Boy it's been awhile since I have sat down to my computer to write. The last time I posted, I said the same thing. This time, I can't chuck my not posting to procrastination. This time my not writng has been about sadness. Have you ever wanted to write, but knew if you did, the floodgates of tears would open and not knowing if the tears could be turned off? Well, that's where I have been. It hasn't felt good.
My sweet friend Betty passed away in May. Just writing this sentence breaks my heart and hurts my soul. Is it possible to feel so much loss that you just want to curl up in bed and not welcome in each day with joy? I am sure it is, but I don't have that luxury to just evaporate and allow myself to feel.... nothing. But I have wanted to..trust me.
I have those four kids to worry about and the hubby who all require me to be present in the day. Even in sadness I have to shelp the ever so busy boys to their "stuff". Even though the hubby is a gem and is ever so helpful, I still have to go to the market, go to Target to get something for somebody, pick up here, take someone there, make dinner..well are you getting the picture? I HAVE TO BE VISIBLE AND PRESENT. Thank G-d.
I get annoyed sometimes that I have a life that is so rich and full. Why can't I just have a little down time? Really Wolffie?!? I don't have time for down time. Betty taught me so much in the last 8 1/2 months of her life. When the going gets rough, smile. When fear comes into your psyche...be grateful for something however small because it eats up the fear. When life gets overwhelming, hug your family and tell them you love them. When bad news comes, let life be half full..never half empty. When you are feeling alone..call a girlfriend and let them in. When you are taking your last breaths of life, do so with grace. When the chips are down...DON'T STOP BELIEVING. I will miss our chats, our shopping, our lunches, our hugs, our i love yous, our friendship. I will miss all this, but I will never ever forget her impact and her joy.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I have added some chaos into my life...I am going to be the president of my youngest soccer stud's boys middle school. Madame President, that's me!! What was I thinking?!? I already am having sleepless nights. I bolt out of my already not so great sleep with a thought about a person who could do this job or how am do I navigate this event. OMG. I must tell you, I am not the PTA type..at least what I used to envision as "the type". I don't have a smile plastered on my face 24/7. I don't enjoy hashing out how many plates we need at a PTA function. I don't have the patience for the person who complains about how things are run, but NEVER gets involved. So,why am I finding myself being Madame Pres?!? I feel blessed that my kids are in a small school district that even in these challenging times (with budget cuts galore) are learning, thriving and growing up to be wonderful human beings. I want to give back. Pay it forward. I am sure you, my friends, will be hearing me bitch and moan. Trust me on that. But in the middle of the bitch and the moan, I know there will be some humor and satisfaction. I am gonna have stories!!! Isn't that what life really is? A bunch of stories clustered into a 24 hour day. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I go back to what Betty felt and said....DON'T STOP BELIEVING. It's all good. Life is good.
Can you relate? More will be revealed.
Please come back for more. Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,