Day One Hundred and Sixteen...Do I Have To Know Everything?

Hi. Wow I can't believe it has been over two months since my last post! Let me tell you why this happened. I have been in a mental standstill. No creative juices flowing...actually not many thoughts flowing I was into eating my blues away. Can anybody relate? If I am to be entirely honest with my blog pals...I like to run from my feelings. It doesn't really matter if they are good feelings or bad feelings..I just like to run. Shall I give you an example? Okay...you don't have to twist my arm!! Here goes. Let's start with my blogging. I was so gung-ho in the beginning to blog every day. If Julia could cook and write her experiences every day for a year than why couldn't I?!? So, I started and my daily blog writing lasted awhile. Then...a feeling hit. It was a true sad feeling. My friend was dying..I couldn't take it..so rather than use the blog as a tool to push through...I stopped writing. I didn't feel funny..I had to be funny in order for people to like reading my rants. But is this really true? I didn't do a survey and ask. I just stopped; and really Wolffie, are you really all knowing? Can you see into people's hearts and minds? NOPE. So that emotional block added pounds of I can't believe I stopped writing, failed again AND gained 10 pounds.

Another case in point, my kids. I truly love them..all four of them. I just don't know how to make Running Stud, Soccer Stud One and Soccer Stud Two (College Studette is away at school) to hear me and respect me. Is this so wrong to ask of the kids that I carried around for nine months, fed them from my nipples, changes way too many stinky diapers, took them to mommy and me, shelped them for all their various sporting activities, shelped them to their religious studies and I am sure am forgetting something!! Don't get me wrong, I LOVED DOING ALL THIS FOR MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.....BUT, they are teenagers and they don't appreciate me anymore. WAHHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Who am I kidding? Me. I must confess that this part of my life put another 8 pounds on my growing girth! What planet am I on to think that teenagers even care about anyone but themselves..for the most part that is. Aren't they right where they are supposed to be? Planet Wolffie must go away. I say these words to my kids all the time (and it makes them crazy!), "Can you please step out of your world and into ours"!!!???!!! Shouldn't I take this oh so clever advice?!? YEP. So, I am breathing a lot. Tuning out a lot and focusing on their positive stuff and not the ones that annoy me to no end.Guess what? It's working. There is laughter in the house. We are getting along so much better...and I lost three pounds!!! Oh yeah baby!!!

Why listen to Wolfie? Because I get it. Once upon a time there was a girl maned Wolffie, a lovely girl, who had to know and plan her path. Oh it was hard for Wolffie. Oh so very hard; Because..life gives you road blocks and Wolffie wanted to plot out the beginning, middle and end of each experience. Very tiring. Situations would come into her path..and she would stop the experience and then think of herself as a failure. What was poor Wolffie to do? She knew she wasn't living the life she dreamed...but she couldn't stop planning. Then one day..a light bulb went off...I do not have to do this alone. I can step on a spiritual path and relieve myself of stopping when obstacles and pressures to be perfect get in the way. What a great idea Wolffie thought. Wofflie implemented this by mediating most mornings and writing her thoughts on paper. She gave her controlling and annoying need to be all knowing away and her life has been much better. There is no happy ending to this once upon a time story because.... life is still in session.

Moral of the story: Enjoy where you are because looking back or looking forward takes you away from where your feet are planted.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.
Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie