holiday and summer and don't make some plans for them and myself ahead of time. Needless to say as my internal alarm clock sounded off this morning and I was getting the boys off to school.... I WAS IN HOG HEAVEN!!
Sh*t. I gotta go get the boys to do their homework. Did I say I liked the school schedule?!?!?!?!
Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.My last entry was eight days ago. Several times in this past week my head and fingers wanted to write, but my heart tugged at me to stay in the moment. I am glad I listened to my heart. This was a busy week with a lot of meaningful days.For one, my birthday. I have been on this earth for 49 years and I have learned to celebrate my life with gusto. My demons of getting older have been laid to rest. I relish every wrinkle and accept with as much dignity and humor my muffin tops and my lack of a youthful body. I suppose that there is apart of me that loves the extra layer that keeps me warmer in the winter and out of a bikini in the summer. I could go full force and become an exercise junkie..but then I wouldn't be able to fit in all the dining with my girlfriends, running to the point of glee rather than exhaustion, working to get my my wardrobe consulting business off the ground, staying in touch with my daughter, hanging with my hubby, taking my boys to and fro and of course my writing. Not a bad way to live. I am filled with busy days with people that I adore and love and who adore and love me!!! Yipeee.My hubby had a birthday this past week as well. His twin brother came to town and we had a great day. His kids surprised us the next day. So, we had days filled with family, which I love. There is nothing like being around family when it works. My kids love their cousins and vice versa. Age doesn't matter as they love to hang and be crazy. I got a bit overwhelmed at times with the crazy part..but they seemed to get it and settled down for a minute or two so I would get off their backs and proceed to have the crazies again!!! The three year anniversary of my daddy's passing was this past week as well. This date looms over me all the days of December. How will I feel? What should I feel? This year we all went to the cemetery. I cried like a baby. My kids hugged me and my hubby let me feel the feelings of sadness. Something happened to me as I walked away from his resting place. I let go. My life has to move on. I can't be stuck in sadness. I have felt so afraid to let go. Maybe it was guilt, not fear. I am not sure how to label this one. All I know is that I didn't want to let go of my sadness because if I did then my dad would be gone. Poof. Absurd Wolffie. I think the suddenness of his death didn't give me time to prepare for the loss of him in my life, my moms life and my kids life. Are we ever ready to lose someone we hold so dearly? I don't think so. All I do know is that I am ready to look into the future and not dwell on the past. New Year's Eve signifies reflection and partying at the same time. How does one do that? Whoo Hoo, I ate too much chocolate buts lets get down to Justine Timberlake? Lets Partay likes it 1999. Lets eat too much...drink too much and deal with it tomorrow. My feelings on the matter is..Why eat and drink more cause the scale is gonna tell you that you just added couple to the 5 you already want to lose? So, I eat normal and drink my water and diet coke and if I am really gonna go for it, I might have an iced tea so I can stay up until 12:00!!!Last night was special. We went to our friends Wendi and Brian's. It wast just them and our boys. We had every intention of eating, playing some board games and being at home by 10:00 to beat the intoxicated drivers. Best laid plans. We ate a yummy meal, laughed our heads off, rang in the east coast New Year (9:00 pm our time), laughed some more, played Apples to Apples, laughed some more, rang in the actual New Year, laughed some more, and came home. It was the perfect way to ring in the new year. It was filled with love, laughter, light, and a promise for a good year to come. I wish this for all of you...love, laughter, light and a promise for a good year to come..oh yeah lets throw in some good health too!!! May we all be who we are meant to be.Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I was introduced to a new game on my IPhone, Words With Friends. It is like playing Scrabble. I am currently and playing with six people. You play one on one and it is ADDICTING. I tell myself that it is good for my brain (which it is I am sure!). Who am I kidding? I want to win!! So far that hasn't been the case. My pals come up with words I have never heard of and they are worth mega points. My kids laugh at me. They want to play my games and like any good mother would do...I say...NO WAY IT'S MY GAME!!!! What if they miss out on a killer word? What if they make it so my opponent gets a killer word? What if Wolffie? It's only a game...right? I am laughing at me right now!! My hubby is halfway between wringing my neck and thrilled because I can't chide him about his Crackberry addiction. Maybe I should start a Words With Friends 12 step program. I am powerless over Words With Friends and my life is unmanageable.....wait...before I do....is there anyone out there who has an IPhone who wants to play?!?Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
I haven't blogged in several days. This past weekend was filled with family festivites and now that the kids are off on holiday, my routine is off track. It's kind of nice opening up my datebook to see no plans. I get to be lazy (it's 10:25 on a Wednesday and I am still in my Jammie's!). It;s great for the kid too. Even though I try not to over schedule them..they are always busy. With school ( a must), their sports (a must for my active testosterone boys) and religious school they barely have to sit their arses down to play Wii. So over the break we are trying to do a lot of chill'in. Our daughter is home..no school and finals are over!!!
How does one chill? My daughter is back from college. She took the furniture from her room to her house in Boulder. So, when she comes here, her suitcase (one of them ) stays in the middle of our kitchen/dining area. THIS ANNOYS ME TO NO END!! I politely and firmly told my hubby to move our armoire into her room so she could get her stuff in drawers. He put my sewing machine table (which hasn't been used in years) in our room to house our TV. Then a light bulb went off in my ever so smart head after speaking with a friend. LETS MOVE OUR FURNITURE AROUND!!! So.......when I get a bug up my ass, things are done lickity spilt. My boys helped me move a chaise and server in our room, move the sewing machine table to the side of our couch (threw a adorable tablecloth over it and no-one until now would ever have known it's a sewing machine), moved the china hutch where the server went, cleaned out my daughters closet from all my crap so she could have more room, and cleaned the linen and towel closet out. I got a lot done. My house feels less cluttered. My kids want to strangle me I am sure because now I want our house to REMAIN spotless which means they actually have to pick up after themselves!!!! I am about to get my tiny violin out and serenade them..poor darlings!!! I know this doesn't sound like chill'in day, but.....it felt oh so good.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Closure has its up and downs. One door closes and another one opens. Shut yourself off from one experience and open up your heart for a new one. What happens if you are not ready and the door slams shut anyway? Heavy, heavy sigh. I have been holding on to my dad's tragic death for three years. Now, through an experience..his case on the accident is over ..solved...time to move on. How does one get over the shock? If I do, will I move on from being able to feel his presence and will my memories of him fade? I have been holding on so tight because I don't ever want to forget his face, his laugh, his cynicism, his roar, his love, his passion. I have chosen to hold on to the tragedy of his death like a little girl clutching her favorite blankie. If you take that blankie away from me...you take my security.... I beg to ask myself inner most self..does my security lie in others? If so, why? Aren't I secure within myself? Yes? But..I guess I was always my daddy's little girl. He could make me feel brave and he could make me feel tall, he could also make me feel small. He just helped make me ( mom too of course)!!! So, now I have to close the door of tragedy and welcome a new door..without my dad. I feel like a confused adolescent right about now.... Conflicted and dramatic. May his soul rest in peace and may my soul rest in the pure knowledge I was loved fully and completely by my dad and that I am still loved fully and completely by those I surround myself with..my beautiful family and friends. It's time to look toward the light not back into darkness. So, one door has shut and one door is opening. I am ready.
Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
It's a beautiful day here in Sunny Southern California. I woke up (which is always a good thing), had a yummy cup of coffee and met my running pal Pamela for a run. I have been having some groin problems. My oncologist suggested I try running off road. There is less pounding for my hips which can lead to groin pain. Who knew?
When we first started out it was a bit cool. The sun was shining and the trail was muddy. My first reaction was to stop and go for a road run. I am so thankful that Pamela is easy going. She took a breath and assessed our situation. "Lets try it.We can always turn back". So that's what we did.
I am so thrilled that we continued as it is a beautiful run. The trees are tall and amazing. We didn't spot deer today but I heard rustling in the bushes. Nature was alive and I felt alive with it. Today we were more silent than usual. Partly because we had to be more aware of our surroundings as there were ditches and loose branches over the trail. I loved being in my head. I felt calm and I couldn't help but feel my senses. One minute I was cold and then we would run into a hot air pocket. One minute I wanted to turn around and in an instant I wanted to run forever. I loved hearing my heartbeat and hearing my footsteps as they pounded the dirt. I felt every part of my legs. I felt each breath as I took a breath in and out. I felt my sweat running down my face and I felt my quick dry clothes soak my perspiration on my body. I felt so aware. I don't feel these same sensations when I run on the road. It was awesome.
I feel so lucky to live in an area that on December 18 it is warm enough to rip my layers off and run with my shirt over my shoulders letting my muffin tops be exposed to the sun. How freeing is that?!? The overall elation about this experience is that I have no groin pain!!! This has been a joyous day so far.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have talked about my issues with drinking liquids before a run and my peeing problem!! I have tried to drink practically zero liquids before a run. I don't feel that is good for hydration or for my muscles. I have tried drinking an hour before a run and go to the little girls room before I leave. I have tried to not think about it and drink on the way to my run. The latter is not a good choice for me. I always pee on my run!! It's fine now because I am wearing long pants (usually black) that are quick drying..so I am no worse for the wear I guess. Today I peed. It's kind of funny. I have this inner dialogue with myself.. I will catch myself singing a Britney Spear's song..."Ooops I did again"! What am I supposed to do? Not run? Should I wear depends? I have to hydrate. I am resigned to the fact that I am a pee..er. Truth be told, I pee when I laugh. I pee when I drink too much at lunch and try to hold it in because I have to pick up the boys. When we get home, I sprint to the bathroom. I don't always make it. I guess I should treat myself like a toddler and keep a fresh pair of thongs and clothes in the car. OMG that's sounds too funny!!! LOL.
Moral of the story: I am who I am. Pee and all!!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
Do you ever feel strangled by how much it costs to exist in the world? Now I have to consider the fact that I have a hubby, four kids, a dog, lots of family members (from me and my hubby), and lots of friends. It always seems like there is a birthday, a lost something, the need to get shoes, the need to get clothes, the need to buy groceries, the need to get a car fixed, the need to fix a broken window (thanks to balls flying into to them) and the need to be out in the world. It seems like money goes out faster than it comes in.
While we are on the subject...have you noticed that the prices go up for movies and the length of time is shorter? The prices are between $11.00 and $12.50 per ticket.. How much does it cost to make popcorn and put syrup in the carbonated water for sodas? It's a small fortune to buy popcorn, a soda and candy. Don't get me started on the candy. I take my boys to Rite Aid to get candy (which horrifies them). I can get them all candy for way less than it costs at the movies. We have to sneak it in (which always makes me sweaty and nervous). I always buy one large popcorn (with one free refill) and pour it into individual trays. I also buy 2 large sodas that we all "share". Barney taught us that "Sharing is Caring"!!! I share and my boys care (or should I say my 13 year old twins would rather have their own stuff...TOO BAD BOYCHICKS). My daughter used to be horrified until she got older (and wiser) and started paying for her own gas, food, etc!!!! My boys time will come that they will pay for most things.....that should be interesting!!!
When you buy bagged items from the market..the cost has gone up and the amount of food has decreased. Does this make any sense? This could be a new diet: AVOID BAGGED PACKAGES. In some ways this is brilliant because chip, cookies, kettlecorn, cereals (okay some are healthy) are all things that would be off the eating list. Granted produce has gone up..but at least "they" haven't managed to make tham smaller in size!!!
I started to think about all this because my daughter misplaced her retainers. They are not at her home in Boulder and they are not here in Los Angelos. Where can they be?!? It's a small fortune to replace them. Her teeth are so beautiful. Do I get them ( the retainers) or not? Do I risk having her teeth move? I am about to embark on my three boys getting braces next month. OUCH. The cost is going to be like a mortgage. I am exagerating, but that's what it feels like. Hmmmm. I know in the end she will get those damn retainers...it just stings right now with the holidays. Maybe that should have been one (or two) of her presents!! (side bar...my girl just called me and offered to pay for it herself....she is a sweetie..I know it will all work out for her not to)
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have been attemting to do some shopping online. It can be easy and I can shop at any time and I don't have to hassle the crowds. Inevitabley, I will have a question so I end up placing my order on the phone. I actually like that better because I like the humaness of it. So, I place my order and all is well....UNTIL they tell me how much the shipping is!!!! Most places now will charge by amount of purchase, not the weight of what you are buying. ANNOYING. Does a pair of pants really cost $14.00 to ship? It's insulting. I will cause a hissy fit and more often than not I will get free shipping. Sometimes on principle, I will not get the items that I want if they don't reduce or give me free shipping. Who am I hurting? ME....but PALEEEEESE...don't stick it to me baby. I can always drive to the mall!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
On Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
Do you believe in Angels? I do. I am not sure that they are the kind with wings and such. I believe that people come in my path to show me a better way to live. I think that angels present themselves in people, in situations that are just too "weird" to not be something divine. I often think my kids are Angels in disguise (only when they are acting oh so wonderful). They teach me things about life that I would never have dreamed I needed to learn. What you might ask? Well, how to love unconditionally for starters. I love them to my core and don't expect anything back. That's not entirely true I suppose. I would like a kiss, a hug and to be treated with respect. Is this too much to ask?!? My kids have taught me to change the things that I don't like about myself so I can be a better mom and person. What could THAT possibly be? Patience, patience, patience. ( oops I just yelled at my boy) My first instinct is to get pissed off...(which I just did), so I have learned to take a lot of deep breaths (which I did not just do). I have learned to say I am wrong when I have hurt their feelings ( I just did that). That's a big one (yes it is). ADMIT I AM WRONG?!? It is so freeing (yes it is). My kids want to please me so they always say, "It's okay Mommy" ( he did not just do this). I could just leave it there...I can't. "NO, what I did was not okay and I want you to know that I know it wasn't cool". The relief in their eyes and face makes me assured that they will have less time on the psychologist couch because I know how to admit my mistakes (yes I do). It also teaches them that they can admit their mistakes too (and they do). It's a win, win ( cha-ching). My kids have taught me to be honest, NOT "do as I say not as I do". Rest assured that between my four kids they are always reminding me that I said this and that. It can be tiring. They keep me on my toes!!! It's not always easy taking the high road..but it's so much better not have to watch your back. My Angels have taught me not to give up. How can I give up when they are encouraging me to push through. One of my boys cheers me on when I am running. "Go Mom..Go...pick up the pace". What I want to say is...."I f*ing can't go anymore. I want to stop running right now. Leave me alone." What I do say is..."I'm doing the best I can". I finish the run (or race) and pride is in those boys eyes. Now that's an Angel.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have not had a piece of chocolate, candy,muffin, cake or doughnut for about 2 years and 4 months (but whose counting!). I can't eat that stuff. Once I have one bite..I want to eat more and more and more. I can never get enough. I eat that stuff until my stomach looks like I am 9 months pregnant and I feel DISGUSTING. Today, I was with my friend at Target. She was having a hankering for Ghiradelli's Chocolate Peppermint Bark Candy. We walked to the holiday aisle where all the sweets were. Usually when I pass buy this aisle, I have no desire what so ever to purchase and eat. NOT TODAY!!! Those cookies and candies were calling to me, "Wolffie, come eat me..I taste sooooooooooooooooooo good"! Can you imagine this conversation in my head? How absurd. It was happening though. WALK AWAY FROM THE EVER SO TEMPTING AISLE. I did..but my mind kept thinking about those damn cookies and chocolate bars. Then an "Angel" came to me in the way of a cute pair of Jammie's. I immediately changed course in my brain and thought, "Now those are CUTE Jammie's". I don't NEED new Jammie's. Nothing was bought (or eaten). We're talking progress here my friends!!!!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wendy
