Saturday, June 30, 2012

Day One Hundred and Thirty-four..Be Careful What You Wish For!!!

Hi.  It's quiet in the house.  This is rare.  The Hubby took the boys on a  short Vacay and Graduate Studette is house sitting for a couple of days.  I had to stay home to work..which is fine because I thought it would be nice to chill in my home by myself for a couple of days.  Graduate Studette just left with her friend after we ordered in a gluten free pizza and a salad.  I was digging the idea of the gluten free pizza because my new food kick is to stay off wheat.  I ordered  a Pizza Margarita..and I was looking so forward to it.  The pizza was REALLY small.  So I ask you in blog peeps....why do they charge 16 bucks for a pizza that is smaller than a small and they call it a medium?!? I mean really!!! I was still hungry after eating the 16 buck pizza and the 12 buck salad.... that I ate a non gluten free roll..with butter!!! OY. Let me get back to my first point....I always think I will enjoy some down time when  mi familia is not around. Our house is full of life and so much noise. Do I dare say this out loud....I miss the craziness .  My dog even seems a bit doggie depressed without the boys around!!!   When I am in the thick of my day, I wish for silence sometimes.  Wouldn't you if it was a constant barrage of asking me to buy them something, take them somewhere, teasing me, teasing each other, major farting and burping and always going to the market because they are always eating us out of house and home (truth is The Hubby goes to the market more than me). Do you get where I am coming from?  I feel like I am a hamster on that damn wheel and I can't get off!!!!!! So, who wouldn't want some alone time? Who wouldn't want a bit of peace? I am bored.  I don't feel like knitting.  I don't feel like reading.  I don't feel like shopping.  I kinda want mi familia around. You don't always know what you are missing...until you miss it.

Moral of the story...be careful what you wish for.

Why listen to Wolffie?  Because I get it.  Earlier today when I was still enamored with the fact that I was alone for a few days...I got to meet two dear friends for coffee at a restaurant right on the beach.  It was a beautiful day and the beach was so much cooler than the hot valley. Anyways, we were yacking, laughing and catching up on each others lives.  One of my gal pals was in from out of town so it was nice to see her face to face.  I feel so blessed to have friendships that just pick up where we left off.  Anyways, the point I want to touch on is aging.  I can't count how many times we were in a conversation and something just clicked for us to be talking about something else and we couldn't navigate back to the original conversation because our menopausal brains can't go from one topic to another!! I mean really, what is happening to us?  Is this the way our lives are gonna be forever?  Are we going to only do one conversation at a time?  Do we pick topics and stick to them?  BORING!!!!  Maybe I should have a pen and paper on hand at all times so I can jot down key words to jog my memory. HMMMMMM...not a bad idea!! The one thing my gal pals and I have is laughter.  If  we can't laugh about this phase of our development...we are screwed... I mean really screwed!! Shit..I was going to say something about our morning..but I forgot!! Where is my pen and paper when I need it?!?

Can you relate?  More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Saturday, June 16, 2012

One Hundred and Thirty-Three...And So On and So On

Hi. Life is in full session at my  humble abode.  My College Studette is a graduate from University of Colorado at Boulder.  Go Buffs!! So her new name is......Graduate Studette!!! I am so proud of her. My twins...Soceer One Stud and Running Stud got their drivers licenses!!! Oy....actually they are great drivers and my life is way less hectic.....except that I do get a bit ruffled in my knickers until I know they are home safe and sound.  I gotta say I love that they have to be in by 11:00..it's the law my darling Studs!!! Sometimes you gotta love the law!! Soccer Stud Two culminated from middle school.  I have three testosterone boys in high school.  How did this happen?!? Time does fly...and with time flying..my hair seems to be getting more gray, so today I went way blonde to hide the gray and to hide the wrinkles that just "appeared" overnight!! Could it be that I have more on my plate than I need?!?  I mean lets face it...having teenagers is a full time job of navigating them into to safe waters, trying not to take their "you soooooo are annoying  me" tone when I ask them to clean up the man-cave, do the dishes, stop bickering, clean your room, go get a job.....and so on and so on. I am pooped just thinking about and writing this!!!  I have to say that I am fortunate to have The Hubby support me most of the time.  I have to admit that sometimes I feel a bit left out in the cold because he can act like a teenager too!!! Having Graduate Studette back home is a HUGE lift to my spirits because she gets me....all the estrogen parts of me.  She gets that I cry at commercials.  She gets that sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I am not me...and the next day I look in the mirror and I am back to me!! Oh the joys of women bonding!!!! I will say that these past few months have been filled with joyous celebrations.  I love mi familia and even though I am in the eye of the testosterone storm...I wouldn't trade my life.  My heart is warm and full and joy surrounds me.

Why listen to Wolffie?  Because I get it.  Tomorrow is Fathers's Day.  I miss my daddy.  This year it is not as painful as years past and I am not sure why.  I do know that I want to celebrate The Hubby tomorrow. He is a fabulous dad.  Our kids love him so..you can see it in their eyes.  They think he is a kick and he is.  He is his own true self...a bit quirky and really fun spirited.  That's why I fell in love with him.  He beats to his own drum and his passion for life is so infectious.  He is a family man first and I both love and respect him for that.  My daddy was a family man too.  "They" say that a girl marries a man that is like her dad.  I married a man that is kinda like my dad.  My dad LOVED my mom and I feel that in my guy. He truly loves me. My dad LOVED his kids..and I see and feel that in my guy.  I think this year I am not so sad about Father's Day because I am focusing on The Hubby.  I feel blessed that my kids cherish their dad.  I feel blessed that we still love each other and parent our kids together. So, tomorrow I will celebrate that I loved my daddy and because of him...I fell in love with my guy. Happy Father's Day Daddy. I love you.  Happy Father's Day Hubby.  I cherish you.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again.  Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie



Thursday, March 8, 2012

One Hundred and Thirty-Two....I Love You Says It All

Hi. I woke up from a dream today that seemed so real that it sent me into tears. My friend passed away 1 year and ten months ago...today. I think of her daily and I really miss her. All that knew her feel the same way. She had a quality that not too may people possess. She made you feel like you were a special beyond words and she made you feel safe. She was a diamond in the ruff.

In this dream, we were laughing and talking and driving. I swear to you g-d that it felt real. When I bolted up from this dream, it took me awhile to get my bearings and slowly I realized that this was not reality... only a beautiful dream. A couple hours later as I am writing this, tears are still swelling and I truly feel blessed to miss someone so much.

I am not a dream analyst but I think this dream was powerful. I get so caught up in the minutia of my day to day life that sometimes I don't understand the power of friends and family. I take for granted the love I feel for The Hubby and my four kids, family and my friends. I don't always take the time to look in their eyes and say "I love you". Sure, I say 'Love you" at the end of a phone call or I shout "Love Ya" as the kids are jamming out of the car to get to class or wherever they are off to. I mean it. It's just not heartfelt. There's nothing like someone looking you in the eye.....and saying to your soul..a meaningful I love you. It warms my soul when it is done to me. I mean really, how long does it take to do this act of kindness to those you appreciate?!? Three seconds tops!!!!

So after my rambling on, the point I want to make to myself (and you who are reading my ramble) is that after all is said and done....family and friendships are the cat's meow. It's great to be a success at your job, acing an A on a test, running a sub 5 in a race, scoring the winning goal, going to a outdoor concert in the snow,finding the jeans you were coveting and getting them on sale....oh yeah these are all great things.....BUT.......do these make you feel safe? Do these things make you feel complete? Do these things make your heart melt? Okay, so getting the jeans on sale is a biggie!!!! What truly makes me smile is when I can see love in the eyes of those that hold a special place in my heart.

So, my dear friend Betty. I honor you today. Dreaming with you meant the world to me. Loving you was easy in life and still is since you have passed. I must never lose sight of the importance of laughter and what joy it brings to relationships. I must never lose sight of the importance of taking time to look into the eyes of those I cherish. I must never lose sight of time. I must take each day and open my heart to the possibilities it brings to me and what I can do for others.

Moral of the dream? Take time to laugh...and let others know you love and care for them to the depths of their souls.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My dad died 5 years ago. We had a nice relationship. It took some time to cultivate. He was stubborn and so was I. But we found our groove. It was a simple relationship as far as our words. We did have in depth conversations from time to time but mostly it was simple and profound...but easy. He lived a couple of hours away.so we did talk on the phone..short and sweet conversations. I always ended saying I love you and he said...me too. On the day he died, we had a great conversation. He was cheerful and telling me how happy he was. He was talking about a photograph that was taken of him with my brother and nephew. He felt like a model!! He was going on and on and I had to abruptly get off the phone. Later that evening, I phoned my parents at the exact time he died. Weird, Huh? I didn't leave a message when the recording came on. I didn't leave a I love you. I don't remember if I said I love you in our last conversation earlier in the day. It haunts me.

Moral of this story? Just say it....just do it.....show those you love that they mean the world to you....always...cause you just don't know when the last time is. celebrate love!!!

Can you relate?More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Day One Hundred and Thirty-One....Sometimes it's You

So it's the holiday time and so much goes on with family dynamics. I remember as a child that my grandma used to always bring hard as a rock fruit cake to my Aunt and Uncle's for Christmas. My Aunt and Uncle did not like hard as rock fruit cake...but could they really tell my grandma that? Then there was always someone who drank too much and told stories that would totally embarrass someone. Inevitably, someone would receive a gift that was unwanted. My family was and is very colorful and when I was young, I couldn't wait to see who would say or do something that was not totally appropriate. It always happened.....and I always got to giggle and when I became a teenager. I got to roll my eyes with either embarrassment or disdain. What family doesn't have a little drama at the holidays?!?

So, this year that person was......ME!!! We were invited to our friends annual holiday open house. We always look forward to it. Great friends...a lot of laughter...and totally to die for fab food. The Hubby and Running Stud were going for a bike ride this Christmas morning and they had their route all planned out....a nice two hour bike ride. They were getting a late start and The Big Kahuna (me) told them "gotta shorten your ride...we have to be dressed and out by 11:15 to get there by 12:00" The Hubby's reply..."I think the party starts at 1:00" "No..it's 12:00...don't be late." So my ever so compliant Hubby did as was suggested (told) by me, The Big Kahuna, and made it back, showered and was ready to go by 11:25.

We got to the party house promptly at 12:00 and there were no cars there.. I was proud that we were on time and the first ones there!!!! We rang the buzzer to get in and we were greeted by the party hostess....."You guys are a bit early..we are exchanging gifts...I hope it won't make you feel uncomfortable"......I WANTED TO DIE!!! My kids all rolled their eyes and whispered.."good one mom" (couldn't really blame them). I said we could come back and she insisted we stay. The ever so fab food wasn't out yet, the host explained (didn't think he needed to apologize!) . I sat in the back of the room and watched them exchanging their gifts with the great grandparents, grandparents and kids...it was sweet to see and I felt a bit more close to my already close friends. We ended up hanging and spending quality time which we would not have had if we were on time. We had exclusive rights to the party host and hostess. We got to eat the ever so fab food with no one else cutting in line and not judging us for pigging out...so sometimes it's worth it to be the faux-pah!!! Oh, I didn't mention that The Hubby never told me..."I told you so" ( I so would have said that)!!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I wish that I could say that I have never been the faux-pah before...but that would be a big fat lie. I wish I could blame my being the faux-pah because of my menopausal brain....but that would be a lie. Lets go back 23 years. The Hubby and I were engaged and we were on the wedding circuit. We had a wedding to go to of a high school buddy of mine. It was July and the wedding was in the San Fernando Valley. It was blistering hot and my Fiance wasn't too keen on getting dressed up in a suit and tie. We got to the wedding and we walked in, signed the guest book and I dropped our gift at the present table.We were milling around the room waiting for the ceremony to start. Where were my friends?!? I looked around the room and didn't recognize anybody. I got this sinking feeling that I was at the wrongwedding. I asked someone and I was correct in my assumption. I WANTED TO DIE!!! We fled the scene, got into the air conditioned car...and I remembered....."Oh Shit, I left the gift"!!! My ever so calm Fiance replied, "I'll wait while you get it". REALLY?!? I went in, hijacked the gift and ran out of there as fast as I could in my high heels...It was a sight that would have gotten mega hits on you tube!!!!! Can you imagine the bride and groom reading the guestbook thinking.."Who is Wolffie and Fiance"?!?!?! My buddy's wedding was actually the next week...and it was beautiful...and a much better crowd...maybe because I knew the bride, groom and the guests!!!!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Day One Hundred and Thirty.....Tis the Season to be?

Hi. Tis the season to be....?

I often wonder why it is that with the spirit of giving, people are CRAZY and MEAN!! I find that the stress of making the holidays perfect for loved ones...people forget that strangers are trying to do the same thing. So, please don't cut me off on the freeway. Please don't cut in line at the market. Please don't scowl while I am doing a bank deposit that might take a bit longer. Please don't take the shirt I was about to buy for my son who REALLY wanted it (I found something else). Please don't take my parking spot at the mall that I had been waiting for FOREVER (and I might add that my blinker was on). I guess what I am trying to say is, get your head our of your ass and CHILL.

I used to be one of those "I have to get things done, buy the best gifts, make my house oh so perfect" holiday peeps. Then a few years ago, I had to take a step back and realize I was miserable and I was bringing my loved ones down the misery road with me!!! Heavy sigh. I cut down on the amount of gifts I bought my kids. Who am I in competition with? Do my kids think I love them any less if I don't shower them with crap they don't need? I saw them open their gifts with no realization as to what they were getting because they were on to the next gift. So three instead of eight or nine really made them aware of what they were getting and I really picked things that I knew they would like.

This year will be a year of 3 gift year again, yummy food, and feeling blessed that my kids are around. They still want to hang with me and the hubby which for me is the best gift of all.! They don't have the look in their eyes or the attitude of: "Why am I here with my folks when I could be anywhere but here"? I'll take this gift every year...unwrapped!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My birthday is on Christmas Eve. It is not the best day to be born if you want the focus on you, you, you!!! As a kid, my folks gave me 1/2 birthday parties in June so my pals could come to my parties. It was great. As a grown-up, my birthday has been coined "Wendy-Eve" (cute,,,huh!!!). I do like the attention..I do like the gifts...but now I really enjoy spending time with my kids and hubby. I used to want a big fuss made for me, over me and about me..and I was always let down. No one could ever meet my expectations!!!! Hell, I could never meet my over indulgent expectations!!! So, now I don't have any... well one....to be with my family. I don't care what we do.....I just want us to be together.....with no yelling and bickering....just love and good cheer (is this an expectation?!?)
Age has taught me not to look beyond what is in front of me. To expect things will only lead to disappointment. I try to look what's smack dab in front of me and enjoy.

Tis the season to........enjoy life, laugh often and be grateful for all the blessing I have.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,
Wolffie

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Nine...It Still Stings

Hi. Today is November 27, 2011. It seemingly feels like it's going to be a beautiful day in Southern California. It is the end of a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. We had family come from high and low. We had fabulous food, laughter and even Black Friday was a success. On the 23rd was my 11th anniversary of my breast cancer. This is all so wonderful and yet my heart is sad today because my daddy is not here and it is his birthday.

I can't believe that this December will mark the 5th year of my dad's passing. The sting is still with me. When I think of the accident, my heart still stops and I can't catch my breath. It's not something I talk about because....shit... it's been 5 years. Shouldn't I be over the shock by now? Shouldn't I be able to have a day go by and not think of how I would like to tell my daddy about my day? Shouldn't I be able to not always look for butterflies to see if my daddy still hovers over me and my brood? Shouldn't I be able to just move on? Who set up the Shouldn't list anyways?!?

I don't want to give you the impression that I live my life in constant gloom. doom and grief. I do not. I have so much joy and laughter sprinkled with a bit of craziness due to teenage testosterone, being a PFC President (which my dad would be laughing at cause I am not usually the Big Kahuna!) and the constant events that come at you because you are living your life. I do see the world with rose colored glasses most days....BUT losing my dad so suddenly has really changed me. I wasn't ready. None of my family was. I had a lot more life to share with him. We were in a groove. I was a daughter, a friend and confidant. I loved where we were. I miss where were going.

In honor of you, I write this with sadness and love. I write this with the hope that my kids will one day see me as their friend. It takes time and cultivation. I look forward to it. I welcome it. So for now, I will try to be the best mom I can be. I know that I have my work cut out for me because kids have to live their lives and that comes with the need and desire to f*ck with their parents. I know that my kids are smart and they think I don't know ANYTHING about ANYTHING!!!! I have to learn not to explode, smile and shut my pretty mouth and keep silent because boy did I think my shit didn't stink and my parents shit did. I thought that they knew NOTHING about the angst of my teenage and early 20's. How could they?!? They were so OLD. I don't know how it happened and why it happened, but one day I looked at my dad and I saw his wisdom. I understood his sense of humor. I accepted him...flaws included. We understood each other. It took time, work, forgiveness, love, humor and honesty. We got there and I miss it.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I was 20 years old and I was not in a great way. I had just took a leave of absence from college (okay I quit), was living at home and feeling like my life was OVER. I didn't know what I wanted to pursue for a career path, I didn't have a boyfriend (he dumped me), and my friends were all over the country going to college, getting married and living what seemed like a happy go lucky life. I felt so alone. My dad was having a work crisis as well. He was at a crossroads. We spent many an hour talking about the choices we had. Me just starting out in the adult world and him wanting to wind down. "If you could be anything in the world...what you you be?" I chose a writer and he chose a philosopher living in a shack at the beach. We both encouraged each other to go for it. He didn't and neither did I. Fear for me and obligations for him. That day was a life changer for me. I took him off the pedestal that I placed him on and he sat right next to me until the day he died.

Moral of the story: We are only as human as we allow ourselves and others to be.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. please come back for more.

in Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Day One Hundred and Twenty-eight...A Day In The Life Of A Frantic Fashionista

Hi. I have wanted to write about my experience at the Target Missoni Launch. I needed to decompress first though because it was a once in a lifetime experience. I wish I could say it was a fantastic experience. It was not. It was intense, funny, disappointing and poignant. Are all these emotions possible in a 30 minute period? I am telling you...yes, yes, yes!!

I get a text from my pal at 9:25 am the day before the big Missoni Day.. She is a fellow Fashionista. She asked me if I wanted to join her at the Target Missoni Launch at 8:00 the following morning. Hmmmmmm. Sh*t yes I do!! We text back and forth about which Target to go to since there are a million near us in a 15 minute vicinity. I will admit to you my blogging pals that I couldn't sleep all night because I went on-line and saw the Look Book and was salivating over all the clothes, home accessories, shoes...and the list went on and on. I couldn't wait. I awoke extra early (after barely having any shut eye) and got dressed in a proper" I am going to be a Fashionista getting some cute clothes look"....comfy yet chic.

I arrived at 8:01 to find the doors opened and women rushing in with there shopping carts going at full speed to enter Target. I started to run and then when I reached the door to find a gridlock...I panicked. There will be NOTHING for me to buy....and I was right. It was 8:03. These fellow Fashionista's were grabbing everything in sight. They were stealing things from other carts. They had a "I am going to fu*k you to get what I want look in their eyes". I was scared!! I became calm and called my friend on her cell to tell her...I am outta here....and then the I saw her.... she had picked stuff out for me!! Now that is a nice Fashionista!!!

The staff started bringing out boxes from the back and the Fashionista vultures were diving their heads and hands in the boxes to get anything. They stopped caring about what they wanted...THEY HAD TO GET IT ALL. I retreated and waited. My friend calmly got things and piled them into our cart. We eventually found a quiet spot (way hard to do) and started to try on our finds. Cute..but do I need it all? Nope. I got a few things and we left. We decided to go to another Target to see if we could get more!! I found a super cute floral jacket..in the kids section...it fit..so no what matter what..it was mine. Bought that, took 2 pieces back. And then I realized that my "Fashionista cute I am going to get some cute clothes comfy yet chic outfit" was missing it's long sleeveless vest!!! I went back to the original Target. Not there!! Someone took my vest!! I was stunned. How could a fellow Fashionista do that?!? I ended going to a third Target to return everything but the jacket and two candles (one for a birthday gift). What a morning!!! Namaste!!!

Moral of the story: If you have to be a frantic Fashionista..it just aint worth it.

Why listen to Wolffiie? Because I get it. After leaving my Missoni crazed morning, I had to go to my oncologist to get my blood work done. I had received a call a few days earlier telling me that my oncologist was no longer going to be practicing in the office. I was overwhelmed with sadness. When I went to get my lab work done, I was hoping to find that he was just taking a little time off and maybe going to another practice. I would follow him to Timbuktu if I had too. When I walked into the waiting room, I had felt a sense of doom. He's wasn't ever coming back. I spoke with a few of the nurses and no one had an answer as to why he was leaving. I spoke with a doctor and he assured me that he was healthy. He said I deserved an explanation and it couldn't be from him. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't talk because of the lump in my throat. This man was my doctor, my protector and my friend for 11 years. I felt like the rug had been ripped from beneath me and all I wanted was the warmth back. I am blessed to be cancer free for many years. I am blessed to have had this man as my doctor. I am blessed to have been understood in a time when I couldn't make sense of having cancer and then the fear of it possibly coming back. I wish him peace, health and serenity.

So in the end my blogger pals, I have to ask myself...is Missoni the end all be all?!? How quickly can I reply...NOT.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie