My table is set. My turkey is seasoned and ready to go. I forget to eat breakfast. I am super edgy. I yelled at my kids. The Holidays are here!!! I sat my four kids down and tried to explain why I become "super stressed out and get out of my way" mommy when I am getting ready to entertain. I want our home to be welcoming. I want our home to feel warm and cozy ( it always does feel that way..I just add some extra touches). My youngest son's response, "If family and friends are coming over, why do you have to make it more special? They know us and love us". Point taken. I took a modified poll and asked if my friends become like me when they are having guests for the holidays and special occasions. Not on person admitted to being calm!!! I love having people in my home. Is it relaxing for me? NO. Do I have a full conversation with anyone? Not very often. Does it give me pleasure to have the holidays? I like the tradition. I don't have "fun", but I know that my guests are having a "fun" time.
Truth be told, there is more to my change of mood. The holidays have changed for me since my daddy passed away. There is a void that can't ever be replaced. There is laughter and conversation...but it is not his. His birthday falls around Thanksgiving. This year it is the day after. My heart feels heavy. I will put on a brave face tomorrow. I will smile, laugh but I will be crying on the inside. Will this pain ever go away? I am thankful for my time with him. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my wonderful hubby who accepts all aspects of me (there are many!!). I am thankful to my kids because they look at me with love most of the time. I am thankful that I am writing again.
What are you thankful for?
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I went "browsing" today for a new pair of jeans. Do I need a new pair of jeans? No. As I was trying on jeans, I was having major dialogue with myself. "What are you doing? You don't need these jeans. Why do I have muffin tops? Nothing looks good on me? Walk away from the jean department."
I did walk away. No purchase was made. The experience made me want to do 1000 crunches so my stomach would become flat instantaneously. By the time I got to the car, the thought of crunches was totally out of my head and I wanted to go home, write in my blog and have a nice cup of hot tea. So much for the flat tummy!!!
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,