Day Sixty-Five..Family..Food..Priceless

Hi.

I am STUFFED!!! I feel like I ate whole container of kosher salt. My rings are tight, my face feels PUFFY and I don't really want to eat for a week. It was worth every bite. I didn't really eat a TON of food. I am usually not a carb loader..BUT the stuffing was delectable and my hubby made three types of mashed potatoes....the traditional plain, sauteed onion a garlic and horseradish. Can I brag a bit?!? My turkey was moist, seasoned just right and the skin was crispy. Truly a wonderful meal. The company was nice. No family drama, just nice conversation, funny stories and a lot of love. The only thing missing was my brother and his family being out of the country and not with us and of course I missed my daddy. I believe his spirit was with us. There is something about this holiday that is so wonderful. It is filled with tradition, reflection about what is important to each one of us with family and loved ones surrounding you.

Today is my dad's birthday. I went to the cemetery with my mom. It wasn't sad as I thought it would be. My mom and I reminisced and told great stories about my dad. It was loving and intimate. We actually laughed at some of my dad's antics. The anticipation was far more emotional than the visit to the cemetery.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So, I think I mentioned in a earlier blog that Thanksgiving is not my usual holiday that I host at my home. I think I know why. My hubby, daughter and I moved back to California 18 years ago. I really wanted to entertain my family. We had my family and my hubby's family for Thanksgiving. We made most of the dinner. My table was set with my fine china, wine glasses, cloth napkins and beautiful flowers.. Martha Stewart...really had to move over. Imagine a quality Leave It To Beaver setting. My brother in law Bobby was the turkey carver. My dad had handed him the honors...and important honor. The turkey was done...cooled and ready to be carved. The most awful thing happened...IT WAS RAW. HORROR!!!!!!!!! We had to microwave the turkey. I was appalled. Martha Stewart was silently gleaming in her beautiful home in Connecticut!!! I never did Thanksgiving again until this year. Could it be that they didn't like raw turkey?!? Well lets just fast forward 18 years later why don't we?....My sis in law might have to hand over the reigns of our Thanksgiving feast!! I was sweating bullets..but there was no need. It was perfect this time around!!! Okay, so I won't really take over this holiday... it's my sister in laws favorite. I'll take the kudos from last night and I have a call into Martha... move over baby, THE QUEEN IS BACK!!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back foe more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Four..The Holidays Are Here

Hi.

My table is set. My turkey is seasoned and ready to go. I forget to eat breakfast. I am super edgy. I yelled at my kids. The Holidays are here!!! I sat my four kids down and tried to explain why I become "super stressed out and get out of my way" mommy when I am getting ready to entertain. I want our home to be welcoming. I want our home to feel warm and cozy ( it always does feel that way..I just add some extra touches). My youngest son's response, "If family and friends are coming over, why do you have to make it more special? They know us and love us". Point taken. I took a modified poll and asked if my friends become like me when they are having guests for the holidays and special occasions. Not on person admitted to being calm!!! I love having people in my home. Is it relaxing for me? NO. Do I have a full conversation with anyone? Not very often. Does it give me pleasure to have the holidays? I like the tradition. I don't have "fun", but I know that my guests are having a "fun" time.

Truth be told, there is more to my change of mood. The holidays have changed for me since my daddy passed away. There is a void that can't ever be replaced. There is laughter and conversation...but it is not his. His birthday falls around Thanksgiving. This year it is the day after. My heart feels heavy. I will put on a brave face tomorrow. I will smile, laugh but I will be crying on the inside. Will this pain ever go away? I am thankful for my time with him. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my wonderful hubby who accepts all aspects of me (there are many!!). I am thankful to my kids because they look at me with love most of the time. I am thankful that I am writing again.

What are you thankful for?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I went "browsing" today for a new pair of jeans. Do I need a new pair of jeans? No. As I was trying on jeans, I was having major dialogue with myself. "What are you doing? You don't need these jeans. Why do I have muffin tops? Nothing looks good on me? Walk away from the jean department."

I did walk away. No purchase was made. The experience made me want to do 1000 crunches so my stomach would become flat instantaneously. By the time I got to the car, the thought of crunches was totally out of my head and I wanted to go home, write in my blog and have a nice cup of hot tea. So much for the flat tummy!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-Three...Hustle And Bustle...Love It

Hi.

I have three college girls in my room while I am blogging. They are being loud and teasing me. All I want is quiet..and they are giggling fools. I need to concentrate. I have a huge grin on my face. There is nothing like laughter. Should I kick them out? Can't do it. I have to covet all the female energy I can while my girl is home from college. It's Thanksgiving time. Family and friends are coming to my house. I don't usually cook for this holiday, so I am a bit NERVOUS!!! My hubby and I trade off between whose family we are spending Thanksgiving with. This year it is my side of the families turn. My sister in law usually has the honors, but they are visiting their son in Portugal (Lucky!!!). Sooooooooooooooooooo, the turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes fall on my shoulders. This crowd...love them....BUT they expect the best as my sister in law has spoiled all of us with her rocking cooking. I do love to set a table..well the end result. I can be a bit cranky when I am setting it. I need quiet and that's an impossibility in our house!!! Right now as I am writing this there are two or three conversations going on. Would I trade the hustle and bustle of my home life? No. I feel so blessed to be here. I feel blessed that my daughter and her friends like to hang out with me. They are so fun. It makes me feel young. It makes me feel current.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am the first to admit that if I want something and my head just can't give it up..I can be a manipulator. My daughter on the other hand is the Princess of getting what she wants. My daughter asked my boy, "Can I try on your shirt"? "Okay I guess" She tries it on. It looks cute. "Can I borrow it"? "Sure." Because I have used this tactic..I knew she was going to wear his flannel shirt from the second she asked him the question in her "sweet I am going to get my way for sure" voice. One of the things about being the only sister in the family does have its advantages.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-two..Celebrate Life

Hi.

It only takes a millisecond to have your life change. Well at least that's what happened to me. "You have Cancer". November 23, 2000. That's a day I will never forget. In the back of my head I had a feeling the doctor would tell me that my biopsy came back with those haunting words. Time stopped. I never fully understood how slow time can really be. The second hand of the clock on the wall of the doctor seemed to be moving in slow motion. But was it? We are all so busy in our lives, can we ever fully understand time? Those three words, YOU HAVE CANCER have impacted me and my family and friends forever.

I understand the importance of not wasting time ie "One day I will... Why not do "whatever" now? I understand the feeling of being fearful of dying. Why not live to the fullest everyday? I understand the pain of my family seeing me go through surgeries, treatments and depression. It made me realize through the pain in their eyes the need for me to fight like hell, be positive and remain positive after my year long ordeal was over and the reality of the situation was all I could think about. I understand that simplicity is far easier to maintain than complexity. I understand that I am so fortunate to have friends that rallied with us and made our life easier. I understand that I am one lucky woman. Nine years cancer free. Yipeeeeee!!!

I have one more thing to add....please have your loved ones and yourself get mammograms at forty and beyond. I am that statistic..that 1 in 1500 that got diagnosed at 39. I am the woman who would probably not be sitting here at my computer being grateful that I am alive and kicking. Please fight with me. Let your voice be heard. Let your senator and congressman know that we will not tolerate being invisible.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I had lunch today with a dear friend who shares the same day of breast cancer diagnosis with me. She is five years cancer free. She is a beautiful soul. I am lucky to call her my friend. It's amazing what situations in life bonds people together. We have been friends longer than five years..but both being breast cancer survivors solidified us as BCBFF (breast cancer best friends for life). We understand the fears of thinking we would not raise our children. We understand the need talk freely to each other about our trials and tribulations with having gone through the process of our treatments. We understand the joys of life. We understand the need to be the best we can be without being stressed ( not always obtainable). We understand that we are blessed. Happy days ahead for us, I know.

Moral of the story: Stop. Breathe. Hug someone you love. Be free to be the best you.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty-One..Trying To Fit It All In

HI.

I have not been able to blog because my kids have kept me really busy. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really missed writing. It's hard to juggle my days sometimes and I was a bit resentful yesterday when my son volunteered me to get supplies for their school project. I had a car full of boys in the car. I had to get them home, write in my blog and leave for a Stop Cancer awards dinner. Doctors were receiving grants for their ongoing research for all types of cancers. I didn't have time to go to get supplies. I threw a minor tantrum, got the supplies anyways and got my frozen yogurt for after the awards dinner. I just didn't get to blog. The thing that I have to remember is that the boys are having their pals come to our house. I get to hear about their days, listen to what's going on at school. I kind of feel like I am a fly on the wall!!! I was thrown a curve ball and I didn't handle it in the best way.

It's amazing on what is happening to find cures for cancers. These incredible doctors ( both men and women) are devoted to finding cures, prolonging lives and ultimately trying to have higher survival rates for all cancers. I was able to sit at dinner with a leading doctor who is a specialist in breast cancer. He developed a medicine that is apart of many women's protocol for breast cancer. I asked him about my hormone therapy. He didn't like the idea that I was on it. No big surprise to me. He gave me a name of a doctor who could give me alternatives to taking hormones. I have to investigate. If I could feel sane and not be on hormones..then I will do it. The key here is sanity. I don't want to be the insane wife and mommy that I was without hormones. Menopause is a bitch (at least it was for me) and I can't let that define me. I don't like being a super bitch. I got this twinge of fear that I might get cancer again if I stay on estrogen. It didn't feel good. I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I want to be there for my kids. I want to see them graduate college, get married and have kids. I want to be apart of it all. I just want to be graceful about it. No hormones equals erratic behavior for me. I am hoping that there is a different solution so I can have it all...grace..health..long life..and peace.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can't tell you how happy I am that my girl is back for Thanksgiving break!!! There is FEMALE energy back in our house. Yipeeeeee!! Don't get me wrong..I love all my guys. They bring laughter, noise, bickering and fun to our household. Lets just say they are a lively bunch!!! They make me want to duck out from time to time and meet my girlfriends for a 5:00 Cup o Joe. Today was a perfect day in the life of having a daughter. We went to the 10:00 am showing of New Moon. There must have been 4 previews of chick flicks that my girl and I wanted to see. All we had to do is lock eyes to know that we were going to see the movies together. Words weren't necessary. We loved the movie. It was a chick flick to the max. Romance, passion. tension, some laughs, beautiful scenery and cute clothes. I can't forget to mention bare chests can I?!? After the movie, we went to our favorite local healthy restaurant. We ran into people, schmoozed a bit and then went shopping!!! We didn't get anything, but we went shopping at a girlie store!!! I am sighing with complete satisfaction right now. Tonight we are going to a play, Beauty and the Beast at our local high school. What a difference a day makes!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Sixty...Are You Thinking About Our BOOBS Or Your Bottom Line?

Hi.

I can't help but wonder where I would be right now if I did not have my baseline mammogram at 38 and my next one at 39? I was diagnosed with DCIS and a 1.5 centimeter tumor. If I were to have listened to the guidelines that they are suggesting in the study that came out today, would I be in the morgue or maybe I would have had to have a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy? It drives me CRAZY that they think that women in their 40's should not do yearly exams. Who are they working for? The insurance companies or women? I can't tell you how many people I know who have been diagnosed in their 40's. C'mon, too much radiation? What about our phones? What about going through security at an airport? What about..so much crap that is in the air? What about the crap we put in in our bodies? How about the hormones that are shot into cows and chickens that we digest when we eat? We are talking about women's lives. We are talking about women's families who are affected. How DARE they. I am curious who funded this research. I know it was done through "reputable" institutions....do they worry more about costs and radiation exposure over catching breast cancer in its early stages? Will the insurancies companies get a "pass" from paying for yearly mammograms if you are not high risk? The study even said that there is no evidence if it is caught in its early stages that it effects the outcome. OMG. Have any of those researchers been through surgeries, chemo, radiation and heartbreak? Have they lost a family member or dear friend to breast cancer? Have they watched a loved one in fear of dieing? Have they witnessed someone being so sick that they can't lift up their head from their pillow? Have they watched a young girl not wanting to go to school because she's afraid that her mommy won't be alive when she comes home from school? Where is our humanity? Where is our sensitivity? Has our world become only about statistics and money?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can get totally consumed with this study. I can bitch and moan , but the only way I can be heard is to write to my Congressman. I will have to look further into the study before I rant. I know I have to get more educated. I want to protect my daughter and I want to protect women who don't even know that they have breast cancer. So, I will do what I can and that will help me sleep at night. I can't afford to be angry or stressed. I will do my part because I believe that each of our tiny voices becomes one big loud voice. The only people looking out for us, is us. I will go on a campaign..Help save our Boobs. I hope you will join me.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Fifty-Nine...Where Did The Time Go?

HI.

I can't believe that my daughter is 19 today! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that my water broke. We were living in New York. It was my last day of work. I was planning on having 1o days to "get ready" before my due date. Best laid plans!! I went to the doctor earlier in the day..tight as a drum. I was crying because I was so uncomfortable. Was I ready to have my baby? In theory yes, but are you ever ready? My office had a "bon voyage from work and welcome to being a mother party" for me. My hubby and I had plans to eat at this chic restaurant Prix Fix. It was a six course meal. I ate like a bird because who has room for food when you are almost full term? There's no room for food. The baby takes over!! My hubby on the other hand ate it all...lobster, steak, salad, soup, appetisers and of course desert. We went to see our friend play in a really smokey club. I was way paranoid of the smoke..not good for the baby. We left and I am so happy we did. My hubby felt sick to his stomach and went to bed. My water broke at about midnight. I went to wake him only for him to mutter, "I don't feel good". He rolled over and went back to sleep. Did I hear that correctly? HE WASN'T FEELING GOOD!!! I am so lucky to have a fab sister in law. I called her confused and pissed off at "the hubby". She stayed up with me all night on the phone and timed my contractions ( she was in California and I in New York City). At about 5:00 in the morning we went to Lennox Hill Hospital. Our child arrived into the world at 11:14 am. When I locked eyes with our girl, I was hooked. At that very instant, my world changed. I could no longer put me first. I had to raise this beautiful girl. Here we are 19 years later. What a roller coaster being a parent has been. How does one navigate being a parent when there isn't a handbook? I have made mistakes, but boy do we have a wonderful girl. She is kind, sensitive, beautiful, funny, a pain in the ass, smart and loyal to her family. Could I ask for anything else? I don't think so. Would I change anything we have come up against raising her? No because all experiences good and bad have shaped her. She has had some bumps along the way and she has learned from them. Have I wanted to wring her neck at times. That would be a big YES!! Have I been proud of her more than wanting to wring her neck? Yes. Can I take credit for her successes and failures? I don't think so. I have tried to guide her to make better choices. She made her choices. Have I stifled her at times because of my fears? Yeah. Has she pointed those times out to me? Most definitely. I know she has taught me more about life than I ever have taught her. All my kids have. I have to keep myself in check and deal with parts of me that are not always comfortable to look at. I am stronger because of her and my boys. I owe them so much of who I am today. I want to do better for them. So I have to work on me A LOT. I can't afford to give up on me. They look for me to be present. So, when the chips are down and I want to hide, I can only do it for a bit because I have to show them that no matter what is going on in life, YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT. It's not always easy but it can be done. I have found that through the painful times in my life, I have grown the most. Through challenge comes triumph. Happy Birthday my sweet child. I celebrate you today. I celebrate our relationship. I celebrate my love for my hubby. I celebrate our family. I celebrate life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So my daughter comes home from the hospital. My parents flew in to meet our girl and to "help" us with the overwhelming feelings of being new parents. I thought my mom would know everything. She was my MOM for heavens sakes. I was having trouble breastfeeding. My mom couldn't help me because she never breast fed us. I went to a lactation specialist. The breast feeding settled itself out rather quickly. We were using cloth diapers, but they were too big. My mom couldn't help because she did not remember how to make them fit. We went to disposables (sorry environment). What my mom did know how to do was show us how to bathe our girl. She was tiny, so she was slipping in the tub we bought. She showed us how to bathe her in the sink. I WAS TERRIFIED. I threw a " I am overwhelmed and afraid because she is crying in the bath fit". My mom knew how to calm me down and also calm our daughter down. She didn't like the water. She didn't like the cold. My mom sang softly to her. It calmed her down. So I knew that singing could calm my girl. I tried it and it worked!! So with all she didn't know or didn't remember, she gave me one very important lesson..follow your instincts. I can attest that it has worked all these years later. When my mom and dad left to go back home, I cried so hard. I needed my mommy. I was afraid to be a mommy. The best thing that could ever have happened was me being alone. It forced me to look at my little girl and grow up. "Okay my sweet mouse pie, this is it. It's you, me and daddy. Lets do this and lets do it right". What a ride it has been!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In love and peace,

Wolffie