A Hard Day...

Today was a tough day.  I knew it was not going to be an easy day..and I was right.  Due to our insurance going up, we had to leave our PPO and join Kaiser.  I have to say that I have been pleasantly happy with my care..but it doesn’t make it any easier to break ties with long time doctors.  It is what it is. You do what you gotta do.

Fashion is an extension of who I am at any given moment or experience.

It dawned on me a few minutes ago that my outfit was an unconscious pick for the day...Camo pants, white tennis shoes and a white button down.  Cute right?  The Camo pants are for the warrior in me.  The white tennis shoes with studs and a heart are for my rebellion and to remember to love myself on a not so easy day.  The white shirt was for walking in to meet my new doctor with a pure mind..without preconception.  I often will dress for my mood.  A bit sexy when we are going to a party, sweats and a oversized tee when I am hanging out on a rainy day, and my staple; ripped jeans and a cute top or sweater (with or without a leather jacket) when I am having a no fuss day.

Why listen to Wolfie?  Because I get it.  As some of you know, I had breast cancer almost

18 years ago.  I have had my oncologist for 17 of my 18 years.  I adore him. As a doctor, I trust him. He has become a confidant and a trusted friend.  We don’t socialize outside of his office, but he has become a person I can lean on, tell my concerns about life and laugh with.  We talk about what is new in our lives, about our families  and how great it is to be further away from cancer.  He is a diamond in the rough. I am going to miss him terribly.  So today, with Camo pants on, my studded and heart tennis shoes and my white button down..I shed a few tears as I walked into meet my new doctor.  It was Okay.  She is kind and sensitive and really heard me.  I walked out of Kaiser..tears rolling down my face.  I took a deep breath in, wiped my tears  away and grew up.  As my mother in law so poetically says...Onward.

Can you relate?  More will be revealed.

Signing off until we met again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie 

Wolffie is wearing:          

Hudson Camos

H&M White Button Down Shirt

Zadig and Voltaire Tennis Shoes

Bobbie Brown Eyewear

Necklace is my mom and dad’s wedding rings

Layers

I have come to realize that life is full of layers.  Whether it be how you cut your hair, how you dress, or how you uncover and discover the meaning of your life..it definitely has layers.

As cliche as that sounds..it is true.  For example...I have been trying to grow out my hair from a very short hairdo..I want to cut it because my layers just are not working right now.  BUT, haircuts and life are not about immediate gratification.  Life is one day at a time. Hair takes forever to grow. Impatience is a nuisance...when my inner thoughts turn to ramble and negativity..I am screwed.  Cut your damn hair.  You look ugly.  Need I go on?  My inner voice sometimes speaks bullshit. It's my worse critic.

I have a shoulder injury.  It’s been 2 1/2 months and I have a while to go.  I don’t sleep..I don’t exercise..and I am a bit in the dumps.  I have put on some poundage.  It doesn’t feel good..Now is the time that  I appreciate layers!!  I can wear a skinny jean, a loose shirt and a awesome velvet duster and feel okay.  It hides the middle.  No harm  No foul. Just a funky look. Still a fashionista!!


Why listen to Wolffie?  Because I get it. The layers that have been cultivating for years are my emotional layers.  It’s crazy how I still am peeling off events and feelings that have been stuck on me. It’s liberating to peel them off.  It brings me closer to my truth.

 Life is fabulous.  Life is messy.  Sometimes I hide behind a hairstyle or fashion so I don’t have to deal with the real deal..which is me and my ever so complicated head.  I am so thankful that I found meditation.  It calms my thoughts and lets be know that it’s okay to have layers.  Don’t fight them..just peel em off so I can enjoy the finer things in life..my hubby, my kids, my friends and my self expression.  No matter where I am..that’s right where I am supposed to be.

Can you relate?  More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Today Wolffie is wearing:
Rag and Bone Jeans
Vince Top
Freepeople Duster
Chanel Espadrilles
Kaura Jewels Warrior Bracelet

I am at it again...

My last entry was in June of 2012!! I mean where has the time gone?  I can tell you that I was flooded with the usual mom stuff....shelping, soccer games, track and cross country meets,  high school graduations, college move ins, work, play and fun. I stopped writing this blog.  This is one of the  things that brings me personal satisfaction.  So why did I stop?  I always have something to say!!!! I wish I could answer this..but why go back? It doesn't change the fact that I just stopped and time slipped away.

So here I am..all 4 kids are gone, me and the hubby doting on two new puppies and a desire to write again. My passion is fashion. So now you get to hear about the ups and downs of a 57 year old fashionista. How does a woman my age dress? Do I give up and dress like a middle aged women who really can't stand her mid section?  Do I hide behind baggy shirts? Do I stop having funky hairdos and fore-go my red lips? No fucking way!!

So indulge me as I explore the do's and do nots of middle age Wolffie Style.  Maybe you"ll join me and let your hair down and go for the fashion jugular.  Be the old you..create a new you..but surely get rid of the I am settling my style sense you!

Moral of the story...Just because we are in the middle of the pack in life..it doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves and become bland. We can still have it going on!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it.  I get growing old and thinking that maybe I have to stop being me and conform to the expectations of the offices of who, what, why and where? You know what?  That's total crap.  If you want to go braless...go for it? If you want to wear ripped jeans...go for it?  If you want to dress Boho...go for it.  If you want to shave your head..go for it. Be the authentic YOU.

Can you relate?  More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Today Wolffie is wearing:
Equipment Bomber
J Crew white Tee
Zara faux leather wide leg pants
Zadig and Voltaire Joe Boots
Jewelry..made by me!!

Day One Hundred and Thirty-four..Be Careful What You Wish For!!!

Hi.  It's quiet in the house.  This is rare.  The Hubby took the boys on a  short Vacay and Graduate Studette is house sitting for a couple of days.  I had to stay home to work..which is fine because I thought it would be nice to chill in my home by myself for a couple of days.  Graduate Studette just left with her friend after we ordered in a gluten free pizza and a salad.  I was digging the idea of the gluten free pizza because my new food kick is to stay off wheat.  I ordered  a Pizza Margarita..and I was looking so forward to it.  The pizza was REALLY small.  So I ask you in blog peeps....why do they charge 16 bucks for a pizza that is smaller than a small and they call it a medium?!? I mean really!!! I was still hungry after eating the 16 buck pizza and the 12 buck salad.... that I ate a non gluten free roll..with butter!!! OY. Let me get back to my first point....I always think I will enjoy some down time when  mi familia is not around. Our house is full of life and so much noise. Do I dare say this out loud....I miss the craziness .  My dog even seems a bit doggie depressed without the boys around!!!   When I am in the thick of my day, I wish for silence sometimes.  Wouldn't you if it was a constant barrage of asking me to buy them something, take them somewhere, teasing me, teasing each other, major farting and burping and always going to the market because they are always eating us out of house and home (truth is The Hubby goes to the market more than me). Do you get where I am coming from?  I feel like I am a hamster on that damn wheel and I can't get off!!!!!! So, who wouldn't want some alone time? Who wouldn't want a bit of peace? I am bored.  I don't feel like knitting.  I don't feel like reading.  I don't feel like shopping.  I kinda want mi familia around. You don't always know what you are missing...until you miss it.

Moral of the story...be careful what you wish for.

Why listen to Wolffie?  Because I get it.  Earlier today when I was still enamored with the fact that I was alone for a few days...I got to meet two dear friends for coffee at a restaurant right on the beach.  It was a beautiful day and the beach was so much cooler than the hot valley. Anyways, we were yacking, laughing and catching up on each others lives.  One of my gal pals was in from out of town so it was nice to see her face to face.  I feel so blessed to have friendships that just pick up where we left off.  Anyways, the point I want to touch on is aging.  I can't count how many times we were in a conversation and something just clicked for us to be talking about something else and we couldn't navigate back to the original conversation because our menopausal brains can't go from one topic to another!! I mean really, what is happening to us?  Is this the way our lives are gonna be forever?  Are we going to only do one conversation at a time?  Do we pick topics and stick to them?  BORING!!!!  Maybe I should have a pen and paper on hand at all times so I can jot down key words to jog my memory. HMMMMMM...not a bad idea!! The one thing my gal pals and I have is laughter.  If  we can't laugh about this phase of our development...we are screwed... I mean really screwed!! Shit..I was going to say something about our morning..but I forgot!! Where is my pen and paper when I need it?!?

Can you relate?  More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

One Hundred and Thirty-Three...And So On and So On

Hi. Life is in full session at my  humble abode.  My College Studette is a graduate from University of Colorado at Boulder.  Go Buffs!! So her new name is......Graduate Studette!!! I am so proud of her. My twins...Soceer One Stud and Running Stud got their drivers licenses!!! Oy....actually they are great drivers and my life is way less hectic.....except that I do get a bit ruffled in my knickers until I know they are home safe and sound.  I gotta say I love that they have to be in by 11:00..it's the law my darling Studs!!! Sometimes you gotta love the law!! Soccer Stud Two culminated from middle school.  I have three testosterone boys in high school.  How did this happen?!? Time does fly...and with time flying..my hair seems to be getting more gray, so today I went way blonde to hide the gray and to hide the wrinkles that just "appeared" overnight!! Could it be that I have more on my plate than I need?!?  I mean lets face it...having teenagers is a full time job of navigating them into to safe waters, trying not to take their "you soooooo are annoying  me" tone when I ask them to clean up the man-cave, do the dishes, stop bickering, clean your room, go get a job.....and so on and so on. I am pooped just thinking about and writing this!!!  I have to say that I am fortunate to have The Hubby support me most of the time.  I have to admit that sometimes I feel a bit left out in the cold because he can act like a teenager too!!! Having Graduate Studette back home is a HUGE lift to my spirits because she gets me....all the estrogen parts of me.  She gets that I cry at commercials.  She gets that sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I am not me...and the next day I look in the mirror and I am back to me!! Oh the joys of women bonding!!!! I will say that these past few months have been filled with joyous celebrations.  I love mi familia and even though I am in the eye of the testosterone storm...I wouldn't trade my life.  My heart is warm and full and joy surrounds me.

Why listen to Wolffie?  Because I get it.  Tomorrow is Fathers's Day.  I miss my daddy.  This year it is not as painful as years past and I am not sure why.  I do know that I want to celebrate The Hubby tomorrow. He is a fabulous dad.  Our kids love him so..you can see it in their eyes.  They think he is a kick and he is.  He is his own true self...a bit quirky and really fun spirited.  That's why I fell in love with him.  He beats to his own drum and his passion for life is so infectious.  He is a family man first and I both love and respect him for that.  My daddy was a family man too.  "They" say that a girl marries a man that is like her dad.  I married a man that is kinda like my dad.  My dad LOVED my mom and I feel that in my guy. He truly loves me. My dad LOVED his kids..and I see and feel that in my guy.  I think this year I am not so sad about Father's Day because I am focusing on The Hubby.  I feel blessed that my kids cherish their dad.  I feel blessed that we still love each other and parent our kids together. So, tomorrow I will celebrate that I loved my daddy and because of him...I fell in love with my guy. Happy Father's Day Daddy. I love you.  Happy Father's Day Hubby.  I cherish you.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

One Hundred and Thirty-Two....I Love You Says It All

Hi. I woke up from a dream today that seemed so real that it sent me into tears. My friend passed away 1 year and ten months ago...today. I think of her daily and I really miss her. All that knew her feel the same way. She had a quality that not too may people possess. She made you feel like you were a special beyond words and she made you feel safe. She was a diamond in the ruff.

In this dream, we were laughing and talking and driving. I swear to you g-d that it felt real. When I bolted up from this dream, it took me awhile to get my bearings and slowly I realized that this was not reality... only a beautiful dream. A couple hours later as I am writing this, tears are still swelling and I truly feel blessed to miss someone so much.

I am not a dream analyst but I think this dream was powerful. I get so caught up in the minutia of my day to day life that sometimes I don't understand the power of friends and family. I take for granted the love I feel for The Hubby and my four kids, family and my friends. I don't always take the time to look in their eyes and say "I love you". Sure, I say 'Love you" at the end of a phone call or I shout "Love Ya" as the kids are jamming out of the car to get to class or wherever they are off to. I mean it. It's just not heartfelt. There's nothing like someone looking you in the eye.....and saying to your soul..a meaningful I love you. It warms my soul when it is done to me. I mean really, how long does it take to do this act of kindness to those you appreciate?!? Three seconds tops!!!!

So after my rambling on, the point I want to make to myself (and you who are reading my ramble) is that after all is said and done....family and friendships are the cat's meow. It's great to be a success at your job, acing an A on a test, running a sub 5 in a race, scoring the winning goal, going to a outdoor concert in the snow,finding the jeans you were coveting and getting them on sale....oh yeah these are all great things.....BUT.......do these make you feel safe? Do these things make you feel complete? Do these things make your heart melt? Okay, so getting the jeans on sale is a biggie!!!! What truly makes me smile is when I can see love in the eyes of those that hold a special place in my heart.

So, my dear friend Betty. I honor you today. Dreaming with you meant the world to me. Loving you was easy in life and still is since you have passed. I must never lose sight of the importance of laughter and what joy it brings to relationships. I must never lose sight of the importance of taking time to look into the eyes of those I cherish. I must never lose sight of time. I must take each day and open my heart to the possibilities it brings to me and what I can do for others.

Moral of the dream? Take time to laugh...and let others know you love and care for them to the depths of their souls.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My dad died 5 years ago. We had a nice relationship. It took some time to cultivate. He was stubborn and so was I. But we found our groove. It was a simple relationship as far as our words. We did have in depth conversations from time to time but mostly it was simple and profound...but easy. He lived a couple of hours away.so we did talk on the phone..short and sweet conversations. I always ended saying I love you and he said...me too. On the day he died, we had a great conversation. He was cheerful and telling me how happy he was. He was talking about a photograph that was taken of him with my brother and nephew. He felt like a model!! He was going on and on and I had to abruptly get off the phone. Later that evening, I phoned my parents at the exact time he died. Weird, Huh? I didn't leave a message when the recording came on. I didn't leave a I love you. I don't remember if I said I love you in our last conversation earlier in the day. It haunts me.

Moral of this story? Just say it....just do it.....show those you love that they mean the world to you....always...cause you just don't know when the last time is. celebrate love!!!

Can you relate?More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Day One Hundred and Thirty-One....Sometimes it's You

So it's the holiday time and so much goes on with family dynamics. I remember as a child that my grandma used to always bring hard as a rock fruit cake to my Aunt and Uncle's for Christmas. My Aunt and Uncle did not like hard as rock fruit cake...but could they really tell my grandma that? Then there was always someone who drank too much and told stories that would totally embarrass someone. Inevitably, someone would receive a gift that was unwanted. My family was and is very colorful and when I was young, I couldn't wait to see who would say or do something that was not totally appropriate. It always happened.....and I always got to giggle and when I became a teenager. I got to roll my eyes with either embarrassment or disdain. What family doesn't have a little drama at the holidays?!?

So, this year that person was......ME!!! We were invited to our friends annual holiday open house. We always look forward to it. Great friends...a lot of laughter...and totally to die for fab food. The Hubby and Running Stud were going for a bike ride this Christmas morning and they had their route all planned out....a nice two hour bike ride. They were getting a late start and The Big Kahuna (me) told them "gotta shorten your ride...we have to be dressed and out by 11:15 to get there by 12:00" The Hubby's reply..."I think the party starts at 1:00" "No..it's 12:00...don't be late." So my ever so compliant Hubby did as was suggested (told) by me, The Big Kahuna, and made it back, showered and was ready to go by 11:25.

We got to the party house promptly at 12:00 and there were no cars there.. I was proud that we were on time and the first ones there!!!! We rang the buzzer to get in and we were greeted by the party hostess....."You guys are a bit early..we are exchanging gifts...I hope it won't make you feel uncomfortable"......I WANTED TO DIE!!! My kids all rolled their eyes and whispered.."good one mom" (couldn't really blame them). I said we could come back and she insisted we stay. The ever so fab food wasn't out yet, the host explained (didn't think he needed to apologize!) . I sat in the back of the room and watched them exchanging their gifts with the great grandparents, grandparents and kids...it was sweet to see and I felt a bit more close to my already close friends. We ended up hanging and spending quality time which we would not have had if we were on time. We had exclusive rights to the party host and hostess. We got to eat the ever so fab food with no one else cutting in line and not judging us for pigging out...so sometimes it's worth it to be the faux-pah!!! Oh, I didn't mention that The Hubby never told me..."I told you so" ( I so would have said that)!!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I wish that I could say that I have never been the faux-pah before...but that would be a big fat lie. I wish I could blame my being the faux-pah because of my menopausal brain....but that would be a lie. Lets go back 23 years. The Hubby and I were engaged and we were on the wedding circuit. We had a wedding to go to of a high school buddy of mine. It was July and the wedding was in the San Fernando Valley. It was blistering hot and my Fiance wasn't too keen on getting dressed up in a suit and tie. We got to the wedding and we walked in, signed the guest book and I dropped our gift at the present table.We were milling around the room waiting for the ceremony to start. Where were my friends?!? I looked around the room and didn't recognize anybody. I got this sinking feeling that I was at the wrongwedding. I asked someone and I was correct in my assumption. I WANTED TO DIE!!! We fled the scene, got into the air conditioned car...and I remembered....."Oh Shit, I left the gift"!!! My ever so calm Fiance replied, "I'll wait while you get it". REALLY?!? I went in, hijacked the gift and ran out of there as fast as I could in my high heels...It was a sight that would have gotten mega hits on you tube!!!!! Can you imagine the bride and groom reading the guestbook thinking.."Who is Wolffie and Fiance"?!?!?! My buddy's wedding was actually the next week...and it was beautiful...and a much better crowd...maybe because I knew the bride, groom and the guests!!!!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie