Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Day One Hundred and Eleven....All Grown Up

Hi. Today was a day that will go down in my record book as...IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?!?

It was a business as usual summer day. Soccer Stud 1 and Running Stud had summer school. I dropped them off at 6:30, went for a 2 mile stroll around the lake, got a mani and pedi, came home to Running Stud 2 and a friend playing that g-d awful Call Of Duty and then it was time for my new job to begin. I have a Taxi service called, "will you schelp me here and there and everywhere all afternoon and all night long?" It's a great service fro those who hop in my car..it's free for them. It's $3.04 a gallon for me. I am losing money big time BUT like a taxi driver, I hear it all. Today was especially interesting.....

The subjects were about hot girls, soccer, hot girls, drugs, hot girls, test scores, hot girls, me being an airhead and getting lost, hot girls, drugs. OMG...these are my boys and their friends!! How did this happen? They are all grown up!!!! Here I was driving and listening to them talk about girls, who was doing drugs and I was clutching the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white. I was dying on the inside but very calm and collected on the outside. I have to have a poker face. I even laughed because some of it was funny...weird but funny. They were asking questions about mushrooms (not the ones you put in a salad!!), LSD, cocaine and there was sexual innuendos. Can I say this again....OMG, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? When did they grow up? I still feel like a kid, so how can we be here? I answered their questions with frankness, I mean if they are asking I shouldn't lie...right? The good news is that they were disgusted about the drugs...YEAH!!! They think it is stupid to trip on schrooms and acid. Thank G-d because they are 14. They said they know kids who have done all this stuff. Can I say it again....OMG. My boys are all grown up.. or at least they think they are. It seems like yesterday when I was changing billions of diapers and they were farting and burping. I rolled my eyes over that!! They still burp and fart, but now we are in a new hemisphere and I am not ready!! Tough shit Wolffie....the time has come and Wolffie has to deal. I did and I will continue to deal..but OMG!!!

The ride has started. My seat belt is strapped on and I have to be prepared for the roller coaster ride of high school. I made it through College Studette, so I know I will get through the twins and right behind them is Soccer Stud 2. All I can say is, thank g-d they talk to me and talk so candidly in front of me. Thank g-d for hair dye. I feel like I just inherited a new batch of grey!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. The other night I was out to lunch with The Hubby and my three boys. College Studette was out with her boyfriend. Usually I am the: uptight, please behave always trying to keep the guys in tow mom. For some reason this lunch didn't go that way. When I stop trying to be teacher and listen to my guys banter (The Hubby included), they are really funny. Running Stud always has a funny story to tell. "Got a fun fact for you. You know that I have an awesome six pack...right? So, at school the other day I pulled down my shorts way low and lifted up my shirt so someone would notice and comment on my awesomeness. I waited and waited. NOTHING." With a glimmer in his eyes and bowing his head down low he says: "Their loss." To say that we all cracked up would be an understatement. I couldn't stop laughing..all of us were practically peeing in our pants. It felt great to feel so free. It felt great to not scold. It felt great to be apart of. It felt great to have my boy feel confident. It was a day in the life of my family that I was glad to be apart of.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Day One Hundred and Ten...What Will They Think Of Me When I Am Gone?

Hi. A dear friend of ours past away two years ago. He was a great guy. The life of the party. His huge grin and loud voice permeated the room. You could not help but listen to his stories. He always had a sparkle in his eyes and his laugh was infectious. He chose a beautiful spot to be buried. The grass is green and manicured and there is a marble bench that you can sit on and reflect. I know this might sound grim and morbid but, we go there each year to honor Stu's life and reminisce. The cemetary is surrounded by mountains and you can hear birds churping..a lovely change from surburban Los Angeles vibe. This year we all brought (about 30 plus people) our own picnic lunch and blankets and we sat around and talked and laughed and told Stu stories. I loved it. Stu would have loved it. He liked nothing better than hanging with family, friends and schooming. My friend Julie got up and spoke a few words about her loss and how she has bugun to grow and change since her Stu is gone. I don't remember all of it but one tidbit stuck with me. I can't seem to shake it from my psyche: " It's not what you say..its not what you always do...it's how you make people feel."

Hmmmmmm. That resognated with me big time. I don't always like my sharp tongue. It can be hurtful. I need to remind myself daily to try to be kind. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Usually my family gets the brunt of my moods. Why do we hurt the ones we love and cherish the most? Is it safe? Yes. It it right? No.

I want to leave this earth with knowing that I was the best Wolffie that I could have been. Talking about it is useless....living those words means more. How do I make people feel? How did I make people feel? What I do know is that I have the ability to look at myself and take stalk of my assets and flaws and try to change what I need to. It's not always easy...but it is rewarding. So ....now that I have heard these words and put them in my heart..I have to deal. I have to be kinder and softer to my ever so annoying and self centered teenage boys. (and The Hubby and daughter too!!) The boys are right where they are supposed to be. I have to buck up and be the mature mommy (and wifey). I have to bite my lip, take many deep breaths and try to ignore the looks and the tone that they give me. The little girl in me is screaming, "Do I have to? Why can't they appreciate ME!?!" Deep down in their hearts I know they do. Sometimes I do get the look of love, the quick hug and even a I love you. That's what my focus should be. Right?!?

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I used to HATE when my mom started a sentence with: "How many times do I have to ask you to.....(fill in your own blank). It really ANNOYED me to no end. I would tune her out at how many!!! Fast forward to my life as a mom of four. This statement comes out of my mouth at least 100 times a day. I might be exaggeratng a bit, but it feels like that's all I ever say. "How many times do I have to tell you to: put away your dishes, pick your clothes up from the floor and put them in the hamper, don't turn on the stupid Call of Duty( this game makes my ass tight!!!) until your homework is done, do the dishes...I could go on but I am exhausted thinking about it. I have turned into my naggin mom!! Don't get me wrong...I LOVE MY MOM. She is my best friend. I just didn't love that drill sergeant part of her. What I didn't understand then that I do now is...she wanted help. Who doesn't? I know for me...I need a bit of order. If it were up to my kids our house would be a complete mess. Piles of crap everywhere, not a bed made, not a article of clothing washed and they would be on the computer or playing video games for hours on end. Oh that world gives me the heebie jebbies. So..I have to be it.... a nagger. The only saving grace is that I am not alone. My friends share their plights, and I have even heard them say the dreaded how many times do I....many a time. In a sick way, I feel relief. Is that so wrong?!?!?!

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day One Hundred and Nine...To Be Zen And Not So Zen

Hi. The day started with my new ritual: up at 5:30(ouch) to do my reading, writing and meditation. I woke the twins up at 6:00 for summer school, dropped them off and was at the gym to ride the stationary bike and to do laps in the pool. I came home, took a shower and went to a 12 step meeting. Afterwards, I had breakfast with a few girlfriends and went to my favorite gift shop to buy a birthday present for a friend. Sounds Zen doesn't it? I was on my way home to hang out with Soccer Stud 2 who just got home from sleepover camp yesterday. I felt so calm when all of a sudden I felt this weird pull in my ever so fab Ford Flex. It was kind of scary. I glanced at the odometer....0 miles to empty. OH SH*T. No biggie I thought to myself...been here...done that...I will coast to the gas station. WRONG. I pulled over to the side of the road and called my friend who owns the gift shop. The machine went to voicemail. I called again. Voice mail. I called my daughter and woke her up at the ripe hour of 11:00 am. She was going to come to the rescue.

As I awaited for my College Studette to come, I was totally relaxed. I couldn't change the situation..right? I began to ponder about why I wait to get gas until I am bone dry. I like the rush of , will I make it? I always do and I get this feeling of dimwit accomplishment that yet again I beat the odds of zero fumes until I make it to the pump. I always marvel at how my tank only is supposed to hold 17 gallons and I managed to get more in the tank. Whoo Hoo Wolffie, you rock!!! I have to tell you that this time it wasn't my fault..and I mean this with all the sincerity I can muster up. I got my oil changed a couple of weeks ago and the oil guy asked about some button that he has to press to let the car know that the oil is at 100%. HUH? A button? I had no clue...so off I went into driving land. The other day the car was ringing and telling me I was at 3% oil, 1% oil and then at 0 % oil. I knew that this was wrong, so I ignored it. Wouldn't you have? It wasn't showing me that my gas tank was on empty! Heavy , heavy sigh.

My Night in shining Armorette came driving in her Xbox with the gas can in hand!!! Now the last time I actually ran of of gas was when I was 16. My dad was ever so pissed. It was pouring and cold. I was near a 76 station and all I had was the Arco credit card. I was plum out of cash so I had to make the call. No debit cards back then in the dark ages. The gas can was metal and had a long spout that was easy to pour in the tank. Now it is plastic and the spout is weird and hard to maneuver. It took my girl and me about 20 minutes to figure out how to uncap it. I poured gasoline all over me. My Zen state was gone. I was cursing at the tank and cursing at the gas can. I was getting a wee bit unnerved with my Armorette, but I had to stop myself because she was there to help and save me!!!We finally figured out how to get it to work. Most of the gas was on the sidewalk or my hands. I drove to the gas station, filled up the tank and I only poured in maybe a half gallon of gas (my girl bought 2 gallons!!). Did I mention that I had to pee the whole time?!? We got home from my less than Zen debacle, I peed and all was Zen again.

What did this experience teach me? I will NEVER let it get to 0 miles to empty again!!!! Well, maybe I can let it get to 5 miles to go. Not sure that I want to let go of the rush just yet!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I don't think that I am ever going to get the Mom of the Year award...but I do think that I am a great mom. Do I have shortcomings? Maybe a few :) (hundred!!!). So I mentioned earlier that Soccer Stud 2 was at sleepover camp. The day before he left I went to Target to get the toiletries he needed along with snacks, a fan and a spanking new soccer ball. We laid out his clothes. packed and I put the sleeping bag by his suitcase. In the morning the hubby put the stuff in the car and off we went. The camp was about an hour away. We got there and stood in the long line to register him in. I had this strange feeling and voiced it to The Hubby: "Did you bring the sleeping bag?" The Hubby's look said it all....a blank stare.... Sleeping Bag? I
f 'd up. Oh yes he did!!!! I couldn't believe it. "You didn't pack the sleeping bag?!?!?!" I could feel the glare from the oh so perfect moms who brought their kids sleeping bags who were in line behind us. I whispered to them in a oh so mortified whisper, "Welcome to my world." I didn't really mean it. The Hubby is awesome. Was it really HIS fault? No, it was just an oversight. I mean, I didn't do the checking to see if everything made it out to the car. I just couldn't and didn't want to share in the, 'i can't believe this happened' blunder. I let him take the fall in front of those moms. Who were they really? I will never see them again. I just didn't want to look bad in their eyes. Soccer Stud 2 slept with a towel that night (he did have a fitted sheet). I felt AWFUL. I was going to run him down one the next day but I called the dorm mom and she got him a blanket. So he was warm and safe and all was well again. Oh did I mention that The Hubby didn't take the suitcase out of Soccer Stud 2's bedroom? Soccer Stud did...see he forgot the sleeping bag...not us!!!!

Moral of the story: Make a list, check it twice and look in the damn car before you take off.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,

Wolffie