Thursday, October 14, 2010

Day One Hundred and Fifteen...Yep....It's Coming

Hi. I went to the mail yesterday trying to hijack the bills when I saw AARP membership invitation. I thought to myself, " It's coming...your getting to be apart of the 50 and older club". I really didn't feel to bad about the little envelope with my fate of crossing over to my next phase in life...over de hill!!! I have been waitng for it. I heard that the AARP magazine has great articles and the membership is only $16.00 for a year. Super de duper cheap and you get so much. I get discounts on travel, car rental, prescriptions, health services AND they are fighting for my rights!! Not bad for 16 bucks. The Hubby (who is almost 53) did not join when he had the opportunity. He thought it was stupid. I think of it as a right of passage. This is probably one of the best benefits of crossing over to the older side of life. I filled out my info, wrote a check and popped it in the mail. In a few weeks time i will get my AARP kit AND I get a AARP travel bag. I have arrived!!!

Just to fill you in on my week..I am mentally and physically doing so much better. I ran twice this week with no knee pain. I ate really healthy. I was so charged up that I swore to myself that I lost at least 2-3 pounds. So with much excitement, I jumped on the scale. Was it going to be my friend or foe? Well if you looked only at the number, it was a for sure a foe, as the number did not budge....BUT I felt good because my weight did not go up? HIP HIP HOORAY!!!! So, friend it is. I believe half the battle of weight loss is mental. If this were to have happened last week, I would have sworn at the scale, jumped off and eaten whatever I wanted. Today, I just wanted to continue on this path of healthy eating and exercise. The weight will come off and if not this week then it will next week. Oh, the joys of being in the here and now really pay off. So, tomorrow I will get up and go for a early morning run before I am off to my life coach. (who is so fab BTW). I gotta work on the inside so I can have the desire to work on the outside.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When I went for my run yesterday, I rocked it hard. I did under a ten minute mile for both of my two miles. This is HUGE because I had the stamina to do it AND my knee didn't hurt. So, I run the lake a lot and have been doing so for years. My girlfriend and I walked the lake the other day (sandwiched in between my two runs) and she pointed out this tree which had a huge set of eyes and nose on the trunk. No mouth. No ears. Hear no evil and speak no evil..right!!! What this tree sees everyday as people pass by on their walks and runs must be very interesting. It observes us and takes in all the colorful conversations and the smells of the seasons. It keeps our secrets and watches our progresses. When she was telling me about the tree before I saw it I blurted out, "I could never notice that tree because I only look straight ahead and pray to my running g-d to please let me just finish the run". We laughed. I am so concerned with finishing my run that I overlook the beauty of where I am running. I overlook the smells of the seasons. On my run tomorrow I am going to nod to that tree as it watches me pass buy and thank him for the gift of being in the present, not yearning to be at the finish line.

Moral of the story: Be where your feet are not where your mind can take you.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Day One Hundred and Fourteen...The Joys Of Getting Older

Hi. My heart feels like it going to explode out of my chest. The clock is about to turn 12:00 am and I can't sleep. Pray tell, what going on? What's not going on? I have so much on my mind. Where do I start? Serious or humor?!? Hmmmm. Lets start with humor and see where it takes me.

My body is moving down. Gravity is not holding up my boobs. Well if I am honest...only one is drooping. Thanks to breast cancer, I have one perky radiated boob!!! Now, I had my mammogram last week and all was good. On November 23, I will be officially 10 years cancer free. Yippee!!! You would think I would be happy and don't get me wrong, I am ELATED...but I have feelings. My head is spinning. I think about my friends who lost the fight and I can't help but feel..guilt. I really need Cher right now. I need her to be her character in Moonstruck. I need a slap in the face and her telling me to "Snap outta of it"! Where is she?!?

Now back to my gravity issues. Along with my not so perky boob..I have the I am almost turning fifty in December body. And this is not the most uplifting thing. My love handles have turned into i am five months prego but is impossible stomach. Thanks to menopause,that is. All I can ask myself is.....WHY? OK, so maybe my portions have gotten a bit LARGE. Maybe since my knee injury, my exercise is almost nil. I just don't think it is fair that with age comes...plump. Why can't I eat like I did when I was younger and not gain weight? Why does gravity have to play a role in my life? Why? Why? Why am I whining? Answer? Because I want to!!! . I just feel so overwhelmed that all I want to do is...NOTHING.

Is there anybody out there in blog land who understands me? I feel so lost. I feel foreign to myself. I certainly don't feel funny. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel anything but....YUCKY.

The first step in anything is admitting. So, I hereby declare that I am feeling like a worn out, used up, middle aged momma. There. I said it. Now, I have to own it and change it. I do know that life begins at fifty. That's what they say in all the magazines and talk shows. Fifty is the new thirty. Huh? Really? When I was thirty I had perky boobs..a flat tummy...and I slept. I didn't have hot flashes. I didn't have cancer (I don't now..just the emotional aftermath of it)..I was care free. So, how is it that I can feel thirty again?

Okay...whining time is over. I have to shake this off and move on. I am going to get up tomorrow and buy a push up bra. I am going to get new thong undies that are cute and make me appear and hopefully feel sexy. I am going to eat healthy. I am meeting my running pal at 8:30. I am starting to run again after my injury in January. I am going to honor my tummy. I am going to honor my feeling lost and I am going to find my way me.

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. In the craziness of my gloom, I have felt light and sunshine and laughter. I have to thank the hubby and our kids for that. So, we have a new show that we watch together. It's called "The Middle". What I love most about it is the dysfunction!! It shows the flaws that families have. It pokes fun at family life with humor and I feel like I am NORMAL!!! Now that in itself makes me give the show an A+. My teenage studs, all three of them, gather on our bed and we watch this show and laugh our heads off. I make them rewind parts of each episode so I can laugh my head off. I feel so free. One could think..."How rude Wolffie. You are laughing at dysfunction" If truth be told..I am laughing about me. Cause when one laugh at others, aren't we really laughing at ourselves?

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,