Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day Forty-Nine..If I Only Had A Brain
It's a nice brisk fall day today. I have lit my candles for ambiance and glanced at the picture of my dad for inspiration. I made a big cup of hot tea. I set it down someplace and couldn't find it. I have spent the last 5 minutes looking around my house. I've gone in and out of every room and bathroom several times. Where is the damn cup of tea? My relaxed state is slowly becoming angst. Had I looked up above my computer at my shelf that is hanging on the wall, I would have found my now lukewarm cup of tea!! Why did I put it there? My eyes never thought to look up. I cannot tell you how many times a day this happens to me. Where did I put my keys? Why did I walk into this room? Where are my sunglasses? What was I about to say? I often wonder if the chemo had anything to do with the memory loss. Could it be the menopausal brain that causes me to have brain farts? Maybe. Is it because I have a lot on my plate with four kids, a hubby and a full life of my own? Does it really matter what the reason is? The truth is that I am sometimes an airhead. It's just the way it is. I can recall everything from my past, but things that are in the here and now, forget about it...I usually don't remember.
I have tried to do things that will help with my memory. Exercise for sure. Running clears my head but it doesn't always help with the lapse of: "What was I going to do,say or where did I put that" moments. Sudoku is fun, but it hasn't helped either. The only thing I can do is accept. This is who I am, a bright, funny and organized woman who sometimes loses her train of thought and forgets where she puts things. Do I have an alternative? I must write things down now. I had to do away with my IPhone calendar and go back to the big book organizer/calendar. Every person in our family has a colored pencil assigned to them. I write down appointments, game times,family outings, my hubby's schedule if it requires a change in our routine and of course all my stuff. I look at the day and can see what needs to be done for who because of the coding system. (I told you I was organized). The key is to remember to write it in my book! Do I love being this anal? Not really. It goes against the free spirit mentality that I wish I could have. If I don't do this it goes into the, "you are NEVER going to remember that" part of my brain. I could slow down but who has time to do that!?!
Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. This not remembering thing has been happening for a long time. When I did chemo, I was slammed into menopause. So, although I am 48 (almost 49), my body and brain are that of a woman in her late 50's early 60's. I am not complaining about it. Facts are facts. One of my sons was invited to go to summer school. He was going into the 3rd grade, so it was 5 years ago (I was a strapping young 43 year old woman). I dropped him off as usual, walked him to his class, kissed him and said "Have a great morning honey, I"ll be in front of your class to pick you up". My other 3 kids and I had a great morning hanging out and doing errands. My cell phone rang, "Hi mommy. Where are you"? OMG. I forgot to pick up my son!!! "Be right there honey"! I felt awful. Who forgets to pick up her son 4 hours after she dropped him off.? A person who has a menopausal brain and a busy life. I apologized profusely as you could imagine. "It's okay Mommy". But I knew it wasn't. To make matters worse, my son reminded me of that story yesterday. (because I forgot it happened).
Moral of the story? Take time to smell the roses while writing everything down.
Can you relate?
More will be revealed. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again/
In Love and Peace,