Day Ninety-Three..The Goddess In Me

Hi.

When I went to the doctor the other day for my lifestyle overhaul, she said some things that have stuck with me. I will paraphrase..but this is the essence of what she said: "You are the matriarch..this is where your power is. What does it look like? This is the time for you to get in touch with your Earth Mother/Goddess. After we deal with the physical and emotional (2 steps) then you are going to be a Frickin Goddess when you're done. You can create this, imagine it..meditate on it"

Wow..does that sound totally incredible? I was so pumped when I left. I am going to be a Goddess. This is good. This feels right.

Here I am a few days later and.....and I don't feel like a Goddess. How do I get to be one? I know it means work.. What does a Goddess look like to me?

Goddess=beauty.
Goddess=serenity
Goddess=long curly hair.
Goddess=curvy sexy body
Goddess=purity
Goddess=creativity
Goddess=truth
Goddess=faith
Goddess=love

That's a tall order. My hair is straight and above my shoulders. My body is curvy...not sure about the sexy. I don't feel pure...but I do have faith. I feel creative but not all the time. I am truthful and loving. Is this whole concept a crock of sh*t?

I have faith that somewhere inside of me Goddess Wolffie is looming. How do I tap into that part of me? Maybe it starts with belief. So, do I just "believe" and POOF..I am a Goddess? Can I be like a character in a Disney movie and it just "happens" after some unsettling event in my life? I have had some huge unsettling events..but I ain't no Goddess. Baby steps. I want it NOW. I know it doesn't work that way. I am capable of reaching whatever my soul desires. I just can't get sidetracked. It's so easy to make a phone call, do something for my family, meet a friend for coffee or lunch rather than do something for me that will create a shift and will let Goddess Wolffie emerge. I have started to meditate again. It's hard to quiet my ever so busy mind. I think about all the crap I have to do. I keep saying to myself go to your special place...go to your special place. I got there today in my mind. Progress not perfection. it felt good...it felt safe. I know I will get to the next step. When my mind is quiet..then the images of what I need to do will come. I am a Goddess..hear me roar!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I totally believed that Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet and life would be happily ever after. When the hubby asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic and I knew that my life would be all that I had dreamed about. So, here I am 22 years later and I still feel like the hubby is my prince charming...but my feet are planted firmly on the ground. We have had up and downs..they don't talk about that in fairy tales. I am sitting here feeling "the love" for my life and I hear a "SHUT UP..YOUR SO STUPID" coming from Soccer Stud One to his bro's Soccer Stud Two and Running Stud. Nice. This wasn't supposed to happen. My kids were supposed to love and respect each other unconditionally. Now Running Stud is singing in his high pitched voice that sends chills up my spine and a few more SHUT UPS come from the peanut gallery (his bro's). The hubby is driving up to our house and will inquire about dinner. I'm gonna say with a "happy tone","Scrambled eggs and pancakes". I know he won't be overjoyed but I didn't go to the market today. In my fairytale mind, I never thought about arguing with the hubby and kids, having to downsize, getting cancer, losing parents, having my College Studette living in another state all while going through menopause. Who ever thought to go to those places in their fantasies? NOT ME!! As Valentine's Day is approaching, I have to ask myself..is this better than what I imagined my life would be? Yes. I wouldn't want to go through my life without my crew. The hubby and my kids complete me. They have helped me dig deep and evolve into who I am today. Maybe I am a Goddess after all. I just have to change my definition. Okay maybe I have to work a bit more so I can roar!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie