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Hi.Today I had my oncology appointment. No big deal. I go every three months to check my tumor marker and I have been great for 8 years, even with being on Hormone Replacement (that's why I go every 3 months).I got to my appointment on time and I sat down in the waiting area until I my name was called. No big deal. After about 25 minutes there was no name calling for me going on. I started to get restless. I went to talk to the receptionist who politely replied, "We don't have you down for lab work today". My temperature was rising. "I come every three months for labs, why isn't it in my chart". I could go on about the circles that developed in our conversation which basically ended in a dead end and I feeling like a bitch. My blood was drawn 20 minutes later after I felt anxiety about being there too long. It's hard to walk in the oncology office. There is so much sickness. I walk in healthy and young looking. No one wants to have any eye contact with me or receive my, "I have been there just hang in there" smile. I can't blame them. It's tough because they are fighting so hard and I am clearly not. I feel guilty and grateful at the same time. My name was finally called and I got to see my doctor. That's where the miracles always happen. He makes me feel safe and my anxiety always goes away. I brought a little gift to my nurse, the scheduling secretary and my oncologist. I took a deep breathe and let go of the last 45 minutes and gave the nurse her gift. Her eyes lit up, a huge smile came onto her lovely face and she hugged me so tight. My doctor came in and I gave him the peace sign ornament that I picked out for him. "I wanted to give you this because you have brought me peace in my life". He was touched and he told me that his family was decorating the tree this evening and how much the ornament meant to him. I in return said "You mean so much to me". The scheduling nurse loved her gift as well. In a scary world of cancer these three people have brought me comfort and joy and a chance to live a full rich life. Get over yourself dear Wolffie and be grateful that you can sit for 45 minutes and know when you leave the office you will leave a healthy exuberant woman.I drove home and had time to kill before a lunch date. I dropped my rings off at our local jeweler to get steamed cleaned. I noticed that the sales associate helping me was wearing a pink ribbon pin. I commneted how beautiful it was..."Are you a survivor" I asked? "I will be"! She told me she is having surgery on December 30. She will probably have radiation and no chemo. I was able to share that I am 9 years out. We hugged. We cried. I told her I would pray for her. What a blessing to have walked in the store get my rings cleaned. I rarely do that!!!!Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I can overwhelm myself with feelings...good or bad. Today I had so many mixed emotions going on between my doctors appointment and the jewelry store. I meant Pamela, my running partner (and good friend), for a meet in the middle celebratory birthday lunch. Hers was around Thanksgiving and mine is Christmas Eve. We rarely get gussied up and eat a meal together. Most days when we hang out we are usually sweaty after a run and we might get a quick cup of coffee before we go on with our days. So, this was special and I was not going to be late (as I always am when we run). I sat at the table first and realized that this was the table that my daddy and I always sat at when we went for our "special but not always something to celebrate" lunches. It felt comforting after a roller coaster of emotions morning. Pamela walked in, we exchanged gifts (for running) and we had a lovely, fancy adult lunch. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She pushes me to achieve farther distances in running. She helps me examine my life and helps me make choices that are positive for me and my family. She giggles at me which allows me to give myself a break. I can't imagine having anyone else as my running partner and dear friend.Moral of the day: When life throws you a curve ball..catch it..throw it out into the universe andallow for changes to come in. Blessings come when you least expect them.Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.in Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
There's something about the holidays that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I love buying gifts for my loved ones. I love the colder weather. I love the winter break from my kids school so we can chill and not have our usual hustle and bustle life. I love the holiday songs. I love the idea about drinking hot tea, eggnog, and all the family rituals that come around this time of year.
What I don't like about this time of year is that people get rude and cranky. People do not act like the Hallmark adds I see on T.V.! What happened to holiday spirit?!? I was shopping the other day and I was about to get a prime parking spot. This person cut me off and took my spot!!! OMFG!!! Should I get out of my car and give them my two cents about being polite? No, parking karma will get them back. I just fumed all by myself and got a parking spot REALLY FAR AWAY!! I chalked it up to being able to have an extra potato pancake at our Hanukkah feast (which I didn't end up having..I opted for a larger frozen yogurt that night!!).
I mentioned how I love to give gifts. I do..I really do. My kids get the brunt of my "over controlling this is what you are going to open first gift says I the BIG KAHUNA mommy". I would like to say that is because I get them gifts that are similar, which is true, but it is really because I want to control their "you are the best mom (and dad) ever for getting me this awesome gift" feeling. Is it really a big deal if they open up what they want and the other kids see what they "might be getting"? Tonight is the 4th night of Hanukkah. We get each of our kids 5 gifts and I am going to "let them " pick whatever they want. I am sure this is going to makes my a*s feel tight...but I am going to do it. I am going to have to take a deep breathe and not open my mouth. I know they will ask "Which one should I open Mommy"? I am going to say......................"Whatever you want". I am sweating just writing this!!! I have to get over myself because the gift giving isn't about only "MY" happiness...it's really about "THE JOY ON THEIR FACES!! Right?!?
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Several years ago we decided to give our boys a Tether ball for a gift. They loved to play it every day on the school playground. What a "perfect gift"...right? My hubby bought the pole and the Tether ball accoutrement's. He decided that he wanted to install it himself, so he went to Home Depot and rented a cement drill!!! Can you picture my 5'6'' hubby on a cold winter night drilling in the dark? In the morning I woke up to see the Tether ball in place..and it was crooked!!! Like a mom who wants the gift to be perfect, I commented (in not a very nice tone), "You're going to have to do it again". Where was the "Great job Honey. The kids are going to love it"? I couldn't get those simple words out of my mouth. My kids woke up and a squeal came out of everyone of their mouths. THEY LOVED IT. Do you think that they noticed the pole was a bit off? NO THEY DIDN'T. Instead they saw a labor of love from their dad. Hours and hours were played with the crooked Tether ball. Who do you think was right in their opinion? Certainly it wasn't me!!!!!!
Moral of the story: The gift of giving is in the love and thought put into it..not always in the execution.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
I got my new drivers license in the mail today. I must say that after 10 years between pictures, I look pretty darn good!! If I were to nit pick , I could say that the my lines are a little deeper. Shouldn't there be deeper life lines? I mean these past ten years have been big years. I was diagnosed with cancer, we moved and had a lifestyle change, my hubby changed careers, my daughter became a teenager (that's enough to have deep lines!), we raised three toddler boys to teenagers (that's enough to have deep lines!), I went through menopause (that's enough to have deep lines!), my daddy died (that's enough to have deep lines!) my daughter became a bat-mitzvah (that's enough to have a permanent smile line!), my twin boys had a b'nai mitzvah(that's enough to have a smile line), and all my kids were active in sports after a sports after sports (that's enough to have gray hair and lines!).
The point I am trying to make here is that I lived life. I have had great moments, scary moments and fantastic moments that all deserve a deep line and a wrinkle here or there. Call them badges of honor if you will. I can name when I got each one and they all have tremendous meaning..so I can't botox them or fill them away. I feel like my life experience would be wiped clean. I don't want a clean slate.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. A few weeks back, I wrote about putting my new weight on my drivers license. At the time I was gungho about being honest and empowered. I kind of wained a bit as my appointment at the DMV got closer. Who really NEEDS to know my true weight but me? I thought about if I got into a car accident and they needed to give me medicine. Wouldn't they need to know my actual weight to formulate the correct dosage ( how did I even think about that?!?)? My number was called, I took my eye exam, and paid my fees. At the last second I told the DMV associate, "My weight has changed". "Oh, just put the change right here darlin". That's it. No big announcement on the loudspeaker that said, "Weight change at window 27". She didn't praise me for my honesty. She didn't give me the once over to see how much bigger I looked (baggy shirt!!). NO BIG DEAL. I suggest you try it some time.
Moral of the story: No one gives a rats ass about my physical appearance more than me.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.I am finding there is such a difference between teenage boys and girls. I like to be apart of my boys conversations. I am having a problem. First I have to get through the mumbling. Why do boys mumble? I don't get it. Besides not having to repeat themselves several times, what they are trying to say gets lost because of my impatience or loss of desire to know what they are trying to tell me. As I write this, this sounds pretty harsh. I DO care what they are doing in their lives, I just can't seem to get past their delivery!! I try to tell them to speak clearer, stop mumbling or please can you start the story again. They get super ANNOYED. They think I don't CARE. It's a total drag...we are caught up in the disconnect of mom language and teenage boy language.The needing to be physical is a big difference as well. My boys are always trying to one up each other with whose a faster runner, whose a better soccer player, who pees longer and louder, who brushes their teeth better and so on and so on. Sometimes it's funny though...is it really awesome to have stinkier farts and louder burps?!? LOL!!I picked up my 3 boys from school today along with 3 other boys. Besides the loud noise and boy smell, they are so funny to listen to. They talk about who likes what girl(which is not always true..they say it to get a rise out of one of them) how they are better than the others in everything. No-one seems to mind because they are thinking of things to one up the one who just tried to diss them!!!! It's like verbal ping pong!!!!Lets talk about girls. I know that we girls are not saints..trust me drama exists between females. It is different though. There might be some harmful words followed by a tearful I am sorry. When my daughter and her friends got into my car after a full day of school, I smelled perfume!!! Girls giggle about cute boys and want to know all the details of the crush. They also try not to be the best at burping and farting even though it happens amongst us girlies. My daughter and her friends always had (and still do) deep conversations and they cared about each others successes and were there for the failures. I am not saying that my boys and their friends don't care about each others highs and lows in life. They might give a punch instead of a hug and a "sorry dude" instead of a long conversation. Is one way better than the other? That's hard to say. Most men will say that women are overly analytical and dramatic. I like to think of us as sensitive and caring. Most women will say that men are distant and unemotional. Tomatoe Tomato Potatoe Potato...Whose right? Whose wrong? I am going to be comfortable with saying we are just.....different.Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I feel like I bashed the male species today. I love my hubby. I love my boys. I love men. In this blog entry, I put women on a pedestal..and I probably should come clean. Girls and women can make me CRAZY. I am not always a peach either. The difference is that I understand the inter workings of most women. I did something rash today because I am an emotional female. I resigned from a board position because of words spoken. Should I have quit without sleeping on it? Probably not. Call me sensitive. Call me a hothead. Okay, just call me a female!!!Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.in Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
I was talking with my daughter yesterday as she was walking home from class. She is in Boulder, Colorado and we are in Southern California. Yesterday was a cold rainy day here and I was kind of pissed because I had just come back from Florida where it was rainy and cold. I yearned for our Southern California "mild winter". Anyways, back to my conversation with my girl. She was really cold. The temperature said it was 3 degrees. Wow, that's a bit nippy!! She was going to climb into bed to get warm and confided that she was going to wear the long brown down jacket I MADE HER BUY last year when she started her freshman year. "You will need this when it's cold". She was truly mortified with the purchase. She also didn't want to buy the after ski boots with cozy fur inside that I MADE HER BUY either!! "Everyone's gonna know I am from California when I wear this stuff". My response...."And"?!? Lets just say that her new roomie who was from New Jersey wanted to buy the stuff we had just purchased!!! Fast forward to a year later:"Mom I have to admit that I am going to wear the brown coat later today". I was speechless. Do I needle her and say "I told you so"? That would not be very nice. Instead I yelled out a huge "I told you so scream"!!!! It was very satisfying. We both laughed and moved on to a different topic.
Why don't our kids just come to terms with "Moms know best"? I am going to be 49 in a few weeks and I still have that " I know it all and you don't" attitude when I don't like a suggestion that my mom will give me. She is usually right!!! I know that we all want to have our own identity and our own opinions..but do we have to fight against common sense? It gets butt cold in Boulder, Colorado..why not be prepared?
Today in beautiful Southern Cal it was 32 degrees at about 8:30 when I went for my run. Did I bring gloves or a hat? No. Was I cold? Yes. My face and lips burned a bit. It felt good to feel the cold. It was invigorating. When I got home, I took a shower, got dressed and stepped outside to start my day. I had to go back inside and add another layer!! Yippee. I hope we have a cold winter. It is so much fun bundling up!!!
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my husband and I moved to New York, I was sooooooooooo excited. Coming from Southern Cal, we really only have 2 seasons. Being the fashionista that I am, I couldn't wait to get all the paraphernalia for a brisk fall and cold winter. I bought beautiful scarves,coats, gloves, sweaters and shoes. I was set and I was going to look good!!!! The fall came and I was in heaven. The winter came and I was so excited for the first snow. I stuck my tongue out to feel the cold snow. I was elated how silent snowflakes are when they fall from the sky. It was incredible. I felt like a little kid. It was new and I couldn't wait for the next snowfall. These feelings got old quickly as the winter was one of the coldest NYC had had in many years. Screw the snowflakes, screw my face feeling brisk. I walked around doubled over murmuring "I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm cold (no sh*t Sherlock, who wouldn't be!)." I thought if I said my little mantra, it would make me feel warm. NOT. The only thing that my mantra did was make my hubby laugh, so all was not lost. I still say my mantra to this day when I am cold. It doesn't help me feel warmer but it gets a chuckle from the hubby!! So, today as I feel so thoroughly excited about the cold and yearn for this weather to last for awhile, I know that soon I will be counting down the days when I can strip down to my bikini (who am I kidding..my one piece will do!). Until then, I will bundle up and forgo my frozen yogurt for a hot cup of tea!! Cheerio!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Well, I have been on hiatus from blogging after I ranted on how I wanted to stay true to myself and write. It’s not because I was backing out on my word. I went on a vacation with one of my twin boys. It was a vaca for me, but he was running a National Cross Country Race in Orlando, Florida. As most of you know, Florida is commonly known as the sunshine state. It was cold and rainy. Sunshine or not, we did not let that stop us from having fun.
I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my 13 year old boy. Who would think that we could agree on what to eat, when to shop (outlet mall for cold rainy gear!), and what rides to go on at Disneyworld? I was the one who had to be more agreeable. At home when I am with my brood, I have to admit that I can be the “controlling mom who likes to have her way because that keeps me sane”!! On our trip, I could let go and just be. So, I went on the scary rides (anything with a roller coaster). My boy held my hand and I screamed my head off. We held hands throughout the trip and my boy actually kissed and hugged me in front of his peers!!! OMG, DID THAT FEEL GOOD!!! I can’t tell you how many times he told me that this was such a great trip. " Thanks Mom. This trip was so much fun. I am glad you brought me here”. Am I dreaming? No. Am I elated? Yes. Do I want to do this again? For sure.
I am proud of my boy to boot. He ran his heart out. He placed well. He was happy with his race. He was confident. This is a journey he is carving out for himself. We are just along for the ride. It is a great ride. It has its bumps along the road, but there are lessons he is learning that I can’t teach him. It’s a marvel to watch his head compute statistics (definitely not my skill) and to watch him run sends chills down my spine. This is the boy who had open heart surgery at 12 weeks of age. It truly teaches me that all is possible. All we must do is open our hearts and our minds and situations come to us. We must dive in spite of our fears and know that no matter what, we learn and grow and something will “stick”. I lost years of writing because I was not open to learn and explore. I was into FEAR. My boy teaches me by example to “GO FOR IT”. Does he get nervous and feel like he might not succeed in a race? Most definitely. Does he race in spite of his fear? Yes. He has taught me to keep my eyes open because you never know who your mentor will be. He is mine.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I LOVE Tinkerbell. I relate to her being feisty. She was a protector of Peter pan. As a kid, I loved her because she had magical powers. I wished I had fairy dust and could fly around and wave my wand. As an adult, I related to her wanting to protect those she loved. When it came time to buy gifts for the family, how could I not buy something with Tinkerbell for me?!? I bought a coffee mug that replaced the one I broke several years ago. And then I saw a snow globe Tinkerbell!! When you shook it it had fairy dust stars!! I thought it would be perfect for my desk, perfect to shake when I had writers block. I knew her "fairy dust" could help me create (I would just close my eyes and believe). We got to the airport and were going through security. "Miss is this your backpack"? "Yes sir it is". "I am going to have to ask you to pick up the rest of your belongings and meet me over here". Oh sh*t. What did I pack? "Is there anything in here that could cut me"? "I have a shot glass (for my hubby's espresso collection!!) and a mug and snow globe". "Ma'am, the snow globe contains liquid. We are going to have to confiscate this or I can escort you to the Disney Store and you can return it.". My heart sunk because I knew Tink was not coming home with me. Moral of the story: When they mean no liquid on an airplane, snow globes apply. Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again. In Love and Peace, Wolffie
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Hi.I can't believe it has been so long since I have sat down to write. Where does the time go? I can tell you that I have not been sitting on my padded tush eating bonbons and watching soap operas, although that does sound like fun (especially the bonbon part). In between hanging with my daughter, going to the movies with my boys, entertaining house guests and getting back into the swing of our early morning school days, I have not had any time to myself. Need I mention the after school activities..school reports, shelping to various practices, trying to attend to my new running injury (all is well there). I have been busy. Could I have written at a different time than I usually write? Totally. I am a creature of habit. I don't like to write in the morning (like I am now) as I don't have stories to share ( bull crap) So much evolves in my day that is good fodder for blogging (yawn). Is this my real reason? If I am to be completely honest.... this is part of my M O. I start something and am really gung ho about it. I find myself slowly stopping what I enjoy. "I have to take the kids", "I have to go to the market", I have to.....do you get the picture? I don't follow through. I love writing. It makes me feel whole. It makes me feel like I am honoring who I am. It makes me smile. It makes me laugh. It makes me honest. It makes me feel accomplished. THEN WHY DO I SABOTAGE? Fear of failure? Fear of success? I can go around and around trying to "figure" me out. Who has the time? I certainly don't. All I know is that if I put it in print..then I am going to work through my "stuff". So...here it is: I Wolffie, will not stop writing. I will write this blog even if I have only a few sentences to put down. I will write my novel that I have been in fear about. I will be the best Wolfiie I can be. I will honor my commitment to myself. I will not always want to..but I will.Okay now. Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I GOT MY CHANEL BAG AS A GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. I feel Grand. I don't know about you, but I love to have something to look forward to. I will miss my "visits" to the Chanel Boutique at Neiman's. Maybe I should channel my obsessions inward toward my creativity. I love to be creative, but the feeling is different. One is pure (creativity) and one is decadent (pining for some outside thing). So...why not do both?!?!?!?!?!!? Today I committed to writing. Now I will have to find a new object to "visit". I will keep you posted.Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
