Sunday, October 18, 2009
Day Forty...Going Back In Time
This weekend was at times a fun filled weekend. I loved hanging with my posse. We had many laughs and it felt warm and fuzzy. I find it strange that as a 48 year old woman who has had some incredible life experiences can revert back to feeling like a insecure high schooler in an instant. As I mentioned, this was my reunion weekend. The "BIG" event was last night. I got all dolled up and off I went with 3 of my girls. We met some old girlfriends for drinks first and that was incredible. I felt as if we were able to pick up where we left off. There was reminiscing and catching up about our present lives. It was great!! We went to the reunion. There were people there that I went to elementary school with and my heart felt warm and right.. There were people that lived around the corner from me my entire childhood. It was great to see them. There were people who I went to junior high ( I know I am dating myself...it's now called middle school!), and then there were those from high school. It was a bit overwhelming for me. I don't always do well in big crowds, just like when I was in high school. I wandered around saying high, giving kisses and hugs but I couldn't give a lot of me to them in our conversations. I wanted to, but the gnawing feelings of insecurity wouldn't let me. I wish I could have because I am sure that I came off as a "snob", just like in high school!!!
Why is it that I went to that place of insecurity? I have evolved and become a secure woman. It is mind boggling to me how in an instant I went that place where back in the day I would drink big time to escape those thoughts. Couldn't do it last night. Didn't even consider it. After last night it solidified I do better in small intimate settings. I can zero in and be in the moment. Even though we left early, I was happy I went. I was happy to see people who were special to me back then and I am hoping to reconnect with people.
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. So there was this boy who I had a MAJOR crush on in high school. We were really good friends back then and I never had the courage to let him know. At out 20 year reunion, I was feeling rather ballsy and I told him how I had a HUGE crush on him in high school. His answer was not what I had expected. I wanted him to say something like: "ME TOO"! Instead it was, "Well I had a huge crush on your friend so and so". DEVASTATION!! So we can fast forward to last night, 10 years later. Did I expect him to say, "I changed my mind Wolffie, you were the "IT GIRL" for me in high school". Honest answer? Yes. He didin't. Instead, he talked and talked and talked about him, him, him. LOL!!!!
Mantra for the weekend? I love my life.
Can you relate? More will be revealved. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,