Entry One Hundred and Twenty-Three..What Creeps Up Can Come Down

Hi. I struggle with weight. I am going to have to date myself now.....do you remember the old Rolaids add? It talked about indiGEStion. It visually showed you how eating certain foods could make your stomach feel bigger and well you know gassy!!! Well that's how I feel about weight. I am in the ihavetoloseTWENTYpounds part of my cycle. My stomach is stretching out and well you know gassy!!! I am in the middle of my yo yo experience of weight loss. It seems to go into3-4 year cycles. I eat eat eat eat myself to a top weight and then I lose lose lose to my bottom weight. After about three years of keeping it off, I start to inch inch inch my way up up up. The good news is that this time I am stopping at 20 not letting myself get WAY up there on the fabulous scale. In my 40 plus years of struggle (not counting birth to 10), I have changed my attitude. My whole day was measured by what the scale said. I would have conversations with the scale...."Oh your doing doing good Wolffie!!!" or "Why is the number bigger. I have been SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD. Now I will tell you that the scale has never talked back to me but it definitely ruled me. If I was down I would skip off the scale and have a fabu day. If I was up, I would yell at the scale, jump off, call myself a few choice words (Ugly, fat...F'n ugly..you get the picture) and have a terrible day. I let numbers dictate how I was to feel. Absurd? I have now come to the point where I weigh myself only once a week. I don't talk to the scale. I don't name call. I am open to having a good day even though my pants are snug. I have evolved!!! I still want to weigh less. I still miss my tight jeans with my ass looking ever so fine....BUT......I am liking and even loving myself from within...because truth be told...I am a good person on the inside whether I am haute menopausal mama or a little bit chunky menopausal mama. So, as I eat better and lose the weight I am going to look at myself each day with a smile on my face and go out into the world knowing I am who I am and it's all good. Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I was driving my boys, Running Stud And Soccer Stud 1 to high school this morning and we were chatting about summer. It's getting close and I am so excited. I love summer. This summer especially because none of the Studs are going to summer school and College Studette will be home. We are going on a family vacay which we haven't done in awhile. Anyways, back to our conversation...Running Stud is going to a Altitude Training/Bonding camp with his Cross Country Team. Last year he told me I should go this up coming summer and chaperon. I asked him this morning if he was still cool with me going. I already told the coach I would go so I was a bit nervous about his answer. "I am so cool with you going..it's going to be a blast" (whew). OMG..this was my soon to be Sophomore Kid wanting me to go on a trip with him and his pals!!! I FELT LIKE SINGING. So, I have to think to myself.....it don't matter what I weigh...it matters how my heart sings. Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back fore more. Signing off until we meet again. In Love and Peace, Wolffie