Saturday, October 10, 2009
DAy Thirty-Two,,Sometimes It Is Hard To Be Nice
I was having a conversation with my kids today after a soccer game. We try to teach our kids good sportsmanship: be a good clean player, don't talk back to the refs and be sure to clap at the end of a game to the opposing coach and parents. So, today at the soccer game, the opposing side was not sot fair. The kids were playing dirty soccer. Where do they learn this? Is it from their fellow teammates? Is it from their coaches? The million dollar question came from one of my boys, "Why is it that we as kids have to be respectful and adults can talk down to us, yell at the refs and talk rudely to us when we are on their side of the field? How does one answer that? Is it a do as I say not as I do situation? Frankly, I did not know how to answer that one. I just said that life is sometimes a pecking order. Hopefully when you are older and have a family of your own, we will have been taught you to be a respectful human being. When you are the child we want you to be a good, honorable respectful person. I do not yell at the refs, (it is never in ear shot..quiet voice) and I certainly do not talk snidely to the kids on the opposing team. So, all I can do be is an example for my kids. Hopefully our kids will get the lesson that you go farther in life being respectful and honest..it might take you longer since you are not pushing and pulling your way to the top..but when you get there you will have gotten there with allies not enemies and the knowledge that you earned it legitimately..a job well done.
Why Listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. My daughter played water polo all of her four years in high school. There was a game that was not really going our way. We were getting slaughtered. The girls on the other team were brutal and very physical. The refs were not calling the game fairly and I was getting frustrated. My hubby was there and he could see my temperature rising as the game went on. Finally, I could not take it. I yelled at the ref. It wasn't pretty ( I can't say what I said..it would be bleep city if I put it to print). He, the ref, looked over at me and said something not so kindly (something like if you don't stop I will have to ask you to leave the game). At that moment all I wanted to do was curl up and hide. Did I deserve it? Oh yeah. Did it make me feel better to yell? For a second. Did my daughter want to strangle me? Yes. She was embarrassed. My hubby said, "You were out of line Wolffie.You should be embarrassed about your behavior." "But, the ref was not fair..blah blah blah." Was the ref wrong? Totally. Should I have said something? No. It was the coaches place not mine. Did it change the outcome of the game? No. I can never take back that moment..but I can assure you, I don't want my kids to look at me with disgust because I was "the parent" who was the poor sport. I have to say that it is hard sometimes to keep my mouth shut. If I don't then I am a do as I say not as I do kind of parent. Am I perfect? What do you think? Should I zip my lip when the air is filled with tension? Yep. It all comes back to..Breathe in and breathe out.