Entry One Hundred and Eighteen...The Eye of Hurricane Monster

Hi. I was in a life coaching session today and the truth came out about Hurricane Monster. It has been looming over me since I don't know how long....Ummmm maybe since the dark ages. Anyways, I have this radio station that plays in my head that I warmly refer to as K F**K. I don't know if your brain is dialed into the same station. It's the one that only plays songs that tells you that you are no good..you can't reach your dreams....so just stop. I don't know who the artists are who recorded such songs but I don't like listening to K F**K. It seems to be permanently set there though. So, today in my session, Coach Lori challenged me or shall I say, we challenged me. I am afraid to succeed in something that I feel so passionately about...and that is writing. I LOVE to write. It makes me feel complete. I feel like I am honoring my soul. It lets me relate to others. It is awesome. SO WHY DO I KEEP MYSELF FROM DOING IT???!!!???. This is the million $$$$$ question. Fear of being happy. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear that people won't relate. FEAR FEAR FEAR. As you can surmise, I am not the kind of gal who just closes her eyes and dives in. Not in my make-up..until today. I have decided to turn the dial away from K F**K and listen to a new station...K PROMISE. This new radio station plays soothing songs; songs that tell me that you can enjoy the process and songs that spark feelings of triumph not defeat. The road is wide and I can go for it. Better songs, don't you think?!? I feel a sense of calm. I am inching towards living in the land of grey rather than in the land of all or nothing. Everything is possible when I am in the land of grey. I actually can start moving in a direction that enjoys the journey. Completion feels promising. Bye- Bye.. K F**K. Hello K PROMISE . Did I mention that I am jumping into my life without a life vest? HOORAH!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. This weekend before I chose to shut off K F**K off and listen to K Promise, I must admit that I was a not so nice Wifey-Poo and Momola to The Hubby, College Studettee, Running Stud, Soccer Stud 1 and and Soccer Stud 2. This was an ordinary weekend of shelping, smelling and hearing the boys fart on cue, College Studeete reporting about her adventures in Boulder and The Hubby was complaining about a new ache on his 53 year old body. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I was short with all of them. I wasn't interested. I wanted to be left alone. So I did the '"lets change locations so I can escape plan". I went to the mall and surrounded myself with strangers that I could give a rats ass about AND I bought make-up. I wanted a "pick me up you look 50 and fresh look". I accomplished the task!! I felt like going home. I had a skip in my step when I entered my home. Nothing changed. Boys still farting. The Hubby still had the aches. My daughter called with a new story. My reactions changed. I had interest. These are my peeps.

Moral of the story: Sometimes I have to get away to see what specialness I have right in front of me.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie