Sometimes I have days when I really miss people who are no longer in my life. Today is one of those days. All I have wanted to do today was call my dad. He died a little over 2 1/2 years ago. I needed to run something by him. He was my "go to" guy for business and creative stuff. Sometimes I still feel like a little girl who needs the arms of her daddy wrapped around her.
My dad was a great writer. He was funny and poignant at the same time. His humor was on the dirty side..but you could not help but laugh at how he could be dirty and clever without offending his audience. I guess I want him to know that I am finally writing something which I am truly enjoying. There is a great picture on my desk that was taken about a month before he passed away. He looks so happy and content. His smile is so beautiful. I lit a candle today and the reflection from the light makes his face shine bright. It is a wonderful way to remember him. I am going to have to look at it more often when I sit down to write. This will be my way of feeling like he is beside me cheering me on.
I live a crazy fast paced life. Sometimes we eat dinner at 9:00 at night because of the sports schedule. I am often tired, cranky and hungry. I can be easily annoyed with the boys at dinner. Sometimes their manners and behaviors leave me reeling. I have gotten up from the table many a time and stormed to my room. One day, a light bulb went off...I don't have that much time with my boys. My daughter is off at college and I would do anything to have her eating dinner with us. Mostly because I enjoy her company, but also I need her as an ally!! I am the only female in the house..including our dog!! Soon the boys will be in high school and college and I will be longing for those late night dinners when all I wanted to was rip their hair out because of their behavior. So, if I can stop myself before my speaking becomes a loud shrill, I have to take a moment and BREATHE. I try to CALMLY explain to them that their bickering, burping, farting, or eating with their hands will not go over well when they are on a date. They always roll their eyes...but we do end up laughing!!! Now, this is not always how it ends up..but it is the goal. Laughter sure beats yelling.
My motto for my behavior when my kids annoy me (which is almost daily): "Progress not Perfection"
Why listen to Wolffie. Because I get it. I really don't like elevators. My fear is that I will be stuck in one with no air. Just the thought of this makes my skin crawl. I try not to put my phobias on my kids, so I do take elevators. A few years back, we were on a family surfing vacation with our friends in Ventura. We were to meet in the lobby and walk to dinner in town. For some reason my kids left behind me and I was waiting in the lobby with Jon and Kelly (the parents). We could hear our kids in the elevator, but they were not coming down. The elevator got stuck. Why you might be asking? Because all six kids were jumping up and down in it. The elevator stops when it thinks a earthquake is happening. It wasn't an earthquake, it was a super highly charged kids quake!!This was the only elevator working in the hotel so there was a lot of people who were COMPLAINING. The line of people kept getting bigger. My anxiety kept getting bigger and bigger. The firemen who came to rescue our damsels in distress were taking a long time.
I didn't know what to do with myself. So, like any good mother would do, I went shopping in the gift shop with momma Kelly. We both bought a cheesy frame that said Ventura, California. It is ceramic with primary colors of a sun, a surfboard, a bird flying in the 60's style Woody. In it I have a picture of our two families. It is a reminder of a great weekend filled with laughter, neurosis and a lot of fun.
Can you relate?
More will be reaveled. Please come back for more.
Signing off until we meet again.
In Love and Peace,