They say when you do something that you love even though you haven't done it for awhile..it's like riding a bike..you get on the seat..and start peddling away. Time nor distance from "whatever" it is you have not done just comes back naturally. Well...it has been almost a month since I have written....ANYTHING. I have started to many times...but...I.....just.....didn't. Can I give a million in one excuses as to why I didn't take the time to do what I love to do? Of course I can!!! Why should I yammer about my being a lazy, fearful, bump on the log? Who will that serve? My inner yucky voice that gets in the way of my happiness and contentment? Oh no, I will not give in to that voice!!!
Today I had my first session with a life coach. It was FABULOUS!!!!! How bad can an hour be when you have someone listening to your every word and your talking about yourself?!? All kidding aside, it felt extremely therapeutic and freeing to expose myself, my fears, my wants, my needs and whatever I was babbling about got a nod, a sigh, a smile, a question, and some answers too. So, the jist of me is...I need to allow me to be me. Now isn't that cliche and corny....but oh so true? I have to wear many hats in the day: wife, mom. daughter, sister, friend, a listener, a PTA board member, a cancer survivor...and yes a writer. Do you see where the writer is on my list? Last. Why? Writing is what makes me happy, creative, content, and fulfilled. Then...why last?!? Before today, I would have said that I have more important commitments to achieve in my day. BULLSH*T. I didn't allow myself to feel empowered to write. I thought that in order to be a good "whatever" I had to set my writing aside. I'll get to it later. When the kids are grown, I can write freely and more often. WAW WAW WAW WAW. Excuses..that's what I do. I allow myself to get off the hook and hide behind my excuses..i.e. FEAR. If I want to be a good..."whatever"..then I MUST write. This will clear away resentment and I will feel content..balanced and true to myself. Oh the games I play.
On day one of my blogging experience, I gave myself "the job" to blog everyday. I set myself up to fail. When I put high demands on myself I want to rebel. So guess what..I rebelled. I stopped writing. Who suffered? You the reader of my oh so fabulous words or me the writer? MEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Today, I am giving myself permission to write when I can..I hope it's often..it sure makes me feel productive and creative and sane. We'll see. My desire to create doesn't have to be all or nothing...black or white. It can be open to what I can achieve in a given day..no strings.....with a bit of grey in it. Oh I feel calmer already.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. When my daughter was a baby, I swore that she would NEVER eat Mc Donald's. She was going to only eat organic healthy foods, even down to her "treats" They were only fruit juice sweetened, whole grain treats. Now that's all good and dandy and I try to have myself and my brood eat healthy almost twenty years later. But is this an obtainable goal and live in LA where there is temptation everywhere?!? The first time I "caved in" and let her eat Mc Donald's french fries, I felt sick to my stomach. How could I do this to my child? How could I let her eat crap? Let me tell you, she LOVED those french fries. I love Mc Donald's french fries. Did I go to Mc Donald's every day and let her eat a burger, fries and a shake? No. The key was and is moderation and balance. Fast forward to today. Do I let my kids eat cake for breakfast...sometimes. Do we have pancakes for dinner? Sometimes. Do I throw in brown rice and veggies in the mix. You bet. My kids have a love of wholesome food AND crap. Would they pick the crap over the healthy stuff? Probably...but they have an understanding of balance and they do eat their fair share of sugar and carbs and even though it kills them to admit it..they love my healthy treats and meals too. Balance works in parenting...so now I have to balance me. Hmmmmmm.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,