Day One Hundred and Fifteen...Yep....It's Coming

Hi. I went to the mail yesterday trying to hijack the bills when I saw it.....my AARP membership invitation. I thought to myself, " It's coming...your getting to be apart of the 50 and older club". I really didn't feel to bad about the little envelope with my fate of crossing over to my next phase in life...over de hill!!! I have been waitng for it. I heard that the AARP magazine has great articles and the membership is only $16.00 for a year. Super de duper cheap and you get so much. I get discounts on travel, car rental, prescriptions, health services AND they are fighting for my rights!! Not bad for 16 bucks. The Hubby (who is almost 53) did not join when he had the opportunity. He thought it was stupid. I think of it as a right of passage. This is probably one of the best benefits of crossing over to the older side of life. I filled out my info, wrote a check and popped it in the mail. In a few weeks time i will get my AARP kit AND I get a AARP travel bag. I have arrived!!!

Just to fill you in on my week..I am mentally and physically doing so much better. I ran twice this week with no knee pain. I ate really healthy. I was so charged up that I swore to myself that I lost at least 2-3 pounds. So with much excitement, I jumped on the scale. Was it going to be my friend or foe? Well if you looked only at the number, it was a for sure a foe, as the number did not budge....BUT I felt good because my weight did not go up? HIP HIP HOORAY!!!! So, friend it is. I believe half the battle of weight loss is mental. If this were to have happened last week, I would have sworn at the scale, jumped off and eaten whatever I wanted. Today, I just wanted to continue on this path of healthy eating and exercise. The weight will come off and if not this week then it will next week. Oh, the joys of being in the here and now really pay off. So, tomorrow I will get up and go for a early morning run before I am off to my life coach. (who is so fab BTW). I gotta work on the inside so I can have the desire to work on the outside.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When I went for my run yesterday, I rocked it hard. I did under a ten minute mile for both of my two miles. This is HUGE because I had the stamina to do it AND my knee didn't hurt. So, I run the lake a lot and have been doing so for years. My girlfriend and I walked the lake the other day (sandwiched in between my two runs) and she pointed out this tree which had a huge set of eyes and nose on the trunk. No mouth. No ears. Hear no evil and speak no evil..right!!! What this tree sees everyday as people pass by on their walks and runs must be very interesting. It observes us and takes in all the colorful conversations and the smells of the seasons. It keeps our secrets and watches our progresses. When she was telling me about the tree before I saw it I blurted out, "I could never notice that tree because I only look straight ahead and pray to my running g-d to please let me just finish the run". We laughed. I am so concerned with finishing my run that I overlook the beauty of where I am running. I overlook the smells of the seasons. On my run tomorrow I am going to nod to that tree as it watches me pass buy and thank him for the gift of being in the present, not yearning to be at the finish line.

Moral of the story: Be where your feet are not where your mind can take you.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Fourteen...The Joys Of Getting Older

Hi. My heart feels like it going to explode out of my chest. The clock is about to turn 12:00 am and I can't sleep. Pray tell, what going on? What's not going on? I have so much on my mind. Where do I start? Serious or humor?!? Hmmmm. Lets start with humor and see where it takes me.

My body is moving down. Gravity is not holding up my boobs. Well if I am honest...only one is drooping. Thanks to breast cancer, I have one perky radiated boob!!! Now, I had my mammogram last week and all was good. On November 23, I will be officially 10 years cancer free. Yippee!!! You would think I would be happy and don't get me wrong, I am ELATED...but I have feelings. My head is spinning. I think about my friends who lost the fight and I can't help but feel..guilt. I really need Cher right now. I need her to be her character in Moonstruck. I need a slap in the face and her telling me to "Snap outta of it"! Where is she?!?

Now back to my gravity issues. Along with my not so perky boob..I have the I am almost turning fifty in December body. And this is not the most uplifting thing. My love handles have turned into i am five months prego but is impossible stomach. Thanks to menopause,that is. All I can ask myself is.....WHY? OK, so maybe my portions have gotten a bit LARGE. Maybe since my knee injury, my exercise is almost nil. I just don't think it is fair that with age comes...plump. Why can't I eat like I did when I was younger and not gain weight? Why does gravity have to play a role in my life? Why? Why? Why am I whining? Answer? Because I want to!!! . I just feel so overwhelmed that all I want to do is...NOTHING.

Is there anybody out there in blog land who understands me? I feel so lost. I feel foreign to myself. I certainly don't feel funny. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel anything but....YUCKY.

The first step in anything is admitting. So, I hereby declare that I am feeling like a worn out, used up, middle aged momma. There. I said it. Now, I have to own it and change it. I do know that life begins at fifty. That's what they say in all the magazines and talk shows. Fifty is the new thirty. Huh? Really? When I was thirty I had perky boobs..a flat tummy...and I slept. I didn't have hot flashes. I didn't have cancer (I don't now..just the emotional aftermath of it)..I was care free. So, how is it that I can feel thirty again?

Okay...whining time is over. I have to shake this off and move on. I am going to get up tomorrow and buy a push up bra. I am going to get new thong undies that are cute and make me appear and hopefully feel sexy. I am going to eat healthy. I am meeting my running pal at 8:30. I am starting to run again after my injury in January. I am going to honor my tummy. I am going to honor my feeling lost and I am going to find my way back....to me.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. In the craziness of my gloom, I have felt light and sunshine and laughter. I have to thank the hubby and our kids for that. So, we have a new show that we watch together. It's called "The Middle". What I love most about it is the dysfunction!! It shows the flaws that families have. It pokes fun at family life with humor and I feel like I am NORMAL!!! Now that in itself makes me give the show an A+. My teenage studs, all three of them, gather on our bed and we watch this show and laugh our heads off. I make them rewind parts of each episode so I can laugh my head off. I feel so free. One could think..."How rude Wolffie. You are laughing at dysfunction" If truth be told..I am laughing about me. Cause when one laugh at others, aren't we really laughing at ourselves?

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Thirteen...All I Want Is A Good Night's Sleep!!!!!!!

Hi. It's 6:20 am on Sunday. The house is quiet.. The Hubby and The Kinder are sleeping peacefully. It's rather nice to have no rumblings occurring..and yet I cant help but wonder, why in the hell am I up when I don't have to be?!? Lets be honest. I have no control over my sleep patterns lately. I wake up several times in the night to pee. I have heard from The Offices of Them and They that if you don't drink any liquids after a certain time you won't have to pee. Well, I have tried that theory and it doesn't apply!! No matter what, the toilet G-ds are beckoning me at 2:30 am. Sometimes I can saunter into the bathroom, do my pee and get back into bed and go back to sleep quickly. This did not happen this morning. I sauntered in for my way to early in the morning pee and climbed back into bed when it happened.. PING...my eyes were wide open and my mind starting racing a mile a minute. The ever so annoying list started rattling off stuff in my head like a firring squad: YOU HAVE TO.....register the twins for high school, make sure Running Stud packed EmergenC in his bag for altitude training camp, make sure Soccer Stud 2 studies for his Bar Mitzvah training, try to figure out how to get everyone where they need to be while The Hubby is going off to a seminar, think about how I can lose weight, think about when I can exercise, start to get sad because College Studette is leaving for college in a day and how I am going to miss her, think about when I can help her pack in between the 2 soccer games I have to go to today, think about how I can get The Hubby to be on board for the interior paint job for our house, think about all the things I have to do for the PFC, think about getting to the Val Surf sale for back to school shopping for my Studs, think about when I am going to write my blog and finish my play and think about how I can shut off my ever so busy head so I can get back to sleep. The head didn't shut off. I am up and nothing got solved and I am ANNOYED with my head. At least I am blogging!!! Check one thing off the list!!! WoooHoo!!

What's causing my sleepless nights in Wolffieland? Is it menopause? Is it Crazy Mom who doesn't have time to breathe in the day so she has to think at 2:20 in the morning? Is this repairable? Cuz I am tired. I kinda know the answer..SLOW DOWN. Write lists before bedtime. Fit in exercise. Eat dinner earlier. Chill and live in the moment. AHHHH. Just saying that makes me feel better. Chill and live in the moment. Now this is something that The Offices of Them and They has to pass along. BTW...does anyone know who runs The Offices of Them and They?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Honestly, today I don't have a story to tell. Wolffie is tired. Wolffie is feeling a bit out of sorts. Wolffie does not feel funny and relate able today. Wolffie is gonna sign off and drink a Cup O Joe that The Hubby is getting right now. Wolffie is gonna chill so she ca be patient with her family, not over eat and have a peaceful day in the eye of the storm day that lies ahead of her!!!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Eleven....All Grown Up

Hi. Today was a day that will go down in my record book as...IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?!?

It was a business as usual summer day. Soccer Stud 1 and Running Stud had summer school. I dropped them off at 6:30, went for a 2 mile stroll around the lake, got a mani and pedi, came home to Running Stud 2 and a friend playing that g-d awful Call Of Duty and then it was time for my new job to begin. I have a Taxi service called, "will you schelp me here and there and everywhere all afternoon and all night long?" It's a great service fro those who hop in my car..it's free for them. It's $3.04 a gallon for me. I am losing money big time BUT like a taxi driver, I hear it all. Today was especially interesting.....

The subjects were about hot girls, soccer, hot girls, drugs, hot girls, test scores, hot girls, me being an airhead and getting lost, hot girls, drugs. OMG...these are my boys and their friends!! How did this happen? They are all grown up!!!! Here I was driving and listening to them talk about girls, who was doing drugs and I was clutching the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white. I was dying on the inside but very calm and collected on the outside. I have to have a poker face. I even laughed because some of it was funny...weird but funny. They were asking questions about mushrooms (not the ones you put in a salad!!), LSD, cocaine and there was sexual innuendos. Can I say this again....OMG, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? When did they grow up? I still feel like a kid, so how can we be here? I answered their questions with frankness, I mean if they are asking I shouldn't lie...right? The good news is that they were disgusted about the drugs...YEAH!!! They think it is stupid to trip on schrooms and acid. Thank G-d because they are 14. They said they know kids who have done all this stuff. Can I say it again....OMG. My boys are all grown up.. or at least they think they are. It seems like yesterday when I was changing billions of diapers and they were farting and burping. I rolled my eyes over that!! They still burp and fart, but now we are in a new hemisphere and I am not ready!! Tough shit Wolffie....the time has come and Wolffie has to deal. I did and I will continue to deal..but OMG!!!

The ride has started. My seat belt is strapped on and I have to be prepared for the roller coaster ride of high school. I made it through College Studette, so I know I will get through the twins and right behind them is Soccer Stud 2. All I can say is, thank g-d they talk to me and talk so candidly in front of me. Thank g-d for hair dye. I feel like I just inherited a new batch of grey!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The other night I was out to lunch with The Hubby and my three boys. College Studette was out with her boyfriend. Usually I am the: uptight, please behave always trying to keep the guys in tow mom. For some reason this lunch didn't go that way. When I stop trying to be teacher and listen to my guys banter (The Hubby included), they are really funny. Running Stud always has a funny story to tell. "Got a fun fact for you. You know that I have an awesome six pack...right? So, at school the other day I pulled down my shorts way low and lifted up my shirt so someone would notice and comment on my awesomeness. I waited and waited. NOTHING." With a glimmer in his eyes and bowing his head down low he says: "Their loss." To say that we all cracked up would be an understatement. I couldn't stop laughing..all of us were practically peeing in our pants. It felt great to feel so free. It felt great to not scold. It felt great to be apart of. It felt great to have my boy feel confident. It was a day in the life of my family that I was glad to be apart of.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Ten...What Will They Think Of Me When I Am Gone?

Hi. A dear friend of ours past away two years ago. He was a great guy. The life of the party. His huge grin and loud voice permeated the room. You could not help but listen to his stories. He always had a sparkle in his eyes and his laugh was infectious. He chose a beautiful spot to be buried. The grass is green and manicured and there is a marble bench that you can sit on and reflect. I know this might sound grim and morbid but, we go there each year to honor Stu's life and reminisce. The cemetary is surrounded by mountains and you can hear birds churping..a lovely change from surburban Los Angeles vibe. This year we all brought (about 30 plus people) our own picnic lunch and blankets and we sat around and talked and laughed and told Stu stories. I loved it. Stu would have loved it. He liked nothing better than hanging with family, friends and schooming. My friend Julie got up and spoke a few words about her loss and how she has bugun to grow and change since her Stu is gone. I don't remember all of it but one tidbit stuck with me. I can't seem to shake it from my psyche: " It's not what you say..its not what you always do...it's how you make people feel."

Hmmmmmm. That resognated with me big time. I don't always like my sharp tongue. It can be hurtful. I need to remind myself daily to try to be kind. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Usually my family gets the brunt of my moods. Why do we hurt the ones we love and cherish the most? Is it safe? Yes. It it right? No.

I want to leave this earth with knowing that I was the best Wolffie that I could have been. Talking about it is useless....living those words means more. How do I make people feel? How did I make people feel? What I do know is that I have the ability to look at myself and take stalk of my assets and flaws and try to change what I need to. It's not always easy...but it is rewarding. So ....now that I have heard these words and put them in my heart..I have to deal. I have to be kinder and softer to my ever so annoying and self centered teenage boys. (and The Hubby and daughter too!!) The boys are right where they are supposed to be. I have to buck up and be the mature mommy (and wifey). I have to bite my lip, take many deep breaths and try to ignore the looks and the tone that they give me. The little girl in me is screaming, "Do I have to? Why can't they appreciate ME!?!" Deep down in their hearts I know they do. Sometimes I do get the look of love, the quick hug and even a I love you. That's what my focus should be. Right?!?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I used to HATE when my mom started a sentence with: "How many times do I have to ask you to.....(fill in your own blank). It really ANNOYED me to no end. I would tune her out at how many!!! Fast forward to my life as a mom of four. This statement comes out of my mouth at least 100 times a day. I might be exaggeratng a bit, but it feels like that's all I ever say. "How many times do I have to tell you to: put away your dishes, pick your clothes up from the floor and put them in the hamper, don't turn on the stupid Call of Duty( this game makes my ass tight!!!) until your homework is done, do the dishes...I could go on but I am exhausted thinking about it. I have turned into my naggin mom!! Don't get me wrong...I LOVE MY MOM. She is my best friend. I just didn't love that drill sergeant part of her. What I didn't understand then that I do now is...she wanted help. Who doesn't? I know for me...I need a bit of order. If it were up to my kids our house would be a complete mess. Piles of crap everywhere, not a bed made, not a article of clothing washed and they would be on the computer or playing video games for hours on end. Oh that world gives me the heebie jebbies. So..I have to be it.... a nagger. The only saving grace is that I am not alone. My friends share their plights, and I have even heard them say the dreaded how many times do I....many a time. In a sick way, I feel relief. Is that so wrong?!?!?!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Nine...To Be Zen And Not So Zen

Hi. The day started with my new ritual: up at 5:30(ouch) to do my reading, writing and meditation. I woke the twins up at 6:00 for summer school, dropped them off and was at the gym to ride the stationary bike and to do laps in the pool. I came home, took a shower and went to a 12 step meeting. Afterwards, I had breakfast with a few girlfriends and went to my favorite gift shop to buy a birthday present for a friend. Sounds Zen doesn't it? I was on my way home to hang out with Soccer Stud 2 who just got home from sleepover camp yesterday. I felt so calm when all of a sudden I felt this weird pull in my ever so fab Ford Flex. It was kind of scary. I glanced at the odometer....0 miles to empty. OH SH*T. No biggie I thought to myself...been here...done that...I will coast to the gas station. WRONG. I pulled over to the side of the road and called my friend who owns the gift shop. The machine went to voicemail. I called again. Voice mail. I called my daughter and woke her up at the ripe hour of 11:00 am. She was going to come to the rescue.

As I awaited for my College Studette to come, I was totally relaxed. I couldn't change the situation..right? I began to ponder about why I wait to get gas until I am bone dry. I like the rush of , will I make it? I always do and I get this feeling of dimwit accomplishment that yet again I beat the odds of zero fumes until I make it to the pump. I always marvel at how my tank only is supposed to hold 17 gallons and I managed to get more in the tank. Whoo Hoo Wolffie, you rock!!! I have to tell you that this time it wasn't my fault..and I mean this with all the sincerity I can muster up. I got my oil changed a couple of weeks ago and the oil guy asked about some button that he has to press to let the car know that the oil is at 100%. HUH? A button? I had no clue...so off I went into driving land. The other day the car was ringing and telling me I was at 3% oil, 1% oil and then at 0 % oil. I knew that this was wrong, so I ignored it. Wouldn't you have? It wasn't showing me that my gas tank was on empty! Heavy , heavy sigh.

My Night in shining Armorette came driving in her Xbox with the gas can in hand!!! Now the last time I actually ran of of gas was when I was 16. My dad was ever so pissed. It was pouring and cold. I was near a 76 station and all I had was the Arco credit card. I was plum out of cash so I had to make the call. No debit cards back then in the dark ages. The gas can was metal and had a long spout that was easy to pour in the tank. Now it is plastic and the spout is weird and hard to maneuver. It took my girl and me about 20 minutes to figure out how to uncap it. I poured gasoline all over me. My Zen state was gone. I was cursing at the tank and cursing at the gas can. I was getting a wee bit unnerved with my Armorette, but I had to stop myself because she was there to help and save me!!!We finally figured out how to get it to work. Most of the gas was on the sidewalk or my hands. I drove to the gas station, filled up the tank and I only poured in maybe a half gallon of gas (my girl bought 2 gallons!!). Did I mention that I had to pee the whole time?!? We got home from my less than Zen debacle, I peed and all was Zen again.

What did this experience teach me? I will NEVER let it get to 0 miles to empty again!!!! Well, maybe I can let it get to 5 miles to go. Not sure that I want to let go of the rush just yet!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I don't think that I am ever going to get the Mom of the Year award...but I do think that I am a great mom. Do I have shortcomings? Maybe a few :) (hundred!!!). So I mentioned earlier that Soccer Stud 2 was at sleepover camp. The day before he left I went to Target to get the toiletries he needed along with snacks, a fan and a spanking new soccer ball. We laid out his clothes. packed and I put the sleeping bag by his suitcase. In the morning the hubby put the stuff in the car and off we went. The camp was about an hour away. We got there and stood in the long line to register him in. I had this strange feeling and voiced it to The Hubby: "Did you bring the sleeping bag?" The Hubby's look said it all....a blank stare.... Sleeping Bag? I
f 'd up. Oh yes he did!!!! I couldn't believe it. "You didn't pack the sleeping bag?!?!?!" I could feel the glare from the oh so perfect moms who brought their kids sleeping bags who were in line behind us. I whispered to them in a oh so mortified whisper, "Welcome to my world." I didn't really mean it. The Hubby is awesome. Was it really HIS fault? No, it was just an oversight. I mean, I didn't do the checking to see if everything made it out to the car. I just couldn't and didn't want to share in the, 'i can't believe this happened' blunder. I let him take the fall in front of those moms. Who were they really? I will never see them again. I just didn't want to look bad in their eyes. Soccer Stud 2 slept with a towel that night (he did have a fitted sheet). I felt AWFUL. I was going to run him down one the next day but I called the dorm mom and she got him a blanket. So he was warm and safe and all was well again. Oh did I mention that The Hubby didn't take the suitcase out of Soccer Stud 2's bedroom? Soccer Stud did...see he forgot the sleeping bag...not us!!!!

Moral of the story: Make a list, check it twice and look in the damn car before you take off.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Eight..I Gotta Just Be

Hi. I am in a dilemma of the way superficial kind. I have been wanting to grow my hair out (again). There's something about long hair in women that I find sexy. Don't get me wrong...I love short hair. I feel funky. If I do say so myself, it is flattering to my facial structure...BUT.... I am approaching my big 50 in a few months and I am feeling the need to feel youthful and sexy. Who for?!? I mean if I am to be honest, I wear torn T-shirts and flannel Jammie's to bed. Not too sexy. The hubby doesn't chide me with my ever so not sexy look. I think I just want to look youthful. Lord knows I don't feel youthful. I didn't have bladder issues when I was in my 20's. I didn't have lines along my lips so my lipstick bleeds in my 30's. I didn't have saggy boobs in my 40's. Well, that's not entirely true, I had radiation in one breast after my cancer..so one is plump and one is falling down!!! The point I am trying to make here is, I have no control of getting older. I know that I have to pee a lot more. No biggie. I can put all the moisturizer I want on my lips and the lines don't fade and the bleeding occurs. I have masked it though cuz I wear stains now!! As far as my boobies are concerned.....I've got fab bras!!!!

I don't mind getting older in life experience, but I just want to LOOK YOUTHFUL. I surely don't want to go back in time and relive my youth. I do like where I am, who I've become and where I am headed. I guess the moral of this babbling story is ...Just Be.

So, I am going to cancel my hair appointment.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have been getting up every morning at 5:30 to read, write and meditate. Oh how calming and sane this all sounds. Right? I end my mediation and prayer with asking for patience with my kids..blah blah blah. Yesterday, we were a bit late getting out the door for summer school.. It's hard to get to 2 14 year old teenage studs out the door and that way too early hour. We managed to get to the shuttle just in the nick of time when Running Stud reports he doesn't have his bus pass. Was I calm? Did I take a deep breath? NO. I threatened him with him not going to summer school. Yeah right Wolffie, there was no way to follow through on that!! I went home, got his pass, drove him to school all the while saying please respect my time. please be responsible. I swear to you that I could hear his mind thinking...WAW WAW WAW WAW WAW!!!

Moral of this story: breathe, mediatate more, continue your early morning practices. and understand that he is just a teenager.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. PLease come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Seven: When Is It Ok To Expect Something?

Hi. My dad always told me that it is never good to place expectations on people. You will always be let down. Sounds cynical, doesn't it? I used to get really mad at him when he said that. Wasn't he hearing me? People were hurting my FEELINGS.

This is where I went wrong when I went to him with a broken heart or if I was really really mad. "Daddy, so and so did (you fill in the scenario) to me. I would NEVER do that ." There was his opening..."If you put what you would do on someone else then you will be let down." And damn it...he was right.

What's someone to do with that information? Suck it up and become tougher? Have no friends and live a lonely existence? I couldn't do it then. I can't do it today. It's not in my make-up. So, how did and do I navigate when something happens that I am not happy about?

Well back then in the dark ages, I sulked and I felt like a victim. Poor Wolffie, why don't people understand me.?Whine, sniffle, whine sniffle. That's what I did. I had no other choice, I didn't have the understanding back then that being disappointed was okay. My dad was right., You can't place your expectations and morals on another person. It's HOW we choose to deal with disappointments that is the empowering part.

So, I have someone in my life, not a good friend (no worries gal pals!!), who I feel is stepping over the line of what I can take. I am not mad, maybe slightly annoyed, but I don't want to partake in the bullsh*t anymore. I fight with myself. Am I being a beotch? Should I keep making the phone calls to organize the carpool? The adult who doesn't have time for this says... NO WAY. The part of me who wants to help her out with driving her kid says I have to suck it up. Well...I have come to the place now where I am done. I am not a babysitter. I can't keep organizing her life as well as my own. Sh*t I have four kids (five if you include the hubby) and a dog to take care of. She was supposed to get back to me on the new summer schedule. Didn't. So, here we are on her day to drive and she hasn't called me....again. Not gonna call her!! My day has to change so I can drive my Soccer Stud 1 to practice. I am a bit miffed...because...IF IT WERE ME, I would have called her...oops there goes my expectations!!! I am going to call her..not to organize. I will call her with a mature attitude and no anger in my voice to inform her that I will be taking my Soccer Stud 1 to practices on both days. I will thank her for driving Soccer Stud 1 and tell her how much I appreciated being in the carpool with her.. End of story. No drama. It's gonna be hard. I just want to be calm and centered. I'll let you know how this all works out!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. OMG. I don't even attempt to understand how my teenage boys minds work. Last night all six of us were having dinner as a family. It was GREAT!!! Now that College Studette is home and we were not at a sporting event of one of the Soccer Studs or Running Stud, we could actually have dinner all together at a reasonable hour. The hubby made a yummy summer dinner of grilled fish, mozzarella basil and tomato with a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and quinoa. We were having light conversation and laughing. I only had to tell two of the boys to stop eating with their fingers a couple of times. There was no bickering and that in itself is a miracle. Anyways, Soccer Stud 2 starts telling us a story (prompted by Running Stud) about how he pooped in the side yard multiple times (for a few weeks running). I just want to remind you of my boys ages...almost 13, 14 and 14). I was laughing and saying TMI TMI" (for those of you who don't know text and kid speak...that is TOO MUCH INFORMATION!) Does this stop Soccer Stud 2 from going on with the details of his pooping event? Nope. He proceeds to say that he pooped on the side yard because he wanted to see how long it would stay there until a animal ate it. Before I tell you the punch line..we don't live in the woods. We live in Suburbia. Okay we might have an occasional coyote..but how long until an animal eats it? PALEEZZE!!!! It didn't take long mind you because our lovely dog Kona, also a boy of 8, ate it in a flash!!! BOYS...I DON"T UNDERSTAND THEM.....BUT I SURE DO LOVE THEM!!!!! Did I mention that the other boys were in on the poop experiment as well?!? Welcome to my life.

Moral of the story? I don't always have to understand my boys..I just have to laugh.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Six..Annoying!!!!

Hi.

Oh the world can be an annoying place...can't it? Let me tell you about the early part of my day. I started off today at the beautiful hour of 5:30. That is not a pretty time for me. I am not a morning person. I had to get up to make time to do my mediation and writing and then I had to take my boys to the shuttle for summer school. Don't get me started on the hour that summer school starts. 7 fricken 30 in the morning!!! So, in order for them not to miss the bus, we have to leave at 6:20. I glanced at my watch...6:25. HOLY SH*T, we were going to be late and it was all my fault. Bring it back to I am not a morning person and I do things at a snails pace. I screamed "GET A MOVE ON...WE GOTTA GO NOW!" One of the twins, Running Stud, was putting hair product in his hair. I have to say that they get their metro sexual stuff from me as I have taught them about cleanliness and good hair cuts and ever so cute outfits. My other guy, Soccer Stud, was sauntering very slowly to the car. HONK. HONK. Finally we were on our way. The signal was taking FOREVER. I had to make a U-Turn to get a move on. I ran a yellow to red light and I made it to the shuttle bus stop. THERE WAS NO-ONE THERE!! I panicked. I zoomed my big and groovy Ford Flex to the other shuttle bus stop all the while ranting that we were going to miss the bus. One of the boys popped out with, "It's not our fault that we're late!" I didn't have time to be annoyed..I WAS PISSED. I dropped them off without a "have a nice day". I sped off and went to the gym. It's was 6:30. This is a big deal as the only thing I like to do at 6:30 am is to have my morning pee, get back into bed and drink my hot cup of coffee that the hubby brings to me!! I have to exercise to clear my head and get the rolls off that have accumulated since my Mencius tear. I rode the stationary bike for 10 minutes and then swam for 20 minutes. It felt great. I wasn't annoyed anymore. I felt terrible about behaving like a immature mommy lunatic. I made then an extra nice lunch to bring to them before their sporting conditioning camps. They were thrilled and I even remembered the waters!!!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So to add more to my annoying day, I had it with my IPhone. I uploaded the latest version and my email wasn't working. Oh the horror. What is a girl to do without being able to check her emails every 30 seconds? Stomp off to the Apple Store doncha know!! I got there, made an appointment which was to be in five minutes. NOT. 20 minutes later I was still waiting. Let me clarify that I was hungry beyond belief and I was meeting a friend. So I was ancy. I kept tapping my phone on the counter. This man walked up WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT and they took him and answered his question.. ANNOYING!!!! I finally had it and spoke with the manager. "I must tell you that I will try not to be rude but....blah, blah, blah." I got my appointment and I wasn't terribly rude. It was a simple fix and now I can be a email queen once again. After lunching with my gal pal, I felt fab. I even told her that the world seemed so less annoying after a good veggie burger and salad!!

The moral of my day is: Breathe, exercise and eat when you are not past the starving point...then the world will be bliss...not annoying.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie.

Day One Hundred and Five...Is It Still Summer?

Hi.

Each year when the school year draws to a close, I can't wait to just chill with my kids. It's the best. No getting up in the morning. Lounging in my Jammie's till at least 11:00. Oh the thought of it sends warm fuzzies through my body.

Well, I am here to say that so far it has been 3 1/2 days of summer and I am TIRED. I haven't been able to chill and veg cuz my kids are getting older and they have agendas!! Imagine that. Their soccer stud pals have been sleeping over to watch the World Cup. Some mornings it has been 4:00 in the morning. For crying out loud don't they think of us in Pacific Standard time?!? I do love their energy and excitement when they watch the games. My running boy stud wants to run every day to keep in shape for the Cross Country Season. Although I am overjoyed with his commitment, he wants to run at the oddest times and it is not conducive for my chill time.

I started to get oh so cranky and then it dawned on me...I don't have much longer to shelp my boys. They are growing up oh so fast and soon they will be driving and they won't need me. And that stings. I am not saying that they won't love me..it's just that I witnessed through my college studette daughter that they really start to soar in high school. They like their freedom and they should..but it's a weird thing to have to deal with cuz I was and still am used to being the go to mom. My cutie boy twins are going to high school (shit where did the time go?) in the fall and I know the drill. Their eyes are already starting to roll and they might not want to sit with me and the hubby at the football and basketball games. I am still gonna go though because I never did the rah rah thing when I was in high school..which I think was a crying shame. I wanted to grow up soooo fast. And the truth is that you are older way longer than you a young!! I thought it was stupid to partake in my high school activities. So now, because our community is involved in high school sporting events, I get to whoop and yell along with the kids. I LOVE IT!! Oops I detoured a bit....back to the summer.....I am going to say this out loud..I am going to be calm..I am going to enjoy shelping my boys..I am going ignore my kids teenage mouths (to the best of my ability)...I am going to drink decaf instead of caffeine( to help in my plight to stay calm and enjoyable!! :).

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The first time I went to a high school football game when my daughter was a freshman was a eye opening experience. She wanted nothing to do with us. I wasn't used to it. I went with then hubby my three boys in tow ( they were pipsqueaks at the time). They LOVED my daughter and her friends. They ignored us. We didn't exist. My heart felt heavy. My mind understood. She was growing up. I didn't like it. I had to deal with it. So, we sat on the far end of the bleachers along with the other parents and kids who were banished from their high school kids. It felt a little better. Safety in numbers. So, that year passed and by the time she was a senior in high school it all magically changed. She sought us out at the games and sat with us. SHE HUNG WITH US......SHE REALLY REALLY WANTED TO HANG WITH US (I love Sally Fields)!!

Moral of the story: Let the kiddies fly cuz they come flying back home.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Four...Is It Possible?

Hi.

Boy it's been awhile since I have sat down to my computer to write. The last time I posted, I said the same thing. This time, I can't chuck my not posting to procrastination. This time my not writng has been about sadness. Have you ever wanted to write, but knew if you did, the floodgates of tears would open and not knowing if the tears could be turned off? Well, that's where I have been. It hasn't felt good.

My sweet friend Betty passed away in May. Just writing this sentence breaks my heart and hurts my soul. Is it possible to feel so much loss that you just want to curl up in bed and not welcome in each day with joy? I am sure it is, but I don't have that luxury to just evaporate and allow myself to feel.... nothing. But I have wanted to..trust me.

I have those four kids to worry about and the hubby who all require me to be present in the day. Even in sadness I have to shelp the ever so busy boys to their "stuff". Even though the hubby is a gem and is ever so helpful, I still have to go to the market, go to Target to get something for somebody, pick up here, take someone there, make dinner..well are you getting the picture? I HAVE TO BE VISIBLE AND PRESENT. Thank G-d.

I get annoyed sometimes that I have a life that is so rich and full. Why can't I just have a little down time? Really Wolffie?!? I don't have time for down time. Betty taught me so much in the last 8 1/2 months of her life. When the going gets rough, smile. When fear comes into your psyche...be grateful for something however small because it eats up the fear. When life gets overwhelming, hug your family and tell them you love them. When bad news comes, let life be half full..never half empty. When you are feeling alone..call a girlfriend and let them in. When you are taking your last breaths of life, do so with grace. When the chips are down...DON'T STOP BELIEVING. I will miss our chats, our shopping, our lunches, our hugs, our i love yous, our friendship. I will miss all this, but I will never ever forget her impact and her joy.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have added some chaos into my life...I am going to be the president of my youngest soccer stud's boys middle school. Madame President, that's me!! What was I thinking?!? I already am having sleepless nights. I bolt out of my already not so great sleep with a thought about a person who could do this job or how am do I navigate this event. OMG. I must tell you, I am not the PTA type..at least what I used to envision as "the type". I don't have a smile plastered on my face 24/7. I don't enjoy hashing out how many plates we need at a PTA function. I don't have the patience for the person who complains about how things are run, but NEVER gets involved. So,why am I finding myself being Madame Pres?!? I feel blessed that my kids are in a small school district that even in these challenging times (with budget cuts galore) are learning, thriving and growing up to be wonderful human beings. I want to give back. Pay it forward. I am sure you, my friends, will be hearing me bitch and moan. Trust me on that. But in the middle of the bitch and the moan, I know there will be some humor and satisfaction. I am gonna have stories!!! Isn't that what life really is? A bunch of stories clustered into a 24 hour day. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I go back to what Betty felt and said....DON'T STOP BELIEVING. It's all good. Life is good.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred andThree...Words Are Coming Back

Hi.

It's been a bit since I have sat down to blog. I wanted to, but I didn't have anything to write about that spoke to me..you know from the soul on out. It wasn't like I wasn't writing, I was concentrating on projects that I had been formally procrastinating about. Now, this is a topic that I could write about forever....PROCRASTINATION. I do it all the time. I pretend to myself that I don't. I have valid reasons why I let my gas tank go to fumes before I fill up the tank.....I just don't have the time to fill it up. I am running, running, running. I never seem to have a minute. I meet a friend for coffee, go to physical therapy for my still not fixed knee, I go to Target to get "stuff", I go to meet the girls for lunch. Who has time to write a blog, novel, play or get gas? This is just my morning...I am "on the go mom" in the afternoon taking my kids to their various appointments and sporting practices, games and meets. There isn't a minute in the day to even pee (maybe that's why I need to wear depends). If truth be told, I kinda like to see how far I can go on a tank. There have been times where my tank is bone dry..but I made it to the station. It's kind of like Russian Roulette. Will I be stranded or will I make it.

Okay enough of that...I procrastinate about what to make for dinner with the hopes that the hubby will make it. He is a great cook. I am too but I am always tired from my busy day of running. I am like a hamster on a wheel: I don't stop until I have my frozen yogurt and watch my shows that I have recorded on DVR. I don't often take into consideration that the hubby works his ass off trying to bring home the bacon. I think I will have to start making dinner more often. I will start tomorrow!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I ran home today after my lunch with one of my best-est gal pals who is also my life coach. We were supposed to have a coaching session today, but the restaurant was way too noisy, so we changed our hats from coach and coachee to gal pals. I was having a birthday breakfast earlier today for my friend Barbara and she pulled out a new pair of sunglasses that were DIVINE. I tried them on and if I can be bold to say that I looked ever so movie star chic. That feeling of " I NEED THESE SUNGLASSES" came over me. I get this pull that lets me know that the obsession radar has been activated.. I am trying to figure out in my oh so clever brain how I can get these sunglasses....IMMEDIATELY!! They carry them art Nordies, so I was gonna go for " a visit" after my lunch. As gal pal and I were saying our goodbyes, I realized that my Chanel obsession is back...full force!!! I had to come write this blog so I could tell my ever so fab readers that I have a new Chanel to visit. I will keep you posted. In case the hubby or my beautiful darling daughter is reading this...Mother's Day is around the corner. What a nice way to say I love you with a card, a great meal and a Chanel!!!!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and One...Just Want To Get Away?

I think I need to get away. I need to be far far away. The problem is that I want to leave myself behind. Is it possible to go away on a vacay and leave my mind and body at home? An acid trip is not an option. Either is drinking myself to oblivion. I can't eat a dozen or so girl scout cookies and get a major sugar rush. What's a girl supposed to do when she can't run or hide from herself?

I am annoyed. My knee is still bugging me. It's been since January and I still feel like sh*t. I went to a surgeon and I have to have microscopic surgery. Not happy about that. This slip and fall has become an annoying daily hindrance. I am getting fat by the second. I don't feel like I am overeating. My clothes are fitting a bit snugger and my face looks like a chipmunk. At least that is how I feel when I look in the mirror. Do you remember that commercial about Rolaids? They said something like I have INDEGESSSSSSSSSSTion. That's how I feel about by face and body...BiiiiiiiiiiiG and BloooooooooatY. I know feelings aren't facts, but does it really matter when you are in the thick of a yuck feeling?

My kids are ANNOYING. They are the Bickering Kings these days. I am not sure if it is more than usual, but let me tell you it feels like it. Do they really have to have a contest as to who takes their plate to the sink first? C'mon, Bickering Kings, give your mama a break!!!! I guess it means something to them. ANNOYING!!! Can't they have a contest on whose bed gets made first OR whose brushes their teeth first OR who is the nicest to their uuber sensitive mama?

I guess the point here is that I am in a funk and I can't seem to get out of it. I am bored. I am tired because I haven't slept well in months. I want to be able to exercise and feel no pain. I try to meditate but can't seem to relax. I have to say that if I were my family I would send me away or be EXTRA NICE. I must have a talk with them...the extra nice to your mommy chat. I hope it goes over well.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When I was going through "the change" it wasn't very pleasant in my home. I was doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I tried to be okay. I really did. Sometimes this overwhelming sense of ROAR would come over me. I would yell about anything and I couldn't stop it. One day on of my ever so cute young boys said to me: "Mommy, I think you need to go away so you can come back and be nice". REALITY!!! Those words hit me like a tongue of bricks. It hurt. It was true , I needed to go away and come back and be nice. I couldn't though because that's not how life works when you are a mommy. I did the next best thing...I went on hormones. It worked. I came back and I was nice. Not all the time of course, but I didn't fly off the handle as much. Today, because my breast cancer was estrogen positive..it's time for me to say goodbye to hormones and try to take things that won't make cancer cells want to come back. I am doing it gradually under the care of a wonderful doctor but....I have the ROAR back. I don't like it. I know I have to get through it..buts it's hard. Who wants to be "oh no my mama's gonna ROAR at the drop of a hat" mom? I have to take actions so I can feel better. I have to clear my head. Just by putting my feelings in this blog today, I already have some relief. I am gonna go close my eyes and meditate after I finish this entry. If I can't settle in...then I have to meditate until I do. The outcome is calm. I know my insides will love me. I know the hubby will be happy. The kids will probably want to throw a partaaay!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred....It's Been Along Time Coming

Hi.

They say when you do something that you love even though you haven't done it for awhile..it's like riding a bike..you get on the seat..and start peddling away. Time nor distance from "whatever" it is you have not done just comes back naturally. Well...it has been almost a month since I have written....ANYTHING. I have started to many times...but...I.....just.....didn't. Can I give a million in one excuses as to why I didn't take the time to do what I love to do? Of course I can!!! Why should I yammer about my being a lazy, fearful, bump on the log? Who will that serve? My inner yucky voice that gets in the way of my happiness and contentment? Oh no, I will not give in to that voice!!!

Today I had my first session with a life coach. It was FABULOUS!!!!! How bad can an hour be when you have someone listening to your every word and your talking about yourself?!? All kidding aside, it felt extremely therapeutic and freeing to expose myself, my fears, my wants, my needs and whatever I was babbling about got a nod, a sigh, a smile, a question, and some answers too. So, the jist of me is...I need to allow me to be me. Now isn't that cliche and corny....but oh so true? I have to wear many hats in the day: wife, mom. daughter, sister, friend, a listener, a PTA board member, a cancer survivor...and yes a writer. Do you see where the writer is on my list? Last. Why? Writing is what makes me happy, creative, content, and fulfilled. Then...why last?!? Before today, I would have said that I have more important commitments to achieve in my day. BULLSH*T. I didn't allow myself to feel empowered to write. I thought that in order to be a good "whatever" I had to set my writing aside. I'll get to it later. When the kids are grown, I can write freely and more often. WAW WAW WAW WAW. Excuses..that's what I do. I allow myself to get off the hook and hide behind my excuses..i.e. FEAR. If I want to be a good..."whatever"..then I MUST write. This will clear away resentment and I will feel content..balanced and true to myself. Oh the games I play.

On day one of my blogging experience, I gave myself "the job" to blog everyday. I set myself up to fail. When I put high demands on myself I want to rebel. So guess what..I rebelled. I stopped writing. Who suffered? You the reader of my oh so fabulous words or me the writer? MEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Today, I am giving myself permission to write when I can..I hope it's often..it sure makes me feel productive and creative and sane. We'll see. My desire to create doesn't have to be all or nothing...black or white. It can be open to what I can achieve in a given day..no strings.....with a bit of grey in it. Oh I feel calmer already.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my daughter was a baby, I swore that she would NEVER eat Mc Donald's. She was going to only eat organic healthy foods, even down to her "treats" They were only fruit juice sweetened, whole grain treats. Now that's all good and dandy and I try to have myself and my brood eat healthy almost twenty years later. But is this an obtainable goal and live in LA where there is temptation everywhere?!? The first time I "caved in" and let her eat Mc Donald's french fries, I felt sick to my stomach. How could I do this to my child? How could I let her eat crap? Let me tell you, she LOVED those french fries. I love Mc Donald's french fries. Did I go to Mc Donald's every day and let her eat a burger, fries and a shake? No. The key was and is moderation and balance. Fast forward to today. Do I let my kids eat cake for breakfast...sometimes. Do we have pancakes for dinner? Sometimes. Do I throw in brown rice and veggies in the mix. You bet. My kids have a love of wholesome food AND crap. Would they pick the crap over the healthy stuff? Probably...but they have an understanding of balance and they do eat their fair share of sugar and carbs and even though it kills them to admit it..they love my healthy treats and meals too. Balance works in parenting...so now I have to balance me. Hmmmmmm.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-Nine....How Can I Help?

Hi.

I think I got the point across in yesterday's blog that I am out of sorts. I didn't want to initially speak about my changing of the guards so to speak from hormone cremes to other alternative methods because I didn't want to be writing from my pitty pot. There is so much more going on in the world than Wolffie's mood swings. We have Chile and Haiti in disastrous living conditions and I am complaining about my hormone imbalance and loud boys?!? This is not to say that I can't succumb to my feelings of....whatever they are cuz they are rapidly changing in the course of my day. I just want them to be put into perspective. I am alive, healthy and I have a home, a bed, food and 3 testosterone boys and a hubby who acts like a boy all safe and sound. My girl is off on a college path that is great...so...............what can I do for those who are not feeling the same safety as me? We gave to the Haiti relief fund..which felt good...but is that enough? I have contacted my two friends in Chile through Facebook. One contacted me that her family is all safe. Her daughter is supposed to marry this coming Saturday. I remember when September 11 happened. It was my last chemo and I cried like a baby..some out of relief that the chemo was over and some out of guilt that I was sitting in a chair in Santa Monica, California while others were dying, looking for loved ones and living in a state of total terror and disbelief. I imagine that my friend, her daughter (who is to marry) and her family must be having similar thoughts. How can I feel elation with so much death and disarray around me? I had to come to the place of acceptance. I was given the gift of life (through chemo) and I had to embrace it...and live my life without guilt. I was given this gift and who was I to throw it away? Happiness is a blessing. I can help those who are in need and this my way of thanking the universe. There is always time in my day to reach out..listen..give a hug..or just be there in silence. I sometimes forget this, which is selfish, and not how I want to live my life. I am not saintly (ask my family!!). I fall off the positive trail from time to time...but I am happy to admit my faults and hop back on. I think I am going to call my friend in Chile and see what I can do from safety here in California.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My kids are into having Nerf gun wars. There's constant screaming, falling for cover and many times I get a Nerf bullet hitting some form of my body. I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME AT ALL!!!! In the spirit of trying not to control my universe and therefore my kids universe, I am keeping my mouth shut 98% of the time while they play play play the day away. I will tell you though that this game is my secret weapon..so in some ways maybe I am the controller. Taking the computer away or the cell phone has little emotion evoking out of my boys when they have done something that is oh so.....not cool. I now have the Nerf guns to take away!!! You should see their faces. It is kind of priceless. Imagine 6 puppy dog eyes looking back at you with the how can you do this to us look. The air around the house is calmer (when they aren't playing the damn game of course). Sigh. I have to have something in my pocket to keep the house civil...don't I?!?

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day NInety-Eight..You Can Run But You Cannot Hide

I didn't realize that I have not posted in so many days. I fell off the creative band wagon and I am forcing myself (gently) to write today. I feel a bit stumped. What can I babble about? I could go on and on about my kids, but I think I will give them a break from my banter. I could go on and on about how I feel like I am crawling out of my skin because I am coming off of my hormones..but then this would be a bitch session and I want to try and stay positive through this weaning process. I will say that the end will be worth it, at least I hope so, because this is not feeling so good. I want to try and be balanced without the hormones cremes, but all I can say is if you come in my path please be gentle or WATCH OUT cuz the bitch monster is alive and wants to pounce. Okay the only thing that is circling in my brain right now is the balance issue. I want to cry..over nothing. I want pounce..over nothing. I want to crawl out of my skin..over everything..good or bad. I want to run away..but there is no where to run..cause I WILL BE THERE!!!! So what can I do?!? Live through it and be as sane as possible. This will be a tall order..but I am gonna try. The doctor wants me to meditate..so that's what I am doing. She wants me to get acupuncture ..I would love to but it is so expensive. Maybe I can compromise and do it twice a month. I can't wait until my knee is better so I can run through this. Running takes away so much of the crap for me..it seems to dissipate my feelings of yuck with each step I run. Thar's all for now..it feels good to blog..and be present in my life.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So today I was awakened from my not so great night of slumber with my husband talking LOUDLY on the phone at 6:30 in the am!!!! Business on the East Coast. My man has to bring in the bacon..so I kept my mouth shut. My boys woke up and they were LOUDER than the hubby. Why is that boys can wake up and have energy, banter and bicker before they even pee? I don't get it. Probably never will. I could feel my blood boiling over rather quickly. Should I yell? Should I ask them politely to shut the f*ck up (obviously in better language!!)? What's a mother who is hormonally challenged to do?!? I put the sheets over my head...and began to meditate..just like the doctor ordered!!!! It worked. I became a bit saner. I tweeted about the loudness..got a funny Facebook exchange from my daughter and the day began on a good note. Calgon take me way.....fast.

Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-Seven...What Was I Going To Say?!?

Hi.

I was having a birthday breakfast for my gal pal today and I got inspired to write about a topic that we were talking about. I can't remember what the topic was.. It seemed so perfect at the time. I know I should have jotted down a word or two so it could jar my memory, but I just don't want to admit that I can't remember sh*t. Until now. It's now in the open....I can't remember sh*t. It's not really that big of a deal because none of my friends can remember anything either!! I often will have to stop my conversation in mid sentence because I don't remember what I was talking about. OMG, WTF!!! Can I blame it on too much information going into my brain that I can't process it quick enough. I find myself having a conversation while I am on the Internet checking my email and who can do that at the same time? It's kind of like chewing gum,patting your head and trying to rub your tummy in a circular motion all at the same time. I can't do that, can you? So what makes me think that I can talk and read at the same time. My kids get ANNOYED with me because I don't always seem to be paying attention to their questions because I am into this game on my IPhone, Words With Friends. It's awesome. It's kind of like scrabble and you play it with one other person who has an IPhone. Back and forth..I thought it would be good for my memory issues because I have to think of words and try to score the highest points. So far I don't have much of a memory and I don't win too much...I am not strategic enough to get the points BUT my words rock. My kids think I am tuning them out on purpose. Not true. I am just absorbed in the game!! I am absorbed in the moment!! Not cool though..I have to stop..and listen to them. I am getting better. I now have to work on not tuning out the hubby when I am doing my IPhone stuff.

Can I blame my memory loss on menopause? Why not? Lack of hormones can make your thoughts fuzzy, cranky and slow. I am trying to take supplements that can help with all of this. It's too soon to see if they are working..but something is better than nothing.

I think what we all need to do is take time. I rush around from thing to thing and often I don't give myself chill time. My brain must be screaming, "If you don't give me a rest Wolffie, then I am gonna force you to be still". Have you noticed when you do forget your train of thought, your kids name, where you put your keys and sunglasses... you must STOP... PAUSE and CHILL? Even if it's for a split second..we have to give our minds a break so we can regroup and remember what the heck we forgot.

Moral of the Story: Ummmmm, I forgot what I was talking about. Kidding!! In order to chill we have to be still.

Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have found that if I don't make lists of things that must get done for the next day before I put my head on my pillow....then....PING...my eyes bolt open at 2:00 in the morning and many thoughts start to rapidly enter my brain. This screws me up for a peaceful blissful sleep. Sleep eludes me and I start to have a volleyball conversation with myself. "Don't think" "You have to make a hair appointment for the boys". Don't think". "You have to make sure it's on a Tuesday". "DON"T THINK". "You have to do it soon because they can't see:" All the while I am tossing and turning. "Breathe..Meditate..DO SOMETHING TO RELAX". It's not working!! I start to get annoyed. I get out of my ever so comfy bed and go to the bathroom. I plop back into bed and try to calm my mind down. It's not working. I turn on the Tellie so the noise can get in the way of my thoughts. It works but I the noise wakes up the hubby from his snoring slumber. I usually fall asleep by 5:30 and then in a blink of an eye it's time to get up and start my day. Bummer. The thought occurred to me after a few years of interrupted bliss that I should keep paper and pen by my nightstand to write all of the rumblings that go on in my head. Great idea, right? Now I just have to remember to do it!!!

Day Ninety-Six..Why Do They Think That?

Hi.

I was with my running pal Pamela today. We were having lunch today instead of our normal running date because my knee is taking way longer than I think it should take to heal. My mind is ready to run, my flab is begging for me to run ...but the damn knee is still hurting. Heavy sigh. We were talking about how people perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. Often times I get that when people first meet me..they are intimidated by me. I can't believe this!!!I feel I am kind, outgoing and friendly...sometimes to a fault. Why would anyone feel this? She started to examine me one by one. I am a fixture in my town..I don't believe it's because I am "all that". I grew up nearby and even though I left for a bit..I have been back for 18 years. A lot of people that I grew up with live here as well..so they remember me. I have four kids and between their school and sports stuff..I have met a lot of people.So it's not like I want to win popular gal of the year.Then she started to say that I dress a bit funky. True. Why would that turn somebody off and feel intimidated? I can't change my taste level and I certainly am not over the top funky...so why? I guess I could see that when you walk into a room and people know you...then maybe someone might feel like I am a social butterfly who flits about from group to group. That could be farther from the truth. I tend to be shy in crowds..they make me...uncomfortable. I am not a chit chat kind of gal..I like to have deep conversations. I am a total bore at parties because I don't know do small talk well. I tend to space out and yawn..I think it's because I have to much extra oxygen in my brain because I do a lot of breathing in and out until I think of something to say. I don't think that's intimidating..it can come off as rude. I don't mean to be. I would rather talk about saving the world, someones life's goals than talk abut a new recipe or did you hear about so and so. I like to know what makes someone tick. Is that so wrong? I will try to work on my intimidation thing and look deep inside and see how I can give off more love. Maybe I don't have to..maybe it's their issues. That would make my life easier. Who wants one more thing to change? How are you peceived?

Why listen to Wolffie. Because I get it. I have talked a bit about my peeing when I run. I was reading my I can't wait to get it each week, People Magazine..... and there it was in print...a name for my peeing when I run!! Hallelujah. I am not alone!! I have LBL otherwise known as Light Bladder Leakage. The add states that 1 out of 3 women experience LBL. Who knew? I have joked about wearing depends when I run. Too bulky. Well they now have Poise Liners. I must tell you that I feel so good that I am not alone in my LBL syndrome. If you have LBL and didn't want to admit it to yourelf or anyone else...feel no shame. We are 1 in 3!!!! You can go to 1IN3LIKEME.COM and get your free sample. I am gonna. I will keep you posted about the liners when I can actually run.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-Five...Sucker For Romance

Hi.

Valentines Day is here and I am a sucker for romance. The stores have pink and red merchandise in the windows and people are dressed in their festive wear. I think the Hallmark part of the holiday started the day after Christmas. I didn't really pay attention to it until a week ago. I feel blessed to have 5 valentines..the hubby and my 4 kids. I got into the spirit today...I took out my heart necklace and I am wearing a red down vest and bright red lipstick. I am feeling the love.

I grew up with my mom getting us small tokens of love and preparing us a yummy dinner. Sometimes it was candy. Sometimes it was make-up. She still gets me a gift. For the past couple of years my mom has given us a gift card to various fancy restaurants so the hubby and I can have a romantic "date night". THe tradtion lives on in my home.I always buy my kids heart boxers (for the guys), cute heart undies for my girl and some type of candy. I know my kids like the candy the best because I usually have only healthy stuff in the house. The hubby and I buy trinkets and I am so excited to give him his gift!!! I take out my heart shaped pan and make quiche. I throw heart candy all over the table, set the table with red and white dishes and we light candles to set the mood of "love" in the air.. It's super festive and I love doing it. This year, College Studette is away at college (but is visiting her boyfriend this weekend), and my youngest is invited to watch the NBA Dunk Contest. I can feel the pains of him getting older because a year ago he would have wanted to hang with us. What's a mom to do?!? Of course I am letting him go and I am going to make lunch instead of dinner. Traditions can change a bit. It feels a bit unsettling..but I have to go with the flow.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am a super chick flick gal. Last week I saw "Dear John" with my girlfriend in the middle of the day while by guys were at school. I love doing that. There's nothing like a day movie where I can laugh and cry. The movie was predictable..but I LOVED IT. First of all, it was worth the ticket seeing Channing Tatum. He is a hunk...and I loved the way he loved Amanda Seyfried. That's why I love chick flicks. It warms my heart to see love. Call me old fashioned...but at the end of the day when I go to sleep..I know I am blessed to be loved..I am blessed to be able to love. I have grown up enough to know that life's love is not like in the movies.....so it's nice to escape. I know why they don't add the burping farting, and the bickering in a chick flick. IT'S TOO REAL!! Chick flick enthusiasts want to ESCAPE. When I leave my Chick flick and drive home , I am wearing rose colored glasses. I feel loved and my heart feels so full it might explode. I open the door, walk in, wash my face, put on my flannel jammies (how sexy) and watch TV with the hubby and the boys. I often raise my voice for them to dial down their boy humor and loudness so I can watch the program....(as I am thinking why I have to have this same conversation every night). In their own teenage and 50+ boys minds...they do love me. They don't want to annoy me. They just don't get it. They don't read the scrip notes!!! Oh..gotta run and make my air popcorn and stuff some tissues in my pocketbook. I am gently forcing the hubby to see "Valentines Day" on opening night!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day NInety-four..Can You Put A Price Tag On A Life?

Hi.

Can you put a price tag on some one's life? My daddy died a little over three years ago. He was a pedestrian and was hit by a car. He died on the scene. Needless to say..it was a shock. It still is a shock. We have been in a law suit and I just got a settlement check in the mail about 10 minutes ago. There it is...a piece of paper with my name on it and a dollar amount typed on the amount line. Weird. We are going to open a fund that will help kids with their education in the school district where my dad mentored kids in reading. We are still in the fine tuning stages of exactly how we are going to distribute the fund. I am at a loss for words and emotion at this time..because although my daddy's picture is on my desk where I write and he is certainly in my heart 24/7..this settlement check puts a close on his last day on earth. So, I will gather my thoughts later I am sure..but the question that keeps looming over me as I write this is...Can you put a price tag on some one's life. If we settled for a billion dollars..would that make this nightmare tolerable? No way. I think what heals the wounds in my heart is time...money never can...so I am at peace (to a point) in the notion that we will be helping others. That was so important to my dad. As my families wounds heal, others will prosper. With his life ending...an other's life blossoms.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Yesterday I spoke about the Goddess in me and I never posed the question...have you found the Goddess in you? I look around at my friends and I see that we are all trying to figure out the next phase of our lives. I watch as they seek to find their truths and I marvel at what these women are doing. They are not all BIG changes...some are subtle..but they are real and pure and it is so exciting. So, I pose to you this question...are you true to who you want to be? Do you feel the Goddess in you is out and about or is it still hiding behind a i don't have time to listen to my needs. What I have come to understand through watching my peers is...it doesn't have to be all or nothing..sometimes it takes just 5 minutes a day to pause and drink a hot cup of tea. I want to thank all the women who have touched me either by being my mom, sister, friend or blogger. YOU make it easier for me to reach my highs and accept my lows. May we all be true to our Goddesses.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-Three..The Goddess In Me

Hi.

When I went to the doctor the other day for my lifestyle overhaul, she said some things that have stuck with me. I will paraphrase..but this is the essence of what she said: "You are the matriarch..this is where your power is. What does it look like? This is the time for you to get in touch with your Earth Mother/Goddess. After we deal with the physical and emotional (2 steps) then you are going to be a Frickin Goddess when you're done. You can create this, imagine it..meditate on it"

Wow..does that sound totally incredible? I was so pumped when I left. I am going to be a Goddess. This is good. This feels right.

Here I am a few days later and.....and I don't feel like a Goddess. How do I get to be one? I know it means work.. What does a Goddess look like to me?

Goddess=beauty.
Goddess=serenity
Goddess=long curly hair.
Goddess=curvy sexy body
Goddess=purity
Goddess=creativity
Goddess=truth
Goddess=faith
Goddess=love

That's a tall order. My hair is straight and above my shoulders. My body is curvy...not sure about the sexy. I don't feel pure...but I do have faith. I feel creative but not all the time. I am truthful and loving. Is this whole concept a crock of sh*t?

I have faith that somewhere inside of me Goddess Wolffie is looming. How do I tap into that part of me? Maybe it starts with belief. So, do I just "believe" and POOF..I am a Goddess? Can I be like a character in a Disney movie and it just "happens" after some unsettling event in my life? I have had some huge unsettling events..but I ain't no Goddess. Baby steps. I want it NOW. I know it doesn't work that way. I am capable of reaching whatever my soul desires. I just can't get sidetracked. It's so easy to make a phone call, do something for my family, meet a friend for coffee or lunch rather than do something for me that will create a shift and will let Goddess Wolffie emerge. I have started to meditate again. It's hard to quiet my ever so busy mind. I think about all the crap I have to do. I keep saying to myself go to your special place...go to your special place. I got there today in my mind. Progress not perfection. it felt good...it felt safe. I know I will get to the next step. When my mind is quiet..then the images of what I need to do will come. I am a Goddess..hear me roar!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I totally believed that Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet and life would be happily ever after. When the hubby asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic and I knew that my life would be all that I had dreamed about. So, here I am 22 years later and I still feel like the hubby is my prince charming...but my feet are planted firmly on the ground. We have had up and downs..they don't talk about that in fairy tales. I am sitting here feeling "the love" for my life and I hear a "SHUT UP..YOUR SO STUPID" coming from Soccer Stud One to his bro's Soccer Stud Two and Running Stud. Nice. This wasn't supposed to happen. My kids were supposed to love and respect each other unconditionally. Now Running Stud is singing in his high pitched voice that sends chills up my spine and a few more SHUT UPS come from the peanut gallery (his bro's). The hubby is driving up to our house and will inquire about dinner. I'm gonna say with a "happy tone","Scrambled eggs and pancakes". I know he won't be overjoyed but I didn't go to the market today. In my fairytale mind, I never thought about arguing with the hubby and kids, having to downsize, getting cancer, losing parents, having my College Studette living in another state all while going through menopause. Who ever thought to go to those places in their fantasies? NOT ME!! As Valentine's Day is approaching, I have to ask myself..is this better than what I imagined my life would be? Yes. I wouldn't want to go through my life without my crew. The hubby and my kids complete me. They have helped me dig deep and evolve into who I am today. Maybe I am a Goddess after all. I just have to change my definition. Okay maybe I have to work a bit more so I can roar!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-Two...It's Okay To Change The Course

Hi.

I had a doctors appointment today that I was a bit nervous about. A few months back, I met a doctor from UCLA who did not really like that I was doing bio identical hormone therapy. I had breast cancer back in 2000. My life was spiraling down pretty fast due to being slammed into menopause. So after 5 years of being cancer free, I made a decision with my oncologist that I would go on hormone replacement. I saw bright clouds and rainbows after years of feeling really doom and gloom. I knew that this was a controversial decision for me...but isn't quality of life important? Lets face it..if I didn't do something my kids were going to only know me as a: cranky how do I act around my mommy so she won't yell all the time life? Who wants to live with that? To put things into an even better prospective the hubby wasn't getting ANYTHING from me. No love, no humor, no compassion..and no passion. Who wants to be married to that? So..here we are almost 5 years later ( from the start of hormone therapy)..and my life is so much better. Do I still yell? Sometimes. Do I still get annoyed with the hubby? Sometimes. But my mind...it is clearer and I don't feel like aliens have invaded my body. Anyways..back to the doctor I met a few months back..he wanted me to think about getting off my hormones. Are you kidding me? He casually gave me a paper with a name of a doctor on it. "Call her, I think she can help". I went into denial. I don't need help. I am doing what I can to stay sane. If I get cancer back than at least I will have lived in comfort. Would this doctor want to have his wife live in no hormone I am a lunatic land? How dare he tell me to get off my "Stuff". That's like telling an addict to get help when they are not ready. I was and am still afraid that if you take my hormones away..then I will become INSANE again. Don't really want that. So, the doctor I saw today was.. FANTASTIC. We talked a lot about diet...lots of veggies, fruits, lean protein, soy (that was a shocker) and whole grains. I pretty much eat like that...expect for my nightly treat of frozen yogurt. "Hang on to the yogurt for awhile..lets see how you feel in 6 weeks"? Yeah.... this is a doctor who UNDERSTANDS me. "Success is when you wean things out of your lifestyle. The body can be shocked in a more gentle manner than cold turkey". I liked that!! We are weaning me off the hormones too. I added a few supplements and took away some supplements. The key to this adventure for me is to work on my mind,body and spirit. Meditation, diet, acupuncture,and exercise. This all sounds so zen and yummy. I feel calm thinking about the process. I am looking forward to feeling good..hormone free...maybe I can have quality and quantity of life. When I left her, she asked if I was a hugging kind of lady or a hand shaking kind of lady. Hug Away.

Why listen to Wolffie. Because I get it. Hormoneless Wolffie is not a fun person to be around. Hormoneless Woffie was lost in the abyss. Where did she go? She was gone in the inside and was left with only a shell. My outsides looked the same..and that was it. Have you ever looked at the world with such disdain and you didn't know why? That was me!!! I had no control of my feelings. I didn't have feelings..unless they were smothered in anger and yuck. Few knew about how I was feelings because I can act. At home I could be crazy about how something was out of place and then the phone would ring and I would carry on a conversation like I didn't have a care in the world. "Oh hi..How are You? I am great.. giggle giggle ." PALEEESE. I was a fake..and it wasn't good. Honesty took over and I told my doctor I needed help. Help came..life came back...and the world looked brighter. It's not always easy being me....but I have learned to accept me for who I am..talk about it...and try to be the best me I can be. I don't always like me..but I do always love me. Hey..isn't that the name of the game?

Can your relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety-One..Helpless With Health Care

Hi.

I got a letter from my ever so friendly Health Insurance Company. I thought maybe it was a reimbursement check or a letter stating how bad they feel about my son, Soccer Stud's broken arm or condolences about my hurt knee. No such luck. I don't know why these ever so friendly thoughts would enter into my mind because we have such a HUGE deductible that we never meet and I have never gotten anything resembling human emotions from them before. A girl can dream, can't she? The letter was informing me that their contract with the hospital that does my mammograms is in negotiations and that it probably will not have a relationship with them in the near future. The alternative..go find a new hospital on their website: www.wedontcareaboutourinsurees.com . Okay, so. they don't have that website...but they should. Do they ever think about making it possible for the hospital to keep their contract with them? Do they ever think about their insurees who need to go to that hospital? I DON'T THINK SO. I go there for my mammograms. This is where I go to see my breast surgeon. I can't afford to pay out of pocket for these very necessary appointments. I don't want to be told that I have to seek medical care elsewhere..well they don't actually say that...but this is how I feel...CORNERED. It's hard enough going to these appointments with the thought that I might have breast cancer again.,...and to have to do this with a new doctor and mammo facility? NERVE RACKING . The technicians, nurses, and my surgeon have known me for years..we have a RELATIONSHIP. Imagine that...having a relationship and because of insurance it will have to end. Not by my choice...but by my not being able to afford the out of network costs of $795.00 for a mammogram and $150.00 for the surgeon's office visit. I am angry. This might blow over. Maybe they will come to an agreement. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mo hill..but why should I have to feel any of this? I can't get insurance anywhere else because I have a
"pre existing" condition. Who doesn't if you are over the age of 10? The insurance companies have my family by the balls...we are hostages. I thought about writing to my Congressman..but would it really help? Will I be heard? Do they really care?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my son broke his arm and we were making an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, the lovely woman on the phone asked me in 10 different ways..Do you have insurance? Have you met your deductible? You will have to pay $250.00 at the time of his visit. Okay.Okay. I know the drill. "Can you just ask me how my boy is rather than talk about the insurance stuff. Can we humanize this a bit"? "I am so sorry ma'am..we just have to cover our bases". I was a bit exasperated but I didn't go on. I said what I needed to fulfill my mama bear role. When we saw the doctor, they were all so nice and friendly. Sometimes I forget that the insurance companies are squeezing their balls as much as they squeeze mine.

Moral to the story: We need Health care Reform.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Ninety...I Am Standing In My Way

Hi.

It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I fell and hurt my knee. I am getting better thanks to a cortisone shot, but I haven't been able to exercise. Doctors orders. I am definitely in sloth mode. It doesn't feel so good. I have many hours while the kids are in school that I have nothing to do. I have taken to driving the kids in my jammies, come home and crawl back into bed and watch the Today Show. Today I caught up on my Tivo shows. This is not a great thing for me to do. I am a bored. I feel like my endorphins are in hibernation. I have no energy. I really miss my running. I am not sure when the 'ol doc will give me the green light. I don't want to rush into it,,but I am antsy in a sloth kind of way. My heart is longing to run and my brain is saying..be lazy Wolffie. I could be doing other things to pass the six hours a day I have while the boys are in school. I could read one of the many books that I have sitting on my nightstand. I could knit or needlepoint the projects that are needing to be finished. I could start writing the novel that has been looming over me for many many years. This is the burning question I have....Why aren't I starting that novel? What is stopping me from following my dream? Could it be FEAR!!!! Maybe I have nothing to say.Will anyone want to read my words? Could it be that I lack the knowledge on how to start it? Could it be that I can't let myself let go and just write? Will I open my soul and become too vulnerable? Answers? All of the above. I am so sick in tired of my bullsh*t. Enough is enough. I can't tell you how many times I have done this dialogue in my head and to others. It's old and it's oh so BORING. I have gotten some great suggestions. Basically all I have to do is....write and the rest will follow. Sounds good to me in theory...BUT..Oh hear I go again. Yawn, Yawn.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I try to be a good mom. I try to teach my kids that in order to succeed you have to try. To be good at something you have to work hard for it. Most things don't come to you..you have to go toward it. To achieve you must make goals. See something through before you up and quit. Are you getting my drift? I don't follow this when it comes to my writing. Now, I know we can't be perfect. Most of us humans have flaws. Most of us humans have fears. I have pushed through many of my fears. I tend to think I am a take me as I am kind of gal. I don't have secrets. I wear my heart on my sleeve. As I am writing this I am getting this take the bull by the horns feeling over me. Who am I writing for anyways? For me? For the masses (whoever they are!!)? I have to be teachable to my own lessons...right? Sometimes it's easier to preach than it is to act. I will humbly open my heart and soul and just do it.

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day Eighty-Nine....Family...Food....I Love Both

Hi.

Today my mother-in-law had shoulder replacement surgery. I was at the hospital all day waiting to get a glimpse of her so I could get rid of the knot in my stomach. She is 77 years old and I couldn't help but be a bit worried about the 3 1/2 hour surgery. We got news from her surgeon that she did great and there were no complications. My dull headache disappeared immediately with that news. I didn't even realize that I was a bundle of nerves. I don't love hospitals. Well that's not entirely true. When I gave birth to my babies...the usual negative feelings about hospitals were not anywhere in my psyche. Today, I did not like seeing my mother-in-law who is usually bright and cheery ashen and zoned out. The hubby was totally taken aback. He saw his mom's mortality smack dab in front of him...and it really shook him up. This is the one part of the life cycle that really doesn't enter in your world on a regular basis. I love my mother-in-law very much. I am happy that she is going to be okay. It will be a long haul...but she won't be in pain anymore.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. After a long day today..I couldn't wait to get home and make some down home good comfort food. I was going to make this yummy white bean and barley soup. It's thick and when you dip hot bread in it..it is...well...out of this world. It's easy to make..and it tastes oh so good. I cut my shallots and carrots really fine and I sauteed them in butter with the barley. I never indulge and use butter. Oil didn't sound appealing as I wanted comfort food. Comfort food and butter mix real good!!! I dumped my sauteed food in with broth and beans. I put the flame on low and set off to pick up my boys from their various friends house. We are on the way home. My mouth was watering with anticipation of our dinner. Ring. Ring. I answered the phone in my car and through the speakers the hubby announced (rather perturbed I might add), "Were you making soup"? "Yep". "There is no liquid left in the soup and it burned." "OH NOOOOOOOOO I AM SOOOOO BUMMED". My voice must have sounded really deflated because the hubby responded with a ever so kind tone, "I'm sorry angel". I drove home in sad silence.I didn't want to go out to dinner. We are really trying to eat home more. We definateley save money..but we also linger longer at the dinner table. I looked into the frig and put together a fabu pasta primavera with a new twist...feta cheese. It might not sound too good but I have to say..my ever so opinionated boys loved it. Well that's not entirely true..my 13 year old Vegetarian Stud informed me he doesn't like vegetables in his pasta!! Go figure!!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie