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Hi.
I was having a birthday breakfast for my gal pal today and I got inspired to write about a topic that we were talking about. I can't remember what the topic was.. It seemed so perfect at the time. I know I should have jotted down a word or two so it could jar my memory, but I just don't want to admit that I can't remember sh*t. Until now. It's now in the open....I can't remember sh*t. It's not really that big of a deal because none of my friends can remember anything either!! I often will have to stop my conversation in mid sentence because I don't remember what I was talking about. OMG, WTF!!! Can I blame it on too much information going into my brain that I can't process it quick enough. I find myself having a conversation while I am on the Internet checking my email and who can do that at the same time? It's kind of like chewing gum,patting your head and trying to rub your tummy in a circular motion all at the same time. I can't do that, can you? So what makes me think that I can talk and read at the same time. My kids get ANNOYED with me because I don't always seem to be paying attention to their questions because I am into this game on my IPhone, Words With Friends. It's awesome. It's kind of like scrabble and you play it with one other person who has an IPhone. Back and forth..I thought it would be good for my memory issues because I have to think of words and try to score the highest points. So far I don't have much of a memory and I don't win too much...I am not strategic enough to get the points BUT my words rock. My kids think I am tuning them out on purpose. Not true. I am just absorbed in the game!! I am absorbed in the moment!! Not cool though..I have to stop..and listen to them. I am getting better. I now have to work on not tuning out the hubby when I am doing my IPhone stuff.
Can I blame my memory loss on menopause? Why not? Lack of hormones can make your thoughts fuzzy, cranky and slow. I am trying to take supplements that can help with all of this. It's too soon to see if they are working..but something is better than nothing.
I think what we all need to do is take time. I rush around from thing to thing and often I don't give myself chill time. My brain must be screaming, "If you don't give me a rest Wolffie, then I am gonna force you to be still". Have you noticed when you do forget your train of thought, your kids name, where you put your keys and sunglasses... you must STOP... PAUSE and CHILL? Even if it's for a split second..we have to give our minds a break so we can regroup and remember what the heck we forgot.
Moral of the Story: Ummmmm, I forgot what I was talking about. Kidding!! In order to chill we have to be still.
Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have found that if I don't make lists of things that must get done for the next day before I put my head on my pillow....then....PING...my eyes bolt open at 2:00 in the morning and many thoughts start to rapidly enter my brain. This screws me up for a peaceful blissful sleep. Sleep eludes me and I start to have a volleyball conversation with myself. "Don't think" "You have to make a hair appointment for the boys". Don't think". "You have to make sure it's on a Tuesday". "DON"T THINK". "You have to do it soon because they can't see:" All the while I am tossing and turning. "Breathe..Meditate..DO SOMETHING TO RELAX". It's not working!! I start to get annoyed. I get out of my ever so comfy bed and go to the bathroom. I plop back into bed and try to calm my mind down. It's not working. I turn on the Tellie so the noise can get in the way of my thoughts. It works but I the noise wakes up the hubby from his snoring slumber. I usually fall asleep by 5:30 and then in a blink of an eye it's time to get up and start my day. Bummer. The thought occurred to me after a few years of interrupted bliss that I should keep paper and pen by my nightstand to write all of the rumblings that go on in my head. Great idea, right? Now I just have to remember to do it!!!
Hi.I was with my running pal Pamela today. We were having lunch today instead of our normal running date because my knee is taking way longer than I think it should take to heal. My mind is ready to run, my flab is begging for me to run ...but the damn knee is still hurting. Heavy sigh. We were talking about how people perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. Often times I get that when people first meet me..they are intimidated by me. I can't believe this!!!I feel I am kind, outgoing and friendly...sometimes to a fault. Why would anyone feel this? She started to examine me one by one. I am a fixture in my town..I don't believe it's because I am "all that". I grew up nearby and even though I left for a bit..I have been back for 18 years. A lot of people that I grew up with live here as well..so they remember me. I have four kids and between their school and sports stuff..I have met a lot of people.So it's not like I want to win popular gal of the year.Then she started to say that I dress a bit funky. True. Why would that turn somebody off and feel intimidated? I can't change my taste level and I certainly am not over the top funky...so why? I guess I could see that when you walk into a room and people know you...then maybe someone might feel like I am a social butterfly who flits about from group to group. That could be farther from the truth. I tend to be shy in crowds..they make me...uncomfortable. I am not a chit chat kind of gal..I like to have deep conversations. I am a total bore at parties because I don't know do small talk well. I tend to space out and yawn..I think it's because I have to much extra oxygen in my brain because I do a lot of breathing in and out until I think of something to say. I don't think that's intimidating..it can come off as rude. I don't mean to be. I would rather talk about saving the world, someones life's goals than talk abut a new recipe or did you hear about so and so. I like to know what makes someone tick. Is that so wrong? I will try to work on my intimidation thing and look deep inside and see how I can give off more love. Maybe I don't have to..maybe it's their issues. That would make my life easier. Who wants one more thing to change? How are you peceived? Why listen to Wolffie. Because I get it. I have talked a bit about my peeing when I run. I was reading my I can't wait to get it each week, People Magazine..... and there it was in print...a name for my peeing when I run!! Hallelujah. I am not alone!! I have LBL otherwise known as Light Bladder Leakage. The add states that 1 out of 3 women experience LBL. Who knew? I have joked about wearing depends when I run. Too bulky. Well they now have Poise Liners. I must tell you that I feel so good that I am not alone in my LBL syndrome. If you have LBL and didn't want to admit it to yourelf or anyone else...feel no shame. We are 1 in 3!!!! You can go to 1IN3LIKEME.COM and get your free sample. I am gonna. I will keep you posted about the liners when I can actually run.Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.Valentines Day is here and I am a sucker for romance. The stores have pink and red merchandise in the windows and people are dressed in their festive wear. I think the Hallmark part of the holiday started the day after Christmas. I didn't really pay attention to it until a week ago. I feel blessed to have 5 valentines..the hubby and my 4 kids. I got into the spirit today...I took out my heart necklace and I am wearing a red down vest and bright red lipstick. I am feeling the love. I grew up with my mom getting us small tokens of love and preparing us a yummy dinner. Sometimes it was candy. Sometimes it was make-up. She still gets me a gift. For the past couple of years my mom has given us a gift card to various fancy restaurants so the hubby and I can have a romantic "date night". THe tradtion lives on in my home.I always buy my kids heart boxers (for the guys), cute heart undies for my girl and some type of candy. I know my kids like the candy the best because I usually have only healthy stuff in the house. The hubby and I buy trinkets and I am so excited to give him his gift!!! I take out my heart shaped pan and make quiche. I throw heart candy all over the table, set the table with red and white dishes and we light candles to set the mood of "love" in the air.. It's super festive and I love doing it. This year, College Studette is away at college (but is visiting her boyfriend this weekend), and my youngest is invited to watch the NBA Dunk Contest. I can feel the pains of him getting older because a year ago he would have wanted to hang with us. What's a mom to do?!? Of course I am letting him go and I am going to make lunch instead of dinner. Traditions can change a bit. It feels a bit unsettling..but I have to go with the flow. Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I am a super chick flick gal. Last week I saw "Dear John" with my girlfriend in the middle of the day while by guys were at school. I love doing that. There's nothing like a day movie where I can laugh and cry. The movie was predictable..but I LOVED IT. First of all, it was worth the ticket seeing Channing Tatum. He is a hunk...and I loved the way he loved Amanda Seyfried. That's why I love chick flicks. It warms my heart to see love. Call me old fashioned...but at the end of the day when I go to sleep..I know I am blessed to be loved..I am blessed to be able to love. I have grown up enough to know that life's love is not like in the movies.....so it's nice to escape. I know why they don't add the burping farting, and the bickering in a chick flick. IT'S TOO REAL!! Chick flick enthusiasts want to ESCAPE. When I leave my Chick flick and drive home , I am wearing rose colored glasses. I feel loved and my heart feels so full it might explode. I open the door, walk in, wash my face, put on my flannel jammies (how sexy) and watch TV with the hubby and the boys. I often raise my voice for them to dial down their boy humor and loudness so I can watch the program....(as I am thinking why I have to have this same conversation every night). In their own teenage and 50+ boys minds...they do love me. They don't want to annoy me. They just don't get it. They don't read the scrip notes!!! Oh..gotta run and make my air popcorn and stuff some tissues in my pocketbook. I am gently forcing the hubby to see "Valentines Day" on opening night!!!Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.Can you put a price tag on some one's life? My daddy died a little over three years ago. He was a pedestrian and was hit by a car. He died on the scene. Needless to say..it was a shock. It still is a shock. We have been in a law suit and I just got a settlement check in the mail about 10 minutes ago. There it is...a piece of paper with my name on it and a dollar amount typed on the amount line. Weird. We are going to open a fund that will help kids with their education in the school district where my dad mentored kids in reading. We are still in the fine tuning stages of exactly how we are going to distribute the fund. I am at a loss for words and emotion at this time..because although my daddy's picture is on my desk where I write and he is certainly in my heart 24/7..this settlement check puts a close on his last day on earth. So, I will gather my thoughts later I am sure..but the question that keeps looming over me as I write this is...Can you put a price tag on some one's life. If we settled for a billion dollars..would that make this nightmare tolerable? No way. I think what heals the wounds in my heart is time...money never can...so I am at peace (to a point) in the notion that we will be helping others. That was so important to my dad. As my families wounds heal, others will prosper. With his life ending...an other's life blossoms. Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Yesterday I spoke about the Goddess in me and I never posed the question...have you found the Goddess in you? I look around at my friends and I see that we are all trying to figure out the next phase of our lives. I watch as they seek to find their truths and I marvel at what these women are doing. They are not all BIG changes...some are subtle..but they are real and pure and it is so exciting. So, I pose to you this question...are you true to who you want to be? Do you feel the Goddess in you is out and about or is it still hiding behind a i don't have time to listen to my needs. What I have come to understand through watching my peers is...it doesn't have to be all or nothing..sometimes it takes just 5 minutes a day to pause and drink a hot cup of tea. I want to thank all the women who have touched me either by being my mom, sister, friend or blogger. YOU make it easier for me to reach my highs and accept my lows. May we all be true to our Goddesses.Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
When I went to the doctor the other day for my lifestyle overhaul, she said some things that have stuck with me. I will paraphrase..but this is the essence of what she said: "You are the matriarch..this is where your power is. What does it look like? This is the time for you to get in touch with your Earth Mother/Goddess. After we deal with the physical and emotional (2 steps) then you are going to be a Frickin Goddess when you're done. You can create this, imagine it..meditate on it"
Wow..does that sound totally incredible? I was so pumped when I left. I am going to be a Goddess. This is good. This feels right.
Here I am a few days later and.....and I don't feel like a Goddess. How do I get to be one? I know it means work.. What does a Goddess look like to me?
Goddess=beauty.
Goddess=serenity
Goddess=long curly hair.
Goddess=curvy sexy body
Goddess=purity
Goddess=creativity
Goddess=truth
Goddess=faith
Goddess=love
That's a tall order. My hair is straight and above my shoulders. My body is curvy...not sure about the sexy. I don't feel pure...but I do have faith. I feel creative but not all the time. I am truthful and loving. Is this whole concept a crock of sh*t?
I have faith that somewhere inside of me Goddess Wolffie is looming. How do I tap into that part of me? Maybe it starts with belief. So, do I just "believe" and POOF..I am a Goddess? Can I be like a character in a Disney movie and it just "happens" after some unsettling event in my life? I have had some huge unsettling events..but I ain't no Goddess. Baby steps. I want it NOW. I know it doesn't work that way. I am capable of reaching whatever my soul desires. I just can't get sidetracked. It's so easy to make a phone call, do something for my family, meet a friend for coffee or lunch rather than do something for me that will create a shift and will let Goddess Wolffie emerge. I have started to meditate again. It's hard to quiet my ever so busy mind. I think about all the crap I have to do. I keep saying to myself go to your special place...go to your special place. I got there today in my mind. Progress not perfection. it felt good...it felt safe. I know I will get to the next step. When my mind is quiet..then the images of what I need to do will come. I am a Goddess..hear me roar!!!
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I totally believed that Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet and life would be happily ever after. When the hubby asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic and I knew that my life would be all that I had dreamed about. So, here I am 22 years later and I still feel like the hubby is my prince charming...but my feet are planted firmly on the ground. We have had up and downs..they don't talk about that in fairy tales. I am sitting here feeling "the love" for my life and I hear a "SHUT UP..YOUR SO STUPID" coming from Soccer Stud One to his bro's Soccer Stud Two and Running Stud. Nice. This wasn't supposed to happen. My kids were supposed to love and respect each other unconditionally. Now Running Stud is singing in his high pitched voice that sends chills up my spine and a few more SHUT UPS come from the peanut gallery (his bro's). The hubby is driving up to our house and will inquire about dinner. I'm gonna say with a "happy tone","Scrambled eggs and pancakes". I know he won't be overjoyed but I didn't go to the market today. In my fairytale mind, I never thought about arguing with the hubby and kids, having to downsize, getting cancer, losing parents, having my College Studette living in another state all while going through menopause. Who ever thought to go to those places in their fantasies? NOT ME!! As Valentine's Day is approaching, I have to ask myself..is this better than what I imagined my life would be? Yes. I wouldn't want to go through my life without my crew. The hubby and my kids complete me. They have helped me dig deep and evolve into who I am today. Maybe I am a Goddess after all. I just have to change my definition. Okay maybe I have to work a bit more so I can roar!!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.
I had a doctors appointment today that I was a bit nervous about. A few months back, I met a doctor from UCLA who did not really like that I was doing bio identical hormone therapy. I had breast cancer back in 2000. My life was spiraling down pretty fast due to being slammed into menopause. So after 5 years of being cancer free, I made a decision with my oncologist that I would go on hormone replacement. I saw bright clouds and rainbows after years of feeling really doom and gloom. I knew that this was a controversial decision for me...but isn't quality of life important? Lets face it..if I didn't do something my kids were going to only know me as a: cranky how do I act around my mommy so she won't yell all the time life? Who wants to live with that? To put things into an even better prospective the hubby wasn't getting ANYTHING from me. No love, no humor, no compassion..and no passion. Who wants to be married to that? So..here we are almost 5 years later ( from the start of hormone therapy)..and my life is so much better. Do I still yell? Sometimes. Do I still get annoyed with the hubby? Sometimes. But my mind...it is clearer and I don't feel like aliens have invaded my body. Anyways..back to the doctor I met a few months back..he wanted me to think about getting off my hormones. Are you kidding me? He casually gave me a paper with a name of a doctor on it. "Call her, I think she can help". I went into denial. I don't need help. I am doing what I can to stay sane. If I get cancer back than at least I will have lived in comfort. Would this doctor want to have his wife live in no hormone I am a lunatic land? How dare he tell me to get off my "Stuff". That's like telling an addict to get help when they are not ready. I was and am still afraid that if you take my hormones away..then I will become INSANE again. Don't really want that. So, the doctor I saw today was.. FANTASTIC. We talked a lot about diet...lots of veggies, fruits, lean protein, soy (that was a shocker) and whole grains. I pretty much eat like that...expect for my nightly treat of frozen yogurt. "Hang on to the yogurt for awhile..lets see how you feel in 6 weeks"? Yeah.... this is a doctor who UNDERSTANDS me. "Success is when you wean things out of your lifestyle. The body can be shocked in a more gentle manner than cold turkey". I liked that!! We are weaning me off the hormones too. I added a few supplements and took away some supplements. The key to this adventure for me is to work on my mind,body and spirit. Meditation, diet, acupuncture,and exercise. This all sounds so zen and yummy. I feel calm thinking about the process. I am looking forward to feeling good..hormone free...maybe I can have quality and quantity of life. When I left her, she asked if I was a hugging kind of lady or a hand shaking kind of lady. Hug Away.
Why listen to Wolffie. Because I get it. Hormoneless Wolffie is not a fun person to be around. Hormoneless Woffie was lost in the abyss. Where did she go? She was gone in the inside and was left with only a shell. My outsides looked the same..and that was it. Have you ever looked at the world with such disdain and you didn't know why? That was me!!! I had no control of my feelings. I didn't have feelings..unless they were smothered in anger and yuck. Few knew about how I was feelings because I can act. At home I could be crazy about how something was out of place and then the phone would ring and I would carry on a conversation like I didn't have a care in the world. "Oh hi..How are You? I am great.. giggle giggle ." PALEEESE. I was a fake..and it wasn't good. Honesty took over and I told my doctor I needed help. Help came..life came back...and the world looked brighter. It's not always easy being me....but I have learned to accept me for who I am..talk about it...and try to be the best me I can be. I don't always like me..but I do always love me. Hey..isn't that the name of the game?
Can your relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.I got a letter from my ever so friendly Health Insurance Company. I thought maybe it was a reimbursement check or a letter stating how bad they feel about my son, Soccer Stud's broken arm or condolences about my hurt knee. No such luck. I don't know why these ever so friendly thoughts would enter into my mind because we have such a HUGE deductible that we never meet and I have never gotten anything resembling human emotions from them before. A girl can dream, can't she? The letter was informing me that their contract with the hospital that does my mammograms is in negotiations and that it probably will not have a relationship with them in the near future. The alternative..go find a new hospital on their website: www.wedontcareaboutourinsurees.com . Okay, so. they don't have that website...but they should. Do they ever think about making it possible for the hospital to keep their contract with them? Do they ever think about their insurees who need to go to that hospital? I DON'T THINK SO. I go there for my mammograms. This is where I go to see my breast surgeon. I can't afford to pay out of pocket for these very necessary appointments. I don't want to be told that I have to seek medical care elsewhere..well they don't actually say that...but this is how I feel...CORNERED. It's hard enough going to these appointments with the thought that I might have breast cancer again.,...and to have to do this with a new doctor and mammo facility? NERVE RACKING . The technicians, nurses, and my surgeon have known me for years..we have a RELATIONSHIP. Imagine that...having a relationship and because of insurance it will have to end. Not by my choice...but by my not being able to afford the out of network costs of $795.00 for a mammogram and $150.00 for the surgeon's office visit. I am angry. This might blow over. Maybe they will come to an agreement. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mo hill..but why should I have to feel any of this? I can't get insurance anywhere else because I have a "pre existing" condition. Who doesn't if you are over the age of 10? The insurance companies have my family by the balls...we are hostages. I thought about writing to my Congressman..but would it really help? Will I be heard? Do they really care? Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my son broke his arm and we were making an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon, the lovely woman on the phone asked me in 10 different ways..Do you have insurance? Have you met your deductible? You will have to pay $250.00 at the time of his visit. Okay.Okay. I know the drill. "Can you just ask me how my boy is rather than talk about the insurance stuff. Can we humanize this a bit"? "I am so sorry ma'am..we just have to cover our bases". I was a bit exasperated but I didn't go on. I said what I needed to fulfill my mama bear role. When we saw the doctor, they were all so nice and friendly. Sometimes I forget that the insurance companies are squeezing their balls as much as they squeeze mine.Moral to the story: We need Health care Reform.Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I fell and hurt my knee. I am getting better thanks to a cortisone shot, but I haven't been able to exercise. Doctors orders. I am definitely in sloth mode. It doesn't feel so good. I have many hours while the kids are in school that I have nothing to do. I have taken to driving the kids in my jammies, come home and crawl back into bed and watch the Today Show. Today I caught up on my Tivo shows. This is not a great thing for me to do. I am a bored. I feel like my endorphins are in hibernation. I have no energy. I really miss my running. I am not sure when the 'ol doc will give me the green light. I don't want to rush into it,,but I am antsy in a sloth kind of way. My heart is longing to run and my brain is saying..be lazy Wolffie. I could be doing other things to pass the six hours a day I have while the boys are in school. I could read one of the many books that I have sitting on my nightstand. I could knit or needlepoint the projects that are needing to be finished. I could start writing the novel that has been looming over me for many many years. This is the burning question I have....Why aren't I starting that novel? What is stopping me from following my dream? Could it be FEAR!!!! Maybe I have nothing to say.Will anyone want to read my words? Could it be that I lack the knowledge on how to start it? Could it be that I can't let myself let go and just write? Will I open my soul and become too vulnerable? Answers? All of the above. I am so sick in tired of my bullsh*t. Enough is enough. I can't tell you how many times I have done this dialogue in my head and to others. It's old and it's oh so BORING. I have gotten some great suggestions. Basically all I have to do is....write and the rest will follow. Sounds good to me in theory...BUT..Oh hear I go again. Yawn, Yawn.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I try to be a good mom. I try to teach my kids that in order to succeed you have to try. To be good at something you have to work hard for it. Most things don't come to you..you have to go toward it. To achieve you must make goals. See something through before you up and quit. Are you getting my drift? I don't follow this when it comes to my writing. Now, I know we can't be perfect. Most of us humans have flaws. Most of us humans have fears. I have pushed through many of my fears. I tend to think I am a take me as I am kind of gal. I don't have secrets. I wear my heart on my sleeve. As I am writing this I am getting this take the bull by the horns feeling over me. Who am I writing for anyways? For me? For the masses (whoever they are!!)? I have to be teachable to my own lessons...right? Sometimes it's easier to preach than it is to act. I will humbly open my heart and soul and just do it.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi. Today my mother-in-law had shoulder replacement surgery. I was at the hospital all day waiting to get a glimpse of her so I could get rid of the knot in my stomach. She is 77 years old and I couldn't help but be a bit worried about the 3 1/2 hour surgery. We got news from her surgeon that she did great and there were no complications. My dull headache disappeared immediately with that news. I didn't even realize that I was a bundle of nerves. I don't love hospitals. Well that's not entirely true. When I gave birth to my babies...the usual negative feelings about hospitals were not anywhere in my psyche. Today, I did not like seeing my mother-in-law who is usually bright and cheery ashen and zoned out. The hubby was totally taken aback. He saw his mom's mortality smack dab in front of him...and it really shook him up. This is the one part of the life cycle that really doesn't enter in your world on a regular basis. I love my mother-in-law very much. I am happy that she is going to be okay. It will be a long haul...but she won't be in pain anymore. Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. After a long day today..I couldn't wait to get home and make some down home good comfort food. I was going to make this yummy white bean and barley soup. It's thick and when you dip hot bread in it..it is...well...out of this world. It's easy to make..and it tastes oh so good. I cut my shallots and carrots really fine and I sauteed them in butter with the barley. I never indulge and use butter. Oil didn't sound appealing as I wanted comfort food. Comfort food and butter mix real good!!! I dumped my sauteed food in with broth and beans. I put the flame on low and set off to pick up my boys from their various friends house. We are on the way home. My mouth was watering with anticipation of our dinner. Ring. Ring. I answered the phone in my car and through the speakers the hubby announced (rather perturbed I might add), "Were you making soup"? "Yep". "There is no liquid left in the soup and it burned." "OH NOOOOOOOOO I AM SOOOOO BUMMED". My voice must have sounded really deflated because the hubby responded with a ever so kind tone, "I'm sorry angel". I drove home in sad silence.I didn't want to go out to dinner. We are really trying to eat home more. We definateley save money..but we also linger longer at the dinner table. I looked into the frig and put together a fabu pasta primavera with a new twist...feta cheese. It might not sound too good but I have to say..my ever so opinionated boys loved it. Well that's not entirely true..my 13 year old Vegetarian Stud informed me he doesn't like vegetables in his pasta!! Go figure!!!!Can you relate?More will be revealed. Please come back for more.Signing off until we meet again.In Love and Peace,Wolffie
Hi.
I met my friend's sister today who was visiting from Massachusetts.. I mentioned somewhere casually in the conversation that I blog. She asked what I blog about and I fumbled a bit: "Well....I...talk about mom stuff...getting older and women stuff". As the words were rolling out of my mouth, I felt a bit like a egotistical person. Now really Wolffie does my banter really matter in the big scheme of things? I know my thoughts and opinions will not save the world...but in some small way..it saves my world. It's a time in the day when I forget about my mommy and wifely obligations. I can spew whatever I want and it gives me a sense of purpose and much more than that it brings humor to my ever so crazy and fun filled life. If I were to be a bit more honest, it feels gratifying when people relate and laugh at my antics. Who doesn't enjoy validation from time to time? So, here goes one for the record. I have asked my boys.... let me see....... one trillion times NOT to kick the soccer ball near my car. It is less than a year old and I really don't want dents from the damn ball. Is that asking too much? Obviously my boys think it is..because as I write this there are 2 soccer ball prints on my rear view mirror. How did it get there? Amnesia has taken over. It just got there and no one knows how it happened!! Today as I was walking into the house, one of my Soccer Studs kicked the ball nice and hard and it hit the passenger side of my car. I wasn't happy. I went into my long and boring speech that I know my kids immediately tune me out to: "How many times do I have to ask you not to blah blah blah. I am sure you know the rest because if you are a parent, I am sure you have given the speech and if your are not a parent, I am sure sometime in your childhood you were the not so lucky recipient of the speech. Where did that speech get me? NO WHERE. All I got was an "I'm sooooorrrrrry". "Are you really? I think not because you keep on doing it". "I'm sooooorrryyy. It was an aaaaaacident". Do I need to go on with this I am sick of this happening tale? I vowed when I became a mom that I would not have waw waw waw waw waw lectures with my kids. How did I get here then? I am a waw waw waw mom. I think it is a rite of passage for my kids and for me. The roles we play are apart of being a: I am going to do what I want and conveniently forget everything my mom tells me kid AND a: please respect and listen to me mom. Heavy sigh. It's maddening sometimes...but I love my brood. I love that they have their own opinions. I just would like to feel like I am heard sometimes. Helloooooo in there..come out into our world for a bit.
Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. Isn't life about yin and yang? That same Soccer Stud who hit my car today did a wonderful touching thing yesterday. When My daddy died, it was not expected. We were all in shock. I still can be in disbelief and it has been three years since he has died. Back to the touching moment...my mom bought a new car yesterday. I was having a conversation on my blue tooth so when my mom voiced that it was a hard day for her..my 13 year old boy looked at me with such compassion and love and whispered "Is it because Papa bought her the car? I shrugged my shoulders and when I could...I asked my mom why it was a hard day. She said exactly what Soccer Stud had whispered to me. I can't even imagine the loss she feels. I can't even imagine what it feels like to sell a car that was given to you from your spouse who no longer can give you gifts. I know what it feels like to lose a parent. It hurts like hell but I have a hubby and children to lesson the pain. So, when by boy understood immediately what his Nana was feeling..I felt proud. Maybe those long blah blah blah lectures were heard through the waw waw waw's.
Can You relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,
Wolffie
Hi.I love computers and I loathe computers. Today I wrote my blog earlier than usual. It was an entry of all entries. I have this little 7 inch computer. It's great for writing in bed and when I want to write at Starbucks. It has wireless capabilities but not in my bedroom. I love to write there. I am in my comfy bed and I have my coffee on the nightstand. The kids and the hubby are gone and our dog is hanging with me. Today I wrote an entry that was funny and poignant. I always save my document the second I start because who wants to lose their file? This alert kept popping up about restarting my computer. I kept clicking onto the do it later. I was about one sentence from completing my entry when a box came up with: Do you want to save, delete or cancel your file? I did not have time to click save when my computer abruptly starting shutting down. Panic struck. I rebooted my damn computer. My file was still there!!! Oh no it wasn't. It was blank. WHERE DID MY WORDS GO? They were such good and funny words. I liked them..they were important to me. How was I going to recreate them when I can barely remember my kids names? Okay so I do remember my kids names even though I am constantly calling them by the wrong name. I kinda go through them all until I come to the right name for the right kid. Sometimes I throw in my dog's name and the kids don't love that I do that...but he too can sometimes overwhelm and annoy me. Sorry for the tangent. Back to the computer. I tried to find the file by opening and closing the file several billion times. BLANK. I called tech support. What a joke that was. I was on hold for 20 minutes only to find that I had to be with another tech support team. I waited for about 10 more minutes and got someone on the phone. I was a bit "chilly" when I first started talking to "Tech Head". He informed me that my document is gone gone gone? "Where did it go"? "I don't know Ma'am..it just evaporated". "EVAPORATED. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN"? "I don't know Ma'am..it sometimes just happens". "Can't we find it somewhere in my computer. The police can find deleted documents". "We are not the FBI Ma'am. Tech support does not have those capabilities." My blood is rising and my panic is turning to...I can't even find an adjective to describe my feelings. "Ma'am. Are you there?" "Oh yes I am here. I am just trying to swallow the fact THAT MY WORDS ARE MISSING. What can I do to prevent this from happening again. I saved the folder..So what can I do?" "Ma'am...you did not save the document after it asked you to shut down. We can unload and reload you computer. You must save your folders on a flash drive". "Thank-you for your time. I will call another time."After that conversation, I realized that I got no technical support. Tech Head managed to make me more flustered and angry than I was before I called. I did not feel supported at all. Was I really so naive to think that my words were going to come back to me? I was hopeful. Maybe the lesson here was that my words were not meant to be read. Maybe they were written for me to purge and that's it. Hmmmm. Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. On the flip side of my horror of a morning today, I did have a lovely and funny exchange with my College Studette this morning. Yesterday I received a question from my girl on my Facebook. It was one of those questions that FB asks and people respond and I am not even sure where it originates from. Nonetheless the question was: Name somebody that you just couldn't live without? Now to me this is a loaded question...is it my hubby, my kids (I can't name just one), my mom, my friends,or my higher power? I would miss them all. My first reaction when I read this was my hubby. So.... I clicked on comment and wrote: my hubby. She responded back to me and I quote: "that was asking me about who I couldn't live without , and I answered you"! Awwwww. Isn't she sweet?!? I answered back and I quote: "Lol. Thanks sweetie!!!! I cldn't live without you either :) "I clicked send. Then I wrote back again and I quote: "Btw....where does it say that"?!?I missed it. I don't understand how by sending me the question..she answered it!! Am I FB illiterate?!? Whatever I am on underastanding FB..the one thing that I know is that I am so damn lucky that my 19 year old College Studette can't live without me? Who can't you live without?!?Can you relate? More will be revealed. Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.In love and peace,Wolffie
