Saturday, September 26, 2009

Day Eighteen..ho hum


Today is just another Saturday. I took one of my boys to his cross country meet. We had to leave at 7:45. I slept horrible because I was afraid I wouldn't hear the alarm. I think I have spoken of this before. So far, my alarm has always woken me up. So far, I don't trust it. So I sleep poorly. I finally dozed off and what seemed to be seconds later I heard the soft music of my alarm. It woke up. Amazing? Not. That's what a bleeping alarm is supposed to do. Why don't I trust it? Do I have to control myself even when I sleep? It's takes so much effort, doesn't it? Wolffie, let go!!! Every morning I try to start out with "let go" attitude.. Breathe in, breathe out and be at one with the universe. Just writing this makes me feel calm. BAM!!! Something kids left their school books on the table. I am tired of picking up after everyone. I'll try the,"I will leave it and see how long it takes for them to move it game". A few days goes by. I am not happy!!! I have to give my boys ( my daughter is away at college or believe you me she would be apart of this!) a dissertation on "why can't you do what I ask"? I see the glaze in their eyes and the blank expressions on their faces. To my kids, I am speaking a universal parent language called "Tune Out": WAW WAW WAW WAW WAW. Do you speak it? Who wants a dissertation about cleaning up? Hmmmm.

A do know a better way of getting my kids to do something. First I have to breathe in, breathe out and ask them KINDLY if they could please put their books away. "No problem mom"! It's that simple. THEN WHY DO I NOT ALWAYS DO THIS?

I want you to know that there are days when I don't nag. There are days when I am "at one" with the world. To backtrack, on those days I slept well the night before, I ate balanced meals, I exercised, and I had quiet time (meditation, reading a book, writing, knitting, needlepoint). My goal must be to "try" and achieve this several times a week..On the days that life gets in the way of my plans, then I will have banked some serenity. What a concept!!!

Why listen to Wolffie? Because I get it. I will report to you that most of my day today was really calm until I received a phone call. My kids always seem to "need" me or just gather around me when I am talking on the phone. My girlfriend and I were trying to make plans for our evening. I ventured outside in the 101 degree weather to ask my hubby for suggestions on where we should dine tonight. My boys were using me as "safety mom" so they would not be thrown in the pool. They were screaming in my ear, making penis jokes and poking me. The calmness drained out of me as I said "Leave me alone". Is this justified or should I have walked away? I know the answer. I will have to apologize later for losing my "cool" but explain that their behavior was not "cool". Sometimes it's hard to be the adult!!! Sometimes it's hard to be the kid!!!

Can you relate?

More will be revealed. Please come back for more.

Signing off until we meet again.

In Love and Peace,


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