Monday, June 28, 2010

Day One Hundred and Seven: When Is It Ok To Expect Something?

Hi. My dad always told me that it is never good to place expectations on people. You will always be let down. Sounds cynical, doesn't it? I used to get really mad at him when he said that. Wasn't he hearing me? People were hurting my FEELINGS.

This is where I went wrong when I went to him with a broken heart or if I was really really mad. "Daddy, so and so did (you fill in the scenario) to me. I would NEVER do that ." There was his opening..."If you put what you would do on someone else then you will be let down." And damn it...he was right.

What's someone to do with that information? Suck it up and become tougher? Have no friends and live a lonely existence? I couldn't do it then. I can't do it today. It's not in my make-up. So, how did and do I navigate when something happens that I am not happy about?

Well back then in the dark ages, I sulked and I felt like a victim. Poor Wolffie, why don't people understand me.?Whine, sniffle, whine sniffle. That's what I did. I had no other choice, I didn't have the understanding back then that being disappointed was okay. My dad was right., You can't place your expectations and morals on another person. It's HOW we choose to deal with disappointments that is the empowering part.

So, I have someone in my life, not a good friend (no worries gal pals!!), who I feel is stepping over the line of what I can take. I am not mad, maybe slightly annoyed, but I don't want to partake in the bullsh*t anymore. I fight with myself. Am I being a beotch? Should I keep making the phone calls to organize the carpool? The adult who doesn't have time for this says... NO WAY. The part of me who wants to help her out with driving her kid says I have to suck it up. Well...I have come to the place now where I am done. I am not a babysitter. I can't keep organizing her life as well as my own. Sh*t I have four kids (five if you include the hubby) and a dog to take care of. She was supposed to get back to me on the new summer schedule. Didn't. So, here we are on her day to drive and she hasn't called me....again. Not gonna call her!! My day has to change so I can drive my Soccer Stud 1 to practice. I am a bit miffed...because...IF IT WERE ME, I would have called her...oops there goes my expectations!!! I am going to call her..not to organize. I will call her with a mature attitude and no anger in my voice to inform her that I will be taking my Soccer Stud 1 to practices on both days. I will thank her for driving Soccer Stud 1 and tell her how much I appreciated being in the carpool with her.. End of story. No drama. It's gonna be hard. I just want to be calm and centered. I'll let you know how this all works out!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. OMG. I don't even attempt to understand how my teenage boys minds work. Last night all six of us were having dinner as a family. It was GREAT!!! Now that College Studette is home and we were not at a sporting event of one of the Soccer Studs or Running Stud, we could actually have dinner all together at a reasonable hour. The hubby made a yummy summer dinner of grilled fish, mozzarella basil and tomato with a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar and quinoa. We were having light conversation and laughing. I only had to tell two of the boys to stop eating with their fingers a couple of times. There was no bickering and that in itself is a miracle. Anyways, Soccer Stud 2 starts telling us a story (prompted by Running Stud) about how he pooped in the side yard multiple times (for a few weeks running). I just want to remind you of my boys ages...almost 13, 14 and 14). I was laughing and saying TMI TMI" (for those of you who don't know text and kid speak...that is TOO MUCH INFORMATION!) Does this stop Soccer Stud 2 from going on with the details of his pooping event? Nope. He proceeds to say that he pooped on the side yard because he wanted to see how long it would stay there until a animal ate it. Before I tell you the punch line..we don't live in the woods. We live in Suburbia. Okay we might have an occasional coyote..but how long until an animal eats it? PALEEZZE!!!! It didn't take long mind you because our lovely dog Kona, also a boy of 8, ate it in a flash!!! BOYS...I DON"T UNDERSTAND THEM.....BUT I SURE DO LOVE THEM!!!!! Did I mention that the other boys were in on the poop experiment as well?!? Welcome to my life.

Moral of the story? I don't always have to understand my boys..I just have to laugh.

Can you relate? More will be revealed.

Signing off until we meet again. Please come back for more.

In Love and Peace,


1 comment:

  1. Well....Jimmy was so wise. We are all responsible for how we show up and behave. We get disappointed and then have to ask ourselves who were we being when we allowed that disappointent.....just something to chew on., I love any happening at your house that includes Steve o in the kitchen and all of you know I can just imagine.
    Love you honey